Mana
by artbug
Summary: Mana Walker is 36 and leading an average life, living in a small apartment, lusting after his secretary and hating his job. His life will be changed forever when he finds a boy hiding in an alley.
1. Chapter 1

Mana Walker, aged thirty-six, hated his job.

It was Friday afternoon, and he had decided right after lunch that nothing else could possibly be done today. Currently Mana was trying to see just how far back he could tilt his chair before it toppled. He hooked his feet under the heavy desk and found a comfy semi-reclined position to sit out the rest of the day.

Sighing, he pulled out his pocket watch from its little pocket on his vest. _"Wonderful" Mana thought raising an eyebrow, "a whole minute has passed since the last time I checked."_ As he watched the second hand move steadily through its paces he was certain it jumped backwards just to spite him. Instead of staring, he flipped the gold watch closed.

Mana let his thumb run slowly over the embossed design on the cover. It was truly a work of art. Little stylized gears graced the outside of the pocket watch; a simple mimicry of the complex gears inside. Mana smiled, he loved mechanical things.

He had saved up to buy that watch. It was the single most expensive thing he owned. Five weeks pay, he felt, was a fair price to pay for a watch made by Allen & Co. That was the most elite timepiece company in all of Europe. They had all the best watch makers working for them. When he was young, Mana dreamed of working there and spent hours staring into the shop's window and watching the men work. He wished with all his might to be on the other side of the glass.

Of course, that was all before he found he was all thumbs in mechanical matters. He did what, at the time, seemed like the next best thing; and took a job at the local patent office. _"big mistake, all I do is look at other people's creations and paperwork. Endless paperwork"_ he thought as he glanced at the massive tower of paper that had built up in the IN box. _"Never ending paperwork…."_

The sudden repetitive clack of heels down the silent hallway startled Mana out of his introspective mood. He recognized the sound, _"Marie"_ he thought with a roughish smile.

Her heels always seemed to sound different than those of the other secretaries. Or perhaps Mana just paid more attention to her. He let his eyes slide shut to indulge in a daydream of lovely Marie confessing her undying love to him. It was a nice dream. Her every movement was accompanied by unearthly grace. Her clothes, her hair, she was always modest with them. Simple garb, functional but beautiful. It was as if she didn't care about her appearance. She was so beautiful.

Mana thought about asking her to dinner on more than one occasion, but never could quite work up the nerve. _"I'm a loser."_ He sighed. _"She's so out of my league. How can a girl be so beautiful and still single? I want her so bad and she doesn't even know I exist. I'm probably too crude for someone so refined." _He paused and frowned, _"crude and old…"_

It wasn't that Mana thought he was ugly or anything. He took good care of himself, exercised, bathed regularly, and kept his hair and nails trimmed. _"At least better than that ape across the hall"_ he thought with a smile.

He tilted his head back and received an inverted view of the office across the hall. The man in it was picking his teeth. He seemed to be enjoying it as well. Mana could only raise an eyebrow in response before turning his attention to the specks of dust floating in the fading sunlight above him.

Marie's heels continued to echo in the long hall, growing steadily louder as she approached. Futile hope made his stomach jump. _"Maybe…maybe this time she'll notice me. I'm not_ too _bad to look at."_ Indeed, Mana was rather good looking in an average, boy next door kind of way. He didn't feel old, but at thirty-six he had already noticed some gray starting around his temples. _"Not enough to worry about really"_ he thought, running his fingers through his hair in a useless attempt to comb it. The rest of his head was covered in a non-descript brown, trimmed in a modest cut. Not too long or too short, but enough to frame his still boyish face. He smiled a lot.

He was too lost in an imagined conversation in which Marie had finished confessing her undying love and was beginning to slide out of her sensible dress, to notice that the clicking heels had stopped.

"Mr. Walker?" a soft, angelic voice broke the small office's silence. "Excuse me...Mana? Sir, I need those forms."

At the sound Mana opened his eyes and started so badly that he pushed the already unbalanced chair past it limit. _"Oh God!"_ Gravity fulfilled its role in bringing him down flat on his back. Marie jumped back with a startled yelp as he fell backwards right out of his chair. His feet, hitting the desk on the way down, knocked a stack of papers into the air. The majority landed on his ungracefully sprawled form. As Mana looked up at her, he grinned sheepishly. His only thought, _"I want to die…I want to die…I want to die!_"

They both noticed, at the exact same time, that from his position on the floor Mana could see right up her skirt. Both turned the same deep shade of red. Mana's smile widened. _"White…little pink bow…"_ And Marie, with lightning fast reflexes that Mana would have never expected of her, slammed her clipboard directly into his face.

Mana listened to the click of her heels running down the hallway as he clutched his nose. _"Please don't be broken….please don't be bleeding."_ He pleaded with himself. There was no blood as he pulled his hands away. He turned his head and got a good long look at Marie's shapely retreating backside. Mana smiled under his aching nose. _"At least I have a nice view." _


	2. Chapter 2

"_That was almost worth it."_ he thought as he picked himself off the floor and started to collect the mess of papers. His back popped as he bent over, _"almost…"_ He tried hard not to think about getting old, but his joints sometimes refused to be ignored.

As he worked he glanced out the window. At nearly five o'clock the sky was already starting to darken. He disliked the way night fell so early in the winter. The cold always seemed to affect his breathing. He had taken ill with bronchitis often in his youth. Cold still made his lungs wheeze, but never bad enough to keep him home. He wanted to get home quickly, before night fell and brought more chill to the air.

From the small office window he could see it was already lightly snowing and the violent sky only promised that much worse was approaching. Mana was glad he remembered his extra-heavy coat. Due to the chill in the office, he hadn't bothered to take off his topcoat at all today. The little coal stove in the front office left the room sweltering, but didn't do a particularly good job of warming the rest of the building.

Mana had little difficulty in moving his upturned chair, despite its weight, back to its rightful place. The office itself was small, just one of the many that lined the long hall of the patent office. The majority of the building was gray, strictly functional and utterly boring. Mana had trouble imagining that some of the nation's newest inventions traveled these halls before being put into mass production.

He had put some prints on the walls of his office in a half-hearted attempt to cheer up the room. They were all advertisements, mostly for dancehalls, peeled from the walls near the red light district. He absently pulled at the corner of one, wondering if Marie had seen them. _"Yet one more reason for her to avoid me."_

Realistically, Mana knew he had no chance with her; today's little up skirt review notwithstanding. He looked at the can-can girl drawn on the nearest poster. It was glaring orange and red; gaudy. He raised an eyebrow, _"maybe I'll go this weekend…"_ He was fairly sure that would cheer him up, or at least the liquor served would wash away the unpleasant aftertaste of work at the patent office. It was a bad habit to go to those sorts of places and ultimately it made him feel guilty the next day, so he made an effort to go only when work became truly unbearable. Given the last few weeks, he was surprised they haven't reserved a table for him.

"_Sweet proper Marie would never approve of such actions,"_ he thought unhappily before a wicked smile took over, _"…but she's not here." _ He decided to go on Saturday, to try to avoid competing with the boys from the University. The can-can girls knew who had tuition money to be misspent. Mana wouldn't be given a second glance by the ladies. He knew when he was outclassed.

He piled the papers onto his desk with little care to their order, before pulling out his Allen & Co. watch. He smiled at the time, tossing the last few forms and put on his long, heavy coat _"this junk… can wait till Monday. Or until I care… whichever comes first. " _With one last glance to the office across the hall, the ape's finger was firmly implanted up to the third knuckle in his nose, Mana hurried down the hall.

Marie was back at her desk in the typing pool by the front office, keys of the typewriter clacking furiously as her graceful fingers flew confidently over the keys. Mana paused by the door, not sure he wanted to pass it. She looked sad; sad and beautiful. An angel stranded among a sea of desks and typewriters. He suddenly felt like an ass, she must have been so embarrassed. With a deep steadying breath he strode into the room and stopped by her desk.

"Miss Marie?" His voice sounded small, so much smaller than he hoped it would. "Miss Marie?" Her fingers stopped their work and she slowly looked up at him. "I'm very sorry for what happened back there…" Some of the other girls had paused in their typing and were watching. "I really didn't mean for that to happen."

He felt his face flush. Marie said nothing. "I ...um ...uh ... just wanted to apologize before I left for the weekend." The silence stretched on for far too long and Mana tried to think of something better to say. He couldn't. "So, um… I'm sorry and uh… have a nice weekend." He turned and quickly walked to the door, eager to get out of there.

"Mr. Walker," Mana stopped dead. "Apology accepted… sir." His shoulders relaxed as the tension built there was released along with the breath he didn't realize he was holding.

By the time he turned though, she had returned to her typing. He suddenly felt much lighter than he had a few moments earlier; less of an ass as well. He was in a good mood as he moved into the front office, _"she's not mad! She just may not hate me…"_ Grabbing his top hat and scarf from the coat rack by the door, Mana began the long walk home.

Home, for Mana Walker, was a small apartment set above a small café. He had lived there for many years now. After his time at the University, when he ventured out in to the wide world it was the best he could afford. Prices had gone up a lot since that time and even such small apartment would be beyond his means now. At his present salary he still could barely afford to keep it.

The apartment contained a small sitting room, one bedroom and one bathroom. It came furnished. The walls were cream but mottled with age and wear, most of the furniture was an odd shade of pale yellow. Everything was well worn, but despite the fading colors and patches, it was warm and it was clean.

Mana was lucky to have it; especially the private bath. So many apartments had a public bath for use by all the tenants on the floor. His had pale yellow wallpaper, with little lines of white flowers. The fixtures were white and plain, but there was a bathtub. It was rare thing, an actual, working bathtub. The café always sent the most heavenly smells drafting into his room. He hardly had to worry about food.

As Mana's shoes crunched in the fresh snow, he wondered what Rivka would be cooking tonight. _"I hope she has pie, I want to celebrate something"_ he mused absently, _"all fresh and warm and perfect." _Mana was especially lucky to have a chef for a landlady.

Rivka's husband had owned the building until he died. Ownership passed to her then. She managed to keep the café running but had to rent out the upstairs to make ends meet. Her living quarters were moved to the back rooms of the café. Mana knew they were there, but he had never seen them. It would be improper.

The Widow Rivka was a round little woman, Mana was sure she had been stunning in her youth. The wedding photo she kept above the counter attested to that. Her hands had become rough from years of work, but remained gentle. Her hair was completely gray and kept pinned on top of her head, strands always fell loose to frame her face. The smile lines on her face suggested a sweet, grandmotherly personality.

Unfortunately for Mana, this was not true. She would bring the world crashing down on him if he was late with his rent, and had already done so on many occasions. She was a strong, fierce woman, more than capable of handling herself in any situation. The rifle she kept behind the counter attested to that.

There had only been one robbery in all the years Mana lived there. He awoke to the sound of breaking glass and a gunshot. He nearly fell down the stairs as he rushed to defend his landlady, only to find she had fired the shots. She said nothing, just moved to sweep up the glass. And speechless, Mana moved to help. Though it was a rough neighborhood, there were never anymore problems.

She was also the first Jew Mana had ever met. It wasn't a very common faith in this country. He never thought much on the subject of religion before he moved in, he only loosely believed in a higher power. They had one discussion of religion; it ended with a smack to Mana's hand with a frying pan. He never profaned God around her again. Rivka was going to make a believer out of him some day.

Truthfully, Mana adored her, often teasing that she should run away with him and get married. She would smirk and with a laugh tell him he was too old for her, or that he was just using her for her food. He felt very at home with her. Rivka made up for the family he never had growing up.

The snow was falling harder and Mana pulled his coat tighter and tried to walk faster. It was unusually quiet out, the cold preventing people from traveling by foot, or perhaps it was actually later than it seemed. Darkness was falling like a thick curtain over the city. The hush of the evening was only punctuated by the occasional barking of the city's many stray dogs.

He paused under a streetlamp recognizing it as a new electric light, the patent for it had passed through his office. He pulled his watch from his vest pocket, shuddering from the cold that the action let into his coat.

The gold glinted in the flicker of the lamp and flashed brightly as he flipped it open. _"Five past six…that long?! How could I have been walking that long…unless…"_ he looked around at his surroundings _"I did. I turned a street to early and just kept on walking."_

Mana felt stupid. These streets had been home for so long and it was embarrassing to think he had gotten lost. He must have been really distracted to have gone the wrong way home, but at least it was an easy mistake to fix. Ignoring the spark of panic that came with suddenly finding himself on an unfamiliar street, he decided to backtrack to the main road and fix the error. The barking dog was louder.

"Stupid dogs" he muttered under his breath. Why the city couldn't do something about the stray problem was beyond him. He began retracing his steps, following his own footprints in the snow. More barking, louder and in different frequencies and pitches; there was more than one dog in one of the alleys and by the sound of it they were fighting.

Mana frowned. The last thing he needed was to get chased, or worse, attacked by one of the dirty strays. He moved quicker and could hear lower growling. His stomach twisted into a sharp knot. The beasts were in the alley he was moving past; they were so close. They were right there!

He nearly broke into a run, but then he heard another sound come from deep in the alley.

The sound froze the blood in his veins and such a chill possessed him that he couldn't move; he was utterly unable to move and it scared him. Mana swallowed hard, his mouth suddenly dry. For a moment he could only watch his breath fog into miniature clouds that hung suspended in the air before dissipating into the night.

In that moment he prayed; for the first time in years Mana prayed. _"Please...please… God…don't let that be what I think it is."_ He watched his breath cloud and disappear as he exhaled and whispered "please. Don't be what I think it is."

Through the cacophony of growling fighting dogs, the sound came again. High, sharp and painful, it cut through the night and Mana along with it as it echoed off the alley walls into the dark. And he knew. A terrifying certainty sent shivers through Mana to his very core. It was not a dog, nor was it an animal.

"Oh God" he whispered, shaking even as he walked in to the black mouth of the alley; like going into the mouth of a monster. Unsure of what to do, but his steps were certain.

He had no choice.

The sound was human.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you, those of you who have reviewed. This is my first attempt at fiction (I have alot of academic writings under my belt) and I really appreciate it. I think Mana is a really interesting character. The series never really discusses him in detail. Only that Allen considered him his father. I imagine that he would have been a huge influence on Allen. I have their first meeting in this chapter and, sadly, I have given Allen a very bad past. Nothing graphic, but this is a warning none the less.

* * *

It wasn't as dark as it seemed inside the alleyway; Mana decided that was a plus. The only plus to the situation, but at least it was something. He kept his hand along the side of the building to keep his balance on the trash littered ground. It was slippery, the snow had turned to a foul slush.

"_What am I doing?!"_ His body was screaming to go the other way, to move away from the fighting animals, and yet some part of him was calm.

He had to go, had to help. That was a certainty. He couldn't say how or why but he just had to go. There was no other option. The scream echoed again, high and young; it was a child's scream. His stomach lurched.

"_It's a child."_ Mana was not a particularly brave man and held no illusions that he was. _"It's a child."_ He stayed out of trouble as best as he could. _"It's a child."_ Most of the time he tried to remain invisible to avoid becoming involved in large conflicts, but_ "Oh God, it's a child!"_

Yet here he was, utterly terrified but moving forward. The wall was rough against his fingers. He tried to focus on the sensation of the wall rather than what was ahead. He slipped in something unidentifiable. _"Keep moving"_ he thought, _"just keep moving."_ No matter what happened, he had to keep moving forward.

It took an eternity for Mana to reach the back of the alley. An eternity to listen to the sounds of the fight. No; the attack, he was certain it was an attack. An eternity to imagine the scene. An eternity to feel the frightening pace of his heart as it slammed against his chest. An eternity to think of what to do. Mana had no idea; nothing. When he arrived at the scene, his brain wouldn't process what he was seeing_. "Oh God… a child…"_

There were five dogs, only four were standing. He was almost sure the other one was dead. He counted that as another plus in his favor. The child was cornered by the other animals, but it was still moving. _"Thank God, it's still alive."_

Little hands were braced against the walls of the enclosing buildings, holding it up; its little chest heaving for air. It was bleeding, but it was alive. With all the noise Mana had feared the worst. He glanced at it trying to take in the scene as a whole and figure out how to help. The dead animal's jaw was broken. _"Good kid…fought back." _The other dogs were larger. He was overwhelmed.

"_Handle the dogs first…..dogs first, then the child. Its still standing, it must be well enough. Deal with the dogs first. Then the child…oh God it's a child…"_ His foot hit something hard and in reflex he reached down to touch the offending object.

It was a brick.

Unsure of what else he could do, Mana decided to distract the animals. Then the child could run home. He threw the brick. Animals snarled and turned on him and he jumped back hitting a waste can. _"Make noise….make some noises…run kid!"_ Mana hit the metal cans, threw whatever he could get his hands on and charged at them yelling like a man possessed. And then the unexpected happened.

The animals gave up, darting out of the alley and into the night. Mana smiled, he did it, he actually scared them off. A warm wave of accomplishment ran through him. He had never been braver. He basked in it until his knees buckled.

Mana let his back hit the wall as all the adrenaline slowly drained from his body. He noticed he was sweating under his coat. "Go kid. They're gone now." He smiled at the small figure. "Go on, run home. Get that arm looked at. Your folks are probably real worried. Go."

The child just stared at him. Mana's brows furrowed in confusion. _"why is it just standing there?" _He took a step closer, suddenly worried that it might be hurt much worse than he originally thought. "hey…" he said softly "are you alright? Kid..."

It was a boy. His eyes were brown and open far too wide. They were glassy. A cold and familiar sinking feeling was settling back into Mana's chest. Brown eyes darted to the ground in front of him before locking with Mana's own. The boy repeated the action again, back and forth, before Mana thought to look down.

A piece of rancid meat, was that what he was looking at? It had been carefully laid out on a folded bit of damp newspaper. It couldn't have fallen out of a bin like that; it was deliberate. _"No… oh no…"_

Mana felt ill as it dawned on him that the meat was what the dogs must have been after. Even worse, his mind finished the thought with _"rancid meat… he was fighting with stray dogs… over food. It's his food… its rotted and it's his food" _

Mana clapped his hand over his mouth; desperately steering his mind away from that thought. He looked at the boy again, but it was as if he was seeing him for the first time. He was hoping to see something different from what he was beginning to suspect.

"_He's so small. Couldn't be over five…or four…" _The boy _was_ small; it was a combination of age and poor nutrition. He was painfully thin, probably sick as well. His hair was brown and would be long if not darkened and matted with dirt. The dirty face it hid was cut and bruised. Mana could clearly see one eye was blackened, but both looked deeply sunken in the poor light.

There was something in those brown eyes though, something strong. His stare was fierce and a fire was still buried behind those eyes. Mana saw a will to survive, strength that he himself lacked, that kept the frail body moving.

His clothes had been reduced to rags, and he shivered despite his best efforts to remain motionless. _"How long has he been out here…"_ There was fresh blood on his right arm, a result of the recent fight, but there were many older blood stains. His left was wrapped completely with salvaged scraps of cloth. It must have been bitten as well, maybe worse. _"oh God…"_

All the pieces of information coalesced in Mana's mind and it dawned on him. The boy couldn't go home; this was home. _"What can I do…something… nothing…anything…"_

He lifted his hands and tried to look harmless as he stepped closer to the child. "It's alright… I'm not going to hurt you. Please believe me, I won't hurt you." _"please be alright. Pull yourself together Mana! Just do what you can…What can I do?!…just stay calm… he's so small. Please God" _Mana prayed for the second time that night. _"Please God; tell me what I'm supposed to do…"_

The boy responded by slamming his small shaking body against the wall; wide eyes frantically darting back and forth, looking for an escape. Mana had unknowingly cornered him and the boy cowered like a wounded animal.

The boy crouched, so very small, and reached out with one trembling hand to grab the rotting meat. His eyes never left Mana's face. Mana halted in his movement, his raised arms falling back to his sides _"What is he…"_

The small hand lifted the slimy meat and offered it up to Mana. "What?" he said aloud. It smelled foul. The boy gestured up with the food again, making a desperate little noise in the back of his throat. His eyes were pleading. When he realized what the boy meant, Mana felt sick.

The boy thought he was trying to steal his food. His body language practically screamed for Mana to just take it and leave. Mana was stunned. _"he thinks I want to take his food… God, he thinks I'm going to hurt him…what happened to him?"_ His mind raced telling him to do something. _"But, what?"_

The little arm shook almost violently, he looked like he was going to cry. "Um…no." Mana said, "no…thank you but uh…no, I don't want that."

He watched the confusion on the boy's face as it slowly turned to horror. He dropped the filth to the ground and stood, leaning hard on the wall to keep upright before pushing away from it.

He only glared at Mana before slowly shutting his eyes and forcing his breathing to slow. He looked like he was steeling himself for something.

Mana was confused by the boy's actions, but not for long. The boy's expression had turned eerily blank, staring at nothing. It was like looking like a doll. His eyes were glazed, a doll's glass eyes, unseeing and unmoving. There was nothing behind them, and the ease with which the boy achieved it terrified Mana. It was a practiced motion. Just like the next movement of the body.

Tiny hands moved to the waist band of his pants and tugged, revealing small hipbones. "ah… NO!" Mana shouted and darted forward. He ignored the dampness of the snow as it seeped into the knees of his good work clothes.

"_no no no no no…"_ He held the little wrists in one hand and quickly fixed the boy's clothing back into place. "No… you… you don't have to… I don't want that…I… you don't ever have to do that. Ever..."

The boy yelped at the sudden movement and touch, flying into a panic. He jerked his hands desperately to free them and fell back to the ground. Mana let him go and sat as well, just looking at the boy. He knew what the boy was offering; he had seen the bruises before he straightened out the boy's clothes. There was no question as to how he received them. He had been hurt, badly hurt.

Mana couldn't seem to wrap his mind around the scope of it.

He sighed as he rested his forearms on his knees and folded his hands together. This was the last thing Mana could have imagined happening on his walk home from his dumb job. Sitting in icy sludge at the back of a dark alley with rotten food and a very damaged child.

"_What should I do? God, what do I do now? I can't just leave him…"_ Some part of him, something deep inside, already knew what to do, it had decided at the mouth of the alley, it was just waiting for his mind to catch up.

The words passed through his lips before he even realized it. "Would you like to come home with me? It's not much, but there's good food and it's warm. It's safe too." He held out a hand to the boy, "it's too cold out here, let's go home."


	4. Chapter 4

My thanks to those who review. I'm so glad people are enjoying it.

* * *

Mana's shoes crunched sharply against the snow covered sidewalk, a small smile on his face. Exactly eight feet, no more, no less, behind him was the boy. The rags he had bound on his little feet didn't make a sound as he moved. Mana knew he was following though.

If Mana stopped, the boy stopped too. He didn't move closer, but he didn't move away either. He took that as a good sign.

"I'm going home now" Mana told had the boy in the alley, "You're more than welcome if you want to come with me." And then he stood, dusting off the bits of ice and garbage from his backside and started to walk. At the mouth of the alley, he looked back. _"What am I doing… oh come on kid move…please…"_

The boy scrambled to his feet and took the first few tentative steps towards him. "Alright then… Hurry up." Mana called back to him and walked forward.

Now they were half way down the street, almost to the point where Mana had, in what seemed like ages ago, made his wrong turn. It was very slow going as they walked from the safe and bright glow of one streetlamp to the next.

"_Come on kid, keep moving forward…always move forward. Always." _He paused and turned to look at the boy.

The little thing was shivering; it had stumbled and landed in the snow. Mana sighed, removing his top hat long enough to run his hand through his hair, he replaced it and quickly walked back to the child's side. The snow was crunching less as he walked over it for a second time.

The boy jumped suddenly terrified, by the proximity of the adult. Mana just smiled down at his sprawled form and wide brown eyes stared up at him. He was almost willing the boy to trust him; as if, by sheer force of will, he could make everything alright.

"Tired?" he asked before shrugging, "well, can't be helped…" The boy made a soft little "mmph" noise and grabbed at Mana's coat edge. Those brown eyes were desperate, but for what Mana couldn't tell. _"Does he really think I'm going to leave him? Its getting late and I… no, we need to get home, this is taking too long… and it's getting colder."_ It felt strange to think in terms of "we" instead of "I" and for a moment he wondered if this was the right thing to do. He pushed the thought aside, he could always worry later.

He unbuttoned the top few buttons of his heavy coat, ignoring the blast of cold air. "Alright, up you go." He said with a little laugh as he scoped the child up in his arms. His back popped but he covered the grimace. The boy struggled wildly forcing Mana to hold him at arm's length until he settled. _"Of course he doesn't like to be touched…" _

The boy glared at him, his face flushed, he almost looked embarrassed.

"I'm not going to hurt you. Please… please just trust me." He didn't fight as Mana held him, cradled in one arm against his body and buttoned the coat up around him. The thin figure was awkward to carry and cold against Mana's body.

As they walked, Mana smiled as tiny arms tentatively moved around his neck and the rapidly beating heart pressed against him began to slow. With a small shudder the tense little body began to relax. Mana felt better, now that the child stopped panicking.

Automatically he spoke to the boy, little nonsense words, hoping to keep him relaxed and calm. "shuu, shuu now, its alright. Shuu, you're going home. Everything will be fine now…I'll keep you safe…shuu. I won't let anyone hurt you…I promise…you'll be safe. Shuu shuu, hush now little one… I'll take care of you… trust me…"

Mana found himself surprised at the soft words he uttered. _"What am I doing?!"_ He knew nothing about children; especially how to care for them, and it scared him. Options ran through his mind. He could always drop him off at the police station or on the steps of the church. There were plenty of people who knew what to do in situations like this; or at least, knew better than him. People who were smart; they would know how to fix his damaged body and mind. He could always take him somewhere else…

Tiny fingers clutched at the fabric of his shirt, holding tightly. Warm breath blew on his neck through a gap in his scarf as the boy leaned into his shoulder. _"God…"_ He knew at that moment, he would take care of him; despite his many doubts. He had already decided long ago, but it wasn't till that moment that his brain caught up to his heart and soul. An unfamiliar sense of peace came over him.

"_I wonder how long it's been since he could trust anyone. He's so young… he must be so desperate to trust someone."_ He smirked, _"really desperate if he trusts a loser like me. Ah… he really smells terrible." _

They turned at the corner onto a much more familiar street. There were many shops here, all closed for the night and dark. Past the grocer, past the tailor and past the general store, they went on to the end of the street. It was only a matter of minutes until Mana was at the door to the little café. "Rivka is going to kill me."

Mana considered staying outside to avoid the woman, but it was starting to snow harder. "Hey, we're home now" he said to the boy with a smile, "don't mind the old lady. She's loud, but not dangerous…heh, I can always out run her."

With a deep breath he opened the door and stepped inside.

"WALKER!" bellowed the woman behind the counter. On a normal day Mana would have pretended to be blown back by her voice and clutch the door frame as if it was the only thing to prevent him from flying away. On a normal day she might laugh before continuing her tirade. This was not a normal day.

Though her back was turned, her voice still filled the room. "YOUR RENT IS LATE!"

"Good evening, Rivka…I…" She cut him off. "Don't 'good evening Rivka' me Walker. Where's my money?"

"I'm sorry Rivka, but I…" "Don't you apologize; just pay me your rent on time for once. You're three days late with it this week and if I find out you went and spent all your salary on some trinket or in some God forsaken dancehall… oh, you're very lucky that I've been very patient with you…"

"Listen Rivka…" He looked at the boy, who was watching the scene before him with interest, and spoke directly to him with a whisper Rivka couldn't hear. "I can't get a single word in…"

"Rivka please, listen…"

He hadn't finished his thought when the round woman hollered again. "Unless the next thing out of your little weasel mouth is 'here's your money Rivka,' I'm not listening."

Mana unbuttoned his coat, taking it off with some difficulty and hung it along with his top hat and scarf on the coat rack by the door. He walked to the counter still carrying the boy. He could see Rivka washing dishes in the sink, a dish rag thrown over her shoulder.

"Rivka…" he tried one last time. She finally turned to face him as she replied "Not another word from you until…"

With a small thud, Mana deposited the boy on the counter top. Rivka, for the first time since he knew her, was stunned silent. It wouldn't last. She looked the tiny, dirty body up and down, her eyes comically wide.

She blinked and, without missing a beat, finished her sentence. "…until you get our young guest cleaned up and ready for dinner. Now, get him off my clean counter."

"Thank you Rivka." Mana picked the boy up and turned to go upstairs. He was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. Rivka spoke softly so only Mana would hear, her eyes were hard and her words clipped. "He's hurt and he's sick. I know. I can tell. Get him bathed. Check him over. I'll fix up any injuries. We get him fed and put him to bed. Then…you… tell… me… everything." She emphasized each word.

Mana nodded slowly, like a child receiving a lecture. He had never seen her so angry; but her expression softened, she looked suddenly tired, almost sad. "Thank you," he whispered sincerely.

"Go on you two. You both smell awful. Get out, before you get my whole kitchen dirty." There was no venom in her words and Mana let out a sigh of relief as he climbed the stairs.


	5. Chapter 5

To my wonderful reviewers, BlueFox of the Moon, and Itsuka Yamazaki, it is because of people like you that i type as fast as i can to update. Thank you both for your frequent comments. I'm glad you like it. Don't worry, i have almost all of this story planned out. It's just a matter of transferring from my mind to the computer. I really love Mana as a character, i think he is really responsible for the type of person Allen ultimatly becomes. Thank you all again, please keep the comments coming!

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Mana was nervous as he set the boy down in his little apartment. He couldn't hold back a little "umph" sound as he did so. He frowned, _"I'm already making old man sounds…God."_

The boy had quickly moved away from him, and was now leaning up against the pale yellow wall as far away as he could make himself. He just stared; Mana assumed he was taking in his new environment and didn't think much else of it as he walked through the room lighting the gas lights.

Downstairs had electricity, the café benefited from it, but it was still too costly to have it installed in the upper room. The gas lights worked fine here and made the apartment more than bright enough. He quickly shed his topcoat, tie and vest, in his bedroom, leaving him in a plain shirt. He quickly rolled up the sleeves, he was probably going to ruin it with bath water, but it didn't matter. He slid his watch into his pants pocket. Mana opened the little bathroom to light it as well and make use of the facilities before running a bath for the boy.

When he emerged he noticed the boy had sunk to the floor with his head resting on his knees. He looked up startled at Mana as he approached; he looked surprised that the man had come back. The little boy was crying, his whole body shaking.

"What's wrong?" Even back in the alleyway, Mana hadn't seen the boy this upset. He knelt on the wooden floor beside the boy, it hurt his knees. "Its alright…" He gently touched his shoulder. The boy glared at him. _"What am I doing wrong? What am I supposed to do… this is all too big…"_

"Come on little one, let's get you cleaned up." He pulled the boy up and carried him to the little bathroom. He nudged the lid of the commode down and plopped the boy onto its closed lid. In the bright light of the gas lamps, Mana could see the boy's true condition clearly.

He was definitely ill; his skin was far too pale and stretched too tight over his bones. White skin mottled with angry scratches and bruises, some fresh and others in various states of healing. At least one cut on the boy's cheek was infected. His brown eyes were fever bright in their sunken sockets, too much white was showing. _"God…"_ In the enclosed space, he was starting to panic. The little chest was rising and falling too fast as he hyperventilated.

"It's alright, I'm not going to hurt you…this is just a bath. It's nothing to be scared of. The water will be nice and warm. You'll feel a lot better after it, I promise…ok?" Mana took a deep breath, _"does he even understand what I'm saying…he's not deaf, he responds to sound… he clearly hears me… oh God…what if he's dumb… incapable of understanding…" _

The boy searched Mana's face and he knew the boy understood him. He felt like he was being judged. Relief washed over him when the boy nodded. He must have passed.

Mana carefully pulled at the fabric scraps that the boy had wound over the top of his head. He caught movement out of the corner of his eye. "Shit…" The boy had lice. How could lice even survive in this weather? Mana made note to check for any other types of vermin on the boy.

"Alright, I'm going to get the tub filled, go ahead and get stripped down." He felt a little ashamed to ask that of the boy. _"It will be ok, nothing to be embarrassed by…we're both men here…God…so were the ones who…no, it's over. I can't do anything to change what happened to him. Don't think about it, just get him bathed…"_

Glancing over his shoulder as he filled the bath, he noticed the boy had stood and was obeying, but his face was blank and his eyes had gone glassy again. _"Oh…no…please don't do that…"_

The boy's movements were stiff and mechanical. He had reverted back to the blank doll Mana had seen in the alley. _"It's a survival thing" _he realized,_ "he just… leaves… his mind is protected, while his body was…because he's not there when… oh God."_

The boy had been _used_. There was no other way to describe it. That thought chilled him to the core, he had known it in the alleyway but now in the warm, comforting light of the little room it seemed more real, sharper. _"How many times has he had to do that…"_

He forced the thought away to focus on the task at hand. He turned fully, still crouched on the ground before the boy. His face was still blank, but the light had returned to his eyes. He was staring hard at Mana. His shirt was only half off, still hanging on his left shoulder. He was breathing hard again. Mana, confused, watched the conflict on the boy's face. _"What was the problem?"_

Mana thought of the dogs, and how much fabric was wrapped around his left arm, even the fingers down to the tips were wrapped. He concluded that it must be sore and hard to move. Perhaps blood had clotted and trapped the cloth.

"Would you like help?" he asked as he reached out. The boy lurched away, clutching the arm to his chest. He shook his head no almost violently, making a soft cry of protest. Mana dropped his hand, _"It must hurt…poor little guy…"_

"Come on, the water is getting cold." Fat tears begun to trace little paths through the dirt on his face. The boy sunk to the ground, still shaking his head. The little body quickly inched closer to Mana. A tiny hand touched his knee, clutching at the fabric there and brown eyes were pleading with him. For what, he didn't know. The boy wouldn't stop making soft, desperate sounds.

Mana was getting very worried. _"Why was this upsetting him so badly? What could possibly be so bad…"_ It didn't make sense. His right forearm was still bleeding a little at the site of the bite and he didn't seem to even notice it. He wanted it to stop crying. He looked so frail like he would break if Mana pushed him too much.

"It's alright, I promise I won't hurt you." It was all he could think of saying to try to comfort the boy.

By the look on the child's face, he didn't believe him. Something inside Mana was hurting as he looked at the shaking boy, like he had somehow betrayed him. The little body pushed away and stood, his right hand clutching at his left sleeve. His face was horrified, hurt, like Mana had just asked him to do something unspeakable. Gasping, the boy tried to prepare, to steady himself.

Mana wondered vaguely why the boy hadn't become the blank doll again. Maybe the situation had him so upset that he couldn't do it. The raw pain on the boy's face, made Mana almost wish the boy would take his mind away, anything to make this easier. He wouldn't look at Mana, he was still crying softly.

Mana reached forward and settled his hand on top if the boy's. "It's alright… I know you're scared. We'll do this together…ok?" The boy shuddered, but nodded. "Alright…together now…" The boy turned his head to the side, like he didn't want to see what was happening.

He guided the boy's hand to pull off the remainder of his shirt.

"Oh God…"


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you for the compliment Dovey (not my penname)! its so wonderful to get another vote of confidence. I've had a lot of writing experience, but its all been strictly academic. like "The function of blah blah within the blah blah as expressed by the blah of blah blah." This is a lot more satisfying a warmer reception as well. Thank you all again. Please keep the comments coming.

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Mana fell back, slamming himself into the wall behind him, desperately trying to hold back the horrified scream that threatened to rip from his throat.

"Monstrosity…oh God, it's a monster." He said in a ragged whisper. The instant he saw it he knew that it wasn't human, it couldn't possibly be human. His stomach churned and for a moment Mana was sure he would be sick. There was still a foul taste in his mouth.

"_What is that thing?!"_ He had brought an unholy creature into his house... a monster. He never could have imagined that such a…thing… could exist. Fear blossomed rapidly in his chest as his heart pounded. He was a fool; he had brought it into his house. He should have suspected that something was off, his mind screamed at him. Strike it, cast the monster out, and let it freeze… get rid of it. Kill it.

Get rid of that…thing. Who knows what kind of damage it could do?! Monster, devil…Monster! It wasn't human. Adrenaline rushed through his veins. It had tricked him, made him think it was human. He could only stare in abject horror.

"_no…"_ There was still doubt in his mind.

It wasn't human!

"_no…"_ It's so small…

Cast it away!

"_no…"_ It cried. Doubt was growing, a warm comforting doubt.

It's so grotesque…

"_no…"_ Deep down Mana knew that he was wrong.

Kill it, it's not human!

"_NO! Oh God, it's a child"_ It was warm…it cried…it bled… it hurt. The memory of small hands holding on to him so tightly as he carried it and warm breath on his neck brought a sharp feeling of shame. It…no, he… he had trusted him.

There was trust on the boy's face as he removed his shirt sleeve, and Mana had destroyed it with his reaction. He put his hand over his eyes and tried not to cry; he didn't want to look at the boy. He was too old to cry.

Instead, he forced it down, all the revulsion, all the shame, he buried it deep. _"This is the same boy… the same as he was a minute ago…God, he's deformed…no, he is no different now then he was then…it's the same child I promised not to hurt…the same boy that I told everything would be alright…and I will make it right…he is no different now…God, let him forgive me…I will make this right."_

A high cry brought him back to reality and he knew he had to look, terrified at what he would see. Mana didn't know if he could handle the damage he must have done to the child.

The cry had transformed into full screams, ragged and painful as if the boy was dying. He was guilty, _"I caused this." _Mana took a steadying breath and opened his eyes. The boy still stood, little hands clenched into fists. His anguished sobs made his whole body convulse with the sheer force of it. _"He thinks I'm going to hurt him now…he's so scared, I have to make it right."_

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to um…react like that… I was just…surprised, that's all. Please stop crying…please…I'm sorry…just please. It's going to be alright, just like I said." He gradually stopped screaming and looked at Mana, who wasn't sure if the boy heard him or if his voice had given out. He hoped it was the latter.

"Does it hurt?" Mana reached up and put a hand on the boy's right shoulder; he couldn't touch the left, he just couldn't, not yet. The boy's eyes were red from crying. "Your arm, does it hurt?" The boy settled a bit, still giving little hiccups as the sobs subsided. He rubbed at his eyes and Mana flinched inwardly and wondered if that rough skin would irritate them. It seemed to function like a normal arm.

"Does it hurt?" he asked one less time. The boy sat down, looking stunned and shook his head. That was good; it looked so raw, painful. Mana took a few deep breaths to work up his nerve for his next question.

He held out his hand to the boy, "May I touch it, your arm?" He would know now if the boy could even try to trust him again. Mana shut his eyes until he felt the warmth and weight of a small hand in his. _"Ok, it's the same boy I carried home…I'm not going to panic…it's just a deformity… just an arm…not his fault…"_

Mana closed his fingers around the little hand and pulled the boy closer; before he realized it, he was making little shushing noises and speaking nonsense words to calm the child. It seemed to be working, so Mana let some of the tension drain out of his own body and leaned back against the cool wall.

It didn't really feel too different from normal skin. _"I can handle this…it's not so bad…just… red…different, not bad though." _In form it's was like a normal arm, but the color and the texture were all wrong. It was a deep wine red, darker where the flesh, if it could be called such, cracked into shallow fissures. They formed an uneven pattern, making the boy's arm look shredded. It really did look painful.

"Let me know… if I hurt you…at all or… make you… uncomfortable. The last thing I want is to hurt you…" Mana, as gently as possible, set about exploring the boy's arm. The skin was softer than it looked, flexible as normal flesh. It reminded him a little of tree bark, soft tree bark. _"It's not so bad…" _The child whimpered a bit, but he made no move to resist.

He bent the little fingers, seeing if they had a full range of motion. He repeated the motions for every joint. He felt the shape of the bones of the wrist and elbow and pressed softly elsewhere to feel the bones of the arm, everything seemed intact, normal.

"How did this happen?" he didn't really expect an answer. "Were you burned? Or, were you born like this?" The boy looked away, his face was red. _"He's ashamed by it… he was born this way…"_

Perhaps the deformity was on the surface. It certainly seemed that way. The thought gave Mana a bit of hope. The strange affliction faded at his upper arm, right before it reached his shoulder, leaving the skin there unblemished.

His small fingernails were a glossy black. Mana thought vaguely about the time he dropped a hammer on his toe. The nail had turned black before it fell off. These didn't look like that had, they looked strangely healthy. The edges were uneven and that made a small smile cross Mana's face. The boy chewed his nails, just like he still did when he was nervous.

There was one spot on the boy's hand that really concerned Mana. There was a gaping wound, almost x shaped, carved into the back of his hand. Mana was almost sure that it was manmade; it was different from the other fissures on his skin, it was straight and alarmingly deep. It made him wonder why the boy's hand could still move as it did. He pressed his thumb into the center of it.

The boy suddenly went rigid, making an urgent "mmph!" Mana jumped in surprise, "Sorry…is it tender? I'm just going to look ok…" He pulled it closer to his face and frowned. A spot in the center of the wound glinted in the light. _"Is that…glass? No wonder it hurt…its hard to see this close, I should get glasses…" _

"I'm going to try to get this glass out… I'll be gentle ok…" He pulled at the skin slightly; trying not to split it, just make it a little wider to access the little shard. It was a dry wound, more scar than fresh. Mana swallowed hard and pushed a finger in to try to catch the glass. It was a big mistake.

The very second his fingertip bumped the glass; the boy jerked wildly, his back arching, pupils constricted to pin points and mouth open wide in a silent scream. He gasped hard, but could only make strangled little sounds. "Shit!" Mana realized the boy was having a violent fit. He could seriously hurt himself and Mana reacted instinctively.

Mana pulled the boy into his lap and threw his arm around him, holding him tightly. He still had the little hand clasped in his and began running his thumb over the wound, soothing it. The boy was clutching at his shirt, still shaking with the aftershocks of his fit.

He rocked the child, "shuu, shuu, it will be alright… I'm sorry…I didn't know…I really didn't…shuu…I didn't mean it, I'm so sorry…" There was something very wrong with that wound. The boy calmed, Mana never stopped the soothing movement on the boy's hand. It seemed to help; he could feel the tension gradually draining out of the little body.

The boy shifted, making himself comfortable. He sighed into Mana's shirt. "Better?" Mana let his chin settle on the top of the boy's head, ignoring the threat of lice, and felt him nod. For a moment they sat there; just sat together, while Mana caressed the little wound with his thumb. The boy seemed to enjoy that, so he mentally filed that fact away.

"Ready for that bath, now?" He felt the boy nod again. "I need to refill it, the water is cold. I'm going to set you down ok?" He was answered with an unhappy little "mmmph." He set the boy up on the lid of the commode and told him to finish undressing while he ran fresh hot water into the tub. The boy settled into the water without further incident and Mana was extremely grateful for that.

He found he had to instruct the child in how to bath, even physically help him wash his hair. He sat on the commode lid, leaning back as far as he could with his hand settled over his eyes, only moving it to run through his hair. At some point he had begun sweating, he felt so tired. His legs stretched out as far as possible. They had cramped quite severely after sitting on the floor for so long. The boy was splashing making water splatter on to his pants.

"Shit…" he remembered his watch in his pocket. It would get soaked at this rate. It probably wouldn't hurt it; Allen & Co. prided itself on making nearly indestructible timepieces. Mana didn't feel like testing that claim tonight. He pulled it out, flipping it open and closed a few times just to hear the familiar sound. He played his fingertips over the embossed design and smiled. He was tired, hungry and sore; the combination was putting him in an odd mood. He felt like talking.

"Hey, kid?" he turned his head without raising it to observe the boy, "Can you talk? Do you know how? I know you can understand me, but can you respond?" There was no answer, he would have been surprised to receive one, and the boy was staring at him again. At least he was listening. "I'm Mana Walker, you can call me Mana. I like keeping it informal here. I'm called Mr. Walker or Sir at work. I work at a patent office; it's the most boring place on the planet. At least I have a very pretty secretary to look at, she doesn't like me very much. Her name is Marie."

Here was the big question, "What's your name?" The boy blinked. "Do you even have a name?"

The boy looked away, red faced. Mana thought for a moment, letting his mind drift. The boy had no name, no identity of his own. The watch was cool in his hand, it was comforting to hold. His thumb ran over the small incised logo of the timepiece's parent company. He laughed out loud suddenly and couldn't seem to stop. He sat up to look at the boy, who stared at him like he was a madman.

"Hey, How about Allen?"


	7. Chapter 7

I have 22 reviews! I leave my computer for the weekend and find this to be a very pleasent surprise. Thank you all so much.

Flames of Insanity: Your review shook me a bit. So i went back to the manga to double check. It was in ch. 3 of the first volume. Allen says he was born with a deformed arm and abandoned by his parents. It is nice to know that reviewers like you are willing to point out possible mistakes, and politely too. I think it makes the writers better for it.

nobody: i'm glad you mentioned Allen's innocence as being dormant. I imagine that his innocence is present, but has yet to fully develop. any attempt to activate it would be too much for him at such a young age. When it does activate for the first time it is beyond his ability to control it, as if it reacts automatically to the threat of an akuma, so i think that Allen would feel the impulse to activate it when he believes himself threatened but be unable to and thus causes his body to react badly. Or something along those lines...

BlueFox of the Moon, Shadow Fox777, Sakura -Angel-of-Death, Dipilidopa and ShinigamixGirl, I thank you for your reviews and words of encouragment. I'll try to upload the next chapter soon. Thank you.

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The boy looked much healthier when he was cleaned up. Mana wrapped him in a soft towel and carried him to his bedroom, while trying to ignore the ache developing in his lower back. He plopped him in a little pile onto his bed and walked to his dresser. "I don't think I have much in your size, Allen. So we'll just have to make do with what we find" he said as he shoved articles of clothing around in the drawers. With a bit of effort, he produced an old undershirt that he had long outgrown and a pair of boxers with a drawstring.

He carried the clothes to the bed where Allen was picking little pieces of fuzz from the bedspread. Mana was feeling tired, it seemed to take forever to reach the bed.

"_Allen"_ he smiled. He felt good about the name, it was right to be able to address the boy with a name of his own. The child had already started responding to it, not verbally of course, but he seemed to understand that it belonged to him now.

Allen was able to dress himself, but Mana had to help him tie the drawstring of the boxers. The clothes were ridiculously big on him, the shirt alone hung down past his knees. Allen's original clothes were ruined and Mana found himself wondering how much children's clothes could cost. _"I don't know how to do this…"_

"_First things first…stay focused Mana…and keep moving forward."_ He lifted the boy and Allen instantly wrapped his arms around Mana's neck and legs about his waist. It was much easier to carry him like this; but Mana was slightly alarmed at how natural the action already seemed. More than slightly alarmed really.

As he carried Allen down the stairs he told him about how Rivka was going to dress his cuts and scrapes and make sure he was healthy. "Rivka is really a very good woman; she's very nice…when she's not furious at me…"

The smell of food launched a pleasant assault Mana's nose as they entered the little café. Rivka was making soup, he inhaled the comforting scent; it was chicken soup. And pie, apple pie. At the moment she was sitting at one of the tables, a cup of untouched cup of tea before her along with her medicine box. She turned and stood rushing to them, worry etched on her face. _"…had she been crying?"_ Mana had trouble meeting her eyes, this was all his doing.

"Is everything alright, Mana?" her soft hand on his shoulder was reassuring. He smiled slightly, "Rivka, this is Allen." She reached out and took him from Mana. Allen whimpered and struggled a bit, not wanting to be separated.

Rivka must have seen the sudden panic that flashed across his face as he heard Allen's soft cries. "Don't worry Mana," she said gently, "I raised eight children, and didn't lose a single one. He'll be fine, so don't worry. Go take a shower, supper will be ready when you get back."

Mana nodded numbly and went back up the stairs, the sound of Rivka talking to Allen echoing in his ears. It was in the same state of numbness that he found himself in his little bathroom, waiting for the water to heat up.

"What am I doing? I don't know anything about kids… I have a kid…I took him home with me, is he really my responsibility now…I can't do this…I gave him his name, does this make Allen my child…my son…God, what I am doing…I have a son…" His reflection in the little mirror above the sink didn't have an answer, it just looked old, tired.

Mana was suddenly so very tired. His job, money, beautiful Marie, Rivka and now Allen… little Allen, little damaged Allen… his son, Allen; it was all too much. So much had piled up atop him all at once, he felt heavy, as if he alone had to carry the planet. The sheer weight of it all threatened to crush him, so he forced it down. "I'm too old to cry…" he said to no one.

The show was warm. The rush of water was soothing on his tired muscles as he tried to remove the smell of the alleyway and the lingering scent of an unwashed, damaged child. He shut his eyes and let the water rain down on his face. Reality was waiting for him downstairs, but he didn't want to go back, not yet.

He wanted to sleep, to drift off and ignore the waking world. But deep down, he knew he couldn't. He had made his decision in the alleyway and now he had to face the reality of it. He knew it would be hard; but he would do the best he could for the boy, and for himself. Now if he could just stop shaking…

Mana dug almost frantically through his shirt drawer. He wanted his favorite shirt, it was silly, but he needed it. Little things seem unusually important. He breathed a sigh of relief when he found it and pulled it on. A pair of soft cotton pajama pants and he was ready to head downstairs.

He imagined all the worst scenarios as he went into the little café. All the things that could go wrong. What if Allen had another fit… or maybe… _"no I have to stop thinking like this… Rivka is with him…its fine." _The scene in the café surprised him.

Allen was seated on the counter, he had some strange compound smeared in his hair, Rivka was playing some sort of counting game with him on his toes. She was smiling and best of all Allen smiled too. Neat, clean bandages covered the dog bites and a patch protected the wound on his face. There were other bandages in place where Mana hadn't realized there were injuries.

Rivka smiled at him, before picking up the boy. Allen's face lit up and he stretched his small arms out to Mana. "Allen, remember?" Rivka said, "Just like we practiced…" Allen frowned as if he was concentrating. His lips moved but no sound issued from them. But, Mana could tell, he knew what the small boy said.

"_He said my name…"_

Mana's knees threatened to buckle and he was so grateful that they sat quickly at the little table Rivka had set. Mana's stomach had flipped when the boy mouthed his name… it's all too much…

He laughed when Allen grabbed at the food and Rivka retaliated with a swift smack to the hand with her wooden spoon. She said grace, in a strange language Mana didn't understand, before she served up the food. The soup was good, a warm balm to the soul. Allen had trouble with the spoon, spilling more onto the table then into his mouth. Rivka scolded him in a mock angry voice, and proceeded to feed the boy.

With a full stomach, Allen fell asleep at the table. Rivka put a strange little cap on his head. "It will kill off all the lice; now go put him to bed. We'll pull the linens off and boil them tomorrow. Then you tell me everything."

Mana scooped up the boy and carried him up the stairs. "He's probably more tired than I am…wish I could sleep so deeply." He tucked Allen into his bed and, grabbing a spare pillow, blew out the gas lamp. He tossed the pillow onto the sofa and made his way back downstairs to where Rivka was waiting.

"Allen's really out of it…he didn't move or anything, how did you get him so calm?" Mana sat down at the table across from Rivka. She had cleaned off the table and made coffee. Mana marveled at how quickly she could move when she wanted to.

"Simple, I gave him codeine." She sipped her coffee. "What?! You drugged him!? How much did you give him?" He couldn't believe it. "I just gave him enough; I had to drain the infection on his cheek and a few others. He needed stitches on his back. All together, it would have been agonizing." She looked Mana straight in the eye,

"I know what I'm doing Mana Walker…" her face softened, "…the question is, and do you know what you're doing?"

He didn't have an answer. He choked, suddenly having to hold back the tears that had been building all through the evening. "No…ah God Rivka, I don't know! How can I possibly do this…I…I just don't know how to take care of a child. I can't handle it…it's just too big…too much…" His face felt on fire, his eyes blurred. He forced them to stay open, terrified that a single blink would let the tears fall, and with them his sanity.

Mana put his elbows on the cool table top and hid his face in his hands, "I just can't… he was so scared… how do I make it better, can I even make it better?" His voice sounded thick and he hated it, his shell was quickly cracking at the edges.

Without him noticing, Rivka moved her chair closer to him. She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder and he broke. His shoulders shook with the force of his sobs. Rivka's arms were around him suddenly and Mana gratefully sank into the embrace. He cried on her shoulder and she rocked him until he calmed. He felt drained, completely empty, and it was pleasant.

Still resting on her shoulder he spoke, "I took a wrong turn and he was in an ally there. He was fighting with a pack of strays over food…it was rotted meat. He thought I was going to hurt him. He's been… hurt… before and, ah God…he thought I was going to…he was so scared and I knew I had to do something. So I brought him home… and his arm is all wrong…and I don't know what to do…" His voice seemed so small in the empty café.

Rivka pulled away and spoke softly, "you don't have to know what to do. You will figure it out over time. My first child, Joseph, was a sickly infant. He was my first and I didn't know what to expect or what to do. Neither did his father. This is natural, all parents go through it. Allen came out of nowhere, and you had no time to prepare. You just have to do the best that you can." She paused and took his hand, it was warm. "Don't mind his arm either; it's not wrong just... God doesn't make mistakes and He won't throw anything into your path that you can't handle."

"God doesn't make mistakes" he repeated softly as he retired to the sofa for the night.


	8. Chapter 8

Thank you my wonderful reviewers! Sorry for the delay, spring break has ended and I have to go back to babysitting the munchkins of the public school system. I wasn't able to spend as much time with this chapter as I wished, so its a little short.

Flames of Insanity, no need to apologize. It made me go back to the manga and double check facts, which was very helpful.

Dipilidopa, thank you I wasn't sure about Rivka's blessing. All I had to go on was the obscure ramblings of one of my Jewish roomates.

Greece, you don't have to worship this humble girl. Your reviews are enough. I went through a lot of possibilites before I decided how Mana is going to die, it was difficult. I also plan to cover his return as an akuma. When Allen describes his parents as traveling performers, I was very confused. It always bothered me. I think I've found a decent way to incorporate that into this story, but it may throw off the timeline of the manga by a year or so.

Silverdrake, GreyLiliy, I'm glad that you both like the way Mana is developing. So little attencion is paid to him in the manga, but he was a huge part of Allen's life.

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Mana awoke with the sudden confusion that comes with sleeping in a different location. The first thing he was certain of was the freezing temperature of his feet. Second, there was a fussing sound coming from his bedroom. "Oh, he's got to be awake…" Mana ran his fingers through his hair, before letting his hands cover his face. He wasn't ready to face the day yet. He wondered what time it was and reached for his pocket watch. It was on his dresser, in his bedroom, he realized with a groan.

No point in putting it off any longer. He stood and stretched, his neck had developed a severe crick from the awkward sleeping position. He stretched again and was disappointed by its lack of effectiveness. Yawning and trying again for one last decent, back popping stretch, Mana stumbled towards his bedroom.

He dragged his pillow behind him as he entered the room. Allen was sitting in the dead center of the bed, half tangled in the blankets and slowly trying to free himself. He blinked at Mana and froze.

"Good morning Allen, did you sleep well?" There was no answer just a blank stare. With a sigh, Mana threw his pillow on the bed and draped himself across the bottom. The blankets were soft, his bed had never felt so wonderful. Allen shoved himself frantically backwards to keep a wide gap between them.

"Well, I slept horrible. I can't sleep on that stupid couch, I'm too old" he laughed, but it sounded forced. Still, Rivka's words from the night before rang true in his ears. _"God doesn't make mistakes… I can do this; she didn't know how either and she raised eight children. If she could do that, then I think I can do this… oh God, I have a son."_

He rolled over to face the boy, "let's get some breakfast, Rivka usually isn't here on the weekends. I think she visits one of her children…so, it's just you and me." Allen only stared. Mana wondered what the boy could possibly be thinking. "I can make pancakes…" Soft brown eyes widened at the mention of food. "Does that sound good?"

Allen carefully unwound himself from the blankets and slowly, cautiously approached where he had sprawled. His eyes never left Mana's face. _"He must still be nervous…I have to give him time." _There was something about the boy's expression that made Mana smile and reach forward to him. Maybe it was hope; he could tell Allen was desperate to trust someone.

Mana caught his little hand as he crawled over and pulled him close, letting his thumb run over the strange wound; it seemed to reassure him. As if a gentle touch on that deformity was proof positive that Mana accepted him and wouldn't hurt him. He was so glad that he could give that kind of trust to him.

Mana sat up and pulled Allen into his lap, loosely holding him. He gave the boy space to pull away if he needed to. The small body tensed against him, so he rubbed tiny useless circles on his small back, absently counting the vertebrae that were too prominent. Allen finally relaxed and buried his face in Mana's shirt; Mana let out a breath he wasn't aware of holding.

Bright winter sunlight was streaming in through the window, illuminating the dust motes that moved with air and Mana felt himself truly relax for the first time since he left work the day before. The events of yesterday had left him with a choice, and he had made it. For the first time in ages he felt certain of his life. So many years found him drifting, just living day to day with no larger purpose. Mana had a purpose to keep moving now and the idea both terrified and thrilled him.

He tightened his grip on the child slightly causing little hands to suddenly grip at his shirt. _"…my child now. Not by blood, but by choice…Allen is my responsibility now. My life, everything is going to change… I'll do my best to be his father."_ It all seemed simple in the early morning light_. "…just do the best I can."_

Allen had started to make little fussing sounds and fidget. "Hey Allen? I'm going to take care of you from now on. I've decided that, well…you're my son now, did you know that? Everything is for you now. It won't be easy, I don't have much, but … I'm going to be your father and give you the best life I can…" he paused as the boy pulled away to look at him, "…is that ok?"

Allen's brows were knit and he was frowning, forcing Mana to wonder if he understood what he was saying to him. The boy hadn't blinked once, he was sure of it, Allen just stared, watching him.

With a soft sigh, Allen's eyes slid closed and the unshed tears that had been building finally fell. He buried his face in the crook of Mana's neck and held on tight. It wasn't a violent type of crying like he had done so often already, but a soft cry of relief, perhaps even happiness. Mana hoped it was. Allen seemed calmer around him than he did the night before. His collar was getting damp, but it was alright; he would hold Allen and let the child get it all out of his system.

They sat together until Mana heard Allen's stomach growl. He laughed and scooped the little body up and carried him down to the café. On the counter was an apology from Rivka for leaving so early and a long list of things Mana needed to do. Rivka was always very explicit in what she expected of him when she wasn't there.

He needed to wash the lice killing compound out of Allen's hair, keep him warm, and redress any of the wounds that may have reopened over the night, how to clean the wounds, give him more codeine if necessary, what to cook for him and how to cook it… The list just kept going.

Mana could only raise his eyebrows and stare wide eyed at the paper. "We seem to have a long day ahead of us." He tried to set the boy down, but Allen tightly held on to him. As if he would vanish into thin air if he so much as loosened his grip. Mana smiled, he couldn't seem to stop smiling now.

Little lips moved against his shoulder, mouthing words with no sound. It was his name over and over again.


	9. Chapter 9

Thank you so much my dear reviewers, I really look forward to reading your comments. I'm so glad you are all enjoying reading this.

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Mana stayed home from work for that first uneasy week of caring for Allen. Rivka was kind enough to exempt him from paying rent during the time. She understood the importance of getting the child settled in. There was so much to do that he found himself dropping into an exhausted sleep every night, little Allen curled by his side.

Mana was very concerned with sharing his bed with the child, it seemed inappropriate for some reason, but Allen was desperate for physical closeness. Such affection was a new experience for both of them.

It had started that first Saturday night, when Mana had put Allen to bed in his room and retired to his place on the couch. At some time during the night he awoke to a light weight on his chest that had started snoring softly. He had chuckled and reached up to mess the boy's hair before carrying him back to the bed. It happened again Sunday night. On Monday, Mana had put Allen back in the bed three separate times only to find him sleeping on the floor by the couch in the morning.

On Tuesday night Mana gave up the couch and took his bed back, if Allen wanted to sleep there as well…well fine. It was awkward at first. Somehow the tiny body could sprawl out and cover the entire bed, Mana would just curl up at the bed's edge. By Thursday, he had learned that it wouldn't hurt the boy to shove him over and reclaim the bed. Often Mana would wake to find a little head resting on his shoulder or little hands sleepily reaching for his arm.

By Saturday, Mana had let the boy snuggle against him and held him loosely. Against the cold air of the room, the warmth of such an embrace was becoming a pleasant experience. It was like holding a living, breathing and occasionally lightly snoring stuffed animal. He planned to get such a stuffed toy for Allen, maybe a bear. Christmas was rapidly approaching and Mana wondered if the boy had any experience with the holiday.

Allen had started talking by the middle of the week, much to the delight of Mana and Rivka. It was only single words, but he was progressing much faster then they had ever expected. Still, it was frustrating; Allen would cry when he couldn't find the right word to express what he wanted. He could mouth whole sentences, but seemed to lack the ability to speak them out loud and he was greatly upset by it. He had to relearn not only how to form words but that it was alright to speak. Mana guessed that he hadn't been allowed to speak where ever he had been before the alleyway became his home. He didn't seem to understand what he was; he seemed to have no real sense of self.

That was the most difficult part, helping Allen to learn that he was human, not a monster to be struck nor an object to be used, but a person with the right to exist.

The boy had some strange quirks that Mana had to learn. He didn't like crowds. During that first week, whenever customers visited the little café Allen would run up the stairs. From his perch on the top step he would watch them and hug his left arm close to his chest. But at the same time he didn't want to be alone. He had phobias around dark, enclosed spaces, he avoided the closet and wouldn't go near the kitchen pantry, and oddest of all he seemed to fear some inanimate objects.

Mana was puzzled over the boy's terrified reaction to common items, until he sat and thought hard about it. Glass bottles, forks, belts, candles, screwdrivers among other tools, the cord that held the curtains open. When Mana realized the cause of the boy's unease, he became nauseous; it had sent a cold hard knot to his stomach that he couldn't seem to untie. Allen had been hurt with those objects. He went about the apartment and hid anything he thought would upset the boy, and wrote down the items in a little notebook for future reference.

Rivka brought home a collection of clothing that her grandchildren had outgrown. She spent every free moment altering the pieces to fit Allen. Within that first week, he had an adequate supply of clothes. Mana bought him several pairs of gloves; he seemed more comfortable when his arm was hidden from view especially when the café had customers.

Friday was Allen's first trip outside of the building, though the event had come about in a strange manner. Mana had been seated at the café counter while the boy used the downstairs bathroom. Allen emerged and ran frantically to his side, making desperate "mmmh" sounds. He tugged at the man's pant leg, "Manaaaa…" His little fingers were bloodied.

"God Allen!" he was more frustrated than anything else; if it wasn't one thing it was another, "What happened? Where is that coming from?" The boy only whined, eyes tearing up "…huuurts Mahhhnaaah…"

Rivka had moved around the counter with lightening speed and pulled up the back of the boy's shirt. Over Allen's head Mana could see the back of his shirt was red. "He tore out his stitches… scratched it all to pieces." She gave a frustrated sigh, "Allen, little one, why did you do this? It's worse than it was the first time. We have to stitch it all back up…"

Allen pushed his face into Mana's pant leg, "noooo, Mahnah….huurts… Manaaah!" He shrieked as Rivka lifted him onto the counter. "noooo!"

"Go put up the 'closed' sign and hold him for me." Rivka said calmly as she gathered the various bits and pieces of her medicine box. He rushed over to the door and flipped the little tin sign over; its edges were rough on his fingertips. As he turned from the door and walked back the counter, Rivka held the boy's jaw and spooned some liquid down his throat. He gagged and coughed. Mana picked up the bottle, it was empty, and examined the label. 'Doc Washbourn's All Purpose Pain Relieving Codeine Infused Tonic' was written in an elaborate scrolling script with a list of ailments to use the medicine on below it. Mana fingered the little brown bottle and looked hard at Rivka. "Trust me," she said, "this will make it easier for all of us."

Allen sat frowning and smacking his lips trying to rid his mouth of the foul taste. He raised his arms and softly whined, "Mahnaaah…" Mana smiled and sat back at the counter, the seat seemed harder than usual, and took the boy's hands. He spoke some comforting words to the boy as he became groggy.

That had been interesting to watch, Allen's pupils dilated and his shoulders sagged as all the tension drained from his body. Suddenly Mana's hands were the only thing keeping the boy upright. Allen squinted at his face and flashed him a lazy smile, "mmm… Mahnah…" he laughed as his head dipped forward. Mana scooted him off the counter and into his lap, before the boy could topple.

Allen fidgeted until he was comfortable, small hands expertly finding loose fabric to grasp at, and made little contented sounds as he buried his face in Mana's shirt. "Hold him there." Rivka moved to the other counter stool and sat facing them. Mana tightened his hold on the little body and held up the shirt as she cleaned and re-stitched the wound. Allen still whimpered, despite the medicine, into Mana's shirt and he could feel a slight dampness develop as the child cried softly. Other than that, it all went very smoothly.

With new clean bandages, Allen sat cuddled against Mana, hiccupping slightly. The boy looked grumpy over the whole series of events, but he seemed too relaxed to care. Playing with the boy's hair, Mana didn't listen to Rivka as she read out a list of items she needed to pick up at the general store, but he volunteered to go anyways. He needed to get out of the building for a little while.

Allen wouldn't let go. "What, do you want to go too?" He felt him nod. "Ok, then. Let's get your coat." Mana helped him into his little coat and gave him a pair of warm mittens and extra socks. He laughed at how the boy still wobbled from the medicine. "Don't worry, you're not walking anywhere…we don't have shoes for you yet." He donned his own coat and removed his scarf and top hat from the coat rack. With a grunt he lifted the boy and tried to settle him on his hip, it wasn't working well. _"Let's try something different…"_ He lifted him higher and onto his shoulders. Allen squeaked in surprise and grabbed at his hat for purchase.

"I won't let you fall Allen." His hat was suddenly gone from his head, and behind him Rivka was laughing her head off. "What?!" Rivka bustled over with her little hand mirror to show him. Allen was wearing his top hat. It was far too big and slid down over his ears. The best part as far as Mana was concerned was Allen's smile. It lit the whole room.

With that bright smile Mana took Allen out into the world. The trip down the road to the general store was really a mundane affair, but it was burned into Mana's memory; his first trip out with his son.


	10. Chapter 10

So sorry for the delay. I fell ill over the weekend. Thank you all for the wonderful reviews. I nearly cried when I read them, I'm touched that you all feel so strongly about my humble story. I'll try to update within a few days, babysitting the little ones in the public school system tends to limit my online time. Also a teacher at our local middle school was murdered on monday; a sweet woman who will be deeply missed. We are all in shock still.

Regardless, here are some review replies.

2stupid, thank you for the reply. It always bothered me that at one point Allen mentions that his parents were circus performers. I'm working on a way to incorporate it. As for Allen's eye color, I wasn't sure of the true color. I'm having them turn gray along with his hair turning white when he gains his curse. Thank you again.

Shadow Fox777, its funny you mention Allen going to work with Mana. I have a chapter planned with that very topic. Thank you.

ForbiddenSilence, thank you so much for your detailed review. I was so happy you took the time to write so much. I'm glad you are enjoying it so much.

Cerulena, I'm glad that Mana has become one of your favorites. He's mine too. Thank you for the vote of confidence.

Itsuka Yamazaki, Blackcat686, AnimeM22 and silver windflame, thank you for your encouragment. I always look forward to reading them. Thanks and please enjoy this next chapter.

* * *

Mana shuddered at the mountainous stacks of paper that had built up on his desk over the week he was gone. He rearranged paper pillar after pillar to access a clear space on the desk to write on. He had more important personal paperwork to attend to. He didn't know how Rivka got the papers, or who the people listed on them were, but he was so thankful to have them.

Adoption papers for Allen.

This would make everything official, Allen Walker. It had a nice sound to it. Mana's stomach fluttered as he signed the last pages. He put the date as December 25th; it would be a Christmas present. Allen would officially be his son on Christmas; the thought sent pleasant warmth throughout his body. _"…my son…"_

He was startled out of his reverie by the familiar click clacking of a particular set of heels. He looked at the stacks of unfinished work with a sense of impending doom, but it was a different kind of doom from the usual sense of doom that came with working at this awful job, it didn't matter. It really didn't matter anywhere but in this cramped office. He smiled and said aloud "I've got absolutely nothing done today… and I may not do anything tomorrow either." He almost giggled before thinking better of it.

Mana glanced back down at the adoption papers, _"I need to keep this job…I have a son to support now. Oh God, I have a child."_ The concept threatened to become overwhelming again. He pushed it away, _"don't dwell on it, I have to keep moving forward."_ He slid the papers safely into the front drawer of his desk and hurriedly grabbed a few of the forms he needed to review.

By the time the beautiful Marie arrived, Mana was hunched over his desk as if he had been working for hours. "Mr. Walker?" Her voice was like bells, or wind chimes, Mana couldn't decide which. He swiveled his chair around to face her.

"Hello Miss Marie, how are you today?" he smiled as he spoke, he felt good. She seemed surprised. "Um…Sir, I have some more forms for you to complete…" She looked over the mountains of paper already inhabiting his office with raised eyebrows. Her perfectly manicured hands held out another obscenely large stack of paper. _"…great…"_

"Why thank you Marie my dear" he was feeling odd, a smirk graced his face, "I was getting bored with so little to do." Mana tried, unsuccessfully, to keep the sarcasm out of his voice. "… at least the delivery system is pleasant." He couldn't stop himself from winking. Something strange happened, Marie's eyes widened as she blushed. She blushed!

Out of the corner of his eye, Mana could see a group of girls from the typing pool; they were watching everything. He couldn't help but wonder what must have been discussed during his absence. He thought of the little pink bow from his last meeting with Marie and felt his face heat up.

He took the forms from her with a polite thank you. She flushed again and paused by his door, just looking at him, before rushing back to the other girls. He could hear them chattering excitingly as they went back to their work stations in the typing pool.

"_What was that all about? Was she…flirting with me?!"_ The giddy audience at the end of the hall certainly suggested it was. Mana wondered what could have possibly made him attractive to a girl like Marie. A low whistle from the office across the hall served to catch his attention.

The cave-dweller was leaning out of his office to watch the retreating backsides of the typing girls. "daaaamn, Walker… disappear for a week and suddenly you're the shit. What did you do right?" Mana had a single eyebrow raised in shock. First time the idiot ever spoke to him about anything but his own disgusting romantic conquests. He tried to ignore him until he laughed and leaned in conspiratorially, "Hey, speaking of doing right… you doing that Marie bitch yet? With an ass like that… heh, I'd shove those papers off and put that desk to good use."

Mana said nothing, just stood and quickly crossed the hall into the troglodyte's office. Out of respect for the rest for the people working, he shut the door before blackening the man's eye. He politely shut the man's door behind him and tried to shake out the ache from his knuckles as he reentered his space.

With a heavy sigh, he turned back to the oppressive mounds of paperwork. Much to his own surprise, even with a sore hand, he got a significant portion done by the end of the day. With a contented sigh he rocked back in his chair, forgetting completely about the results of the last time he did such an action.

In a strange repeat of events, Mana was surprised by the sudden appearance of Marie at his door. He lurched forward to avoid another humiliating fall. She jumped and squeaked at the sound of the chair legs slamming into the wooden floor. Mana chuckled at her surprised face, only realizing too late that laughing at an embarrassed woman is never a good idea.

"Mr. Walker…" her voice wavered. Mana desperately hoped she wasn't about to start crying, and groaned inwardly when she did. _"ah no…"_ He was quickly learning how to handle a crying child, but how he should handle a grown woman. Even sniffling she was lovely. "I'm sorry Marie; I didn't mean to laugh…"

She cut him off before he could finish his thought. That was just fine by him. Her next action would have stunned him into silence anyways. Marie sobbed again, shut his office door and threw herself into his arms.

For a glorious minute, Mana let himself simply enjoy the opportunity to touch her. She was warm, soft and oh so wonderfully… female. His arms moved automatically to hold her and her head rested on his shoulder. _"What did I do right?"_ It was so very nice; he didn't even mind her crying, but knew he should do something.

Mana was the one to break the embrace, gently pushing her away. She was upset and he couldn't bring himself to take advantage of that. _"it would be soo easy to… ah God…"_ Her teary eyes gazed up at him. "Marie, what's wrong? I said I was sorry…"

She sniffled and he noticed that her nose was running. He wondered how someone so gorgeous could possibly have an unpleasantly runny nose. It was gross; Mana pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket and gave it to her. The unearthly beauty of Marie, which he had always admired, was suddenly grounded as she blew her nose. It honked.

"Thank you Sir." She sniffed. He smiled and nodded. Without asking he offered her his chair. She gratefully took it, slender hands twisting the handkerchief. He didn't ask for it back. Her face was splotchy from crying. It was surprising to see her as a human rather than an angel, some part of Mana was relieved that some of the divinity she seemed to carry had drained away. She was approachable now; not a goddess, just a woman.

"I heard everything he said…" Mana's eyes widened as he began to understand what had her so shaken. "… and you… Sir, you defended me. I couldn't stop thinking about you… You defended my reputation, my honor. I… I… oh thank you Mr. Walker… Mana." She whispered his name soft and sweet. Dumbfounded, Mana just stared. _"What?"_ She stood, her hand sliding gently along his cheek. _"What!?"_ Beautiful eyes searching his; they were still red.

He could only blink in disbelief; his mouth was dry making it impossible to swallow. On her tiptoes, Marie could almost reach his face. Hands behind his head pulled him closer to her. Mana forgot how to breathe as Marie's warm breath ghosted across his lips as she spoke "Thank you Mana." She closed the gap between them and Mana was sure he had died.

He had dreamed of this moment for so long, but a nagging thought at the back of his mind kept him from enjoying it like he should. _"She's upset… I'm taking advantage of her… aww… damn it!" _He settled his hands on her shoulders and reluctantly pushed her away just as he felt the soft touch of a tongue seeking entrance. _"AWW DAMN IT!"_

"Miss Marie," he swallowed hard, "I couldn't let him get away with saying something like that about you… or any of the ladies here. It's not right. I know you're upset by it and I really… really... appreciate your thanks. But you're a little too emotional and I'm sure you're not thinking clearly… I don't want to take advantage of you when you're this… vulnerable." He couldn't believe he said it. She was here for the taking and he just couldn't do it. This was an unnerving sign that he just might be becoming a better man. He had matured so much from his last day at work. It was annoying.

Marie looked mortified; her hand flew to her face. "Oh God… I… Sir… I'm so sorry. I thought… I thought that you… you… I mean the way you looked at… at me. Oh I'm sorry Mr. Walker." She was starting to tear up again.

Mana gave an exasperated sigh and ran his hand through his hair. "I do. Marie, I do… I just can't right now. There's a lot of stuff going on right now," his thoughts snapped back to Allen, "things I have to take care of… important things that can't wait… please understand." She seemed mollified by his response, nodding with a look of understanding she worked up her composure. Mana brushed a loose strand of hair away from her face and smiled. "I do care about you, Marie… very much." Much to his relief, Marie smiled back before she left his office.

Mana let his breath out slowly as he eased himself back into his chair. "Four more days of this before the weekend… God…" He pulled out his watch; it was past five. He relaxed a bit at the thought of going home as he put on his coat and hat and left the dismal building. Marie liked him; the thought put a bounce in his step as he walked home. _"Hope Allen's day turned out as good as mine did."_


	11. Chapter 11

Thank you to all my regular reviewers; your comments mean so much to me. silver windflame, BlueFox of the Moon, ForbiddenSilence, Itsuka Yamazaki, GreyLiliy and Sakura-Angel-of-Death thank you. This chapter is a little longer than the others; it was that or split it into two very short chapters. I hope you dear devoted readers will enjoy it. Thank you all again.

* * *

The little bell above the café door chimed pleasantly as he walked in from the cold street, a wrapped package held snuggly in his arms.

"Manaaaa!" He was nearly bowled over by an upset little body slamming into his leg. He was yelling, crying "mmm sorry…don't be mad at meeee, Manaaah" Allen had buried his head in Mana's coat. He looked down at the boy, "What?"

"Ah didn't mean too. Ah Mana…mm' sorrrry…" Mana turned his stunned face to Rivka, who was standing behind the counter. Her arms were crossed over her chest and the scowl on her face suggested a very concerned woman. "What? What happened...? Rivka, what happened?" He struggled out of his coat, having to pull it out of Allen's tight fists. The boy latched onto his pant leg in response, still whispering apologies.

Rivka sighed and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Allen had another…'fit'… today." Mana shifted his attention to the boy at his feet. "Maaanaah" he whined, his voice high and tight, "I didn't mean tooo…"

Mana's stomach sunk and he half dragged the boy along to the counter. He set the package down and bent to lift Allen. He shifted his weight from foot to foot, bouncing the little figure and rubbing little circles on his back until he was only sniffling and hiccupping. "How?"

He was genuinely puzzled. "How did that happen? No one touched him, did they? Rivka?" A helpless look was her only answer, so he looked to Allen. "Did anyone touch you? It's alright; I just want to know… I'm not mad at you." He was mad at whoever had touched his son and caused him to go through another one of those unpleasant, painful fits.

Allen shook his head. No one had. Mana couldn't think of anything else that could have caused it; if not a touch to that strange wound, then what. "Didn't mean to do it, Manah… don't be maaad at meee… didn't mean to…" Allen whimpered.

"Mana, it was bad… I had to hold him down. He was going to hurt himself." Rivka's face was calm, but her very demeanor radiated worry. She looked down at the counter top. Mana followed her gaze. One of her wooden mixing spoons was laying there, its handle broken in two. "Almost swallowed his tongue… bit right through it." She whispered, "very bad, Mana."

"_Oh God, please let him be healthy…"_ Mana felt weak and had to set the boy down onto the counter. Allen looked at the spoon with wide frightened eyes, as if he'd forgotten about it, before desperately turning back to Mana. "Mana… mm' sorry…didn't mean to." His voice was so soft, it could barely be heard. He hugged the boy to him; it was a comforting action to both of them.

Mana took a deep breath and slowly let it out. "Allen, go upstairs. I need to talk to Rivka." Allen looked like he had just received a death sentence. "I'm not mad at you… just at the situation. I'll be up in a little while. Ok?" Allen nodded slowly and still sniffling slid off the counter. Mana listened to his soft footfalls on the wooden floor as he climbed the stairs.

Just last week, he would have needed Mana to carry him. Not only had he needed the security of the adult's arms, but the physical support. He was still weak; sickly; sometimes not even able to finish the climb to the second floor. Mana was thankful that Allen was getting stronger, especially for his poor, sore back.

Rivka let out a tired sigh and leaned heavily on the cool wood of the counter. Mana settled on one of the stools and waited for her to speak first. "We were washing dishes, he's so eager to help..."

Allen seemed to like helping Rivka in the kitchen. It was a wonderful sight; the two of them washing dishes together at the end of the day. She had altered one of her old aprons to fit him; it was adorable, with a little duck stitched on the front. "It's a blessing to have him, really it is. It was very busy today. People were out shopping for the holidays, I assume." She seemed to be avoiding what happened.

"Had to close up for it. It really frightened me Mana. It was so… violent and I couldn't seem to do anything to help. I don't like being helpless." He stared at the wood grain of the counter as she spoke, slowly tracing the patterns with his finger.

"A man sat down here at the counter, Allen didn't even see him. He didn't do anything odd, people had been sitting at the counter all day; there was nothing different this time, but Allen… didn't even turn to look… he just kind of froze. He trembled and, it was as if he couldn't breath."

She looked Mana straight in the eyes, "He threw a plate at him. A plate! I don't know how he even knew where the man was; it was so fast. He turned and without even looking threw a plate at him. Poor man, it hit him hard and broke right between the eyes. Knocked him clean off the stool. He ran out and took most of the other customers with him." Mana could have almost laughed if the circumstances were different.

Rivka walked to the other side of the counter to sit next to him. "He held that odd arm and just screamed. He fell; thrashed… you know how it is. I had to hold him down," she gave a strange laugh, "he's much stronger than he looks. It just kept going too… impossibly long. He was so upset; when it was finally over he couldn't stand, just curled up on the floor… he threw up."

"God" Mana breathed, running his fingers threw his hair. "And he didn't bump it or anything?" She shook her head, loose gray hair moving with the gesture. "Mana," she placed a worn hand on his shoulder, "we need to talk to someone about this… Allen's not well and we both know it." He desperately wanted to believe otherwise, but it was hard to deny it. Something was wrong with his child.

"Do you have anyone in mind?" he asked with a numbing sense of dread. She did. Mana wasn't surprised to hear that she had already gone down to the general store to use the telephone and contacted whoever it was. "I'm leaving in the morning to visit him." He could only nod as he stood and walked to the stairs. He paused and returned for the package that had been left forgotten on the counter, he was going to need it.

The stairs creaked ominously as Mana went to his apartment. It was dark in the little living room, but light was showing from under the bedroom door. For a moment he could only stare at the sliver of light. The knowledge of the second 'fit' terrified him. If it happened twice how could he know if it would happen again? What if Allen became worse? What would happen if he couldn't properly care for the boy? He found the thought of losing him to be unbearable.

"_Please be alright… why did I find him if he's just going to be taken away… is that what I'm supposed to do? Give him a warm and safe place to die? Please God…please let this all pass, let it not be as bad as it seems, keep my son alive and healthy…please"_ He paused with his hand on the brass door knob, taking a moment to breathe deeply and calm himself before going to calm his son.

Allen was sitting in the middle of the bed, blankets enveloping his little form. He was still crying a bit, but looked too exhausted to keep it up for much longer. "Allen…"

"AH nooo… Maanaaah, I'm sorry. I didn't mean tooo… don't be mad at meee. I won't do it again." Allen crawled towards him to the end of the bed. He sat and pulled the blankets tight around him as if they would protect him from whatever Mana planned to do to him. When Mana sat he thought he saw a flash of terror run through the boy's eyes.

"I'm not mad at you." He repeated for what seemed like the hundredth time as he nudged off his shoes and made himself comfortable. Little hands landed on his knees when Allen decided to move closer. "Mana… I really didn't mean to do… that…mmph... that _bad_ thing again." He settled his head on Mana's leg, still murmuring soft apologies. "I won't be bad…I didn't mean to, but it huuurt…"

"What? Allen what hurt?" he ran his fingers through the boy's hair, feeling the little body relax a bit. Allen raised his left hand. Mana took it and pulled the glove free. "It looks fine…" he caressed the strange wound and smiled at the little gasp and the following contented sounds the boy made. All the remaining tension drained away and he rolled over onto his back to look up at Mana. His eyes were shining; there was such trust in them.

Mana's heart skipped a beat; Allen looked fine, not sick at all. He was happy, truly happy; he gave him a reason to keep going. Marie entered his mind but was pushed aside. Mana found it hard to care about himself when he was around the boy. He would give him the best life he could. He had a strange suspicion that he was a part of something much larger than himself, but he couldn't figure out what.

"… Don't throw me away, ok?… please…"

Those wide eyes blinked up at him. Mana slammed back to reality, _"don't throw me away… oh God." _

"Never." He answered with a fierce conviction. He lifted Allen's odd little hand and pressed the wound to his lips, placing a soft kiss to the boy's deformity. That was how much he cared; he loved his son wholly, every part of him.

"Manaah… it hurt…" Allen sat up facing him, showing him the back of his hand. He prodded at it, "my cross hurt… ahh Maanaa it hurt bad…" Cross? Mana made a thoughtful noise. It was a good name for the strange wound, it was kind of cross- shaped. Giving a name to it somehow made it less frightening.

"Does it still hurt?" Allen wiggled his fingers and shook his head no. "Well, that's good." He said it to reassure himself as well as Allen. "I bought you something today…" Allen's face lit up at the news.

Mana shifted to reach for the package on the floor. He pulled it up and set it before the boy, "it's an early Christmas present." Allen fixed his gaze on the brown paper. "Go ahead open it."

Allen tore into the package, slowly revealing a stuffed brown bear. The boy sat back, with his hands folded in his lap and looked at the bear. Mana had half expected him to play with it, or at least touch it; instead Allen only smiled at it. "I like it." He whispered. "Then go on and take it." Mana said.

Allen still smiled at it, but made no move to touch it. "I'm not supposed to… it's for the good baby… but I can look, it looks fun, soft too…"

"What? Allen what are talking about? I don't get it…" Mana picked up the toy and absently played with its fuzzy ears. He had the feeling that he wasn't going to like what he was going to hear. There was still so much damage to Allen's spirit to reverse. _"Ah God… what now?"_

Allen smiled up at him and patiently explained, "The toy's are for the good baby, so I can't play with them. She'll hit me.." Mana grit his teeth, he was furious. These were things from before the alley; they had to be. Allen was always very careful when he spoke multiple sentences and he always avoided saying anything about the time before Mana found him. It was a clear temporal division, life before Mana and life after. Until this moment there was no life before Mana. The bear must have jarred loose some memory.

"Who would hit you?" his voice was soft, but he couldn't seem to keep the tension out of it. Allen looked puzzled for a moment, brow furrowed as if he couldn't quite place where he had learned this. "The lady with the brown hair…" he sounded unsure; it was along time ago to him, another life.

"Brown hair, was she your mother?" Allen shook his head; he was still looking at the bear. "Nooo… I was the wrong baby. I wasn't hers, hers was the good baby and she got me instead…" He looked at Mana; he was beginning to get upset again.

"Alright Allen, that's enough. I don't need to hear anymore ok. You _are_ the good child. This toy is for you, just you. I'll but more too, when I have money. And they'll all be for you, because you are a good boy." He pushed the stuffed animal into the boy's arms. "You are my good child; my perfect son, every last bit of you Allen."

Mana pushed himself further up onto the bed, letting his tired back rest against the headboard. He really wanted a nap. Allen's familiar weight settled against him. He wasn't going to work tomorrow; he needed to run the café until Rivka returned. With a sigh he let his mind wander; and with Allen curled against him, happily playing with his bear, he drifted off to sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

Thank you my sweet reviewers! I must keep my notes here short and sweet, I have fallen prey to a rather severe migrain and cannot remain on the computer for long; so my apologies for not answering you each individually, as i so enjoy doing. I'm so glad that so many of you picked up on the akuma in the last chapter. timydamonkey, thank you for the formatting notes! I've adjusted this chapter a bit, so i hope its eaiser to read. This is a long chapter and I hope you all enjoy it.

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"See Allen," Mana held the paper up higher, "its official now, you have my last name. See, it says 'Allen Walker' right there; and there… there's my name. See it says 'Mana Walker'… Merry Christmas son!" Allen launched himself into Mana's arms, laughing, and Mana lifted him up. He twirled and Rivka laughed at them.

Mana wanted to make his son's first Christmas special. Allen was laughing and smiling. He had been awestruck by the little tree Mana had managed to buy. It felt so wonderfully normal. Like this was the way it had always been.

They spent the morning in their pajamas stringing popcorn to make garlands for the tree; sitting on the faded old sofa in Mana's apartment. They went through ten bowls. Allen had eaten most of it for his appetite had recently become voracious. He would eat anything put before him. Mana was never more thankful to live above a café then he was now. He would never be able to afford to keep the boy fed otherwise.

Allen had improved so much since those first frightening days. When he wasn't stuffing food in his mouth he was smiling. All the old bruises had long faded his cuts and scrapes healed, luckily, without scarring. He had gained weight, but he would always be small; he just had too little during his life before Mana. His little gloves were a constant accessory, unless he was alone with Mana. During their brief trips outside to the general store he made sure to hold Allen by his left hand; with his thumb poised over the boy's cross to give a little reassuring touch should he become too stressed.

Mana was impressed by how quick a learner the boy was. Rivka bought him a little slate and some chalk and every evening Mana would help him with his letters and numbers. He was smart. Mana had long suspected that; he must be smart to have survived on his own for God only knows how long. Mana was considering starting him on the piano or violin; get his old fiddle out of storage.

Allen also had a surprising aptitude for languages. Rivka was teaching him some words and phrases from the strange language she prayed in and he picked it up quickly, combining the parts he knew to make new statements. Mana couldn't help much with other languages, he only knew a little French and most of it was food related words or dirty limericks.

Everything seemed to move so quickly for Mana. He attributed most of it to the enthusiasm Allen had for everything. Mana couldn't help but smile when he thought of Allen sitting at the little coffee table, slate and chalk in hand, with his tongue sticking out at the corner of his mouth in concentration. He attacked every little challenge wholeheartedly, with a passion to learn that Mana envied.

Mana held one of Allen's hands away from them in a variation of a dancer's hold. With Rivka still laughing hysterically, he bounced them along in an awkward and unbalanced polka, with Allen shrieking in delight. Inevitably, Mana slammed his toe into the leg of the coffee table and sent both him and the boy sailing on to the couch. Mana laughed so hard that his eyes watered. Allen crawled down to the floor to play with his new set of blocks, stacking them up and knocking them down. Bear was by him. He actually named it "Bear."

Leaning back on the soft couch Mana smiled and closed his eyes. Allen was making little "boom" sounds as he knocked stacks of blocks over. It was the happiest moment of his life.

Mana reached down and picked up Bear. "There's a celebration in the town square tonight. Allen, would you like to go? All the best restaurants bring food…" Allen made an excited mmph and climbed up next to him. Mana bounced Bear towards him; making the toy buss the boy's nose. Allen grabbed for it and Mana held it out of reach.

Every year, the town merchants would come together to show their culinary skills to the public. Rivka explained that by giving samples of their wares they were hoping to gather more future customers. Over time, it had turned into a big event, a place to see and be seen. The town paid for a giant tree and a band to play; dining and dancing under the festive lights and decorations. Until now Mana had only attended to enjoy the free wine and spirits, and the off chance of finding a lady who also enjoyed them far too much.

"Of course we have to dress nice…oophf" he was interrupted by Allen's knee in his stomach as the child climbed over him trying to reach his bear. He caved and handed it to him, rolling the little body off him. "… so, would you like to go?"

Allen smiled and nodded vigorously, "I like food Manaah." He ruffled the boy's hair, "Yeah I know you do… its really good food too. There will be a crowd…" Allen frowned at that, "don't like."

"I know, but I'll be right by you. And if you… um, start to feel bad… then we can come right home." Allen seemed satisfied by that, "… not bad, I'll be good I promise. Maanah… I like food. Can we take some home?"

He made an old man sound as he raised himself off of the sofa, "of course we can… as much as we can carry. Now go put on your nice shirt, the one Rivka fixed up for you." Allen tore into the bedroom to find his good clothes.

"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Rivka asked as she folded her arms across her chest. Mana couldn't look at her; he wasn't entirely sure himself. "I hope so, he needs to get used to people… and this is a party. I don't think we'll attract too much attention. Everyone will be too focused on themselves." She didn't look convinced. "We won't stay to long… I'm just testing the waters here…" Mana wasn't sure if he was trying to her or himself.

Mana walked to the closet to find his coat. It was already dark and quickly getting colder. This coat had a fur lining that extended out around the collar to keep the neck and ears warm. Mana loved the coat; it was so warm and heavy. It was also in good condition; not terribly fashionable, but he wasn't concerned with how he looked. Allen stumbled out of the other room, little boots still untied, bowtie held in his teeth, pulling on his little white gloves as he walked.

It made Mana smile. Allen had a black vest over his small white shirt. He looked like a little gentleman with his gloves on. He was holding the matching bow tie and frowning at it. Mana knelt to help him tie it.

As soon as the fabric was about his throat, he panicked and frantically grabbed Mana's hands. "Ahh noooo… _don't_…" he whispered. Mana was surprised, but then it dawned on him the reason why Allen was upset. He let the tie fall to the floor, _Ah God… of course; he doesn't like anything around his neck…it's too similar to… alright, then. _It was one more thing to remember he thought as he rooted through the closet for Allen's coat.

Rivka took the little piece of fabric and fashioned it into a bow. She produced a pin with a little clasp. "Hold still dear." She pinned the bow to the front of the boy's shirt collar. Allen was fiddling with it as Mana brought him his new coat.

It was a miniature copy of Mana's own coat, but the fur lining extended out to create a little hood to keep his head warm. Rivka had also altered the sleeves to extend down to the boy's fingers. Only the gloved fingertips would show under the fur cuffs. Allen loved the coat and took every opportunity to wear it as often as possible. Mana helped him tie his shoes and button up his coat.

Allen's giggles were infectious as they walked out into the night. Mana winced as the boy played with his hair. His top hat had been stolen and resettled upon Allen's head the moment he obtained his new favorite perch on Mana's shoulders. At least he hadn't poked Mana in the eye again.

That had been an accident of course, but it still hurt none the less; his left eye was red and sore for that whole afternoon. Allen thought it was funny and laughed and laughed at him, until Mana finally snipped at him. "It's not _that_ funny! It's irritating…stop it Allen." He had picked up the boy, "cool it…how would you like it if I poked you in the eye?!"

Allen had looked at him with a deadly serious expression… and "beeped" his nose. At the little beeping sound Mana lost all of his composure and they fell, laughing, onto the sofa. He was so amazed at how the boy could be so serious one moment and a complete clown in the next.

Clown was a very good description for Allen when he was in a good mood. He was learning how to be a child and Mana felt like he was relearning his own childhood right along with him. Having a child gave him permission to be silly on occasion. He showed Allen how to juggle, one of the many totally useless skills, like the ability to drink while doing a handstand or unfasten a corset one handedly, he had picked up during his time at the University. Already the boy was better than him at it, teaching himself tricks. There was a sudden harsh tug on his hair.

He figured he could live with a little hair pulling, it could always be worse. A button on Allen's glove tangled deeper in his hair and made him yelp. "Allen! You're going to make me bald if you keep this up. If I'm bald, my head will be cold and you won't be able to wear my hat anymore…"

"Ahh, I want a hat… sorry Mana… are we there yet?" Mana chuckled and pointed to the shining lights of the celebration in the town square.

It was an amazing sight. The park was covered in lights, electric lights, with painted and colored cases. It was a veritable kaleidoscope of color. Table after table spilling with fine food lined the entire area. The icy night breeze carried with it the utterly enticing aromas and the faint strains of joyful music. People from the wealthy side of town were dancing, showing off their best winter clothes and for a moment, Mana was embarrassed of his own attire. They were not rich or elegant but they kept the chill out.

Allen breathed a soft "ooh" at the sight. Mana set him down and took his hat back, pulling up the little hood on the boy's coat as he did so. He barely caught the small gloved hand as Allen tried to rush towards the food tables. He held on tightly, trying to gauge the boy's reactions to the crowd. Mana was suddenly nervous; there were so many people there. He would have to be careful; at the first sign of distress from the boy they would leave. It's that simple he told himself, not really sure if he believed it.

Mana laughed as the boy pulled him from table to table, grabbing samples as fast as he could. He tried to identify each food to Allen, hoping he would remember the names of the ones he liked, but it was a useless endeavor. Food moved from little hand to mouth far too quickly for proper identification. He took a glass from a table and drank it quickly enjoying the pleasant burn. "Slow down… don't want to make yourself sick…" Allen laughed and grabbed for another cookie from the bakery's table.

_So many people are here… oh wow…_ he thought as he looked over the crowd. She was wearing red, dancing, her long blond hair swaying elegantly with every movement. If dear sweet Marie was an angel then this woman was the devil herself. Her coat had slipped half off of her shoulder, the white fur trimming serving to frame a pale bare shoulder. The dress was something a dancehall girl would wear and yet on her it was classy. She was alone on the dance floor, and swaying like sin incarnate. Mana grinned like a fool, he could tell by the flush of her face that she had already sampled far more than her fair share of wine. Or at least enough drink to find a man like him acceptable.

An hour, at least, passed while they enjoyed the celebration "Allen, remind me to teach you to dance when you're a little older… the ladies love a man who can dance…" As they worked their way around the tables, Mana kept glancing back at her; glancing back and sampling the drinks, letting his mind drift to all sorts of fantastic scenarios, all featuring the woman in red. It was not a good combination. In a moment of distraction, Allen's hand slid away from him.

When he noticed the boy was suddenly out of his sight, he panicked. Adrenaline raced through his veins, obliterating the wine induced fog he had drifted into along with all other thoughts. _STUPID! How could I be so stupid?! Oh God… where is he?! _Frantically he started to search, calling his son's name.

_Please be alright… God, I'm so stupid…_ He raced around the square, revisiting the food tables and scanning the dance floor. He was sure his heart would stop as he found nothing. A loud offended cough behind him made him jump.

"Excuse me…" a finely dressed man addressed him, looking him over. He looked as if he had smelled something foul; his voice was dripping with distain. "…sir, is… _this… _yours?" The man was holding Allen, whose face was covered in crumbs and frosting, by the back of the neck and shoved him to Mana as if he was something too disgusting to touch any longer.

Relief poured over Mana. _Oh thank God…_ "Allen! There you are… I was so worried. Are you ok?" His eyes were a little too wide; he was upset but luckily nothing had happened to trigger a 'fit.' He dropped to one knee and gripped the boy's shoulders, checking for any damage.

"I didn't mean too Manaaah!" he cried. He pulled a handkerchief from inside his coat and wiped the child's dirty face. The well dressed man hadn't left them, but Mana ignored him until the man coughed again, clearing his throat loudly. Still wiping crumbs from Allen's mouth, he looked up.

"Someone needs to pay for the damages…" he said in a harsh clipped voice. _Shit…_ Mana stood and hoisted Allen to his hip as the man began to describe an outrageous list of offences and damages that the boy had done. Mana couldn't believe one child, especially one as small as Allen, was capable of that much destruction. The well dressed man led them to a small scene of impossible culinary carnage.

Apparently Allen wasn't fully responsible for the disaster, but he had set some sort of horrible chain of events into action. A crowd of wealthy patrons with stained and dirtied clothes stood nearby fuming. Judging by the amount of frosting, he must have knocked at least one of the ladies into the massive layer cake. The owner had caught him as he tried to run. Allen whispered apologies into Mana's shoulder while he and the man argued over how much he could financially be held responsible for.

The two were coming close to trading blows, until a deafening peal of thunder interrupted them. Mana looked up to see lightening and feel the first few drops of freezing rain on his cheek. Mana laughed; somehow this night kept getting worse.

The well dressed man mistook his laughter and bristled; with an indignant noise he struck Mana hard across the cheek. Mana looked at him utterly stunned. His cheek was throbbing painfully. For a moment both of the men froze; Allen was the one to break the silence with an angry growl. A lightening fast little hand darted out and snatched the man's tie, and with a sharp twist brought the man gagging to his knees.

"Ah! Allen! Let him go!" Mana shouted. The boy instantly obeyed and Mana found him self grinning like a fool again. With a nervous chuckle, he clutched Allen tighter and turned. Mana ran like he had never run before.

It was sleeting hard by the time they reached home. The café was dark; it was much later than Mana had thought. Both he and Allen were soaked to the bone from the freezing rain. Allen was shivering and because of that he decided to boy would get a hot shower first. He carried the shaking bundle straight to the little bathroom; thankful that he had left the lamps lit.

Allen fidgeted, making it difficult for Mana to remove his dripping wet coat. The boy pushed away, "aaah… nooo… Maanaaah, no… wait!" he whined with a hint of panic. Gasping, the boy wiggled away.

"Its alright… relax, ow!" Allen smacked at his hand. "You're going to get sick if you don't get out of those wet clothes… ah, Allen relax…" Allen's face fell and he sat on the floor, hugging his knees to him.

"I'm sorry Maanah… don't be mad, ok?" Allen reached into his coat pockets, "I'm sorry…" he pulled coin after coin from his pocket; then crumpled and damp paper money, then jewelry. Mana's eyes went impossibly wide as the boy shed his coat and started emptying his pant's pockets and his vest pockets. Item after small item piled onto the floor, silver and gold and cash. _God…_

Mana had never seen so much money, counting the other items; it was a small fortune. "Allen… you stole this?" He had trouble thinking about it; it was so much… His knees felt weak and he had to sit. "When? I mean how? You were only out of my sight for a second… I mean its so _much_, how could you take all this without anyone noticing?"

"Easy…" he whispered, his face was red. He looked embarrassed by it. "… Don't be mad at mee, please…" as he spoke he reached into his vest pocket and pulled out a gold watch and handed it to Mana by its chain.

Mana froze. It was his watch. When? When did he ever have the chance to take it? He hadn't even noticed it was gone. "See...easy…" Allen repeated, "They were bad Manaah… not nice…not like us. Not like you… ah don't be mad at me! I just wanna help…" He was crying.

Mana ran a hand through his hair and took a steadying breath. No one at the celebration had seemed to notice them until Allen caused a scene; the people were only mad at him for messing up their clothes, no one noticed anything missing. Mana himself hadn't noticed his watch disappearing. No one chased them. He wondered when they would notice or if they ever would. They were rich; they looked at him, and worse, at Allen like he was dirt. Some part of him was sure they deserved it, but he couldn't let Allen know that.

"Allen, you shouldn't do that kind of thing… it's not right. Understand?" He nodded. "Ok, get out of those wet clothes before you get sick." He turned on the shower and turned around to give the boy some privacy. When he was sure the boy was in the bath, he left the room with a spare towel leaving a trail of soggy footprints on the floor. He changed to dry warm pajamas in the bedroom before bringing Allen his little jammies.

Mana could only stare at the pile of stolen trinkets and cash on the bathroom tile. Not knowing what else to do, he gathered it up and stashed it away in his dresser drawer. It squeaked as he shut it, somehow it sounded ominous.

Allen bounded into the room and threw himself onto the bed. His hair was still wet, so Mana grabbed a towel and joined him. He rubbed his head, "Allen you shouldn't steal, it's a bad thing to do… how did you learn how to do that kind of thing anyway?" Mana regretted that question for the rest of the night.

Allen looked up at him through damp brown hair, before focusing his gaze on the bed spread. Wine red fingers picked at the little bits of fuzz he found there. "If I… if I gave them the nice things… nice things like those… sometimes they'd take them… just them… and leave me. They… Manaah…" he looked up at Mana. His expression was raw as some unspeakable memory surfaced and it made Mana's very soul hurt. The boy swallowed hard, "Manah…" he choked, "ah! Ah said no… Mana… they… ahhha! I said nooo…"

Allen looked suddenly green. Mana nearly dove across the room to grab a wastebasket, barely making it back in time. He rubbed Allen's back as he heaved; little figure shaking as his stomach emptied its contents. When Mana was sure the boy was empty, he carried him to the bathroom and held him up to the sink, allowing him to rinse his mouth.

The boy's words were making him feel ill as well. He knew exactly what the boy was referring to. He must not have been able to take his mind away every time, _he was aware, he said no… God, he must have fought back… oh lord… I feel sick, how many times before he learned to shield his mind…_

Mana watched the boy as he looked at his red faced reflection in the mirror over the sink; the sight of himself made him retch again. He only dry heaved, clinging to the enamel sink with white knuckles. Mana made him drink some water. As the boy gulped it down, he noticed the brown eyes were fever bright. _Shit…_

Mana put Allen, still whimpering, to bed. He tucked the blankets around him tightly and set himself down on top of the covers next to him. "Maahnaah…?" he seemed to be having trouble focusing his eyes. He was exhausted.

"Right here son, I'm right here" he said soothingly as he brushed damp hair away from Allen's face. He was burning up. Mana couldn't believe he had gotten sick so quickly. He was an idiot, such an idiot for taking him out tonight and letting him get caught in the freezing rain. It happened so quickly.

"Ahh said no Manaah, I did… an they… I said noo…" his words were slurred. Mana made comforting noises and played with Allen's hair to help him relax. An arm pulled free of the blankets and Mana automatically took the little hand in his, running his thumb over the cross shaped scar; it was so warm.

"I know… shuu shuu my son… I know. You fought them, didn't you? I'm so proud of you, you fought. You never have to worry about it…about that, that bad thing ever again… my brave boy. That's all over now Allen. I promise it is. Shuu, you're sick. You need to sleep. I'll be right by you, you're my son Allen Walker. No one is ever going to hurt again… go to sleep, you're safe now. I love you so much"

Still, speaking softly Mana sensed his child gradually relax and drift off into the deep sleep that only a fever can bring. He felt quite odd himself, his cheek still stung and his head seemed to be stuffed with cotton. With Allen's hand safely clasped in his, Mana slipped off into his own deep sleep.

The next morning found them both ill. Allen was near delirious with fever and mumbled incoherently, but Mana was well enough to care for him. He managed to stumble downstairs and fetch some soup from Rivka. She brought them medicine and checked up on them throughout the day, taking every opportunity to lecture Mana on how stupid he had been. It seemed to lose some of its fun as Mana agreed with her more and more.

Mana missed another week of work and panicked at the thought of making rent for the week, until he remembered the money he had shoved in his dresser. He found himself startled at how easy it was to spend the ill-gotten gains.

Allen spent most of the week dipping in and out of a fevered sleep and Mana took this time to learn some of the more messy aspects of caring for a desperately ill child. He found himself frequently propping the boy upright and practically forcing him to take in liquids, spoonful at a time if necessary. He couldn't keep solids down yet.

The bed linens also had to be changed often; fever had robbed the boy of much of the control over his body. Mana was thoroughly disgusted, but he held it back. It wasn't the boy's fault… he was sick after all. This must just be something a parent has to take care of, just like holding him as he sweat through another nightmare.

At the end of the week, Allen's fever broke, and Mana entered the bedroom to find the boy sitting in the middle of a tangled mass of blankets with his little arms around Bear. "Maanaah… I'm hungry…" he paused mid thought, "I wanna bath too… an a cookie… Manaaah! I'm hungry! Mana… don't laugh at mee"

Mana was so relieved to see him behaving normally, and even more relieved as he learned that the boy didn't remember any of it. He remembered the adoptation papers, the party in the town square and that Mana was mad at his sticky fingers, but nothing of what happened after. _Thank God… "I said noo…" wish I could forget so easily…_


	13. Chapter 13

My deepest apologies for the delay. I've had this chapter ready for a week, but i couldn't get it onto the site. It refused to load and there were many error messages. I was getting very worried about getting it out to you all.

ForbiddenSilence, have no fear; i don't plan to kill Mana for some time. Was he really hit by a vehicle? i have already decided how he will die in this story, but if he is hit by a vehicle, i may be able to work it in. Let me know if you have more helpful tidbits like that. Thank you.

Orchid Falls, i thank you deeply for your wonderful review. I'm so happy to hear such heartfelt comments. Mana really is an interesting character. I feel that ultimatly he is an average man thrown into circumstances beyond his control and is just doing the best he can. He is by no means perfect, but he tries hard. Thank you.

Silverdrake, I'm glad you liked Allen's eating habits. GreyLily, Shadow Fox777, I enjoyed giving Allen sticky fingers; i figured that he is very talented in that area and only perfected it during his time with General Cross. AnimeM22, i think you may have read my humble story more times than i have! Glad you enjoy it. DragonLady2000-15, Vicky Chain, BlueFox of the Moon, Itsuka Yamasaki, CelestialSakura, zenbon zakura and anyone i may have missed: thank you all so much for your reviews. It means so much to me, i hope to keep my story at the level that you all enjoy. You push me to do better and for that i thank you.

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By the end of the following spring, Mana had settled comfortably into a new routine. He hated to admit it, but Allen's little Christmas thievery was a true Godsend. He still went to work every morning, he was usually late, filling out those damned forms as fast as possible; he had never worked so hard.

Mana had drawn the attention of his bosses with his diligence. He was summoned to their office. Marie came to fetch him early one morning. "Mr. Walker, I'm sure its nothing bad…really. You've just missed so many days…"

As they left Mana's little office, the primate across the hall leaned out to pester them. "You're screwed Walker… I reported you, you know that?" He tapped his eye to remind him of their last meeting. Mana ignored him, so he spoke louder. "… Also told em you show up late… and drunk off your ass! And that you're doing half the girls in the typing po-" Mana slammed the door on him. His muffled swearing could still be heard all the way down the bleak hall. He truly didn't like the man, something about him just grated on his nerves and he found himself angrier with each encounter. Marie seemed to notice the tenseness on his face.

Marie took his hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. "You'll be fine… if you like I can wait outside the door…" Mana noticed a bright blush on her face. "… or I… I can come in and stand by your side…" She said it in a soft whisper; there was a barely hidden message in her words. _She wants to stand by me side…_ It sent a warm thrill through him. She had become more and more informal with him recently, finding any excuse to drop by his office. Mana couldn't help but smile, she was as infatuated with him as he had always been with her. It was like a dream.

"That would help," he laughed, "you could distract the boss and I could make my escape out the window… God, I always get all my work done, what could the big man possible want with me. He rapped on the door and went in. Glancing back he could see Marie lean against the wall; she was going to wait for him. That warm giddy thrill coursed though him again. _She's waiting for me… she's actually waiting for me!_

The main office was a sight to behold. Dark wood paneling lined the walls that surrounded the opulent desk. The old man with little round spectacles seemed unusually small behind it. His leather chair dwarfed him. The lamp on the desk was an expensive electrical bulb with a shade made of stained glass. It cast elegant colored shadows on the glossy wood of the desk.

"Ah, Mr. Walker, please…have a seat." With a nervous smile Mana sat on the little chair in front of the desk. It was hard and more than a little uncomfortable, but he tried to cover his reaction. There must have been a purpose for the disproportion of the seat; it had to be to make the occupant feel intimidated. It was working.

With the door closed the office was becoming unbearably warm. Spring had recently given way to summer weather and by the afternoon, the entire city was sweltering. Mana had his office windows open all the time to catch any passing breeze. This office had a brand new electric fan, a massive affair with a kind of cage surrounded the blades, and they looked terribly sharp. Naturally it wasn't on, so he shifted and hoped that the boss couldn't see him sweat.

"Yes sir, you wanted to speak with me?" He absently played with the loose fabric of his pant legs. The old man said nothing, just stared at him as if he was a curiosity at the circus. Mana had the unnerving impression that his reactions were being judged and he forced himself to calm. He watched the dust motes dance in the soft light that filtered through the window shade. A few deep breaths and thoughts of who depended on him served well to steady his hands. He looked the boss square in the eye and gave a confident smile. He could handle this.

The old man's white eyebrows rose at the sudden change. Mana sat before him the very picture of a calm, confident, intelligent and most of all determined man. "It has come to my attention, Mr. Walker, that a certain change in… quality… has occurred in your work. I was hoping you could provide an explanation for this sudden… change."

He didn't specify if the change in quality was good or bad. Mana was convinced it was certainly a test now; his job depended on the results and he would not fail, for Allen he would not fail anything. With a carefully unreadable face, he waited to see if Mana would say something to incriminate himself. He took a deep breath, "well sir, I've finally gotten my priorities straightened out."

The old man's face broke out into a wide smile, "That's wonderful to hear. It certainly shows in your work. I've been pleasantly surprised with your improvement as of lately… but, we must discuss your reoccurring lateness…"

"Yes sir," he was going to be honest, it felt nice to do so and he couldn't wipe the grin off his face. "I'm late because of my son. He cries, clings to my leg and makes it impossible to get out the door. I work as hard as I can to try to make up for the time I miss, and I want to do well here to give my boy the best life I can. I know that's not really a good excuse, but…"

The man nodded understandingly at his reply, "First child?" Mana made a little affirmative noise that caused a chuckle to escape his boss's throat. "I remember when my first child was born… such a wonderful time. I think I understand your situation. It was hard for me to leave for some stuffy office every day when he was so eager to play…" He seemed to lose himself in a memory.

Mana waited patiently for him to return to the present. With a slightly embarrassed cough the man continued, "Anyways, we can't have you coming in late every day…" Mana's heart skipped a beat. "Perhaps we can work something out, you're a valuable member of my staff… how about we change your work schedule, say come in during the mornings and leave at lunch… you'll need to take your unfinished work home with you of course, but this is the best I can do without cutting your pay."

Mana was stunned; no firing, no pay cut, no lecture, just a sympathetic parent. "Thank you sir." He stuttered. This was just unbelievable, more time at home and no pay cut. Mana almost wanted to cry; he wouldn't have to explain to Allen why he was gone so long every day, he was so thrilled.

"Originally when I called you here, I just planned to give you a promotion" he leaned back in his chair and folded his fingers. "You are actually doing more in a half day's work than most of my other employees get done during the week. I'd still like you to do more too… would a personal secretary help?"

Mana nearly choked. "Uh… yes sir, thank you sir!"

"Wonderful, I'll put out an ad for a new girl… unless you would rather, hah, save me some money and have someone transferred from the typing pool?"

"Marie please." He said with no hesitation. They took a few minutes to work out the details and get the necessary paperwork in order. Mana smiled and nodded as the old man recounted stories of his own children.

"If you ever need any help Mana, please don't hesitate to ask… if you think a son can be such a handful… and just wait till you have a daughter!" He roared with laughter so infectious that Mana couldn't help but join in. He rose to leave, but his boss held him back for another minute with one last request, "oh and… try not to hit Smith again. I know he can be, well… a bit of an ass sometimes, but he is a good employee." There was humor in his eyes behind the spectacles. Mana could tell the old man had considered hitting the stupid ape himself and was still chuckling as he left the opulent office.

Marie was instantly at his side, looking up at him with such tender concern. "Its fine, Marie, I'm getting a bit of a promotion…" he flashed his best roughish smile, "and you are getting one as well." He watched out of the corner of his eye to see her expression at the news. She stopped dead in the hallway, clipboard clutched to her chest like a shield.

"Sir?" She hurried to catch up to him, heels clacking loudly as she half ran to his side. "Mana? What do you mean by that?" He smiled at the slight waiver in her voice. She was nervous. Mana tried to think of the best way of telling her that she would now be working under him. He blushed a little…_she's_ _working under me…hehehe, oh I'm such a loser…_

He turned to face her and gently took her soft hands in his. "You're going to be my personal secretary." He looked deeply in her wide eyes, they were such a pleasant brown, "…if you want that of course…" He let the sentence hang in the air. If she didn't he would live that that decision, ultimately it was her choice.

Her smile would have blotted out the sun; "I would love to Sir…" she looked away shyly. "… Mana." God above, he wanted to kiss her so badly. Pale pink lips seemed to cry for him to worship them. Mana forced it down, he couldn't rush this, and he had a child to care for. As much as he wanted to devote all his time and attention to the angel before him, he had Allen to care for, and the boy would come first… always.

The moment passed leaving Mana to awkwardly release her hands. They both looked away, but as Mana began to walk again, Marie fell into step beside him. She was much closer than before, he felt like he had a good chance with her even if he had to take it slowly. With a quick goodbye, Marie hurried back to the typing room to finish whatever work it was she had to finish.

Vaguely he wondered that if things went well, really well, how Allen would react to gaining a mother; it would be just like a real family. How would he react to becoming a big brother? Scenes of domestic bliss drifted through his mind; lazy weekends spent sleeping in late with Marie, playing with Allen and eventually… a daughter. They would have a daughter; she would look like her mother and Allen would look out for her. They would go to the zoo together; Mana had never been, so it would all be new to all of them. Allen, looking like a little gentleman in his gloves, would hold his little sister's hand to keep her from running off. She would be a mass of little bows, brown curls and laughter. Marie would walk with her arm in his, wearing some elegant dress and holding a little parasol to ward off the sun. She would be so beautiful; she would make everyone jealous and… curious… as to why she was with such an older man…

He felt more than a little foolish for where his train of thought led him as he leaned back in his office chair. His thoughts had never strayed like that before, plenty of Marie based fantasies traveled circuitous routes through his mind, but never ones about having a family. It was so strange; perhaps this was something to do with getting older wanting something of them to live beyond them, a legacy of some sort. Mana realized, that before Allen, he had done nothing of value; he himself was not valuable, he had nothing of value to give to the world. He just existed, leaching off the world and giving nothing back. Allen changed all that, even if it was just to one person he had value as a human being. It was like some kind of divine redemption for a useless soul like his.

People just didn't live as long as they needed to; elderly like Rivka were an odd sight. He was nearing forty; a normal family man could be expecting grandchildren by then. With a sudden flash of panic it occurred to him that he really wasn't getting any younger; he should move forward now, with no regrets.

Marie was like a bright light in the dismal monochromatic building. He wondered how bright she would appear in the outside world, like if they went to dinner or some such outing. He packed away his work for the day and a plan blossomed in his mind. Before he could rethink, he had jotted down the name and address of the fanciest restaurant in the area and a meeting time; he rushed out into the hall, grabbing his top coat and hat along the way, and headed to the typing pool.

He leaned on the door frame, dropping his little briefcase and looked at the group of girls. A mass of colorful skirts had surrounded Marie as she half sat on her desk, recounting the day's events, chattering brightly. They always moved in herds, he wondered if he should just walk in or shout perhaps drawing her away from the group. His palm felt sweaty against the wooden frame.

_I can do this_; he thought and walked purposefully into the room. The smell of perfume filled the air as he approached. Some of the girls must have bathed in it. "Marie, um excuse me ladies…" he treaded through the mass of women carefully, like walking a tightrope; a very high tightrope, coated in butter, with no safety net. "Marie, would you care to accompany me to dinner tonight?" He worried his voice sounded a little high and rushed, all the words coming out strung together in a blur of sound.

She flushed brightly making Mana grin. "Yes, Sir! Yes Mana… I would love to" He glanced around at the other girls; they all had silly smiles on their faces, it was embarrassing. They all watched him, he felt like he was back in school confessing that first mortifying and fruitless crush.

He smiled nervously, eyes darting back and fourth, "umm… wonderful, ah here…" he pressed the note into her hand. He was so nervous that he knew to not even try giving the details of their date in public, so he did what any love struck adolescence would do. He passed her a note. "I'll see you there then… um dress nice… I'll see you there. Uh thank you."

Mana darted out of the room so as if his life depended on it, grabbing his work, and continued right out the front door. Even through the wall he could hear the gaggle of women chatting; he was no doubt being discussed and dissected like a cadaver in a medical theater.

The warm sun felt wonderful on his face and it served to dispel some of the doubt he had unknowingly carried. It was after lunch, so he had decided to go ahead and head home and spent some time with Allen. He wished he could shed his top coat for the walk home, but it would be too improper to go about partially dressed.

He casually put his free hand into his pocket despite the warmth; his fingers met with something small and cold. Puzzled he paused on the corner of the street to pull the offending object out for closer examination. It was a gold ring with a tiny stone set into it; Mana squinted at it but couldn't tell what kind it was. He really didn't want to wear glasses. The little ring explained Allen's unusually long hug that morning, he was just as talented planting objects as he was taking them.

Mana took it as a sign and changed direction to visit the pawn shop. He didn't really like this side of town; the air seemed somehow stagnant here. It was close to where he made that infamous wrong turn that changed his life. Mana didn't want to think about the circumstances in which they met, just the life they were building now. With the boy as the sudden focus of his thoughts he decided to buy him something with the money from the ring.

The shop was a dark and dismal place, even with the bright midday sun basking the city. There were bars on the windows. Mana straightened his back; it was best to exude a sense of confidence in places like this, people were less likely to bother you if you seemed to know what you're doing. The man behind the counter smiled as he walked in. This was the best place to exchange items like the ones Allen brought home. The fewer questions asked the better.

"Mr. Walker!" the man said with an oily smile, "so good to see you back so soon." Mana felt a little uncomfortable with the familiarity, he had been here far too many times.

"Nice to see you too, Theo. How is business?" he walked up to the counter, "I'm selling today, if you don't mind…" he said as he placed the ring before the greasy man.

"Eh… business is business. Ha, it's always better when you bring me new baubles." He casually examined the ring, humming thoughtfully. "Where do you get this stuff!? I mean, no offence, but you seem…well, not the usual type to visit my kind of humble store." He leaned on one elbow, the other hand flipping the ring over his fingers and back, his arms were bare. It was unnervingly obvious that he hadn't bathed in quite some time.

Mana put on a brave smile and leaned on the counter as well, going eye level with the merchant. "Now, now… you know I'm just the intermediary and I'm never going to reveal any of my sources." He smiled amicably, "trust that I will keep you in business for a long time… providing, of course, that you continue to give me the most generous offers for these… baubles."

The man's face split into a wide grin; Mana noticed his remaining teeth were yellowed. He chuckled as he spoke, "Of course Mr. Walker. Of course…" He pulled a wad of rumpled cash from under the grime encrusted counter and put a significant sum on the table. Mana raised an eyebrow, and with a scowl and angry grumbling the man put a few more bills onto the stack.

Mana smiled and casually thumbed through the money, as if he did this everyday. With a satisfied nod he pocketed the cash; the ring was already gone, he never saw the man put it away.

"It's been a pleasure, Theo." Mana gave a jaunty wave as he turned and strolled out of the seedy pawn shop. He managed to keep up the act until the end of the street when his nerves and knees gave out simultaneously. Shaking a bit, he leaned hard on the side of a building and took some time to compose himself. _I can't keep doing this stuff… its going to get dangerous one day…_

He had one more stop before returning home. Mana bought a few books at the book store. After a trip to the pawn shop, the book seller's was a wonderfully normal, completely uneventful place to be. Here there was no chance of the shop keep pulling a pistol on you.

At the door to the little café, Mana took a moment to adjust his grip on his purchases and briefcase for the barrage that would greet him as he entered. He was not disappointed.

With a delighted shout Allen slammed into his leg nearly knocking him over with the force of it. "Mana!" As the boy chanted his name in a silly sign-song voice, Mana couldn't help but feel special; sometimes it seemed that he was the absolute center of Allen's world. Deep down, he knew that Allen had become the center of his world too. "Hi Allen. Are you going to let me walk in or are we planning on staying in the door way all day…"

Sheepishly, Allen let go. "Where'd you go? Manaah… I miss you." A little gloved hand held on to his pant leg as they walked. "We going upstairs? Manaah, what's that?" he pointed to the package he carried. "Is that for me? Mana, what is it? Stop laughing at meee…" He pulled at Mana's arms trying to see what he was holding.

Mana had trouble negotiating his apartment door with his full arms and Allen underfoot. He let the briefcase fall by the door; he would worry about it later. "Come on Allen, let go… I need to get changed and then you can see what I bought." Reluctantly the boy let go, but he toddled after Mana to the bedroom.

Allen sat on the bed, using his teeth to pull off his gloves, as Mana changed out of his formal work clothes. Light cotton slacks, a white button up shirt and his suspenders felt so much cooler than the wool of his work clothes. He hung them up to air out. They needed to last another wearing of two before wash day. With a sigh he plopped down on the bed to stretch out his sore back. The bed linens were cool to the touch; the window was slightly open to allow a gentle breeze to circulate the air. He could fall asleep…

"Manaaaah!" Allen half dived into him, making the bed bounce. "Where'd you go? Did you buy me something? I wanna see…" He reached up and ruffled the boy's hair. Allen frowned at him and whined before deciding to jump on the bed.

Mana just started to laugh; Allen bounced too close so he shot out his hand and caught his little ankle. Allen shrieked as his feet flew out from under him. Suddenly with the boy on his back, Mana jumped up to sit on his knees and tickled the daylights out of his son. Allen laughed high and loud, his voice ringing through the room like little bells. "Ahha… ah Manaaaah, no… ahha ah need bathroom!"

He helped the boy off the bed and laughed as he ran full speed to the little bathroom. Allen was still talking as he ran, "Ah don't laugh at meee…" Mana laid back down, all the tension from the day draining out of his body. He had an entire afternoon to kill before his dinner with Marie. Maybe he should take Allen to the park…


	14. Chapter 14

My dear reviewers, this humble story is turning out so much longer than i thought it would. I can't seem to stop going and i still have so many events to cover before the end. I hope you are all in this for the long haul. I planned to cover Mana's date but it must wait till next time. Please bear with me.

GreyLiliy, its funny that you mentioned the possibility of Marie being an akuma. In my first few drafts she was, but she made a much more rewarding character as a human, so i swiched her to human.

2stupid, is there a traitor Noah? i fear i may be a bit behind in the series. If you have a chapter number for it or any other little plot bombshells that i may need to consider let me know. Thank you for keeping me on my toes.

ForbiddenSilence and CelestialSakura, i watched some of the show and found that part. I want to stay as close to the given story as i can, so i will work in an accident, but it will not be fatal. I hope i can at least surprise everyone as to how it will be incorporated. Thank you both.

BlueFox, i have Allen set at about age five. Time is difficult with this tale, i have so many things, but they must happen at the character's right age. i worry that i may have to leave gaps that span years, seeing that it has taken this and the last two chapters to get though one day.

x.S-laughter-x, zenbon zakura, Silverdrake, Itsuka Yamazaki, Vicky Chain and Seaory 101: Thank you all so much for your reviews. I hope you enjoy this new one as well as you have the others. Thank you.

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Mana was sprawled on a bed that was as close to heaven as he could imagine it being in his apartment. The arm thrown over his eyes served to filter out the streaming afternoon light. A dip in the mattress alerted him to Allen's return. "Manaaah? You asleep?"

Mana held up his other arm and Allen hugged it to him, curling up to Mana's side. He chuckled as the body snuggled as close as possible, little head resting on his shoulder. "How was your day Allen?"

"Ok… I miss you… good." Mana happily listened to Allen's disjointed speech; he could stay like this forever. Little fingers played with the cuff of his shirtsleeve. He could recognize the texture of the boy's left hand as he intertwined it with Mana's own. He didn't have his gloves on and the thought of how much he trusted Mana to do something like that made the man want to cry.

"I had a good day too; I got a promotion… that means my job pays more and gives me more time off…" He shifted and sat, pulling the boy up with him and into his lap. Allen leaned into his chest with a content little sigh, listening to his heartbeat. "Know what that means…" He kissed the top of his son's head, "it means I get to come home early everyday to play with you."

"Ah good Manaah…I like this…" he paused, pulling away to look at the man. Large brown eyes blinked up at him, all sweetness and innocence, "… what you buy me?"

Mana sputtered and laughed so hard he nearly choked. The sudden switch to such an absurd topic made him completely crack up. He playfully tossed Allen to the pillows at the head of the bed, so he could fall back and let the laughter run its course.

The humor of the situation only increased with Allen's pouted pleas to not be laughed at. He pulled Bear from his resting place and belted the grown up with it for good measure. Mana pushed down the last of the giggles, his sides hurt from it. "Well, we both had a good day then huh?" Allen crawled back to his lap, but Mana gently nudged him away. "It's too hot for this… I feel like celebrating. Would you like to go to the park?"

Allen frowned and Mana could practically see his mind working as he analyzed the new sentences. "What's a park… is it good? Manah I want it if it's good. There food there? Maaaanaah! I'm hungry more. "

He frowned in mock disbelief, "didn't Rivka feed you? She told me yesterday that you were eating us out of house and home. Well, I'll bring some sandwiches ok?" Allen looked at him expectantly. "Big sandwiches. Oh right, a park is a nice place outside where people go to relax. There are trees and… stuff." Mana wasn't really sure about what else he could say about a park. It wasn't really an interesting topic.

He didn't need to worry, the boy seemed more than convinced by his answer that a park indeed was a good thing, and soon he was running about the room shouting as if it was his idea. Mana spent the next few minutes trying to find the boy's boots while Allen pulled on his lightweight summer gloves. Mana stopped by the door to pick up his briefcase and carried both it and the package he purchased out of the apartment. They went down the stairs together, the combined weight making the wooden boards creak.

Rivka was cleaning in the back room, the café being empty for the moment. She emerged as they crashed down into the room. "Thought I heard you get home Mana. You're awfully early. The boy here charged out of my kitchen like his pants were on fire." There was a flash of expression across her face that told Mana to expect a full inquisition later. He was so lucky to have a good woman like her to watch Allen when he couldn't be there. She chuckled as she wiped her hands on a cleaning rag. "Allen dear, tell the man what you ate today."

"I didn't mean too Manah…" Mana gave the boy an incredulous look, what could he possibly have to be sorry about? It was only food right? He had the sinking feeling that this was going to be expensive some how.

"Tell him Allen or I will, we both don't want me to yell at him." She had picked up a mixing spoon as she worked her way around the back of the counter. She had a way of brandishing it like a sword. Everyone in the room knew quite well that she was capable of using it like one.

Allen squeaked, "chicken." His eyes darted from one adult to another trying to judge their reactions.

"Chicken?" Mana looked down at the boy. Allen grabbed his hand.

"Chicken?" he repeated to Rivka. She nodded with raised eyebrows.

Allen looked at the floor; when he spoke it was hardly a whisper, "whole chicken."

Mana was sure his jaw would hit the floor at the news. All he could think of saying was, _"how!? How could you possible eat a whole chicken… by yourself, before two in the afternoon?!" _

"Well it wasn't all in one setting;" Rivka said reasonably, "I had a few cooking this morning and at some point…" she sent a dangerous glance at the boy who shrank behind Mana, and leaned on her elbow on the counter. "He nicked one, hid it and must have picked at it all day. I gave him his breakfast and his lunch and still I wondered where he was sneaking away to so often."

Truthfully, some part of Mana was impressed, that clever hungry boy. Even if he was starving, he would have never dreamed of stealing any of Rivka's food, especially if she was right there next to him. "We won't ask for sandwiches then. Shall I buy you another chicken tomorrow?" He started herding Allen towards the door; his tiny boots scuffed the wooden floor. "We're going to the park now; don't worry about dinner for me I have a date with Marie…"

Allen planted his feet on the floor, stopping Mana dead in his tracks. "Who's that?" He asked as he latched onto Mana's pant leg. Rivka raised an eyebrow; she looked like she wanted to ask the same question. "Maaanaaah, who's that?" he whined.

Mana sighed and picked him up, "I'll tell you all about it I promise, both of you." It was near impossible to carry Allen, his briefcase and a package, so with a gesture the boy climbed up to perch on his shoulders. "I'll be back before it gets too late… Allen say bye to Rivka."

"Bye bye!" he yelled back to her waving enthusiastically. The park Mana had in mind was a few blocks away. The heat baked into the pavement seemed to rise in waves that even the slight breeze that was building couldn't dispel. Mana was sweating slightly; the heat from Allen leaning on his head made it hardly bearable. He was twisting little strands of Mana's hair; he hoped he would grow out of that habit soon; the idea of going bald was too horrible to consider. He tried to quicken his pace in the vain hope that he would reach their destination faster and set Allen down.

The park was by no means the biggest or nicest in the city but it was a pleasant enough place to spend an afternoon. The shaded green lawns and patches of colorful blossoms called out a siren's song of cool and delicious rest. Mana pointed out the iron wrought gates and fences to his son, who made gleeful sounds and wiggled incessantly. His shoulders ached in protest; with a brief apology he set Allen down, pushing the package into his little arms.

Together they walked down a path until Mana decided they were in as shady and unpopulated place as possible. He chose to sit at the base of a large tree on the slope of a small hill, the cool dappled shade soothing his over heated body. A large field extended outward from the area displaying a soft carpet of green. Mana trailed his fingers through the fine green filament. The sun reflected off the grass making it unbelievably bright, while the gentle breeze carried with it the smell of warm clean earth. Puzzle pieces of pure blue sky cut through the leaves above. It was so alive here.

He settled against the trunk of the tree enjoying the feel of the rough warm bark through his shirt against his back. He let his eyes slid shut in relaxation, opening them again when he heard Allen working at opening the brown paper of the package. It must have been hard to open, the boy sat beside him furiously pulling at the corner.

Mana reached over and scratched a tear into the paper with a finger nail to help him start. Allen tore the paper to shreds and smiled hugging the set of books to him. They were nothing special, just elementary reading and math primers; basic school texts that he could study with on his own.

Mana wasn't sure if he could really get the boy enrolled in a school. He didn't have the proper pedigree, or Mana the money, for any of the good private schools. Most public schools would find him unacceptable as well. But he was determined to give him as much help as he could. Allen was moving along very quickly with his letters and numbers. Mana was fairly sure that he could start reading the dog-eared old textbooks.

"For me? Really… I can have them?" He looked so hopeful. The whole concept of gifts was still fairly foreign to the child. There were no presents before Mana took him in, at least no presents that didn't require some unspeakable form of reciprocity.

"Their all yours… I want to make sure to that; at least, you get a basic education… maybe I can hire a tutor when you're older." Allen gently set the books aside and threw his little arms around Mana burying his face in his shirt.

They spent an hour under that tree. Mana with his briefcase perched on his knees as a makeshift desk, worked on an endlessly dull set of patent forms. Allen was sprawled beside him on his stomach; his little reading primer open. Mana enjoyed looking down at him as he traced a gloved finger over the words, trying to sound out the letters and make sense of them. His mouth moved but no sound came from it. The only real sounds in the park were the rustle of wind through the trees and the occasional snippet of birdsong.

Allen stretched with a happy little sigh, rolled over and stood. Mana watched from the corner of his eye. He didn't want to lose sight of the boy; perhaps he was paranoid, but he couldn't help worrying.

"Go ahead Allen, go run around…have fun. I'm not going anywhere… just stay where I can see you." Allen nearly whooped with joy and pounded off down the gentle hill. Mana set his work aside to watch him run.

_This is the way it should be_, he thought, _it's so wonderful to see him… being a child. My son… thank you God, for leading me to my son_. The boy had made so much progress these past few months; the damaged, bloodied creature that he had brought home that cold night was completely unrecognizable in the lively little boy playing before him.

It was a start; Rivka told him that it would take years for a child like Allen to fully heal, especially after being so fully betrayed at such a young age. She told him not to expect a miracle recovery; there would be many setbacks and even a chance that some part of him would never be right again. He hoped to God that this would not be the case, but still Mana took her words to heart; he tried not to set too high of expectations for his son's progress, but he wanted to push him to move quicker. He felt a little guilty about it; it was so hard sometimes.

The clear sounds of a woman's voice and a chorus of childish laughter made him jump, thumping his head soundly against the tree trunk. He was instantly embarrassed by his reaction. A finely dressed lady, accompanied by two young girls at her side had wandered up the little hill from the other side; as they rounded the tree, the lady started upon the sight of Mana stranded in his little island of paperwork.

"Oh…" she gasped softly, her hand flying to her mouth to cover her surprise, "I'm so sorry, I didn't realize you were here." She took the hands' of her daughters and began to lead them away, but Mana stopped her. They had approached so quickly and the picnic basket in the crook of her arm suggested that the trio visited this spot often. He was really the one out of place here and years of practice urged him to be a gentleman. Besides, she was more than enjoyable to look at, sweet faced with a little cupid's bow mouth and a rather… entertaining curvy figure.

"You're more than welcome to stay here, I don't mind… there's plenty of space and I won't be a bother." He started to move papers to make room. He looked at her with his best smile, "… if your husband won't be too offended by you sitting here with a strange man, of course."

She considered it for a moment, but when she said nothing Mana continued. "Your lovely girls can play with my son…" He gestured to the boy playing in the grass. At the sight of the child the woman visibly relaxed; she must have decided he was safe to sit nearby.

"Thank you very much." She said as she sunk down beside him, carefully arranging he skirts. There was a moment of impossibly awkward silence. The two little girls looked at their mother expectantly.

Mana called Allen over. The boy stopped dead at the sight of Mana with the little group of people, a flash of panic ran through his eyes. "It's alright… don't be shy Allen, come meet the girls…" He eyed them worriedly and moved as closely to Mana as he could. Little hands grasped his shirtsleeve. "Go play with them…"

"How?" Allen whispered desperately, "Maanaaah… don't leave ok?" He slowly realized that this might just be the boy's first real encounter with people his own age. The little thing looked so nervous.

Luckily the girls' mother spoke up, "Allen, was it?" She looked to Mana for assurance; he nodded. "These are my daughters, Elizabeth and Abigail. Girls go play with Allen… stay where I can see you dears!" Two white and pink dresses sprinted down the slope with a very confused boy in tow.

The lady leaned back heavily on the tree causing her hat to slip forward. She made a desperate grab at it and shoved it back into place. It was a decidedly unladylike action. She seemed to relax without her children by her. Mana took a moment to observe her while she was distracted. He couldn't figure out how her hair was kept up in its elaborate style, it looked soft but he couldn't imagine how pins must be lodged in there. She had a pale rose dress, many layers of some sort of gauze draped over her tightly corseted figure. She could have easily been one of Gibson's Girls.

"I'm so sorry about this but this really is the girls' favorite place in the park… and I had to get them out of the house…" She apologized to him when she remembered his presence, before rifling through her basket. "… I was worried they were going to drive our poor house maid utterly mad; they are truly such a handful at times… I hope to get them all tired before dinner, mustn't have them running about when their father gets home. He would just; oh he would just burst…men have it so lucky, not that I'm complaining mind you; I have it very well but the twins would drive any mother mad…" she paused. Mana blinked at her, she spoke very fast; he wasn't quite sure what she was saying. "Sorry, I'm Rachael Brown, pleased to meet you Mr.…."

"Walker, Mana Walker. The pleasure is all mine Mrs. Brown."

"So how old is Allen? He looks about the same age as my girls… but perhaps a little small for a five year old. I'd guess that he was a very colicky infant, sickly ones are always small… oh are these his school books? Where does he attend? Oh dear, listen to me going on. You must think I'm terribly dull…" She blushed gracefully. She really did look like a painting.

"Where do you work? I've noticed that men always enjoy discussing business. My Leroy is in banking. At all our parties I can't keep up with the men folk's talk about such things; I end up talking fashion with the other wives, but I'm sure you're not interested in that…" She just kept going; Mana knew she had to breathe sometime; he considered taking out his pocket watch and timing her but decided that it would be too rude.

He instead looked out to where the children were playing. The girls were lovely little things, all sugar and neatly curled hair. They must be a well to do family to afford such nice things for the little girls. He was suddenly ashamed of his own poor clothes and that even with his promotion he still would never be able to buy nice things for his boy.

One of the girls had pinned her skirt between her knees and was trying to teach Allen to summersault and cartwheel. They were both covered with grass stains. Even from a distance he could see the boy applying himself fully to the task. There was no doubt in Mana's mind that by the time they left the park he would be as graceful as any acrobat in training. It fondly reminded him of some old friends from the University.

"… and for the life me, even with the snakes I never regretted getting on that that ship…"

Mana didn't really mind the chatter of her dainty voice, but he couldn't help but burst laughing out loud as Allen fell hard on his backside. Mrs. Brown looked out at the scene and smiled serenely, "… so sorry, to bother you with all my chatter, but it rare to have someone else to speak to out here…" Her monologue slowed and he noticed that she was looking at his hand; _she's looking for a wedding ring…_ This was something he had never even thought of. He was a bachelor, no wife to be seen and he suddenly had a son. He would eventually need something to explain Allen's presence.

But for the moment he would ignore it, "no, it's really not a bother… I think I understand some of what you're saying…" an idea was forming in his devious little mind. "I can't blame you for wanting to talk about your children and such, I mean there aren't really a lot of people I can talk to about raising a child…" he let the sentence hang and was pleased when she inserted her own assumptions.

"Oh, widowed?" He looked away in what he hoped was an appropriate show of sadness and nodded. "I'm so sorry… how long ago? If you don't mind my asking…"

"Oh… a long time ago, Allen doesn't remember her. It's just us. Honestly sometimes I feel so lost, I have no idea what to do…" She nodded sympathetically and for a while they sat in silence. The twins ran up to their mother dragging a frowning Allen forward by both hands.

Everything on Allen's face was begging Mana not to laugh; naturally it was a hysterical sight. The girls had decked him with daisy chains; dressing him up in them, as they would dress a doll. He was clearly mortified. Garlands of little white flowers adorned his neck and head and stood in stark contrast to the bright red of his face. With all the grass, flowers and dirt stains the trio looked like some strange set of pagan deities.

"Mama!" one of the girls shouted, "We married Allen!" They squealed in unison. She pushed him forward, and sure enough, a small daisy chain ring was set about each of the children's ring fingers. His little white gloves, now stained green were still on. Allen glanced at Mana with wide eyes; he tried so hard not to laugh at the boy's terrified look.

"Goodness ladies, stealing my boy away so fast…" he chuckled as he laced his fingers behind his head. "Didn't stand a chance do you Allen?"

Mrs. Brown giggled and began setting out sandwiches from her picnic basket. "We should have a wedding reception then…" They were the most beautiful little sandwiches; the crusts were cut off cleanly and for some reason that impressed him. _So this is what rich people snack on…_

He was relieved when Allen didn't fall upon the food like a ravenous beast. Instead the boy sat nicely with Abigail and Elizabeth, still holding their hands. One of the girls fed him a little piece of cake with pink icing accidentally smudging some on his nose. She giggled as she wiped it clean. Allen was strangely quiet. There was something different, something off about his expression.

He slid away from them as the girls became more interested in their food than in him. Mana put an arm over his shoulder as the boy snuggled closer. "Manaah… I wanna go home… sleepy…" Mana pulled out his pocket watch and checked the time, it was getting late. He let Allen play with it while he packed up their things.

"Thank you Mrs. Brown, it was lovely talking to you, but we must be going. Allen isn't used to so much activity in one day…" with one last vicious shove he managed to fit Allen's books into his briefcase. He gave the trio of ladies a polite bow and smiled as the boy copied him. Allen grabbed his hand as they left; for the majority of the walk home he remained distant.

A block from home Allen stopped. Mana noticed the sudden absence of the boy's hand in his; he turned to look at him. He had pulled the corner of his left glove down, and was staring at the reddened skin of his wrist. "I'm different…" he whispered, "Aren't I Mana..."

_Shit…_ It had been such a nice day; Mana forced the thought down. "You're as God made you, Allen. God doesn't make mistakes." He seemed appeased with that answer. It was what Rivka had told Mana that first terrifying night, Mana wanted to believe it with all his heart.

They resumed walking, Allen's hand again in his; he gave it a reassuring squeeze. It made them both feel a bit better. Mana figured if he showered first, he could get ready for his date with Marie while Allen had his bath. He needed to lay out his good suit; he hadn't worn it in quite some time and some part of him was worried that it would smell of moth balls…

Allen stopped suddenly again. "Manaaaah…" he whined in a tight and high voice. Mana could feel the sliver of panic it held. "… don't feel good…" The little body gave a violent convulsion and Allen cried out through gritted teeth, "Ah Manah, pick me up!"

Mana's heart pounded furiously as he scooped the boy up with one arm. _Not out here!_ He had to get them inside. Allen sobbed into his shoulder, trying not to scream he bit down instead. Mana winced at the sudden sharpness, but he was determined to take it if it helped Allen. He tightened his grip on the shuddering body and ran the rest of the way.

He nearly kicked the door to the café open. Allen finally lost the battle to control his voice and shrieked long and high. Rivka started to speak but he rushed past her, nearly flying up the stairs, his chest was on fire from the effort. The little sofa was closest to the door, so the pair ended up there.

Allen calmed almost instantly inside the comforting, familiar room. Mana rocked him in his arms, still holding him tightly. Distantly he could hear Rivka's foot steps as she entered the room. He prayed the worst was over; Allen still shook and gasped with the aftershocks of the fit.

"It's alright…Allen it's alright. You're inside now, nobody saw any of it." Rivka's hand landed on his shoulder, just letting him know she was near. It wasn't that bad he told himself. It could have been worse, much worse.

"Mm' sorry… Mana" he whispered sleepily. Mana just shushed him and held him tightly. He pushed away, looking up with reddened eyes, "I tried not to… what's wrong with mee?" His voice was rough; he rubbed his left hand as he spoke. He looked more embarrassed than hurt. Mana wished he had an answer for him.

Rivka sat beside them and pulled the boy into her arms. He didn't fight it. "Go shower Mana, you have a date tonight. I already closed up shop for the night… I'll take care of him." She spoke softly to the little boy in that strange language of hers. He didn't understand any of it but it was pleasant to listen to. Allen did seem to understand it responding and nodding answers. It was embarrassing, but he was a little jealous of their rapport.

Running his fingers through his hair in frustration, he strode into the bedroom and set about finding his dress suit. _"God!"_ he profaned. Throwing his coat onto the bed, he couldn't stay on his feet and slid down to rest against the wall. "This is just too much…"


	15. Chapter 15

Thank you to my wonderful reviewers, GreyLiliy, BlueFox, ceramic chicken, Vicky Chan,Orchid Falls, acquecristaline, CelestialSakura, k2w3v, MindFuel and Shadowfox. My apologies for not being too talkative today. I wanted to get this posted before i go to work, so time is a factor. Please know that i do treasure every comment i recieve from you all even if i'm unable to respond to each personally. Thank you all and i hope you enjoy today's installment.

Here is Mana's long awaited dinner with Marie.

* * *

Mana tried yet again to smooth back his hair in the foggy mirror of his little bathroom. The hot shower had felt so good that he spent more time than planned enveloped in its watery embrace. He rubbed his hand against the reflective glass pane one more time in the vain hope to better see his reflection.

In his haste to prepare he nicked his chin while shaving, a little piece of tissue stuck to the thin slice. He hoped it wouldn't be too obvious. Wearing only a towel he walked back to his bedroom to get dressed. The apartment was silent save for the slight slap of his bare feet on the wooden floor. The window was open a crack letting the warm night air, sweet with the scent of blooming flowers, blow into the room; after the heat of the bathroom it made him shiver.

Black slacks, crisp white shirt, gold cuff links, black suspenders, black vest, top coat with tails, polished black shoes; he dressed without thought, numbly going through the motions, as much as he had looked forward to this evening, Allen's fit had put quite a damper on his mood. It was a good suit, at least, Rivka had altered it a few years back and he was so thankful that his waistline didn't require it to be let out.

He examined himself in the mirror; he really didn't look too bad. He fiddled with the chain of his pocket watch so it draped nicely from his vest pocket. With a snap of his heels, he straightened his back and held in his stomach; he looked… dapper. He still needed his top hat and the smart cane that had made its way into his umbrella stand…

Rivka had taken Allen down to her room behind the café and put him to bed early. She knocked on Mana's door as he was finishing getting dressed, and sat on his sofa.

"Allen was asleep as soon as he hit the pillow… he has a fever. I'll bring him up here when you get home." He nodded in agreement. The fever was a normal occurrence after one of Allen's fits, it never lasted long but it worried Mana to no end. As if reading his thoughts, she spoke soothingly to him, "… this too will pass Mana. It just takes time…" He nodded, running his hand back through his hair.

"Well, come here boy; let me see how you look…" He did a little turn for her and she laughed. "You are hopeless Mana Walker…" She fixed his bowtie and dusted lint and fuzz off his coat. "Go, have a good time… then tell this old woman all about it when you get home."

"Of course." He smiled. With top hat perched at a jaunty angle and cane in hand, he walked out into the night to meet sweet Marie.

The restaurant he chose was fairly expensive, serving foods with foreign names while musicians wandered about playing popular songs on their stringed instruments. For the right price, they could come to your table for a private concert; Mana couldn't afford that. Truthfully he couldn't afford anything he planned for the night. He had stuffed his wallet with crumpled bills taken from his dresser drawer and was pretending hard that he had been the one to earn them.

The maitre d' stationed at the entrance looked at Mana with an air of skepticism as he approached; Mana's clothes were a little out of style, but not that bad. The waiter took his hat and cane and spoke rapidly in French, pulling some menus from a slot set in the dark wood podium where he stood. Mana just looked awkwardly at the man.

A smirk crawled across the waiter's face, as if he had expected as much. "vous ne parlez pas francais…eh? Monsieur…"

Mana went bright red; people were watching him with amusement, quietly laughing at him. "um… sorry. I don't speak French." He hoped that Marie wouldn't arrive while he stood there taking a fair bit of public humiliation.

"Non?! Mais, francais est tres fascile! Mes enfants parlent francais… hehe. monsieur, peut-être vous devez partir juste. Ceci n'est pas le bon endroit pour votre type…"

Mana was saved by an angel as Marie in all her glory approached. She must have seen everything he thought as the knot in his stomach tightened a bit. With an understanding smile she slipped her arm into Mana's and spoke cheerfully to the waiter, in perfect French.

The expression on the man's face was priceless; the most beautiful girl in the world was with him, what did it matter that he didn't know the language; he was somebody with Marie on his arm.

The now speechless waiter passed off two menus to another young man. As Mana passed him he softly spoke two of the only words of French he did know. "Petit merde…" The man nearly choked. He entered the restaurant in a much better mood than when he originally arrived there.

Marie was absolutely stunning in her evening gown. It was navy blue with trimmings and hems in an even deeper blue and pale cream lace set about the neckline. It was a very low neckline at that; somehow it made Mana a little nervous. Her brown hair was set into long glossy curls and topped with a small round hat. It had cream lace and flowers spilling from it to intertwine with her hair. She was obviously corseted. A train of fabric gathered from all sides of her to the back to make… what was it called? He thought hard searching for the right word. _Bustle_. That was it; it accented her hips and emphasized her tiny waist. The cloth trailed over her like a solid waterfall, complete with lacy foam.

_God I want her so bad._

"Thank you so much for agreeing to dine with me tonight, Marie." He pulled out her chair for her. With a graceful swirl of fabric she sat. From his seat across the table she was framed by candle light, looking absolutely heavenly; and Mana pulled from a well of self discipline that he didn't know he possessed to avoid looking down the front of her enticing gown. It was a rapidly losing battle.

"Thank you for asking me sir. I'm so happy for your promotion, its only right to celebrate… So, I'll venture that since you don't speak French, you probably don't read it either." She slid her chair closer to him, so close he could smell the faint perfume she had applied. He watched her pale pink lips as she spoke. With a delicate hand, she pointed out each item on the menu and explained what it was. There was something so intimate about it.

"I didn't know you knew French." He said. Mana ordered one of the cheapest meals available out of habit. He wondered if she noticed.

"I lived in France when I was young… it's beautiful there. I'm also fluent in Italian, Spanish and German…" Mana was stunned as she continued. "I know enough Russian and Polish to get by, but I'm nowhere near perfect. Do you speak any languages sir?" He shook his head, a little ashamed by his lack of education. Luckily food arrived and forced a change of subject.

As they ate they chatted about all sorts of other safe topics; the pleasant weather, music and local news and events. Marie went on about the latest season at the theater; Mana just nodded, he knew nothing about it. He told her about his little apartment and Rivka's little café and learned that Marie lived mostly off of her parent's money but shared an apartment with two other girls for company, both from the typing pool. Her dress was actually borrowed from one of them.

"We spent all afternoon stitching it up to fit me…" she giggled in embarrassment and downed the last sip of wine in her glass, "I'm afraid it's stitched on now!" Mana laughed with her, noting that she was flushed from the alcohol. The blush made her look even younger and Mana felt older; older and a little guilty. He reminded himself that she agreed to this date and he wasn't taking advantage of her, especially if her dress really was sewn onto her body.

There was a small dance floor set out on the restaurant's patio, soft music from the band stationed there drifted in on the breeze. Mana stood, bowed and invited Marie to dance. She smiled and took his arm. The night had turned cool; perfect to dance in without breaking a sweat. At the start of a new song they filed in with the other couples.

It was a slow waltz, Mana was grateful for that. He was fairly good at the waltz and his hand seemed to fit perfectly on Marie's small waist as he led them around the floor. He was much better at the more vulgar dances like the polka and quickstep; he could even soft shoe a little if the mood struck him, but there was no way an establishment as fine as this would play that type of music, so waltz it was.

They didn't speak much until they returned back to the table. Marie was acting near giddy and suggested they order desert. As she described the different choices in his ear, her breath still panting from exertion from dancing, Mana lost all ability to think straight and ended up ordering everything sweet on the menu.

Pastries, all shapes and sizes, ready to burst with creams or candied fruits and dusted with powdered sugar arrived shortly at the table en masse. They both ate without restraint only pausing to suggest what to try next. Mana finally reached some built in bodily limit for digestion and leaned back in his chair. Out of habit he moved to unbutton his pants, but caught himself before it could become a disaster. With Mana's luck however, a disaster still occurred.

"Allen would love this," he remarked, twirling a small pastry between his fingers. "I'll have to bring some home for him…"

Marie froze and stared at him. As soon as the words left his lips, he knew he had made a massive error. He hadn't told anyone, save his boss, about Allen.

"Who's Allen?"

Mana leaned forward with a deep breath, resting his head in his palms as he tried to decide what to say. "Waiter, please pack up the rest of this stuff to take home. Check please…" was all that came out of his mouth. He looked back up to Marie, "Allen is my son."

"Your _what?!_" she hissed. Mana put his hands up in an appeasing manner, but the enraged woman would have none of it. She slammed her napkin down on the table. "How could you? You're _married_… and with a son no less and… and you still ask me out!" In two steps she crossed the table and slapped him so hard he tasted copper.

"Please listen…" he tried, he was strangely becoming calmer as she raged at him. Everyone had stopped to watch the scene unfold.

"No! You listen to me Mana Walker! How could you do this? A married man… how long have you been doing horrible things like this?" Her face fell as her eyes began to tear up. "I am not the other woman! You… you womanizer! I will not be some man's mistress… Why… why would you do this to me?" she sobbed.

"I liked you Mana, I really did. I trusted you!" She hit him again, his lip split but he took it silently and calmly. "You're an awful… awful man Mana Walker." Marie turned and ran out the door. That hurt much worse than anything she could physically deal out.

"I'll be back for the food," he numbly told the waiter, who in a smart move, had waited to come closer. He followed her out and managed to catch her wrist and stop her on the sidewalk. "Please Marie, just listen to me… I can explain this really…"

"NO!" she pulled out of his grasp. A coach was fast approaching and for a moment Mana was surprised to see that she could afford to have a coachman. He pulled his still bleeding lip into mouth and tried to clean it before trying to talk again.

"I'm not married. I've never been married… Hell," he laughed bitterly. "I haven't had a date in years…"

"You have a son! Where did he come from then? Hmm?" a look of utter disdain settled on her pretty face, "no… not a son… you monster… you have a _bastard_. That's it isn't it? You got a girl pregnant and she dumped your filthy spawn on your doorstep…" she spat.

"… and now you have a _bastard_ child…"

That was too much, just too much; he grabbed her roughly by both arms and forced her to look into his eyes. "_YOU WILL NOT CALL MY SON A BASTARD!_" the venom in his own voice scared him; he took a deep breath and forced himself to calm.

"He was abandoned, I found him and… I adopted him. I have the papers and everything, we don't share blood but he is my son… I love him more than the waking world and I will _not _allow you or anyone else to speak that way about him." He released her with a sigh, "I was going to tell you… just not like this."

She gave a horrified sob as the information sank in. Her hands flew to cover her face, but he could still see that she was crying. "Oh God… Mana I'm so sorry. I didn't know. I… and I said such awful things… in front of everyone!" Her knees gave out and he caught her.

"I really was going to tell you eventually… give you some time to think it all through, take things slowly…" She nodded as she fell against him, instinctively he held her and rubbed little useless circles on her back.

"I need some time Mana. Please don't hate me for those things I said, I'm so sorry. This all is… confusing." He helped her stand and walk to the waiting coach.

"I think we both need more time," he agreed helping her in and closing the door for her. "For the record I did have a great time until the end." She laughed despite herself. He rapped his knuckles against the side to alert the coachman that his passenger was safely inside.

Marie leaned out the window, "For the record I had a great time too…" He smiled weakly and turned; he didn't wait to watch the coach leave.

The restaurant went silent when Mana returned. The waiter had diligently packed up all the leftovers. He paid his tab and pointedly ignored the eyes following him and the whispers discussing him. With a chuckle Mana decided that he would never see any of this crowd again. He adjusted his top hat; running his thumb and finger along the brim pausing at the door long enough to causally flip the crowd a single fingered salute.

It started to rain on the walk home. Mana stepped in a deep puddle and soaked his shoe clean through. With a glance, he checked the condition of his leftovers and was thankful that at least they were dry. A carriage splashed him at the corner.

"GOD!" he shouted up to the sky. "I hope you're having fun up there! Getting a good laugh out of old Mana…" he indulged himself and ranted madly to God and anyone who would listen, cleansing himself of all the pent up frustrations and irritations that had been building up to a dangerous bursting point. Ultimately he left words behind and just yelled, waving his arms and kicking at puddles and trash. When his energy ran out he found himself leaning against a damp brick wall, gasping for air and feeling much lighter.

With a laugh he scanned the ground for his hat and returned home. The little bell above the door chimed merrily as he walked in. Rivka raised an eyebrow at the waterlogged man that carried himself through the door.

"It could have gone better…" was all he could say. She nodded. Mana was thankful that she didn't press for further information. He really wasn't in the mood. "Going to get changed, dry off… bed. Should I take Allen up with me?"

"Maanaaah?" a soft little voice called from the back room, followed by a dull thud as the boy fell out of Rivka's bed, and then the slap of tiny feet charging into the room. A tiny body slammed full force into his leg before pulling away with a frown. "Manaaah… you wet…"

Mana just reached down and ruffled the boy's soft hair. Little hands pushed up the sleeves of the oversized shirt he wore and tentatively started to work their way into the bag of leftovers, looking Mana straight in the eye the whole time, daring him to try and stop him from obtaining whatever treat was inside. It made Mana chuckle madly.

Despite all that happened, Mana went to bed in a surprisingly good mood. It was pleasantly warm in his room and he had no problem surrendering all the blankets to Allen; though he was forced to wake several times and push the warm little body away, each time resolving anew to get the child his own bed as soon as possible.

He woke to the sound of Rivka knocking at his apartment door. He stumbled out, dragging a blanket behind him. Yawning and scratching in a vast display of sleepiness he answered the door. The sight of his landlady shocked him into an instant alertness.

"The police are here," her voice wavered dangerously and a redness in her eyes suggested she had been crying, "They want to speak with you…"


	16. Chapter 16

This is a bit short, so my apologies are due. I had a few little things that needed to be mentioned for later chapters and added in a police investigation to bring them about, so i'm sorry if this little bit of my humble story feels like an afterthought.

Thank you my reviewers. I love the way you all responded to my little cliff hanger. It would have been alot of trouble to kill Marie, i still need her, but its a fun idea Silverdrake. Bluefox, Marie's comments will come back to bother Mana later.

Ceramic chicken; you reminded me, that i forgot to put a translation into the last chapter. The waiter basically mocks Mana for not speaking french "but french is so easy... my children can speak french" and that the resturant is not for Mana's type. Mana's reply is to call the man a "little shit"

My thanks also to GreyLiliy, timydamonkey, ShadowFox777, ShinigamixGirl, Vicky Chain and Despiration

* * *

Mana was still dressing as he ran down the stairs, _what could they possibly want? I haven't done anything… have I? Oh, God I hope everything's alright… I… oh no I hope Marie's ok… please let her be ok._

Two police officers were seated at one of the little table, Rivka had gone into her own safe automatic habits and was serving them coffee and breakfast pastries. She still sniffled as she worked; Mana never failed to be impressed with the way she kept going.

The officers stood as Mana approached them and shook his hand. They didn't seem particularly angry, just tired. "Just a few questions for you sir…" one started. He smiled as he spoke; there was an ease to his manner that worked well to relax the others around him. This man was a professional. The other man held a notepad loosely.

"So, Mr. Walker… where were you yesterday afternoon?" Mana blanked; what could have been going on yesterday afternoon that could possibly involve him? He was at the park.

"I spent the afternoon at the park… with my son…" The officer nodded encouragingly. "We came home before it got dark, Allen wasn't feeling well."

"Alright, did you meet up with anyone at the park? Anyone who could confirm you were there?" Mana relaxed a bit and tried to remember the name of woman and her daughters; he just needed to be honest and everything would work out.

"Yes, I think her name was Brown. We sat under a tree and talked about our children." His throat tightened at the thought that something might have happened to her or her sweet little girls.

The officers exchanged a brief look. "So, after you spoke with her you… just went right home?"

"Yes, sir. My son was feeling sick and I practically had to run to get him inside before he… well… I didn't want him to be sick on the sidewalk or anything…" he sighed. "May I ask what this is all about?"

The officer with the notebook spoke this time, his voice was gruffer than his counterpart. "There was a murder, just down the street here… a neighbor saw you running by the building at about the time of the murder."

The other interrupted him. "We have to check out all the possibilities… We'll need to find this Mrs. Brown, just to be sure of course." He glanced back to the man with the notepad. "Could we meet your son?"

Mana frowned, they were checking to see if he was making it up. He stood and walked quickly to the foot of the stairs, "Allen…" he called. "Come down here for a minute…" A long whine came from the top of the stairs. "Just come down, and then you can go back to bed… I have some more pastries…"

That did it; the boy nearly fell down the stairs in his haste. At the sight of the policemen, he froze and latched onto Mana's leg. "ahhhh…no people…" He yanked his ungloved hand into the sleeve of his nightshirt. Mana stooped and picked him up, carefully keeping his left side hidden from view.

"It's alright; these are the good people Allen…" Allen just stared at the men before giving a shy smile and a little wave. Mana carried him back to the table and settled him on his lap. "Gentlemen, this is Allen. Tell them where we went yesterday…"

His face lit up, "Park!" he squealed. The men laughed.

The officer with the notepad set it down onto the table top. "What did you do at the park?" He sounded completely different than he had earlier; friendly, he was a father Mana determined.

"I played with girls!"

"How fun… why did you go home?" His smile was gentle.

Allen frowned. "I didn't feel good…"

Mana handed the boy something sticky to snack on from the little plate Rivka left on the table. He tried to be unobvious while watching the silent exchange between the two officers. Their expressions suggested that they believed him.

"Thank you so much for your time Mr. Walker. If we need anything more we'll contact you." Mana agreed and gave them his work address just to show his willingness to help. "Take care of that boy of yours… dangerous times…dangerous times…"

Mana escorted them to the door and wished them a pleasant day. He had to rush back to the table before his legs crumpled. He held Allen so tightly the boy whimpered. Murders right on his street, God what if they had come a few houses further… It terrified him; it was so close to his home, to Rivka and to Allen.

Rivka brought him a fresh cup of coffee and took Allen from his arms. She gave the boy a stuffed cream cake and shooed him into her room. "It was a _whole family_, Mana…" she started. He took a deep breath and waited for her to continue. The coffee was delicious.

"It was the Schmitt family." Mana instantly understood how upset she was. Mrs. Schmitt was a friend of her. He knew the family, not well, but he knew them from around the café. They were good people.

"They'd had such a hard year already… Olivia was so devastated with the loss of her daughter and then her son disappeared…" Mana tried to remember the story. The youngest Schmitt girl had taken a bad fall and broken her neck. It was such a tragedy; she was such a sweet child. Their youngest son had become so distraught that he ran away. He vaguely remembered the miserable woman coming to Rivka for a sympathetic ear. She made all their meals for free for them during that difficult time.

"I just saw her the day before… She was so happy, her son had come home. She said he was acting strange, but it could only get better now that he was back and that God had blessed her by sending her back her boy… the police think he might have done it. Oh…" she sobbed. "They… oh Lord in heaven… they couldn't even _tell_ whose bodies were whose… just that the small ones were the two babies!"

Mana pinched the bridge of his nose hard. It seemed so impossible, an entire family, gone just like that. "What did they come talk to me for… if they already think it was the boy?" he wondered out loud.

"Someone across the street saw you running by the building, right after it happened… I didn't say anything to the police but… Mana where were you exactly when Allen started having that fit?"

Mana's jaw dropped and a ball of icy realization settled into his stomach. His mind flashing back to where Allen had suddenly stopped on the walk home, "Oh God… it was right in front of their door…" Rivka remained pale and expressionless. "… we were right there… right when they…"

"I thought so…" she folded her hands in front of her.

"You don't think he… saw anything… do you? I mean, if that was it, then how do we explain the other times… I don't understand…" He leaned back hard in his chair. "Maybe we can, I don't know… ask him about it or something."

He looked back across the café to Rivka's room where he son was. How could he ask without upsetting the child? Allen didn't talk willingly about such things; Mana wasn't sure if he could talk about it. He decided to try anyways and called him back into the room.

Allen crawled up into the chair to sit on Mana's lap, his little back resting against the man's chest. Mana absently laced his arms around the little body. It was strange how such little things like that seemed completely natural to him now. Personal space had become amazingly flexible since Allen's arrival.

Mana gently took the boy's left hand in both of his and rolled up the long sleeve to better see it. Allen fidgeted, and made an uneasy sound. "Maahnaaah… what…" He pushed back against the larger body and Mana instantly stopped. "What… I don't like this… Manah I don't like…"

"Its ok, Allen. I'm just looking… does it hurt?" The boy shook his head. Mana searched for the right words. "I want to ask you about it… when your arm starts to hurt. Can you think of anything that might be… making it hurt like that?"

The boy frowned and turned in his lap to face him. "This…" he held up his hand and pointed at the 'cross' carved into his palm. "…that part… there…" Mana looked hard at the center of the wound; that horrible little piece of glass, he remembered how the boy reacted when he stupidly touched it.

"So… that bit is what hurts… is there anything that could make it hurt without… um touching it?"

Allen whined and prodded at the gash. "… don't know… its bad. Manah! It's bad!" he was quickly becoming upset with the topic; he frantically pulled his arm away and cried, "it bad! I don't like it."

"Alright, alright… don't get upset Allen, I'm not mad or anything… I was just curious that's all…" He pulled the little figure close and rubbed his little hiccupping back.

"It burns…" he whispered, "an…an I'm supposed to, to do… something…" Brown eyes blinked up at Mana, as if he was trying to say something but couldn't put words to it. Allen's voice sounded different and something about it frightened him to the core. " an I can't and it _hurts_…" The child buried his face in Mana's shirt; he could feel the boy's breathe through the fabric and all he could do was hold the little figure until he calmed.

For the longest time they just sat at the table, the three of them united in something that made no sense. Allen fell asleep in Mana's arms. Rivka replaced the now cold coffee with fresh. Mana silently worried.

They had been right there, in front of the building where the Schmitt family was massacred. And Allen _knew_. Somehow he knew something was wrong… The very concept terrified him, that he knew right as it happened; perhaps it wasn't conscious but at some internal level the boy knew. _God, what does this mean?_

"Rivka" he whispered as to not disturb the child in his arms, "… he knew." Saying it out loud made it suddenly real. "… Allen knew something. I don't understand it… What does this mean?"

"I don't know." She answered.

Life had suddenly veered into the realm of the occult; and the skeptic in Mana was having trouble grasping it. Perhaps there really was more to the universe than he thought. He had only recently admitted to a belief in God, not that he would ever be a regular church attendee, but too much had happened to him recently to ignore the involvement of some higher power. God was an acceptable idea but this, this was a little too far beyond his scope of experience.

Mediums and séances had become fashionable with the upper classes, but it was a silly notion to him. People who would go into a trance and channel spirits of the dead; it was dramatic and sometimes violent, but always ridiculous. He could see it all as one big scam; he didn't fancy himself as particularly talented at lying but if it was that obvious to him, he couldn't imagine how anyone else could fall for it. Lies and scams were one thing; but this business with Allen and his fits were something else entirely. The idea of spirit possession didn't seem as improbable as it could be.

"You don't think he's umm… possessed? Or anything like that… right?" Even as he said it, it sounded stupid. "I mean… like, I don't know spirits or something."

Rivka looked thoughtful and it made him feel a bit better. "I can't say I haven't thought about it. When I went to speak with Dr. Cohen, after Allen's last bad fit; I asked him about such things. He is a very wise man, he didn't think it was something supernatural, but he didn't rule it out either. He said he would write some of his colleagues and contact us when he had some idea."

"And we haven't received any letters about it yet?"

"Nothing… he said it may take awhile, lots of things to consider." She didn't seem too happy about the wait. She hadn't spoken about her visit to the doctor before now. Mana had just assumed that nothing came of it, but now the thought of more people being aware of his son's… condition made him nervous.

Mana's leg was falling asleep and he shifted the little sleeping body. Allen's face was relaxed, peaceful and so painfully young. He felt helpless; what if it really was something supernatural? He rubbed the cross on the boy's hand; Allen sighed happily and curled closer to him, wine colored fingers intertwining with his own. _How can I protect him from something like this...? God, what does this mean? _

He pushed the doubt aside. There was nothing he could really do; other than hold him tighter and pay closer attention to any future fit, so he wasn't going to let himself worry about it now. This was just one more thing to add to the little notebook he had started keeping about the boy. It was turning into a kind of reference book, a collection of things that upset him, things to avoid, things he liked. Mana didn't trust his own memory and figured a 'cheat sheet' would be a good thing to have around.

The little notebook was held all sorts of clues about the child's life before Mana. It was like putting together a long puzzle. Mana would never push the issue, never directly ask him, but he couldn't really suppress his curiosity.

This supposed link between Allen's fits and something violent, for lack of a better word, was just one more thing for the notebook. It just made something in Mana's blood run cold. This was something, but…

What does this mean?


	17. Chapter 17

Thanks to my regular reviewers. I've started a forum about my humble story. I hope to use it as an extra place to respond to everyone's comments and hear your theories as to where i'm going with this tale. I look forward to discussing it with you all.

My deepest thanks to GreyLiliy, ceramic chicken, BlueFox, Silverdrake, Shadow Fox, zenbon zakura, Forbidden Silence, Itsuka Yamazaki, Side-CH, CelestialSakura and Orchid Falls. I've noticed that as a whole everyone's comments are getting longer. I really appreciate the time and effort you put into these reviews. I keeps me going at a fair pace. Thank you all.

Here are directions to my forum, can't seem to link it. Its under anime/manga in the D. Gray-Man section. It has my name and the story name in the title.

* * *

Mana didn't like how the day was turning out.

Rivka needed to leave town for the week, one of her younger sons just became a father and her presence was needed to help set the house in order. Of course Mana was happy for her, but this meant that no one would be able to watch Allen while he was at work.

This would be day one of "bring your son to work" week and it made Mana incredibly nervous. He woke the boy up early, gave him breakfast and got him dressed and now they were walking towards the patent office together. Allen was decidedly grumpy and made no effort to hide it. Mana's shin was sore from where the boy kicked him in protest.

"It won't be so bad Allen, really it won't. I brought your books and your blocks and you can play all over my office." _And hopefully no one will come by and bother me and I can get everything done fast and we can leave without incident…_

Allen just groaned, "… don't wanna…" he pulled on Mana's arm. His bad mood was doing nothing to improve Mana's own rapidly souring one. He practically had to drag the little body down the last block; it was hot and by the time they entered the grey office building they were hot, sweaty and irritable.

There was no one visible inside and with a wash of relief Mana hurried back to his little office, practically throwing Allen through the door. He plopped heavily into his chair and Allen suddenly became interested in his surroundings.

He watched the boy with half open eyes as he moved around the little office, touching each wall, pulling the spare chair from the corner and climbing it. He looked out the window, frowned hard at the cord on the blinds, fiddled with the window latch and then turned his full attention to the gaudy posters on the wall.

Mana laughed softly as the boy examined the dancehall girls that decorated the walls. He was a little embarrassed, his poster girls seemed like something a child shouldn't be exposed to, but Allen looked very interested in them.

"Manah…" he turned to face him, eyes comically wide, a little finger poised over a particularly burlesque image, "… what this?"

Mana thought his sides would burst. Allen bristled at his laughter. "It's a poster for a dancehall… that girl is Rosalyn and she dances there." Mana near giggled, "she's a very good dancer."

Allen stared at him hard, as if he was divulging some great secret universal truth before turning back to the image; and said, in all seriousness, "I like this… this good, right Manah?"

He couldn't breathe! This was too much. "Yes, Allen very good." He managed to choke out. "We'll go see her when you're older." _God, I should have taken those down! Just seeing them has warped him… _

"Good." The boy said firmly as he sat back down in the extra chair. "What's funny? Maaanaaah…" he whined, "what's funny? Don't laugh at me."

Mana just chuckled harder and leaned back in his chair. Allen was adorable he thought; then he stopped and realized this was probably the first time he had ever used an adjective like 'adorable,' it felt a little weird. The boy was turning him into an old softie. He watched with mild interest as the boy swung his legs off the edge of the chair, he was going to be handsome when he gets older. Mana found himself really looking forward to watching him grow up, seeing what kind of man he would turn out to be. _If I don't mess him up or anything first. _

Allen practiced his alphabet with his chalk and slate while Mana worked. The room was a little stuffy, even with the window open. Mana kept the door closed to avoid attention. He took frequent breaks and checked the time on his beloved pocket watch. It was nearly lunchtime.

"Allen?" he asked. The boy makes a soft hmm sound. "Would you like to go get some lunch?" He knocked over the chair and appeared at Mana's side. "There's a bakery down the block from here, they have really good food… and ice cream." He was betting that Allen had no idea what ice cream was, but he looked interested in finding out.

They were interrupted by a soft knock on the door. "Mr. Walker," Marie's sweet voice filtered in through the gap in the door. "I retyped those papers you needed…" she said as she stepped inside. She froze with her hand still on the brass knob and stared at the little boy sharing Mana's office. "Sir…"

"Ah, Marie… this is Allen." The boy tried to hide from the stranger. "Allen, this is Marie, she's the nice young lady I was telling you about. What do we do when we meet a lady Allen?"

Allen took a deep breath and stepped out to face her. He gave a short polite bow and held out a gloved hand. Marie looked absolutely charmed and set her hand on the boy's. Allen placed a short awkward kiss to the back of her hand, tugged her to the empty chair and offered her a seat. She let him lead her and sat down daintily. Allen was bright red and Mana couldn't have been prouder.

Marie was obviously tickled by the boy's manners, "Why thank you Master Allen. What a gentleman you are!" Allen looked desperately at Mana; like he wanted nothing more than to sink right through the floor. Mana gestured and the little body hurtled back to him and climbed up into his lap; he was still smiling as he looked back to Marie.

Her hand had settled over her lips, she looked as if she could cry. "So… this is Allen." Her eyes were watering and Mana couldn't figure out why. Allen leaned his head back on the grown up's shoulder. He smelled like soap; Mana absently played with the boy's hands and waited for her to continue.

"He's older than I thought." She whispered. Mana laughed a little. The way she looked at them made him wonder if they looked strange sitting there; he concluded that they probably did.

"We're going to go get some food, would you like to come with us?" Mana asked as he shifted the little body off of him. Marie nodded. "Great…" he stood and took Allen's hand. _I can do this_ he told himself. He offered his other arm to Marie and much to his delight she took it.

Allen spent the walk to the bakery sullen and jealous of the woman on Mana's arm. He squeezed the little hand in reassurance but Allen just scowled. Despite Allen's disapproval, Mana felt very pleased with himself as they walked. He allowed himself a few minutes to indulge in the fantasy that this was really his family; a wife and a child, not a secretary and a foundling. No, that wasn't fair, Allen is his child.

The bakery was a cool oasis against the heat of the afternoon. Its interior was all white, pale blue and clean. Massive glass counters displayed the fresh baked goods; the air was perfumed with the scent of rising dough and cinnamon.

An elaborate soda fountain was set where all the patrons could see it; it had brass angels carved into the spigots that dispensed the soda water. When its operator mixed it with the flavoring syrup it truly became heavenly ambrosia.

The room only held a few tables, each with two chairs. All the furniture was white enameled metal and eternally cool to the touch. The entire bakery was, in fact chilled; unlike most establishments where the ovens reduced the space into a sweltering den, this one was special.

This bakery had _air conditioning_. Patrons would visit just to enjoy the cool air and end up buying snacks almost as an afterthought. Rivka would call it a gimmick, but it worked nonetheless. They must be doing good business, Mana reflected; he remembered seeing a patent for an air recirculation device and it took an amazing amount of electricity to operate. Even the electricity for the little café was expensive and they only used it to run the lights.

Allen's grim mood disappeared as they entered. He rushed to the displays, pressing his face up against the glass. Mana tugged him back a step by his shirt collar, but he had already smudged the glass with his nose. He couldn't blame the boy; the food really did look wonderful. After a hard moment of thought he ordered a chicken pastry for himself and three for Allen. Marie declined food but took a soda at Mana's insistence. Allen wanted one too.

They sat at one of the small tables, elbows bumping together as they ate. Allen inhaled his first chicken pastry. "God, Allen! Chew your food… do you even taste it?"

He grumbled, but slowed down. The food was wonderful; the chicken was slightly peppered and wrapped in a buttery and flaky shell. Mana considered buying a few more to take home for later, while Allen choked on the carbonation in his soda.

Marie was delicately sipping her drink and watching Allen with interest. She seemed unusually focused; she stunned both of the boys when she produced a napkin from nowhere and dabbed at the corner of Allen's mouth, clearing his face of the chicken grease it had acquired.

There was something so tender about the action. Mana assumed that it must be a natural reaction of the fair sex. Women were still a mystery to him in so many ways. He wondered if it was normal for a woman to automatically care for a child, even if they were unrelated. But on the other hand, he had seen many ladies respond to small dogs in much the same fashion. Perhaps all one had to be was small and cute to attract their attentions. Mana was anything but small and cute; if those were the only requirements it would certainly explain his lack of feminine attention.

For a moment, Mana thought Allen was going to cry. There was something devastated in his expression. _How could that have been bad? Sure he doesn't like to be touched, but… what? _He quickly forced the puzzling notion out of his mind and decided to diffuse the potential disaster.

"Allen finish up so you can have dessert." The boy attacked his remaining pastry with renewed vigor while Mana returned to the counter. "Do you like chocolate… or vanilla?" he called back to the boy.

Allen made an indifferent noise so Mana ordered a scoop of each. He would let the boy try each and eat whichever was left. He absently touched his stomach; his clothes were fitting a little tighter than usual. Just because Allen could consume such obscene amounts of food was no reason for him to do the same. The boy had plenty of space to grow vertically whereas the only growing Mana had left to do was horizontal.

Putting his expanding waistline to the back of his mind, he took the two waffle cones back to the table. This was the only place to offer waffle cones, the owner had attended the last World's Fair over in the States and brought the concept back with him. They were wonderful, but hadn't really caught on locally yet. It was just one more reason to frequent this particular establishment.

Allen made some wordless excited noise and grabbed at the treats. Marie caught one of his little wrists, "You should take those off…" she pulled slightly at his glove, "you're going to get them all dirty…"

The boy jerked away violently, moaning pitifully, "nooo… ah Maahnaa! Help…"

"Its fine," Mana said a little too quickly, "I figured they would get dirty… I brought an extra pair… always be prepared." He laughed, but it sounded forced. Marie eyed him suspiciously and settled her hands on the metal of the table top. Her fingernails clicked as she drummed them on the surface.

Mana handed the vanilla cone to Allen first. He smiled wickedly as he sat; this was going to be interesting.

Half the freezing treat disappeared instantly. "MMMPPHHH!" Allen waved his free hand frantically; his face scrunched up impossibly tight as the cold went straight to his brain. Mana tried not to laugh too hard less he drop his own ice cream. He was fairly positive that Allen would never forgive him for this so some part of him was determined to enjoy it. He noticed that Marie's face was red from the effort to not laugh.

"NOT Funny! Maanaah! Not funny… you don't say its cold!" Allen looked furious, but as always his anger just made it funnier. "Not fair! It cold…"

Some of his fury subsided when Mana offered him the chocolate cone. Ultimately, he chose the vanilla. Allen licked at it gingerly, his little tongue lapping at it like a cat's. He tried hard to stay mad at the man, but the ice cream was too good.

His gloves were ruined by the melting cream. Mana tried not to grimace at the sticky hand he held on the walk back to the office. At some point he pulled away to walk a few feet ahead of Mana and Marie.

"Why?" she asked softly, "why does he wear gloves? Its summer… it's hot." Mana frowned and watched Allen kick a pebble down the sidewalk. "Why do you make him bother with gloves?"

"It's his choice. I don't make him do anything." He kept his voice low and hoped Allen couldn't hear. He was going to lie through his teeth. "He was burned… a bad fire when he was small. He's embarrassed of the scars."

Marie breathed a soft "oh" and tightened her grip on his arm. "I won't say anything else then. I hope I didn't upset him too badly." There was a long pause. "He's… very special. Isn't he…"

"Yes, yes he is." Mana said simply. It was all he needed to say.

Marie made a thoughtful noise and they were suddenly back at the office. The girls from the typing pool were clustered around the door, trying to catch a glimpse of Mana's boy. Word had traveled fast through the building.

Allen was startled by the attention and pulled frantically at Mana's pant leg. He picked him up and walked quickly back to his office. It was best not to linger in the crowd. Allen wiggled out of his arms and hissed something about a bathroom. Mana led him further down the hall and waited outside the door. His least favorite coworker appeared.

"Smith." He greeted him with a brief nod.

"Walker." Mana really hoped the man would keep walking; naturally he stopped to block the whole hall. "The girls are saying you have a bastard. Ha! Good job, you old dog. God only knows how many brats are out there with my face by now…" he laughed as he spoke; the very sound was obscene. "Course, I'd never actually confess to one of em…"

Mana clenched his fists so hard; his nails were cutting into his palms. He used every bit of restraint to keep from striking the asshole.

"That bitch must have had your balls in a vice…"

"Yeah, your mother's tough like that…" the words were out of his mouth before he could think. In a flash Mana found himself pinned against the wall and on the receiving end of a wicked right hook.

He tried his best to defend himself, but he was never much use in a fight. Smith must have been a boxer in his early years; he pummeled Mana about the face and upper body with expert precision. Mana tried not to cry out when his lip split, he wanted to at least take his beating like a man. He failed.

When Smith overshot a punch Mana ducked and slipped backwards into the bathroom. He locked the door and let his bruised body slide down the wall and settle on the tile. Mana gagged and tried to swallow some of the blood that had collected in his mouth. He checked his teeth to make sure none were knocked loose; they were fine. His face felt warm, it stung fiercely; he was going to have some impressive bruises. He touched himself gingerly, his fingers came back red. One, no two cuts decorated his brow and nose. "Shit."

A small sound drew him away from his self assessment. His eyes darted around the room before settling on a tiny figure. Allen was pressed into the corner, cowering; his hands pressed over his ears. _Shit…_ He was hyperventilating, utterly terrified. Mana felt an acute pang of guilt.

"Hey Allen." He forced a weak smile and Allen shattered. He sobbed and scrambled to his side.

"Ahhhha… Maaahnaaah. No no no. Noo huuurt… Manaah hurt an 'm scared…" Little hands clutched at his shirt, holding on to him like a drowning man to a life preserver. He cried into Mana's chest. "Not Manah. Not Manah hurt… _Not Mana hurt_…"

"I'm alright. Allen… I'm ok really. Come on don't be upset, I just got my ass handed to me. I'll be fine." He was surprised by Allen's reaction; he was the hurt one, the boy was fine…

Allen lifted himself to level his face with Mana's. He pulled his gloves off with his teeth. Warm hands gently ran over bruises. Mana was startled by the concern shining in his child's eyes; his little brow was furrowed with worry. He froze and let the boy examine every wound. There was something comforting about it; it was almost relaxing. He sighed and let his eyes slide closed at the sensation of fingertips tenderly tracing his face. Some part of him was disappointed when the boy stopped and resettled himself against his chest.

"Maanah…" his voice was heartbreakingly sad and he trembled, "not you, not you too Manah. You hurt… you hurt like me. 'M sorry. Not fair… just like me" he sniffed. "You're big, not supposed to get hurt like me. He hurt you… just like me." The little body shuddered hard against him before pulling back to meet his eyes. He looked so worried.

A small hand drifted downward to rest on Mana's waistband. Allen looked down hard but quickly returned his gaze to Mana's eyes. His blood ran cold as the boy asked softly, "You bleed?"

_Oh my God… 'Hurt like me'… oh God._

Allen wrapped his arms around Mana's neck and buried his face in his collar. He was vaguely aware of a small hand soothingly running through the hair at the back of his head, copying the way he often comforted Allen when he was distraught. His voice was soft, gentle; it was the same tone Mana used to calm him. "It's ok, Manah… you get hurt like that, and you always bleed. I bleed too. I always bleed a lot… don't move ok, it stops faster if you don't move."

Mana put his hands on the boy's shoulders and looked into his worried eyes. "I'm ok Allen. I'm not hurt, not like that." Allen let out a slow breath and blinking hard shed several fat tears.

"Ah… good Manah. Not hurt. Not hurt like me. Good" Mana could practically feel the relief that ran through the little body. He hugged him tight; the boy had seemed so different just then, grown up, but now he was five again and Mana was ready to be the adult.

He washed his face in the sink, the cool water soothing his broken skin. It felt wonderful to rinse the last aftertaste of copper from his mouth. "Manah?" a small voice asked, "what's a 'bastard'?" He choked on the water he was swishing.

"It's a man of questionable origins. It's an insult."

"Am I a bastard?" he didn't sound offended, just curious.

"No, you have a father and a last name. You're a good kid. Smith, that's the guy who hit me, he's a bastard." He bent and Allen hopped into his arms. He carried the little boy on his hip. They paused at his office so Mana could gather up his work and leave a note for Marie before heading home.

Allen remained particularly clingy the rest of the day; absolutely refusing to leave Mana's side. When he took a shower he was forced to physically deposit the boy outside the bathroom and shut the door before he could rush back in. Allen managed to pick the lock and plant himself in the room. It was difficult to keep from getting annoyed. He sat on the closed lid of the commode while Mana put salve on the more gruesome bruises.

They ate reheated chicken pastries for dinner. Mana read the newspaper to Allen, then a story from one of his books. They played cards and Allen cheated, poorly. The evening turned into a lesson in card counting and distraction techniques. Mana was out of practice, he rarely played anymore. Allen fell asleep on the little sofa so he carried him to the bed.

Mana stretched and yawned, thanking God that the day was over. Grimly he remembered that the work week still had four days to go. Allen snuggled closer, holding on to his nightshirt. He needs his own bed, Mana reflected; even though he enjoyed holding the little figure as he drifted off to sleep.


	18. Chapter 18

Thanks to my loyal reviewers, after such praise i worry that i will let you down. As always, i thank you so much for your comments. They are always so detailed and that means a lot to me. Feel free to visit my little forum with any other comments or questions you may have.

ForbiddenSilence, i'm glad i caused your mood swings. I think that means i'm doing something right. Thank you.

BlueFox, Silverdrake yes Mr Smith is a horrible person. Some part of him is fun to write. He only gets worse.

Shadow Fox, Orchid Falls, children are very difficult to write. they have this mix of silly and serious that can flip at any time. i work in the public school system and get to see all different dynamics in action. i think that helps.

Itsuka Yamazaki, GreyLiliy, AcqueCristalline thank you for everything.

Thanks to everyone once more. I hope you continue to enjoy reading this as much as i enjoy writing it.

* * *

"Allen!" Mana called for the hundredth time. Where is that boy… He was becoming increasingly irritated. "We have to leave… NOW" Mana was going to be furious if they missed the train. It had taken him two years to save up for this trip, an especially difficult task with Allen around; and nothing was going to keep him from enjoying it.

With a growl he climbed the stairs and entered his apartment. He flung aside the hanging curtain that separated Allen's portion of the room. The boy, now seven, as close as Mana could figure anyways, was hiding, "I don't want to go Manah. I don't like trains."

"How do you know that?" Mana said, exasperated. "You've never been on one…"

"No! Don't wanna!" Allen pitched Bear at him. Mana easily caught it. He held it to him; its eye needed to be re-stitched.

"It'll be fun. I swear you'll love it there…" He walked over to the location Bear was launched from. Allen was in the corner. He scooted the boy's half packed suitcase aside and sat on the small bed.

Allen got his own bed last year. It was small, child sized, and Allen loved it. Rivka bought him a quilt with pale yellow stars and moons set in a multi-hued sky of blue. Mana built the bed himself and he was relieved that it held up so long.

It was all part of the plan to help Allen become less dependent on Mana. He partitioned his bedroom with a curtain; he wasn't sure enough in his carpentry skills to build a whole wall, but it did give him his own space. Allen had put colorful prints all over the walls in his 'room.' He still snuck into Mana's bed on occasion; but it was limited to thunderstorms and nightmares.

Mana smoothed the quilt absently. "I know it's not the train ride that's bothering you… what's really wrong?" He picked up some of the boy's clothes and started packing.

Allen frowned and stared at the floor. "People are gonna stare at me… I don't want anyone to see it." He was hugging his left arm to his chest. Mana sighed and nodded. His boy had become suddenly self conscious. "I'm… all wrong."

"You're not wrong, just different," this was a familiar and irritating conversation and Mana really wasn't in the mood for it. "We'll find an empty place, the hotel is huge, no one will bother us; you'll love the ocean." He flipped the latches on the suitcase shut. _It will be fine… it will._

"Here," he tossed Bear, "We'll take him on the train…" He picked up Allen's luggage and carried it downstairs to join his own. Allen followed pulling on his gloves; Bear firmly wedged under his arm. "Good boy… hang in there Allen. God doesn't make mistakes and He has a plan for all of us."

It was hot outside; and a long walk to the station. Mana somehow juggled their luggage in one hand and Allen's hand in the other. He drilled Allen on his spelling as they walked. He wasn't too good at it. Mana didn't really have the best spelling either so he didn't judge the boy too harshly. It helped pass the time.

The train station was crowded. Hundreds of people all moving in hundreds of directions. Engine smoke and tobacco smoke permeated the air and the noise of the crowd and the departing and arriving trains was near deafening. Mana coughed hard until his face was red; he could see Allen's eyes water. The pollution of the inner city was terrible for them both.

Mana hated that they had to come to this station. It felt like he was pulling his boy right into his nightmares; a dark place crowded with strangers. Mana even felt claustrophobic here. Allen clung to his arm with both hands, he was breathing hard as he tried to fight back his growing panic.

Mana wanted so badly to pick him up and hold him; Allen was bigger than he used to be, still small for seven but healthy. He had pulled his back the last time he lifted the boy. It left him in bed for days and Allen was so distraught by the whole thing. "I'll walk now Manah…" the boy had said, "I'm old enough to walk by myself! And I'll make you proud of me, I won't get tired or anything." Mana really was proud of him.

"Manah…" Allen said tightly, "I don't like it here." Mana felt him shiver and, worried that the action could be a prelude to a fit, started looking for places to take the boy. He prayed it wasn't, but he was prepared just in case.

Those horrible fits had become few and far between, but their intensity had increased drastically. Mana was sure the boy's heart stopped during the last one. As much as he hated it, they had developed a routine to handle them. Allen could tell if one was coming on and remove himself to a safe place and warn Mana. He learned how to restrain the little body without injury to either of them.

Mana would note the time of day and location; the next day he would check the papers to see if anything odd or tragic had happened. Every bit of information was recorded in his notebook and it painted a terrifying picture. It happened every time, _every_ time. Every single fit directly corresponded to some strange and horrific event. His notes also suggested that the intensity of the fit was linked with the boy's physical proximity to the event.

His last bad fit four weeks ago seemed to confirm it. They were getting ready for bed, when Allen suddenly dropped to his hands and knees. He had cried to God for help, his pleading voice so pitiful that it tore Mana's insides to hear. He gave him his leather wallet to bite down on; it's permanently covered with small indentations from Allen's baby teeth. He spat a loose front tooth out with it.

It had been different from all the other times; instead of the uncontrollable convulsions and wordless screams, Allen was frighteningly aware of his surroundings and of what was happening to his body and he fought it. He was conscious; he battled desperately for control of his body. Mana was able to hold him pinned for the first ten minutes or so, but with increasing difficulty. Allen managed to gain control long enough speak, his voice gasping, thick with pain, "Manah… can I have the bed?"

Ultimately, after the boy nearly pitched Mana off the bed, Rivka belted his arms to the headboard and ankles to the baseboard of his little bed. The worst of the spasms passed during the first rough hour, he just trembled occasionally throughout the rest. The rest, as far as Mana could tell, was just pain. Allen locked eyes with him, focusing hard on his face while he tried to bear the agony that racked his little frame. He had begged for Mana, for God, for anyone to just make it stop.

Mana was helpless. He hated it, his son was being tortured by forces unseen right in front of him and there was nothing he could do to lessen the hurt. He had put cool damp cloths on his forehead. Twice Allen was able to break through whatever had gripped him and ask for water. Mana helped him drink. He had finally told the boy to let go; that he should stop fighting and just ride it out, but by then it was over and Allen just cried with exhaustion.

His wrists and ankles were bloodied and raw. Rivka bandaged them and gave him a spoonful of good old Doc Washburn's Tonic for the lingering aches. Mana wondered why he couldn't have taken it sooner. It had lasted for three God-forsaken hours. She had explained that since they didn't know what was happening to him inside during these fits, it may do more harm then good.

Mana could smell smoke through the window, so he moved to close it. _Oh God_. The night sky had taken on a toxic orange hue. The next morning's paper told of the massive fire, believed to be arson, which brought down an entire apartment building. Many were lost; strangely sets of clothing were found, unburned, amidst piles of ash yards away from the remains of the building. He cut the article and set it in the notebook. He visited the site to see it for himself. He remembered thinking that whoever had put those disturbing black graffiti stars on the sidewalk had done so in extremely bad taste.

The closer he was to the event, the longer and more powerful the fit. Mana had no idea what it could mean; it disturbed him to no end and he resolved to never tell Allen or anyone else about it. The last thing the boy needed was to be reminded that he was different, and besides it sounded so odd.

"Manah?" Allen's voice snapped him back to the present. "Can we go? Please… I don't like it here."

"Look there's our train." He pointed to the massive steam engine. "Let's go find a nice quite place, ok?" he hoped that the boy would relax once they left the milling crowd and its noise. Mana led him through the crowd quickly, stopping only to hand over their tickets.

The inside of the train was silent compared to the outside. He pulled his child down the aisle past all the filled compartments. _Come on…come on… give me an empty one_. He didn't know what he would do if they had to share a compartment. The rooms were small enough to probably stress the boy, putting it full of strangers would be unbearable. He formed a plan, if there was no empty room then he would just have to empty one. Maybe he could pretend to be sick.

Luck smiled at him and they found an empty compartment. It was a pleasant enough space, dark wood panels, a large window with thick curtains and two red velvety bench seats. Allen went right to the window and watched the people on the platform. Mana grunted as he lifted their suitcases up to the storage shelf. His back popped loudly and Allen burst into giggles.

"You sound old Manah… old like Rivka." He snickered.

"Go ahead, laugh it up funny boy…" he was relieved to hear the boy's laugh. It meant he would be fine. He carefully settled himself onto the soft bench seat. The back was a little too straight to be really comfortable, but it was good enough. Allen crawled up and sprawled across the other seat. He envied the way the boy could make any surface look comfortable.

Mana read and Allen dozed off during the wait for the train to depart. When it lurched to life, the boy toppled to the floor with a startled yelp and rolled across the floor. Mana laughed at him; Allen was getting into the habit of over-dramatizing his spills just to get laughs. _He's such a little clown… _It always made him smile.

He reached out and helped him up. Allen scooted close, burrowing into Mana's arms. This was alright; he was in a new place and must have needed the safety that Mana had come to represent. He picked his book up and tried to resume reading. The rocking of the train made him nauseous and he was forced to put it away. He settled for watching the scenery fly by in a vibrant blur of greens and blues. "Hey, Allen… you should see this. It's really neat."

Allen just snored lightly and shifted against him. Mana smiled; he pulled the cord that slid the curtain shut and enveloped the compartment in darkness. They needed this vacation. Work was terrible, his relationship with Marie was tenuous at best and Smith had declared some sort of personal vendetta on him. _How can he get any work done if he's just waiting to aggravate me all the time…? I'm so sick of this…_ He glanced down at his sleeping child and relaxed; he honestly couldn't imagine life without him. Life had meaning now…

Allen tried so hard. He knew it wasn't easy on the boy; every time he came home in a bad mood. It was hard to stay positive. He ran his fingers through the soft brown hair; it was getting a little long, Allen would be bothering him to cut it soon. Allen had been concerned with his hair as of late; they had been shopping and someone called him a girl.

He had cried when they got home. Mana hadn't been able to understand why until Allen screamed that he didn't like it when _they _called him a girl. There was something about the way he said it that made Mana feel sick.

He had pulled the boy, still yelling, into the little bathroom and cut his hair immediately. Allen didn't like scissors, so it took most of the evening to finish. He had to show him that a haircut wasn't going to hurt. The boy perched on the edge of the sink so he could watch Mana work. He showed him to hold the small pair of silver scissors and let him cut a strand of his own messy hair; Mana walked around for the next month or so with one tuft of short hair sticking out awkwardly on the side of his head, Allen found it hysterical.

They spent most of the two and a half days of the train ride sleeping or playing cards. He told Allen that cheating was bad… but if he had to here were the best ways to do it. Mana justified teaching the boy card counting by thinking of it as an extended math lesson.

He also told him some of the cleaner adventures he had while he was a student at the University. Allen's favorite was about how he learned to juggle just to impress a girl. Isabella, she was his first unrequited love. She came from a long line of Slavic acrobats; thin, tall, blond and amazingly intoxicatingly flexible. He left that detail out of the story.

"So there I was," he leaned in so Allen could hear him better. The boy was seated cross-legged, leaning on his elbows and listening with rapt attention. It was the strange focus that only children had. "Nick and I had practiced and practiced until our hands were raw. I was so set on impressing her that I forgot all about my classes and had to take them over again the next year."

Allen gave a small laugh, "That's dumb Manah…"

"Yeah, it really was… So, we were showing off. Nick tossed these little colored balls, he had at least eight of them all in the air at once! Now, I wasn't going to let little Nicholas out do me, not in front of Isabella. So I pick up a pumpkin…"

Allen's eyes went wide and he started to giggle as he guessed where the story was going. His laugh was like bells, clear and bright.

"I tossed it far too high and…" He paused dramatically. "KER-SPLAAT!" He clapped his hands together loudly and Allen jumped and laughed. "Right onto my head!"

"Nuh uh…that's not real Manah! You fib."

"Yes it did! I'm not lying…" It actually did happen like that; he ended up with a concussion and Nick and Isabella are happily married. "And the pumpkin was rotten so my head went right into it!" _Now_ he was lying. "And I couldn't get it off…I was stuck with an old pumpkin on my head for a week… Nick had to cut little eye holes so I could see…"

"Nuh uh!" Allen near shrieked with laughter. _God, I'm so happy…I want this to last forever…_ Mana thought.

"Yes, and…" He raised himself up to loom over the boy and in a mock scary voice continued, "I went around with my horrible pumpkin head aaannd… tickled unsuspecting children!" he pounced. Allen squealed and tried to escape but Mana caught him and ticked him into submission.

They played until they were both breathless on the compartment floor. _I'm getting old… _Mana thought as he wheezed. He leaned up against one of the benches, letting his head lay back on the seat. It was surprisingly comfortable. Allen inched over and rested his head on Mana's thigh and stared up at him; he had such a content smile on his face.

"I love you Father."

Mana's heart stopped dead in his chest. _Did he… did he just call me…_ "What did you say?" he asked, his voice was shaking. In the two years since Allen came into his life, he was always Mana, never father. He didn't realize how much that one little word could mean or how badly he had wanted to hear it.

Allen rolled away looking confused. Mana grabbed his hands before he could get too far. "Allen… why did you call me that? You've never called me that before…"

The boy made a worried mmph sound. "I'm sorry I won't do it again ok… just, that's what Abigail and Elizabeth call Mr. Leroy." The Brown twins had become regular playmates of Allen. They met in the park every Saturday.

"He's their Father and I thought… you're a grown up, like him and you take care of me, like he does. We live together just like they do…" he paused thoughtfully, "and you can't be a 'mother' cause you're a boy… I'm sorry." Mana could see he upset the boy; he probably thought he said something wrong

"Don't be, God Allen…I…" his voice cracked, there was moisture on his face. _I'm crying_, he realized. "I would love to be called that. I'd be honored to be your father." He pulled him into a tight embrace. _He called me Father… oh God this is really real, isn't it? I'm a father. _How could one word make him feel like this?

"Manah… you crying?" he sounded worried, but Mana made no effort to deny it, just kissed his forehead. "Don't cry ok. I don't like it… ahh don't be sad Manah… Father… not sad ok" he pleaded.

Smells like soap… He rested his cheek on Allen's head. "I'm not sad. These are good tears Allen…' his voice felt thick. "I'm crying because I'm happy… I'm so happy it hurts…" This is how it's supposed to be he thought as he held the boy, no, his son. Allen was the one to finally break the silence.

"… you're weird…"


	19. Chapter 19

Thank you my loyal reviewers and those of you just joining us. I'm deepply honored to know i've become a favorite of so many people. I'm sorry for the delay, and i'm going to apologize in advance for this chapter. i throw a bit of a curve ball in this installment, but be assured its nowhere near the end of my humble story. I hope you all enjoy.

* * *

Mana hurled his beach towel at the giggling little boy on the bed. He grinned wickedly as it smacked him full in the face and knocked Allen over backwards. He still laughed, the sound muffled by the towel; he kicked his little legs in glee.

_It's not_ that _bad_, Mana thought to himself. "Not everyone is young enough to get away with swimming in their underwear. This is what's proper for adults to wear. Heh, if you think this is bad you should see what women wear."

Mana really hated the bathing suit, but the people running the hotel had made a fuss over the topic and supplied him with one. They had a reputation to maintain. Even having one's calves exposed was too scandalous. It was an awkward woolen black and white striped jumper with short sleeves and short pants. It looked utterly ridiculous and Allen was making sure he knew it.

He planned on finding an empty section of beach and ditching the suit for his own boxers and undershirt, but until then he was trapped in this abomination. Allen was lucky; small children could run about practically naked without repercussions. For obvious reasons Allen chose to be modest. He had boxers and a shirt with sleeves that hung just below his fingertips.

It was a long walk from their hotel room, through the building lobby, down the wooden boardwalk and to the shore. There were people everywhere; Allen was on edge and held Mana's hand in a death grip. "It'll be fine, just relax Allen." He tried to reassure the boy as he locked the door to their room.

It was a beautiful hotel by the sea; far away from the noise of the cities, like a world unto itself. They had one of the cheaper rooms on the upper floors, just a bed and bathroom, all painted in odd blues to mimic the waters outside. The bed was soft and Allen enjoyed stealing all the blankets to leave him freezing. From their window they could see only a corner of the ocean, but it didn't matter, they didn't plan on staying in the room any more than necessary.

There was a grand ballroom with marble floors and gilded walls, like some dream vision set in white and gold. Elegant carved columns lined the massive walls framing bas reliefs of mythic characters. Mana guessed they were Greek. Carved figures of men and women in flowing garments eternally frozen in their joyous dancing. A giant crystal chandelier sat like a magically suspended jewel in the middle of a blue domed ceiling. They held a dance for the guests every week. Mana planned to at least go check it out. He had Allen fitted for a suit just in case.

The dining hall had high ceilings and large arched windows that bathed the room in light and made it feel open and free. Dozens of tables with crisp white table clothes and linen napkins dotted the room. He suspected the silverware was real silver; he found several spoons and forks already hidden in Allen's luggage, but he couldn't yell at the boy as he planed on liberating every towel he could find. Mana and Allen had eaten breakfast there. Fresh flowers were set out and with the morning sun streaming in breakfast seemed unusually special. They passed by it on their way out to the boardwalk. Mana was sure the people dining there now were laughing at his bathing suit and his face flushed red.

They crossed through the main lobby with its wide spiral staircase. Their bare feet made uneven slaps on the marble floor. The clerk behind the polished dark wooden reception desk smiled and waved as they passed. Mana found it a little unnerving how everyone working here was so cheerful. _It must pay well…_ he thought. The big glass doors of the main entrance were propped open letting the ocean air blow in. He led Allen out to the wooden boardwalk.

The boardwalk was a place for the guests to mingle and show off. "Look Allen…" he pointed to a group of young women, "bathing beauties…" They were dressed in what Mana assumed was the latest fashion in bathing gowns and suddenly his own didn't seem as bad. With the belted dress and the bloomers it was a wonder they didn't sink. The only flesh visible was from mid-calf and elbows down. Each of the women had a frilled cap that covered all their hair. They didn't look like they were ever going to make it any closer to the water.

They stopped to watch Mana as he passed. He vaguely hoped it was because he looked good. He laughed to himself; _they're probably thinking how cute Allen is…_

Allen yelped abruptly and hopped onto one foot. "Maanaah! My foot!" He hopped over to the railing to lean on it. "Ahh I stepped on something…"

Mana hummed and knelt to look. His feet were dirty; Mana couldn't really see a splinter. He carefully ran a finger over his skin hoping to feel the offending item. The ladies had gone silent to watch him. It made him nervous, like he was on display.

"I can't see anything, Allen. Maybe it fell out…" he hoped. This was embarrassing; his failing eyesight was just one more thing in the long list of things that suggested he was getting old.

"No Father, its still there and it hurts…" Allen sniffled. It hadn't taken the boy long to figure out how to use that name. If he wanted something all he had to do was call Mana 'Father' and the man would cave like a house of cards caught in a gale. It was a powerful word and he could tell the boy was going to use it to its full extent. Mana was thoroughly vexed by it. He knew exactly what the boy was doing but he was powerless to stop it; he really liked being Father.

At Allen's sniffle the women gave a collective "ohhh…" and converged on them like a flock of vultures, albeit very colorful, pretty vultures.

"Poor little dear…" one cooed and lifted the boy up before Mana could even think. She swept him to a bench and sat holding him on her lap. Allen's eyes were a little too wide, but he wasn't panicking. He was impressed at how she lifted the boy with such ease.

He smiled but it felt bitter. _She's stronger than me_, he though grimly, he snorted, _well, she's not a _little_ girl_. She was a rather round woman; her colorful bathing gown made her resemble some sort of large tropical fruit.

Within seconds the other women had gathered around, blocking Mana's view. One sat on the bench and lifted Allen's foot, peering at it with great interest while the others fawned over the boy. Mana could only pick out a few sentences from the chorus of voices as he approached.

"Such a darling…" "He has the brownest eyes!" "Oh! Look at his smile! He's just too sweet." They combed their fingers through his hair and exclaimed how soft and fine it was. One of the ladies turned and assessed Mana's appearance, before squealing, "He looks just like his father!" That made him smile, he was cute by association.

Mana forced his way into their tight circle and Allen relaxed. That was a relief. "Can you see what he stepped on?" he asked.

"Ah, there it is." The lady holding Allen's foot pointed at a spot just below the pad of the boy's big toe. Mana still couldn't see it, it was frustrating. "It went all the way in… Alice, dear, let me borrow a hat pin and I'll dig it out."

Allen made a worried noise and instantly the ladies comforted him with soft words and gentle touches. "What's your name, little angel?" the fruit woman asked.

"Allen" he chirped.

"What a good name!" the lady to Mana's right exclaimed. They all agreed with her.

"My Father gave it to me" he smiled up at Mana proudly. The ladies made another collective 'aww' sound.

"Allen dear, I'm going to get that nasty old splinter out… be a big boy, it might sting a bit…" She held an obscenely long needle with a large pearl on one end. _So that's a hat pin…good thing Allen can't see it. Hmm, how do keep from stabbing themselves… _he wondered.

Allen winced as she pushed the pin into the sole of his foot and began to work the splinter out. The fruit lady petted his hair, but he looked to Mana for comfort. He smiled warmly at the boy. _He's gotten so much better_, he reflected. Allen could handle small groups of people and he tolerated physical contact much better than he had in the past.

Allen gave a relieved sigh as the tiny piece of wood was finally extracted. He leaned his head back to rest on the ample bosom of the fruit lady and shot Mana a sly look, as if to say 'don't you wish you were here.' Mana resolved to throw him into the surf as soon as possible.

The woman on his right turned to him cheerfully, "Will you and your wife be attending the dance tonight?"

He looked away. "Allen's mother isn't with us…" he said softly. It was mostly true. The ladies all offered their condolences and Mana assured them that they were doing just fine on their own.

Rather than let the lull in conversation stretch into an even more awkward silence, Mana bid the ladies farewell. They took turns burying Allen in goodbye hugs before Mana politely pulled him away and down the boardwalk.

"That was weird Mana, but I like them. They were nice. She was very soft, like a pillow"

"Yeah, nice and weird. Women are like that, especially the ones with the nice pillows. We can't begin to understand them. Can't live with them and we, sure as hell can't live without them." Allen gave him a blank stare. "It'll make sense when you're older…"

Allen was utterly entranced with the ocean, making it hard for Mana to drag him to an empty stretch of beach. Once the other bathers were out of sight Mana released Allen's hand and spread out his beach towel. With a quick glance up and down the shore Mana undid the few buttons at the neck of his bathing suit and stripped down to his undershirt and boxers. He stretched out, the warmth of the sun-baked sand seeping into the tired muscles in his back. The crumpled bathing suit made a good pillow.

"That's salt water Allen. Don't drink it." Allen looked at him guiltily and let the water drain through his cupped hands. The boy squatted down and splashed at the surface until a wave knocked him over. He laughed and got to his feet.

He watched Allen as he ran; chasing the waves as they receded and sprinting back as new ones broke. The water was an amazing hue of blue accented with streaks of white foam. Mana was always going to remember this moment; he struggled to memorize every detail, the way the sun beat down on him and the warmth of the sand under him, the sound of the waves and Allen's laughter, the white of the sand, the blue of the water and the sense of complete peace that these things brought.

He wasn't sure when he fell asleep, but he was awakened by water on his face. He cracked open one eye to see a soaking wet Allen leaning over him, dripping.

"Maanaah… come play with meee…" he wheedled.

Mana grinned and playfully pushed Allen back. Sand flew everywhere as the boy landed hard on his backside. With an unusual amount of effort Mana stood and started to walk to the water's edge. Allen was running circles around him; Mana swatted at him and tired to catch him but whenever he got close the boy skillfully jumped back. _Where does he get all this energy… was I ever like this when I was his age…_

He waded out deeper than Allen could and dove under the water. It was refreshingly cool. He swam with the current letting the motion of the water carry him back to where Allen was waiting. He surfaced right next to the boy who jumped, shrieked and splashed Mana all in rapid succession. He laughed and splashed right back and war was declared.

With the assistance of a particularly large wave, Mana won the splash battle. He was magnanimous in victory and let Allen practice dog paddling with Mana's hand under him just in case he started to sink. The boy was finally starting to tire.

"What to get out?" he asked. Allen nodded and together they fought the breaking waves back to the sand. Mana returned to his seat on the towel stretched out, letting the sun dry him. Allen started pushing sand into little piles. He guessed the boy was building something.

The sun was so warm and the breezes off the sea so pleasant that he felt his eyelids start to droop. He napped lightly; at some point the weight of Allen's head appeared on his chest. A lazy blink confirmed the boy was using him as a pillow.

"Manah… wake up ok. I wanna go home. I'm hungry… wake up. Its gonna rain…" Allen shook his shoulder and with a groan, he reluctantly sat up. Dark clouds were rolling in from the ocean bringing a cold wind with them.

He stood and shook the sand from the towel just as it was starting to rain. The water was cold so Mana wrapped the towel around Allen's small shoulders. They hurried to the boardwalk and joined the group of bathers who also chose to leave at the signs of the large storm. They were stuck at the back of the crowd.

From the corner of his eye, Mana spotted a familiar colorful form; _hey, it's the fruit lady._ "Look Allen…" he pointed, "it's your favorite pillow." Allen jumped and waved enthusiastically. She looked and waved back before rushing over to meet them. The crowd parted for her, and it gave Mana an idea.

The rain came down harder. "Will you get my son inside?" he asked as soon as she reached him. "I don't want him getting stuck in this rain…"

"Of course," she said with a smile as she bent to scoop up the little figure, "We'll wait for you in the lobby."

"MANA!" Allen shouted; his face was terrified.

"Its alright, I'll be there in a minute," he said with a smile.

The large round woman moved through the crowd as if it was water. People quickly moved out of her way. _They're afraid she'll step on them_, he thought with a laugh.

Rain was pouring down in sheets by the time Mana reached the building. He stood in the doorway, dripping and shivering, and looked for Allen and the fruit lady. A surge of panic went through him as he didn't immediately spy them. He caught sight of a colorful sleeve on the arm rest of one of the lobby sofas and made his way over to it.

Allen was sprawled on the woman's lap, wrapped in a fluffy towel and looking like the cat that ate the canary. "See love, I told you he'd be here in no time…" she cooed to Allen. Mana raised an eyebrow. "He was so very worried about you…"she smiled at Mana, "such a caring boy…and handsome just like his father." There was a lot more to that smile than Mana had expected to see. "Do come to the dance tonight…"

"Sure, yeah." He said just to end the conversation. Allen crawled off her lap and took Mana outstretched hand. Back in their room Mana insisted Allen take a bath first; he really didn't want to spend the rest of the week cooped up in the tiny room caring for a sick child. He was shivering almost violently by the time his son emerged from the steamy bathroom.

Mana drew a bath; he felt that a good soak would help to drive the chill out of his bones. His wet clothes clung to his body, making it hard to undress. Gratefully he sunk into the hot bath and breathed in the soothing steam. He dunked his head to wet his hair and let it rest on the edge of the tub. _Oh this is so much better… I'm sore; probably from swimming, I haven't done it in so long… did I agree to go to the dance? Aw shit_.

He took his time washing; he so rarely had time to relax by himself and he had to make the most of when he did. He would just have to be fashionably late to the dance. He turned on the shower briefly to rinse any dirtied bath water off before he got out.

Mana dressed in his good suit and with much effort and protest got Allen in to his. The boy's suit was new, tailored to fit black pants, white shirt, black vest, black coat and Allen's favorite part, a blood red ribbon that served as a bowtie. "I like it. Its pretty." He had told Mana when he picked it out.

The grand ballroom was even more beautiful at night; the massive crystal chandelier casting rays of light like a captured sun over the well dressed couples dancing over the shiny floors. Mana hardly noticed it; he wasn't feeling well at all. He knew the room was warm and he was sweating but he felt like he was freezing. His legs felt weak so he sat at one of the tables over to the side of the room and let Allen run free. Mana saw the way the boy's fingers twitched and made him promise not to take anything. He did have free run of the food tables though and spent most of the time there darting back and forth for seconds, thirds… tenths. Mana tried not to look at the food; it was making his stomach roll.

Finally, the room tilted and Mana couldn't bear to stay a moment longer. "Allen" he called, the boy was nowhere in sight. He called again and Allen was suddenly at his side making him start. He had half a pastry in his mouth and he was pointing and trying to talk around the food. "Look, I'm not feeling good. I need to get back to the room. I'm real sorry; I know you're having fun…"

Allen removed the food; he had jelly on his face, "Manah you sick?" He started to wipe his face on his sleeve before thinking better of it and using a napkin. "It's ok. Let's go back to the room."

_He's doing it again; that creepy grown up thing…_ Allen could show a surprising amount of maturity if someone was unhappy or sick. It was like he wanted to take care of them. Mana let him take his hand and lead him from the ballroom. The building seemed to be spinning and he was thankful Allen was there to keep him grounded.

They were in a hallway; at least Mana assumed they were, _it's so hard to focus_, when he felt his throat catch. He stopped and coughed hard leaning up against the wall for support. He couldn't seem to stop; he was sure his throat was ripping and his lungs ached with the effort. _It hurts!_ Air couldn't enter his chest and it made his head spin. _Why can't I breathe?!_ He felt himself slipping and Allen was screaming but it seemed so far away… _oh God_

Allen was sitting on Mana's bed at the hotel, his knees drawn up to his chest and his head buried in his arms. He couldn't seem to stop crying.

"ahhh Maaanaaah… its not funny… you gotta wake up and we can go home…no no no no NO. 'M scared Manah, I'm really scared so you gotta wake up. You have to! Father you have to wake up ok… please Father. I don't like this, you need to wake up and take me home an we'll eat with Rivka and go to the park and everything will be good again. I need you. Please, please don't leave me alone Father… please…"

A man in a white coat put his hand on the boy's shoulder and spoke to him; Allen pushed him away and continued talking to Mana's still form.

Allen's was the first voice he could make out as he slowly drifted back to consciousness. His eyes were still bleary as he worked at sitting up. He felt absolutely horrid; as if he weighed a million pounds. His mouth was parched and he seemed to have forgotten how to swallow. Mana tried to talk and the man in the white coat was suddenly beside him; he held a glass of water to his lips. The cool water was heavenly going down his dry throat.

"Glad to see you awake Mr. Walker. You had your boy here very worried. You passed out in the third floor hall. Allen got the manager and he called me. I'm Dr. Fields." He shook Mana's hand and helped him sit upright. He listened to his heart and his lungs.

"MANA!" Allen launched himself across the bed, desperately holding on to Mana and burying his tear streaked face in his shirt. "Manah, you woke up! You scared me… you fell and I couldn't wake you up and I was scared! And I couldn't make you wake up…" His voice became incredibly soft, "I was scared you were gonna leave me all alone… I don't wanna be alone again, never again…"

_You never will be_, Mana thought. "Allen…" he croaked, his voice didn't seem to work right. "Sorry to worry you. I'm ok. Did you go find help all on your own?" He nodded and Mana ruffled his hair; his arm felt like lead. "I'm so proud of you. Don't worry I'm not going anywhere, not for a long time." He looked up to the doctor, who had waited patiently until they had finished. "So I'm sick huh? How bad is it?"

"Just a rather bad cold," he said with a smile. "It's nothing to be worried about. Get plenty of bed rest, drink a lot of fluids and take some aspirin for the aches. You should be fine in a week."

Mana leaned his head back against the cool wood of the headboard. "Just a cold…so no more swimming this week…" His head was throbbing; it felt good to close his eyes. "I feel like shit."

"I'd be surprised if you didn't. You're lucky you didn't hurt yourself when you fell. Your son says he caught your head before it could hit the floor." Dr. Fields began packing up his medical kit, "I spoke to the manager," he said, "you are more than welcome to stay here until you're well enough to travel…" The man laughed, "he just doesn't want to look bad, throwing a sick man and his son out. If you need anything just ring the bell for house keeping and they'll fix you up… send for me if you start to feel worse or notice anything odd." He shut the door softly behind him.

"Sorry Allen, I ruined our vacation. We'll just have to come back some other time." They both knew that wouldn't happen; it was just too much money. "Why was I on the third floor? Our room is on the fifth…"

"I got us lost." Allen said sheepishly. "Manah you really scared me, don't do that again…"

"I promise I won't scare you again." He was still in his suit so he disengaged Allen from his person and stumbled to the bathroom to change into his night clothes. A wave of nausea forced him to lean on the door frame and shut his eyes. When he opened them again Allen, also in his pajamas, was standing next to him; his thin arms stretched out.

"Don't fall… you're heavy and hard to catch, but I'll do it if you fall Manah." Allen sounded like a miniature adult; Mana was touched by his concern. "You gotta stay in bed…" he said as he pulled on the edge of Mana's nightshirt to direct him towards the bed. "I'll call the…um… downstairs…" he struggled to find the right word, "the downstairs… uh, food… people. Right, the food people." He tried to pull the blankets up to cover Mana.

"Allen," he said with a chuckle that almost turned into a cough, "are you trying to tuck me in?"

He pulled at the blankets harder. "uh huh. And I'm gonna call the downstairs food people and make em bring you toast and stuff." It made Mana smile; some part of him relaxed because Allen seemed to have everything under control. _I must be sick… he's seven he shouldn't have to take care of me. I should be taking care of him… or does this work in both directions…_

He watched with half open eyes as Allen pulled a chair over to the pull rope. It was a thick ribbon connected to a bell system in the kitchen area. Each room had an individual bell to inform the staff of which guest needed room service. The little boy climbed the chair and tugged the bell pull.

The staff was very professional, taking only a few minutes to send someone to their room. The man was shocked when he saw the little figure that opened the door. "Hi," Allen said cheerfully, "Manah's sick and he needs toast… and applesauce… and put cinnamon on it and bring orange juice, get a lot of that 'cause I'm gonna drink it too… and vanilla cake, that's for me. I like it."

Mana smiled as Allen shut the door on the bewildered man and ran back to the bed. He jumped up and crawled over to Mana, settling down next to him. "Don't leave me ok."

"Ok. I'll always be with you." _I must be sick, that sounds so dumb…_

They spent the rest of the vacation confined to their little room. Allen became very friendly with the staff; he would disappear for hours at a time only to be tossed back into the room by an irritated maid or cook. Mana slept, read and generally lazed about, by the last day he felt wonderful. Before they left Mana took Allen for one last walk along the shore. Despite falling ill, he had a surprisingly good time and felt better rested than he had in ages.

The next few months passed quickly for Mana. It was a gloriously boring time, the day-to-day activities were pleasant and most importantly, normal. Allen seemed to be outgrowing his fits and progressing nicely with his reading and math lessons. He was healthy and growing; he was always playing and laughing. Mana went to work and occasionally had dinner with Marie. She kissed him, sweet and chaste, almost everyday. He enjoyed watching the increasing number of automobiles that sputtered noisily down the road, but the fumes they produced made his chest ache. Nothing exciting, nothing strange interrupted their peaceful family life and Mana had never been happier.


	20. Chapter 20

Thank you to all my treasured reviewers. The happiest part of my day is reading your comments. I'd like to start thanking each of you individually, so don't be surprised if i send you messages. I always forget what to say when i leave it to the chapter updates to reply.

Sorry for the delay. School is almost over and its kept me very busy. Also i'm sorry if this chapter seems short, i had to split this installment into two parts. Taken together it was too big.

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_Time moves so fast when you're happy_, Mana thought as the months flew by. Allen must be about eight now… he was thinking a lot about age recently; he was going to be thirty-nine in two days.

Allen had been sneaking around and giggling to himself much more than usual this past week. Mana knew he was planning something; he just didn't want him to. Thirty-nine; that meant he would be forty next year… forty. _Where did all the time go?_ The thought of getting older had put him in a very sour mood. On top of that, money had become very tight. The little café was suffering through a severe lull in its usually robust client base. Mana and Rivka had spent the entire afternoon going over their finances.

"Allen! Will you stop that!?" He slammed his palm flat on the tabletop, nearly knocking over his coffee. Allen, who had been racing around the table at top speed, skidded to a halt looking surprised. The boy stared at him as if he was wondering what the consequences would be if he kept running. A few seconds later he tore up the stairs to go play in the living room.

Mana didn't hear the door close. Allen was much better at being by himself now; but he still left the door open and checked frequently to be sure Mana hadn't gone anywhere.

Mana dropped his head, banging it on the table. "He'll be fine, you need to keep him under a little stricter control…" Rivka said sagely. She ruffled through the papers spread out before them. "Now if we trim back the menu… how much will that save us?"

Mana did the math, "Not enough…" he sighed as he removed his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose. His eyesight had been getting steadily worse; it was no longer just a lack of close details, but object in the distance as well. Now that he saw so much better he chided himself for not doing it sooner.

He was starting to like the oval black wired frames. Marie said the glasses, along with the new grey at his temples, made him look distinguished. Allen thought they were neat so he tried them on and walked directly into a door.

"If we cut back the menu by a third or so at least and switch the downstairs lights from electricity back to oil…" he quickly worked the math, "and raise my rent… we'll be in the clear." Mana was sure he could scrape more from his paycheck if it kept Rivka in business. "That would cut the electric bill out completely and free up all that money…" He passed the figures to Rivka; she examined the paper closely. "I won't let this place close… Allen would starve." He said it like a joke, but in reality he believed it to be true; Allen really would starve without her.

Rivka made a thoughtful sound before smiling. "You're a good man Mana Walker… a good man." She rose to place a weathered hand on his shoulder. Mana stood and embraced her; he loved her like a favorite relative and he would take care of her like one. Little arms joined in. Allen must have been listening and silently creeping down the steps.

"I can help too." Allen added with enthusiasm.

Mana went down on one knee and took Allen's hands to keep his attention. "No stealing. I'm serious this time, I really am. You are going to get caught one day and then you'll be in big trouble…" Allen frowned. "They'll take your fingerprints…" he was guessing but is sounded good. A look of terror crossed Allen's face and Mana felt him tense; the threat worked.

"I won't do it anymore, ok Father!" Allen said frantically; he was truly frightened. Mana smiled and nodded; he pulled him into a tight hug. _Good boy_.

The door chimed as the post man entered. Rivka collected the mail from him and wished him a good day. He tipped his hat to her. "Mana, there's a letter for you…" That was surprise; Mana never received mail, other than court summons over patent disputes; he couldn't think of anyone who would write him.

He took the envelope and read the return address. "Oh my God…" he breathed. "Oh MY GOD!"

"What? What's wrong?" Rivka asked, worried.

"Nothing's wrong, look…" his voice rising with excitement, he pointed to the return address. "See, Fezeni. It's Nick! I haven't heard from him since we were at University together! I can't believe it… wow…" He tore open the letter.

_Dear Mana,_

_I hope this letter finds you well. Sorry to have taken so long to write you 'Big Brother'; it was difficult to find your address and we so rarely have a stable one. _

_Isabella sends her love. She is as beautiful and graceful as ever. We are currently with the Mac Brother's Circus, The Flying Fezenis a silly name I know, and I'm pleased to say we will be stopping in your city soon. Look for the notice in the newspaper; I don't have an accurate list of dates. Isabella and I would love to see you again. I'll leave a ticket for you and a guest at the ticket booth. _

_How have you been? I hope you found steady work. Have you married yet or are you still out trolling the dancehalls? Isabella and I have a bet… I hope you're single or I owe her dinner. We had such a great time back then, didn't we? There's so much I want to tell you but it needs to be in person. I hope to see you soon._

_Love, your 'Little Brother,'_

_Nicholas _

"Wow," Mana said again. "I can't believe it…Little Nick. Hey, Allen, get me today's paper. Let's see if they've announced the circus dates yet." Mana eagerly flipped through the pages. He suddenly didn't feel so old. _Nick and Isabella, they were so lucky. It must be exciting to work in a circus, kinda wanted to go with them._

Nicholas and Isabella had been Mana's best friends, despite the difference in age. He had started his schooling very late and they had started theirs exceptionally early. He figured they must be in their late twenties or early thirties; he felt a pang of guilt for not remembering his best friends' ages. _Oh well_, he figured, _it didn't matter then, and it won't matter now._

"Ha!" he exclaimed in triumph. Sure enough in the back of the paper was a half-page advertisement. "Here Allen look! A circus… would you like to go see it?" Mana was so thrilled; he felt like a child again. Allen looked at the ad and traced a prancing tiger with his fingertip the newsprint staining his white gloves.

His enthusiasm must have been catching, Allen nodded excitedly. "That is gonna be fun, right? Are there really tigers there? I wanna see them!"

"Of course" Mana grinned, "And I can see my friends, and it will be great!" He grabbed Allen and danced with him across the floor.

"Oh stop that, both of you!" A very irritated Rivka snapped, "Mana you're acting like a child! Stop being ridiculous… really now, Allen I can understand but you… you're just being silly."

"Heheh, you're silly Mana." Allen giggled, swinging Mana's arm outward to spin under it.

"You're right," he sighed and ran his fingers through his hair in embarrassment. "It's just that I haven't seen them in so long…" He knew that wasn't really a good excuse for jumping about in such a manner; he needed to remember that he wasn't at the University anymore, he wasn't a young man.

Allen darted back to the table, climbing onto a chair to look at the ad again. He concentrated on reading the elaborate swirling text. "Manah… it's on your birthday. It's on your birthday." Allen sat back hard in his seat looking slightly sad. "I wanna go, but if I do… I won't have time to…" he shut his mouth quickly. Mana looked at him with a questioning raised eyebrow. "Ahh, Manah I was gonna bake a cake. Rivka was gonna show me how and everything."

Mana smiled and ruffled Allen's hair. He sat back down at the table, his knees were a little sore, and started to organize the finance papers into proper order. "You're a good kid Allen. Don't worry about a cake; it's the thought that counts…"

The next day Mana glided through work in the morning. He was far to focused on Saturday, his birthday and the visit with his old friends. It had put him in such a good mood that he easily jumped Smith's foot when the ass casually tried to trip him. Mana even found time to stroll in to the typist pool to pull Marie from her desk and spin and dip her as if they were dancing. All the other typing girls paused in their work to watch. With a particularly roguish grin he laid such a kiss on her as to leave her flushed and breathless. As he walked confidently from the building, he heard one of the girls say "Oh Marie, it must be so amazing to be with such a handsome and _experienced_ man…"

He grinned like a fool. _Experienced…_ he thought _I'm not old; I'm experienced…_ that was a nice way of thinking about it. His good mood lasted all the way home. Even Allen's usual 'welcome home' tackle didn't faze him.

He wandered over to the counter where Rivka was cleaning and sat down. Allen climbed up onto the stool next to him. "Sorry for acting so stupid yesterday" he apologized, "I don't know what came over me." Rivka gave a grunt in acknowledgement and all was well again.

The little café became increasingly busy as the day wore on; as if the universe felt guilty for the slow business of the past weeks and decided to make up for it all in one day. Mana spent the afternoon helping. Rivka took orders and cooked, Mana brought the food to the tables and cleaned them afterwards, and Allen stood rigidly at the sink washing dishes and carefully obscuring his left arm in a mass of soapy bubbles. He was in public and without his gloves; Mana could almost see the stress radiating from his small frame, but he couldn't help but be proud of how he was handling himself.

After closing he swept the wooden floors and half listened to Rivka and Allen talk behind the counter. There was something satisfying about doing manual work; it made him feel like he accomplished something.

"Hey Manah," Allen called, stopping him in his cleaning. "Do we have to leave early tomorrow… it's far into the city, right?"

"It's in the main city park, but I figured we could walk to Tenth and Brighton and pick up the trolley for the rest of the way." The streetcar system was a recent addition to the city and Mana was selfishly looking for any reason to try it. "We still have to leave fairly early tomorrow if we want to look at all the sideshow attractions."

Allen said something he couldn't make out to Rivka who in turn smiled and nodded. Mana finished sweeping the dust and dirt of the day out the door and wandered back to the counter. Allen had disappeared to somewhere, so he sat and rested his arms on the counter. His fingers drummed out a staccato rhythm on the worn wood.

With a loud crash Allen reappeared from the back room. In his arms was a package so large he couldn't see over it. He banged into the door before successfully making his way to the counter. "Since we gotta leave early and we won't have time, you get your present now!" Allen's voice nearly burst with excitement as he pushed the box into Mana's arms.

Mana couldn't hold back a smile. The box was light despite its large size. It had been carefully wrapped in white paper and topped with a big bow. He looked to Rivka as if to ask what her role was in all this. Her weathered face beamed back at him and she nodded at Allen. _He did this all by himself_… Mana wanted to cry, it was unbearably sweet.

He worked loose the ribbon and tore the paper; finally he removed the lid of the big box. "Oh…" he breathed, "oh Allen…it's…oh _thank you_…" Reverently, he lifted his new top hat and let the box and wrapping drop to the floor. "It's perfect…" And it was perfect; perfect and expensive. Mana didn't plan on asking how he could afford it, knowing full well that wouldn't like the answer.

He was sorely in need of a new hat. The old one had served him well for many years but age had not been kind to it. It had faded from pure black to a dark gray and the stitched were starting to fray around the edges. He ran his fingers gently over its surface; the black satin was smooth and cool to the touch. The color was a perfect tone of black, not too glossy and not too matte. It could easily be worn to any occasion.

The most striking feature was the blood red satin band that adorned it. It was the same red as the ribbon Allen favored to wear about his collar.

"It's perfect. I love it! Thank you Allen." Mana leaned in, making the bar stool creak under him and threw an arm around his son pulling him into a tight hug. "It's the best… thank you so much my wonderful, wonderful boy."

Mana wore the hat for the rest of the evening, not caring how odd it looked with him only in his shirtsleeves. He went to bed feeling very pleased.

In the early hours of the morning, Mana awoke with a sharp cry of dismay. It had been years since a nightmare had disrupted his sleep this badly. Sweating and shaking, he pulled the covers away and put his feet firmly on the cold floor. He hoped the solid feel of the ground beneath his feet would drive away the last remnants of the dream. _God_… he ran his fingers through his hair and rested his head in his palms. … _what was that?!_

He shut his eyes hard and let the nightmare replay behind them, hoping to find meaning. He was alone in some vast empty field. _Where the hell am I?_ The horizon stretched on into infinity. There was no color, no tones, not even gray. It was a world of black and white. _God, I don't like it here. I want to go home…_ He ran. It was impossible, as if he was in glue. He looked at the black ground and white reflections appeared. He was ankle deep in a shallow ocean. _Its blood_… he realized with horror. Dark shapes appeared in the distance and he ran towards them, sure that he would find safety there. _Please… please help me. Someone…anyone save me…_ The black, _oh God its blood_, covered him as he ran through it. He stumbled and landed hard in the warm liquid. As he pulled himself to his hands and knees, his reflection appeared. For a moment all he saw was his own terrified face; but the image wavered, reforming into a grinning skull. Its empty eye sockets burned into his, some pattern was carved into its forehead. His own blood ran down into his eyes and he knew that the skull's markings where now engraved upon him. _That's not me…_ he screamed_. That's not me… that's not me…_ A chilling knowledge rushed through his entire being as the skull spoke without words; _it will be_.

Mana found himself touching his forehead and relief washed through him when he felt nothing. He trembled at the memory and folded his body in half as if to shield himself. A rustle of fabric pulled him back to his surroundings.

"Mana? Are… are you ok?" Allen said in a shaky voice. He stood clutching tightly at the curtain that separated their 'rooms' and softly asked again.

Mana forced a smile and met the boy's eyes. "Yeah, just a bad dream. That's all." He pulled his feet back on to the bed. "I'm fine…"

Allen disappeared back behind the curtain and Mana tried to untangle his bedding. Noise from across the room made him pause and watch. Allen had reappeared and was silently padding his way across the room, Bear and his pillow in tow. With a sigh, Mana scooted over and pulled back the covers for him. The boy climbed up and tossed Bear and his pillow to rest at the headboard.

Allen rose to his knees and put his slender arms around Mana's head and held him to his chest. "It was just a dream ok. It's all over, but I'll stay here… just in case the scary dream comes back…" Mana let the boy comfort him; the dream had rattled him so badly. Allen's heartbeat was steady and strong and combined with the feeling of the soft tree bark texture of the boy's left arm against his cheek it lulled him into a wonderful feeling of security. Mana reached up and laced his arms around Allen, he held him tightly but briefly before pulling away and settling back on to his pillow.

Allen was still curled against him when he woke the next morning. Mana frowned; Allen was fast becoming too old to share his bed like this. It wasn't appropriate, but some guilty part of him enjoyed having the little body to hold. He rolled out of bed, waking Allen in the process. The water from the bathroom sink felt wonderful on his face. It seemed to rinse away some of the unease that the nightmare had brought. He dressed quickly and told Allen to come meet him downstairs when he was ready to leave.

"Rivka!" he called as he reached the little café, "I need to talk to you… please." She mumbled grumpily as she made her way into the room. She was wearing her travel clothes and he belatedly remembered she was going to visit one of her sons; he couldn't remember which one though. She took a cup of coffee and sat at one of the tables. A raised eyebrow was Mana's only clue to continue.

'I had a really bad nightmare… last night and it… it really scared me." Rivka looked mad. "I know, I know… it's really stupid and I'm sorry to bother you about it… but…ahhgg" He rubbed the back of his neck in frustration and sat across from her. Her expression softened at his worried state. "I just needed to tell someone…it was terrifying. I, I think I was… I don't know what but it was unnatural. My reflection was a skull and all I could do was scream that… that abomination wasn't me. But I'm going to become that thing… it was horrible." Mana looked at her, silently begging her no to laugh, "But turning into a monster… that kind of thing doesn't happen in real life right? God, I sound so stupid…"

Rivka took a long sip of her coffee. "I understand why you're upset. It sounds like a very bad dream indeed…" her face was calm and it was obvious she wasn't planning to tease him. "But, it is still just a dream. Perhaps your mind was trying to work out some problem that you can't solve while awake. Or it could just be a random assembly of images. A dream is just that, a dream. You can't let it bother you in your waking hours."

He felt better. As always her words made sense. "You're right," he smiled at her, "I mean… monsters. Haha. People don't turn into monsters, there's no such thing_…" I can't believe that dumb dream had me so worked up. I'm so dim; at least Rivka humored me…_

Allen chose that moment to come thundering down the stairs. Rivka pulled out the plate of breakfast she had prepared for him and the boy dove into it. Mana had coffee and some toast he stole from Allen's plate. He didn't feel like bothering his land lady for food after she listened to him so patiently. Instead he busied himself with his pocket watch; they had enough time to catch the trolley if they left soon.

"Allen hurry up… you don't want to miss seeing the sideshow do you?" the boy finished dining in record time. Mana donned his new hat, noting that Allen had his red tie. _Heh, we match._

As Mana herded his son out the door, any lingering bad thoughts disappeared and were replaced by the thrill of seeing his old friends once again. The sun was warm on his face and he was happy.


	21. Chapter 21

Thank you to all my dear reviewers. I tried to answer each of you back, so i hope you all got the responces i sent out. If i missed anyone i'm very sorry. I hope you enjoy this chapter. thank you all again.

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Mana spent most of the trolley ride trying to answer Allen's never ending barrage of questions. "The lines above the car are electric lines… I think" he paused to readjust his hat. _I love this hat_. "The lines run power down into the car and into the conductor's controls. Then, I think, the power is stored up until he pulls the lever. That releases the power and makes the car move along the tracks." He wasn't sure that was right, but it was the best explanation of how the streetcar system worked that he could think of.

As the car filled more with each stop, Allen slid closer and closer to him. His little gloved hand discreetly seeking out Mana's own. The boy was starting to get embarrassed by holding Mana's hand in public. _He's getting to old for this kind of thing _Mana figured. He let his hand rest on the seat where it was out of view. Allen gratefully laced their fingers together.

Mana could hear the circus before he could see it. The gentle breeze carried the joyful sounds of the pipe organ and the smell of fried food. The large city park had been transformed into a small city of brightly colored tents and lights. Banners and hand painted posters boasted amazing acts of skill and daring and warned the faint of heart to stay away from the freak show. Grotesque pictures advertised human displays like the Lizard Man, Block Head and the Tattooed Woman.

Allen stared in awe and forced Mana to drag him to the main ticket booth. "Um Hello…" Mana said to the garishly dressed man in the booth. "I'm a friend of Nicholas Fezeni… he said there would be tickets waiting for me…" He prayed they were there. If there were no tickets, he might not be able to afford it.

The man frowned and thumbed through the papers on his desk. "Friend of Nick huh?" He examined Mana. "You Walker?" He nodded yes. "Yeah Nicky said you might be showing up…" he passed him two tickets to the main show. A black 'N. F.' was written on the back. "Just show these to any vender and he'll let you into any of the shows… you can help yourself to the grub too…"

Allen squealed at the mention of food. The man leaned over the desk to peer at the boy before looking back to Mana. "… cute kid. Look, the Tattooed woman is an adults only show. Just letting ya know, so you don't have to go explaining a bunch of adult woman stuff to the kid…yeah, so have a good time, I'll let Nick know you're here. Ya probably won't be able to see him till after the show."

"That's fine. I'm sure we can find plenty of things to do until then. Come on Allen." They joined the bustling throng of people meandering along the midway. He took the boy's hand without protest. He figured Allen was a little unnerved by the crowd and didn't want to get separated. There was so much to see.

Allen pulled him over to the tent where the Amazing Blockhead was performing. A red coated promoter shouted about the one of a kind abilities and danger that awaited guests as they entered the tent. The poster showed a man with nails driven into his head. "Wanna see this first ok." Mana gave a nervous chuckle and showed the man his tickets. The promoter pulled back the cloth to let them enter and continued collecting money and tickets from the rest of the crowd.

It was startlingly dark in the tent making Mana stumble while his eyes adjusted. A low wooden stage had been constructed and lined with electric lights. They settled on one of the long benches in the audience. A spot light went on, bathing the stage in light; a man confidently walked out to the center, followed out by an assistant.

The Amazing Blockhead wore black pants and boots; he was nude from the waist up. His assistant, a shapely young lady, wore something that would be grossly inappropriate anywhere else. She pushed a cart. With a flourish the man took up a hammer and a long nail and displayed them to the audience.

"What's he gonna do with that Manah?" Allen whispered to him. Mana put a finger to his lips and pointed back to the stage. The Blockhead tilted his head back and positioned the nail at his nose. Everyone gasped in unison as he hammered the nail into his head.

For the next fifteen minutes, the Amazing Blockhead pounded nails into his head, pushed long thin needles through the meat of his arms and the skin of his chest, all the while he grinned and showed no sign of discomfort. The same could not be said for the audience; Mana worked hard to hold back his nausea. Allen sat wide eyed and applauded wildly.

As the performers took their bows, Mana rushed outside and breathed deeply of the fresh air hoping to settle his stomach. The rest of the crowd filed out and, with horror, he realized Allen wasn't by his side. He frantically scanned the crowd with no luck, then darted back into the tent. Relief washed through him. Allen was seated on the edge of the stage and talking with the Amazing Blockhead.

"Hey Manah. It's not a trick; he really does put nails up his nose!" Mana swallowed hard. The Blockhead grinned at him and waved. "I gotta go now… Bye Ernie!" Allen called as he ran to Mana's side. "That was really neat wasn't it Manah?"

"It made me a little sick…" Mana told him honestly.

Allen giggled. "I'm gonna learn how to do that just to gross you out…"

"You better not Allen. I mean it. You'll poke your brain or something." He mumbled.

"Let's get some food ok!" Mana blanched, _how can he think of food after that?!_ He went to one of the food stands anyways. Allen jumped to look over the counter. "Mana, I want that."

Mana showed his ticket and ordered an elephant ear. "Do you even know what it is you ordered?" Allen shook his head.

"But I want it…it looks good."

Mana carried the treat to a nearby picnic table, pulled a piece free and handed it to Allen. He loved the buttered and fried dough; he liked it so much he pulled off his right glove to eat with his fingers. He licked the cinnamon and sugar off them. Mana gave in and tore off a piece for himself. Between the two of them, they finished off the entire elephant ear.

They spent another hour looking at the other sideshows. Mana did manage to sneak a look at the Tattooed Woman while she was on her break. She was bare save a girdle around her hips. It gave her a little bit of modesty. Her entire body was covered in colorful ink. He tried to make out all the images but it was difficult from the entrance where he was looking in.

"Wow… she's really pretty…" Mana started at the voice. Looking down he spied Allen.

"ALLEN!" Mana grabbed him by the collar and put his hand over his eyes. The Tattooed Woman saw him and laughed. Mana flushed bright red. She stood and walked over to the entrance, hips swaying seductively. He stared blankly and suddenly mortified averted his gaze. He tried to back out of the tent. Bare feet and legs appeared in his vision. A slender hand grabbed his shirt and pulled him inside.

Mana tried so hard not to stare, especially as she climbed up onto the low stage giving him a truly glorious view. His stomach fluttered. Since Allen came into his life, he never really had time to enjoy the fair sex to the extent he wanted, nor did he have any length of time alone. Three years of forced celibacy and a beautiful girl was revealed in all her glory right before him. He would have to have been made of stone to not be affected by it. _It's been so long since I've been with a girl, since I've even seen a… is that a tattoo of a snail?_

"Manaaah…" Allen whined and tried to move his hand from his eyes. The woman lounged on the couch that decorated the stage.

She gave a languid stretch that made Mana blush and rolled onto her stomach, obscuring her breasts. "Better?" she asked sweetly. "I have a shirt around here somewhere, if this is making you uncomfortable…"

It was. "Please, if you don't mind…" He averted his gaze while she dressed. When it was safe he released Allen. The boy fussed with his hair and mumbled something incoherent.

"So, you must be Mana… Nick hasn't shut up about you. I'm glad you dropped by to see us." She smiled and the patterns on her face changed. "This will be good for Nicky and Isabella; they've had a really rough time recently. I'll let him tell you about it, it's not my place. I just wanted to meet you and see what's so great about you… your kid?" She gestured to Allen.

"Yeah, this is Allen." As if on cue, Allen scrambled onto the stage and bowed. He kissed her tattooed hand. Even at such a young age, Allen was good at charming the ladies with his sweet and gentle demeanor. _He's going to be trouble someday…_

"Why hello, Allen! You are just precious… I'm Madeline, but you can call me Maddie… " Allen kept her hand and stared intently at the dark red roses that covered it. He traced them with an almost reverent awe. Maddie looked like she was used to such treatment. "It's alright, you can look… that's what they're there for…" she laughed, it was a musical sound.

"Red…" Allen whispered softly. He looked up hopefully at her; his brown eyes wide and pleading. "Are you like me?" he whispered. _Oh God… this isn't good_.

"What honey? I'm not sure I understand…"

"Allen…" Mana warned.

"Are you like me?" there was a hint of desperation in his voice that made Mana move closer. He was ready to intervene if necessary.

Allen hurriedly released her hand and pulled the top of his left glove down, exposing a strip of the dark red flesh. Her eyes widened. "Are you?" the boy looked ready to cry. "_Please…_"

"Ah honey… I'm sorry, I'm different…" she said gently as she took his hand in hers. Maddie slid the little glove half off making Allen whimper as half of his cross was exposed.

Mana couldn't watch this. "Stop." He ordered and placed his hands possessively on his son's shoulders. "Allen you don't have to do anything you don't want to. She doesn't have to see…" Maddie looked at him with respect and primly folded her hands in her lap.

"I'm sorry Mana, Allen. Honey, I just wanted to see. I mean, look at me; I'm different… I only wanted to know what makes you different too." Her voice was calm, soothing. Mana felt the boy's muscles relax at the apology.

"Ok."

_What?!_ Allen stepped from his grasp. Using his teeth he pulled the glove off, shutting his eyes and waiting for the scream.

"Oh my…" she gasped. "Charlie! No guests! I'm still on break." She called out to the man stationed outside to collect tickets before returning her focus to Allen. "Well, just look at you…" Mana sat on the stage next to the boy; he was tired.

"How far up does this go?" She spoke like they were talking about the weather rather than a deformity. _It's the sideshow; of course this kind of thing must be common._

"Go ahead Allen. This is all up to you; hell, you can show her if you'd like…" Excitement and worry fought for dominance on Allen's face.

The boy unbuttoned his shirt with trembling fingers and shrugged his left arm free. Maddie smiled as he held it out to her. She reached out to touch him, but paused, waiting for permission. "It's ok, it doesn't hurt." He said wiggling his fingers.

Maddie performed the same crude examination of the limb that Mana had done years before. She rubbed her hands over his arm as she spoke. "Allen… it's beautiful… It's not a port wine stain is it? No, I'm sure its not… its something different. I've seen a few with port wine stains before, but you don't have any of the usual structural deformities, just the color… such a perfect color too. Your arm is just beautiful."

Allen gave a soft sob and threw his arms around the surprised woman. Mana inched closer, his pants caught on the rough wood of the stage. He rubbed Allen's back. "You're the only person outside of my house that has seen Allen's… condition. Thank you. Thank you for just accepting him. He's had a … rough time because of it…"

She gazed at him intently, "He's not really yours, is he?"

"In all the ways that matter, I am his father."

"You're a good man. Allen would fit in great here ya know. You ever thing about joining the circus?" she said with a laugh. Mana just smirked. "We always need ticket takers… and Allen could have his own space here, learn to tumble, have his own act even… lots of travel."

"Thanks for the offer…um, I'll keep it in mind." Allen finally pulled away and fixed his shirt. Mana checked his watch, "Come on Allen, let's go find seats for the main show and let Maddie get back to work."

"Seriously though," she said as she walked them to the entrance of the tent. "If he ever needs a job… contact me. I have a lot of pull here, I'm doing the owner; I'll make sure your boy has a place." She tossed her hair, "Charlie! Send in the rubes!"

Mana and Allen threaded their way through the crowd to the red and white striped main tent. Wooden bleachers lined the fabric walls. Allen picked a seat near the center ring. The boy was being clingy, and he sat with his body flush to Mana's side. Mana draped an arm over his shoulders and gave him a reassuring squeeze.

"I just had to know. Hoped I wasn't the only one like this…" Allen stared at his hands clenched tightly in his lap.

Mana couldn't think of anything to say, _what could I possibly say to make him better? Is there even any way to make this better?_ Luck interceded as the lights dimmed and a series of spot lights illuminated the circus ring.

The musicians on the side line struck up an energetic march and the ringmaster lead a parade of all the performers and the trained animals; sequins and feathers decorated the almost painfully colorful costumes of both humans and creatures. An elephant lumbered past with a Mac Brothers Circus banner draped across its back. The cheerful music of the pipe organ permeated the air and filled the audience with enthusiasm.

At the sight of the pair of muzzled tigers Allen was near beside himself with glee. Clowns somersaulted and tumbled comically while others juggled. Mana spotted Nick and Isabella near the back, they wore matching blue costumes that glittered under the lights. Isabella had feathers braided into her hair making her look like an elegant and exotic bird. She flipped, feet flying gracefully in the air while her hands never touched the ground_. God, she is still amazing… Nicky is one lucky little bastard…_

Act after act took the ring, each more amazing than the last. The elephant stood on its back legs and trumpeted so loudly that both Mana and Allen covered their ears. Clowns piled out into the ring and chased after the retreating elephant before turning their antics on each other.

"Look Manah! Tigers! Real live tigers!" Allen shouted. The tigers were old and worn animals, but Mana said nothing to disturb the boy's wonder. The trainer put the animals though a set of tricks as if they were over grown dogs. They balanced on chairs, tossed a ball back and forth and jumped through hoops.

The Flying Fezenis' act followed the tightrope walkers. Isabella did an amazing set of handsprings than took her to the center of the ring. Nick flipped as well, but being larger and heavier he was nowhere near the grace of his wife. They met in the center of the ring with their arms outstretched before sprinting to the ladders on either end. Their trapeze act was spectacular. Perched on the swinging bar, Isabella was a graceful bird and Nicolas a daring hawk. It was almost unreal how the couple moved through the air. Swinging, leaping and catching, they moved impossibly fast. The crowd didn't make a sound, watching with baited breath to see Nick's hands catch those of Isabella, gasping as one with each near miss and quick save. Mana didn't dare blink in fear of missing something. When the pair alighted on the ground to take their bows, the audience members jumped to their feet and cheered wildly.

There was another round with the clowns before the entire company emerged to take their final bows. Mana caught Nick's eyes. Nick looked surprised and nudged his wife. Even from the audience, Mana could see their smiles widen. _Nice to know their happy to see me…_ He stayed seated as the rest of the crowd filed out into the slowly fading light of the afternoon.

Nick and Isabella rushed over. Up close he could see the pancake makeup they used, the patches where their costumes had to be repaired and smell the sweat from their performance. It really took some of the magic out of the circus.

"Mana? Is that you, Mana?" Isabella said breathlessly. Her Slavic accent was only barely perceivable; much better than what Mana remembered. She sweetly kissed both cheeks.

"Brother," Nick pulled him into an affectionate but brief embrace. "It's good to see you. I'm so glad you could make it!"

I wouldn't miss it; it's been far too long…" He put a hand on Allen's shoulder and steered him away from his hiding place behind Mana. "This is Allen… my son."

Isabella gave a triumphant laugh, "Nicolas, you owe me dinner! I told you he'd be married by now… and for a long time by the looks of the boy…" She bent to be eye level with Allen, "hello there little man, and did you like the show?" Allen nodded. "Oh good! That means we did our job well."

"Um… sorry Isabella. I'm not married…" He held up his left hand to show the lack of a wedding band.

"So we split dinner… Please, come back to our tent, we have so much to catch up on." Nick led the way them to the back of the large tent and through a winding maze of wagons and smaller tents that housed the performers and other circus personal. They stopped at a good sized tent with a set of chairs set about it. It seemed like a little patio.

There was sawdust coating the ground like a carpet. It made Mana's breath catch in his chest and forced him to cough hard. For a second he couldn't seem to get enough air into his lungs. He gasped and the sudden tightness in his chest released; gratefully he sucked air into his lungs. _Damn… stupid dust, stupid sawdust…_

"You ok? The sawdust tends to get to some people… guess you're one of them." Nick slapped his back a couple of times. Mana settled into one of the chairs; Allen climbed into his lap and he folded his arms over the little body. He grimaced with the knowledge that Allen's weight was going to cause one or both of his legs to fall asleep.

He waited while the couple changed from their costumes into more reasonable clothes. Soon they were all seated outside the tent and chatting about everything. Nick and Isabella had traveled all over the continent performing in three different circuses. They were making better money with this one. Mana told them about work, about Marie, the café and Allen's adoption.

Isabella coaxed Allen off of Mana's lap. She was wearing slacks, which Mana found surprisingly attractive on a woman, and was teaching Allen how to do handsprings. Both Mana and Nick had to pause in their conversation to watch her do a back bend.

Nick laughed, "Stop eyeing my woman…"

Mana cocked an eyebrow, "she was almost _my_ woman if I recall… little Nicky." They had competed viciously to gain her favor. Their friendship was almost destroyed by it.

"Yeah, _almost…_" Nick was smirking. Mana felt a pang of jealousy; Nick had a beautiful wife and an exciting job that took him to exotic places and what did he have; a small apartment, a taxed relationship and a child who was… different.

"Hey, you won her fair and square. You're the better man, little brother." They had called each other brother since their first meeting. The difference in their ages and constant companionship made them feel as if they were truly related. It filled some sort of need for a family that both needed at the University.

"God, she's still as beautiful as when I married her…" Nick said softly as they watched the woman play with Allen. The boy did a successful handspring and Isabella clapped, heaping praise on him. Even from where they sat, Mana could see Allen blush. The strong woman lifted the boy with ease and spun him around. They were both laughing.

"She miscarried this year." Nick was looking at the ground. Mana was stunned as Nick continued. "This was the fourth time… I just can't figure it out. Each time we stop performing as soon as we learn she's pregnant. She eats well… we do everything right, but each time she loses it…"

"Nick… I'm so sorry." Mana wished he could think of more to say to comfort the man.

"She wants a child so badly. Each time, she's inconsolable and it just kills me to see her so upset. Look at her out there, she's having so much fun… the last one was far enough along that… it just looked like he, it was a boy, was sleeping."

"God Nick, I'm so sorry…" Mana felt guilty, he found his child but here where his friends who wanted a child and couldn't have one.

Allen came rushing over to where they sat. "Isabella taught me how do flips and stuff! She's really neat too… she wears pants like a man does!"

"I couldn't do that kind of thing in a skirt" she said with a cheerful laugh. When she noticed the morose expression of her husband she bent and kissed him quickly. He brightened a bit at the gesture.

"Allen is a wonderful boy…" the woman said with a sigh, "Talented in tumbling too."

"Yeah, but he tends to get lost if you leave him by himself. It's a good thing that you showed him how to land; he's always falling down or running into things… aren't you?" Mana ruffled his son's hair.

"That's not funny Mana…" Allen pouted and Isabella swooped down and picked him up.

"Would you ever consider letting Allen travel with us sometime? Maybe during the summer or fall, if it won't interfere with his schooling; I promise he'll be well taken care of and you can have some time to yourself…" Isabella sat cross-legged on the ground with the boy snuggled in her lap. She played with strands of his hair; like brown silk running through her fingers.

"Isabelle!" Nick snapped at the woman, "You can ask that of him. We haven't seen him in over ten years and here you are asking him to let you borrow his kid! It's not appropriate…" He turned to Mana, "sorry about that, sometimes she… well…"

"Its fine, I'm not offended or anything. It may be good for him, not right now but maybe in a couple of years." He looked over to Allen, who was completely enjoying the attention he was receiving; it made him smile. As attached as Marie was to him, she was still rather distant to the boy. He made her uncomfortable but she never complained about having to share Mana with him.

"Actually, there was something I wanted to ask of you two," Mana paused wondering if this was the right thing to do. "You are my best friends and I thought about this long and hard; I want you to be Allen's godparents, if that's alright with you."

"We love to!" Isabella shouted quickly, as if Mana would change his mind if she hesitated.

"Thank you, I trust you both and I couldn't think of anyone else I'd want to be a part of Allen's life. I'm glad to know that if I was ever unable to care for him, that he would go to a family who would love him like he was their own." The boy in question had dozed off in his newly appointed godmother's lap, bored by the adult talk.

Mana was glad he asked them, the subject had weighed heavily on him as his birthday approached. He wasn't going to be around forever, neither was Rivka. Nick and Isabella were young, healthy and they would take care of the boy, just in case. With that taken care of, Mana was able to relax fully and enjoy the evening. This was a wonderful birthday.


	22. Chapter 22

Thank you to my reviewers. You all wrote such nice, thoughtful comments. I hope you each got my replies. Sorry if i missed anyone. I hope you all enjoy this chapter as much as the last. Thank you all again.

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It was long past midnight when Mana finally got to bed.

He had spent many pleasant hours catching up with his old friends and Allen's new godparents. They ate dinner together and Mana gave them the whole story behind Allen's adoption. He didn't leave anything out; it was their right to know and he didn't want the boy's condition to be revealed later as an unpleasant surprise. Isabella echoed Maddie's reaction to Allen's wine red skin. The boy adored her for it, spending the rest of the evening laying in her lap and playing with her long braided hair. It was past ten when Mana thought to check his watch. He embraced his friends tightly as he prepared to head back to his little apartment.

Nick pressed a slip of paper into his hand. Written on it was the permanent address of the circus' main office; it even had a telephone number. "If you need to get a hold of us while we're touring, contact the office and they'll get the message to us."

"Thanks. God it was so great to see you all again… I promise I'll write you often." Mana didn't want to leave yet, but he had to get Allen home. It was long past his bedtime and he kept falling asleep where he stood.

Isabella knelt and tenderly put her arms around the boy. "Practice all the tricks I taught you and you'll become great. I can't wait to see you again." She kissed his cheek and started to cry. Mana gave her one last hug when she stood.

"We'll see you again next time we're in town." Nick said.

"I'd like that a lot… Good bye Nicky, Isabella. I'll miss you badly."

He barely caught the last trolley, having to drag a half asleep Allen. Mana drifted into a light sleep on the way until a tug on his sleeve jolted him awake. A small hand was twisting the fabric tightly. He was instantly awake and alert. Allen was sitting bold upright, his eyes shut tightly and his jaw clenched. _Oh no… please no. He's been doing so well… _

"Manaah…" the boy hissed, "It hurts… I'm gonna ahh-ha…I need…" A groan escaped his lips before he could stop it. Allen was breathing heavily, but he kept control. A light gloss of sweat graced his brow. Mana looked about the trolley quickly; thankful to see that they were alone and the conductor was out of earshot. He pulled the little body on to his lap as Allen let out a choked cry.

Mana calmly shifted to hold the boy, moving his legs so that Allen sat between them; he couldn't kick or thrash like this. One arm wrapped around his small body, holding him to his chest and pinning his arms to his sides. Allen's head lolled forward as he gasped; Mana pulled out his handkerchief and mopped the sweat off his brow, pushing back he rested the boy's head on his shoulder.

Mana tilted his own head, letting his cheek rest against Allen's. His damp skin was still baby soft. "It's alright Allen." He soothed, "It will pass… just ride it out…" Tension radiated off the boy in waves; Mana stroked his hair, keeping it away from his face. Allen choked back another desperate sound. "You can cry… its ok, its ok to let go. No one is going to think less of you if you do."

"No! It's not a bad one… ahh God…not really bad" despite his words, his voice was strained and shaking. "It's almost done, I…" he shuddered hard. "Ah God, please… I… I can tell its, its almost over…" Allen's body seized once more before going slack. With a tired sigh he sat up. Mana helped him move back to his previous place on the streetcar bench, as if nothing happened. Making a fuss over the boy tended to make him embarrassed.

Mana gave the exhausted child his handkerchief. Allen scrubbed at his face with it and blotted at the back of his neck. Still holding the square of cotton, the boy leaned into Mana's shoulder, hiding his face there. "I'm so embarrassed… Manah, why me… why can't I stop it, or control it? It's my body but it doesn't listen to me… and everybody can see it and they all stare and… and they all know something is really _wrong_ with me…"

The boy was upset, but thankfully to tired to make a scene. "No one else is here. Nobody saw that." Mana looked hard at the dark scenery going by. The fit had about lasted the distance of a city block and Mana made a mental note of the location. "Take a nice hot shower when we get home, you'll feel better in no time..."

"No!" Allen said loudly, surprising Mana with the anger and frustration in his voice. "I don't wanna. I don't wanna go home. I don't wanna take a shower. I don't wanna 'feel better'…_ I_ _wanna be normal_!" He pushed Mana and slide further down the bench seat and sat seething.

_Alright_, Mana thought, _just let him get it out of his system. I'd be upset, frustrated too. Just need to give him some time… God damnit…_ They sat through the rest of the ride in strained silence. Allen was fuming; Mana expected an outburst any second now so he wasn't terribly surprised when Allen stormed off the trolley at the next stop. _Wait… this isn't our street. Oh shit._

"Allen!" he shouted as he rushed off the car after him. "This isn't our stop… Allen! Get back here now!" Mana hurried to keep up with the upset child. "We had two more blocks to go… why did you get off here… Allen!" _What does he think he's doing!? Damnit!_

Allen turned long enough to glare at him, looking deathly pale under the yellow glow of the street lamps. "Get back over here… you're going to get lost. Allen this isn't funny!" The boy just moved faster forcing Mana to half run in an attempt to catch up with him. "Come back here!"

"No… I don't wanna!" Allen shouted back. He broke into a full run and darted off onto a side street. _Shit!_ Mana was not in good enough condition to keep up, but he planned to try. The sharp clacks of Allen's boots provided an audible path for him to follow. Occasionally he caught a quick glance of the boy as he rounded another corner. Mana didn't bother with yelling anymore; already his lungs were burning from the cool night air. His legs screamed at him and he knew they would be smarting later.

Suddenly Mana realized that he could only hear one set of footfall, his own. Allen must have stopped. With that knowledge he let himself slow to a walk. Desperately, he worked at sucking air into his lungs. Looking around, his stomach twisted itself into a tight knot. _Please let me be wrong… _he prayed, though he knew he wasn't.

Mana recognized the street they were on, even in the dark. A street that had haunted his dreams since that cold winter night; a place he hadn't seen in three years._ Of all the places to end up… just had to be here, just had to be this thrice damned alley…_ He could clearly see Allen ahead and as the boy stared down the darkened alleyway he started to scream in horror. Mana walked to his side. Allen's voice gave way and he dropped down hard on his knees. The little body crumpled inward, arms wrapped tightly around himself as if to protect him from all the things that alley implied. The curled figure rocked back and forth, to scared to do anything else.

Mana knelt by the broken figure and put a gentle hand on his shoulder. Any anger he had at the boy for running off melted away as he worked to gather up the pieces of his son. "I know, Allen, I know… Let's go home now ok." He pulled Allen to him with no resistance.

"Don't wanna remember… I wanna go home. I wanna take a shower and I wanna feel better…ok." Allen whispered with a raw and weak voice. "Father, take me home please… I got lost and I don't wanna be here. Its bad here… I don't like it. Please… I wanna go home…"

"Of course" Mana lifted him to his feet, "we're going home right now."

Allen stared up at him with worried eyes, "really?" Mana had trouble understanding why Allen was acting so strangely; true, it was the alley where he found him but still… _Maybe he's so upset that he's uh… regressing? Is that the right word?_

"So… you're not gonna throw me away?" The boy was crying slightly. "Even though I'm so wrong and dirty and, and I kept having… ah, having those bad things? You're really not gonna leave me here?"

Mana was appalled. "What could possibly make you think that?! You're my son; I'd never leave you, especially in a place like this. God Allen…" He took his hand, letting his thumb touch the little cross wound and began to lead the child home. Allen whimpered at the sensation. "We're going home, my home is your home and it'll always be that way. You're not in that alley and no one is going to… hurt you. All that stuff is in the past. You have to keep walking forward."

The boy was quiet for the walk home. Mana was tempted to push him; the boy was clinging tightly to any part of Mana's clothing that was within reach. It made walking awkward. _Ok, he's ok…I'm ok… he just needed to let off some steam. My legs are killing me… _

The café was dark. He locked the front door behind him and wandered around to the back of the counter. "Come have something to drink, Allen." Mana poured himself a small shot of rum from the liquor cabinet.

"Can I have that?" Allen asked as he climbed up onto the stool across from the man. He seemed calmer but there was still an edge to his voice, as if he was trying not to make Mana mad.

Mana chuckled, hoping to put the boy more at ease. "You could, but I don't think you'd like it. I'll get you some juice alright." He rummaged around until he located a small bottle of apple cider. Even though it was meant to be drunk straight from the bottle, Mana poured it into a glass before giving it to the boy; Allen didn't like glass bottles of that size.

The boy sipped at the juice gratefully and Mana leaned down on the counter. He reached out and put a hand on Allen's forehead. "You're warm… how are you feeling?" It was the usual post fit fever.

"Ok, I guess… kinda weird… You're not mad at me… are you?" There was something quiet and introspective about his demeanor. The sight of the alley must have shaken the child badly; much of the confidence that Allen had built up over the years seemed to have disappeared. "I mean, I yelled at you and I ran and I'm all messed up… but you still took me home. Why would you want me?"

"Because I love you. You're my son. That first day I met you I promised that I would take care of you and give the best life I could… I'm not mad at you either. It must have really been bothering you. It's normal to get upset and you can't be expected to hold it in. It's good to let it out. You can tell me anything you need to… I know it's not perfect. Nothing is. We're not a 'normal' family but…" he let the sentence hang, not sure what to say and slammed back the rest of his drink. These little speeches were always trying and he always felt a little silly for waxing poetically. The rum burned pleasantly as it ran down his throat.

Allen looked intently at his glass. His mouth formed words but issued no sound. Mana could still understand; his boy said 'thank you'. He rubbed his eyes and yawned. "Hey Manah, those tigers were really neat huh?"

"Yeah, they were…" With that they went upstairs. Mana's legs complained at every step. They took turns showering and preparing for bed. While Allen bathed Mana pulled out his notebook and jotted down the details of today's incident.

Allen's pillow and Bear were still in Mana's bed from the last night. With a resigned sigh Mana pulled down the covers and laid back. The bed was cool against his back. He had been on his feet all day and it was quickly catching up to him; and the newest Allen conflict still had him a little confused. Turning his head put him face to furry muzzle of Bear. The stuffed toy had seen better days, it had lost an eye and Mana, unable to find a match, replaced it with another. Bear stared at him with its mismatched eyes, something about that bothered him. "I have no idea what I'm doing…" he confessed to the stuffed animal.

Mana felt the mattress dip as a weight crawled over to him. Bear's face was replaced with Allen's gently smiling one. His hair was still damp. "I wanna sleep here ok."

"Yeah, it's alright… feeling any better?" Allen inched closer and snuggled up against his chest. He felt the boy nod and sigh. "That's good…" he yawned. Mana draped an arm over the child and started to drift off.

"Hey, Manah… can I really tell you anything?" Mana gave a sleepy hmm. "I remember… I remember everything. I was scared all the time an I prayed an I prayed… and finally, you came to get me and take me home. I always got put back in that place when I went home with the others. But you didn't hurt me and you didn't throw me away; you kept me. But I was still scared… scared that if I made you mad, you'd change your mind. When I saw that place again, I…mmm, even though I yelled at you and ran and stuff, you still took me home. You must be my real father…" He yawned and grabbed Mana's hand.

Mana was wide awake after Allen's little confession. _He made it sound like I was out searching for him… God, I took a wrong turn and found him by chance._ The thought that he was the answer to someone's prayers was dizzying. Sometimes Allen scared him. He suddenly felt small, like a single cog turning with blissful ignorance, completely unaware that it was an integral part of a much larger and complicated machine. It terrified him.


	23. Chapter 23

Sorry for the delay on this chapter, end of the school year tends to run a body ragged. Thank you to all my dear reviewers, you truely keep me going with this story. Please keep the comments and suggestions coming; they mean so much to me. Please enjoy this chapter.

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The days had started to get colder, winter was fast approaching and Mana was freezing. He rolled over and pulled the covers tighter only to meet with resistance. "Ah no…" he mumbled, "Allen, I'm going to turn over and when I do I better not see you in my bed…ok rolling over now." There was a thud and the quick slaps of bare feet on the wooden floor as the boy retreated to his portion of the bedroom.

"Sorry, Manah I was lonely…" came a soft whine from the boy. Mana groaned and pressed his palms into his eyes.

"How could you be lonely… I'm right here." He grumbled; he had planned on sleeping in today. His date with Marie last night had kept him out much later than it should have and he was tired. It had been a _very_ good date. After dinner, he had taken Marie for a walk in the park. She glowed under the electric street lights and the light pink gloss on her lips had proved irresistible.

They had spent almost an hour on one of the many park benches. Her skin was just as soft and smooth as he imagined it to be, like silk against his lips. Her slender fingers had made short work of his dress shirt's buttons as he worshiped her perfect collarbone. Marie had worn a temptingly loose blouse and despite the chill in the air she invited his hands under it. They were both terribly embarrassed when a passing policeman interrupted their activities and sent them on their way.

"Allen, you should know better by now… you need to sleep in your own bed and stop sneaking into mine." With a grunt he hauled himself upright and felt around the nightstand for his glasses. He felt naked without them now.

"Can I come over now?" Allen chirped. "You're awake now, so can I? When's breakfast?" Mana didn't even need to look to know that the boy was already creeping over.

"Let me get dressed and we'll go downstairs… see if Rivka needs…" He couldn't finish the thought as the air caught in his chest. Mana coughed violently, trying to expel whatever was making his lungs rattle. Allen was at his side like lightning and patting his back hard to help him bring up the offending substance. A sudden foul taste in his mouth indicated success.

Mana quickly stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom. He spit a gob of mucus into the sink and made a disgusted sound. It looked slightly pink against the white enamel of the sink. _Must have bit my cheek…_ he thought while moving his tongue along the surfaces of his mouth seeking the cut. He was oddly relived when he found a sore spot by his back molars; he resolved to chew on the other side to avoid irritating it and rinsed the sink.

Allen was by the door watching him. "That was gross. You ok?" Nervous hands twisted the hem of his nightshirt.

"Yeah, just fine… I think I'm allergic to something. It's really dusty in here too." His allergies had been worse than usual the past few months, but nothing to be concerned over. He figured it was part of getting older.

"Go on downstairs; see if Rivka needs any help…" Allen tore out of the room still in his pajamas. Mana didn't bother calling him back; he could stay in his pajamas all day if he wanted. He let his thoughts drift back to his date and how easy it had been to unfasten the little latches of the simple corset Marie was wearing and the feel of the soft skin under… he decided to take a nice long shower.

Mana found himself humming as he toweled off; he was in a very good mood. He dressed in a set of older clothes; the kind that have been worn so often as to make them soft and comfortable. Buttoning his shirt, he walked down to join Allen and Rivka in the café.

Allen was already sitting at one of the tables, devouring a stack of pancakes larger than his head. He waved a syrup coated hand at Mana and tried to talk around the food in his mouth. Rivka smacked his head with her wooden spoon. "Don't talk with your mouth full, swallow then speak."

"You took a long time Manah, your pancakes were gonna get cold so I ate them for you." He said brightly.

Mana rolled his eyes and poured himself a cup of coffee. The chair squeaked as he sat down. "Gee thanks…" he play kicked at the boy's little feet under the table. Allen kicked back and it escalated in to a full under the table battle. Rivka without missing a beat clubbed both of them soundly with her spoon.

"Can we go to the park Manah?" Pancakes were disappearing from Allen's plate at an alarming rate. "Abigail and Elizabeth said they were gonna go today and I wanna play with them."

"Sure. It'll be nice to get out for awhile." He rocked back in the chair, "Rivka, you wanna come with?" Chucking she shook her head.

"No thank you. These old bones wouldn't be able to keep up…" she chuckled as she sat and joined them. They sat there silently for a moment, each just enjoying the other's company. "When you get home I need you to fix the leak under the big sink. It's been making me crazy and it's impossible to wash the big pots in the little sink…"

"No problem." Mana smiled and picked up the fork that Allen had abandoned in favor of his fingers. With a quick flick of silver he snagged a pancake off the boy's plate. Allen stared at him with wide eyes and an open mouth. Mashed pancake fell to the table with a soft splat.

"Allen!" Rivka shouted, "If there's _any food_ in your mouth, you _keep it shut_!" The boy made a soft 'eep' and tried to put the partially chewed food back in his mouth but Rivka was surprisingly fast. With the dreaded spoon in held high in her hand as if it were a saber, she chased the boy right out of the room. The sharp slam of the upstairs door made Mana jump. "He's such a little clown…" she sighed.

The delicious coffee warmed all the way through Mana's chilled body. He picked up the newspaper. It was a good way to spend a lazy Sunday morning; good coffee and the paper. Thumbing through the pages, he decided to take it with him to the park.

Thundering footsteps echoed on the stairs signifying the return of Allen. In his haste to dress he had mis-buttoned his shirt and left his shoes untied. Mana wondered if he should tell the boy or let him go around like that in an off chance that he would notice and fix it on his own. No. "Allen, fix your shirt."

With a soft eep Allen set about straightening his clothes. Mana folded up the paper and went to fetch his coat from the coat rack by the door. Allen grabbed his own little coat and they turned to leave.

"Oh wait…" Rivka stopped them at the door, "These came for you in the evening post yesterday…" The round little lady bustled from around the counter holding out two envelopes. Mana took them with a smile; he would read them in the shade of the big tree in the park. Glancing at the addresses he immediately recognized Nicolas' writing. The other letter was from an unfamiliar name and address. _Who_ _could this be from..._

Rachel Brown and her lovely little girls were already at the familiar tree on the hill when they arrived. Abigail and Elizabeth rushed out to meet Allen; grabbing his gloved hands, they pulled him down the hill. The girls had hit a growth spurt recently; the twins were now a full head taller than Allen. He was always going to be a little small for his age, but standing next to the girls seemed to highlight the fact.

"Hello, Mrs. Brown. How have you been feeling?" Mana settled down besides the plump woman; now plumper than ever and several months pregnant. She looked radiant, until she opened her mouth. She had no end of complaints.

Rachel set her book down on her lap, carefully maneuvering her swollen belly to turn and face him. "I'm well as can be expected, Mr. Walker… oh!" Her hand flew to her stomach and she laughed. "It's kicking again…I swear this one kicks more than the girls ever did. I'm hoping it's a boy. It would make my sweet Leroy so happy."

"You can really feel it move?" Mana asked with astonishment. He had no real experience with this type of thing; not to say that he had no understanding of the process in theory. He assumed the woman would be able to feel the infant internally, but he never thought it could be felt externally as well. Even the idea of having a living thing moving inside of a person seemed so odd and at the same time amazing. His fingers twitched; he wanted to reach out and touch the woman, just to see if he could really feel the life she was carrying.

As if Rachel could read his mind, she reached out and grabbed his arm. "Here…" She laid his hand flat on her belly. It was so warm compared to the chill of his hands, the lacy fabric of her dress felt wonderfully soft. Mana found him self holding his breath in an attempt to hold completely still, lest the movement of his own body cause him to miss that of the child's.

A sudden and strong movement startled him. _God…_ He laughed happily; he had no idea it was like that. "Amazing…" he breathed, "… just amazing. I can really feel it move." His surprised face made the woman laugh.

Mana settled back against the trunk of the tree; even through the thickness of his clothes he could feel the roughness of the bark on his back. It was relaxing and he let his mind drift; it landed on the subject of children and marriage. _What would Allen do if married Marie… probably be mad at me for days. I can't figure it out. They don't seem to particularly like each other…_

Watching his son play with the little girls was soothing. Seeing the boy happy made him happy as well. He took a deep breath of the crisp air and let it out slowly. Allen was showing off some of the acrobatics he had learned from Isabella. The little boy was becoming quite adept at it; he purposefully stumbled crashed, landing hard on his bottom to make the girls laugh. The soft breeze carried their high giggling voices up the hill.

Smiling, Mana ruffled through the paper to where he had safely tucked the letters. "… see what Nick's up to…" he mumbled to himself as he opened it. Nick's last letter came shortly after their visit; it held the happy news of Isabella's latest pregnancy. Seeing Allen had spurred her to keep trying. Mana glanced back at the glowing Rachel beside him and tried to imagine how Isabella would look. It was hard to picture her with anything other than her flat strong stomach.

Just looking at the paper, he knew something was wrong. Ink was smudged and smeared; Nick's hand writing was shaky. Mana's stomach dropped as he read.

_Dear Mana,_

_Isabella lost the baby. She almost died; nearly bled to death. We're staying in a small town outside Liverpool until she's healthy enough to travel. I had to force the circus to go on without us for the rest of the season. She won't speak; she won't eat. So, I stay by her bed for every second of every day; I have to make sure she doesn't hurt herself. This is the last time. The doctor says that she won't survive another miscarriage. I've never seen her so despondent. The other times she'd scream and sob, but all she does now is lay there. Mana, I'm scared for my wife. _

_It would mean a lot to me if you could write back with some words of comfort for her. I think if she knows how much we all care for her it will bring her back to me. _

_Love,_

_Your brother, Nicolas _

"Damn it!" Mana swore loud enough to startle the birds roosting in the giant tree into flight. He let the back of his head collide with the trunk in frustration. Allen and the twins heard him yelling and quickly charged up the hill.

"Mana?" Rachel dropped her book to touch his shoulder. "What's wrong… did you get some bad news?" He thrust the letter into her hands. Even though she didn't know the people, she could understand their grief and Mana's reaction.

"They're Allen's godparents." He explained, "trying for years to have children and now this." _This isn't fair_, his mind screamed. Allen crawled into his lap and he embraced him gratefully. "I'll write them tonight… Allen you should write to Isabella too… she's very sad and we need to help Nick cheer her up." he told the boy.

"Isabella wants to be a mother, but she can't? Why not Mana?" the boy asked softly. He settled his head on Mana's chest, listening to his heartbeat.

"Her body just can't do it. I don't know why…" Mana sighed.

Rachel spoke up gently. "Allen…" she took the boy's hand and placed it on her stomach. His eyes went wide as it kicked again. "See how big a baby is. My baby isn't even done growing yet." She laughed lightly. "I'll look like I'm trying to steal a watermelon in my dress… but some women don't have a body the right shape or size to hold it. They baby can't grow properly and sometimes they die." She looked up at Mana, "I'm so sorry for your friends' loss, I really am."

Shadows descended as clouds began to converge ominously in the sky. Mana silently cursed it. Afternoon showers were almost as regular as his pocket watch.

"Oh dear…" Rachel sighed as she looked up through the canopy of leaves. "Girls help mama up… we need to get home before it starts to rain." Mana quickly jumped to his feet and held out a hand for her. It was awkward but she managed to stand. "Oh it takes me forever to do anything…" she pouted.

Allen retrieved the newspaper and the second letter from the ground and handed them off to Mana. Rachel hugged them all as they said their farewells for the day. Taking Allen's hand Mana walked quickly, hoping to beat the rain.

"Manah… where do babies come from?"

Mana choked with surprise. He knew he would have to have this talk someday, no matter how much he didn't want to. Allen looked up at him with genuine curiosity in his eyes. _Ok, ok… don't lie. Just tell him the truth… God, stop staring at me like that. He'll hear it from someone sooner or later, might as well be now, right? Ok… I'll just tell him…_ So he did.

He tried to keep his explanation of sex simple and straightforward, not oversimplified and not too detailed.

Allen frowned and kicked at a pebble as they walked. He seemed disappointed by the answer, as if he had expected babies to come from something else instead of sex. "I don't like that." He stated.

"You will when you're older."

"Nope… I'll never like it. It hurts too much and I'm not gonna do it again." Allen said firmly. He didn't seem troubled, much to Mana's relief, he had worried that any mention of sex would upset the boy. The boy seemed to miss some of the main points.

Mana took a deep breath; he didn't want to talk about this kind of thing. How do you tell a damaged child about how sex is supposed to be; how it's different than what he experienced? Allen needed to know that there is a sharp division between love making and what happened to him.

"It's not supposed to hurt… when you find the right _girl_ it will be wonderful… for both of you." He added quickly. "There's sex and then there's love making. Sex is kind of a vulgar term; it can be good or bad. It's just the physical act. Love making is what you want; it's emotional and physical and all sorts of other words that women like to use to describe it. You care about the person and both people want to do it… um… its willingly done. No one is forced to do it; that's really wrong, and the people who force others into having sex have a special place in Hell. Do you understand what I'm saying?" Allen looked at the ground, clearly trying to digest all that information.

"Think so…" Allen said slowly. They walked the remaining block home in a strained silence. _Please don't ask me any thing else._ Mana prayed. The day had started out so nicely too. The thought of what happened to the boy still weighed heavily on him. He couldn't count all the times he had to hold and comfort the little body after a nightmare or how many random things would remind him and send his mind back to that place.

The café was busy, so Allen darted upstairs the moment they got home. Mana carefully threaded his way through the occupied tables to the counter. He gave Rivka the letter from Nick; her face fell as she read it. With a comforting pat on the shoulder she gave him some food to take upstairs.

Mana's body felt heavy as he walked up the stairs. They seemed to become steeper every year. Thinking about the other letter in his back pocket, he hoped it was good news; he didn't think he could take anymore bad.

He stumbled over Allen's boots by the door. "Allen, put your shoes away…" he grumbled. A muffled voice responded from the bedroom. Little shoes flipped end over end as Mana kicked them out of the way. Allen was sprawled across the middle of Mana's bed with Bear clutched in one hand.

With a gentle clack, he set the tray down on the nightstand and moved to sit on the edge of the bed. He leaned on one hand and ran the other through his hair. Allen glanced at him from the corner of his eye, but made no effort to move. Mana pulled the blankets and Allen along with them. "You alright?" He asked the boy, looking down at his strangely blank face. Allen shook his head. "What's wrong?"

"mmmph…" Allen rolled over and stared hard at Mana's face. "Love you Father." An ungloved hand touched his face. Mana gave a puzzled blink. "I'm happy here…" he sighed and continued in a voice so low Mana had to struggle to hear him. "… Nobody forces me…ever…" He abruptly sat up. "Hey we gotta write to Isabella ok."

Mana laughed out loud at the sudden change in subject. Allen rolled off the bed, pitching Bear in the process and ran past him to find his paper. Mana caught the stuffed bear before it hit the ground. _Good kid… odd, but good_. With a grunt he settled to lean against the head board. The bed bounced as his boy jumped up on it.

As Allen scribbled furiously, Mana turned his attention to the second letter. Scanning through the text, he sat upright and quickly re-read it, hardly believing what it said. "Huh… this could be interesting…"


	24. Chapter 24

Here is the latest chapter... or should i say chapters! I'm in a very good mood so i have two chapters for my dear readers. Thank you all for the reviews. i enjoy them so much. Enjoy!

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"I'm nervous Mana… don't leave me alone ok." Allen begged, his voice wavering. Little hands grasped at Mana's clothes. "I… I don't wanna go now. Please, let's just go later ok?"

Mana moved his hand from where it rested on the back of the bench. He pulled the boy close and gave him a reassuring squeeze; Allen stayed close to him and curled against his warm body. There was a sharp chill to the air. "It'll be fine… these are the good guys. They're not going to hurt you." _God help them if they do… _"We're just going there to talk. If you don't like what they have to say, we'll leave right away."

One week after receiving the letter found Mana and Allen sitting on a bench on Franklin Street, as per its instructions. Truthfully Mana was nervous about the whole situation as well; he hid it the best he could. There was no sense in scaring Allen more than he already was. Reaching into his coat pocket, he pulled the wrinkled letter out to read it again.

_Mr. Walker,_

_It has come to my attention, through the acquaintance of one Dr. Cohen, that the child in your care is possessed of a rather unique condition. Having much experience in this sort of situation, I would like to meet with you and the child to discuss it in detail. I believe that I can be of great help to him. If his affliction is as rare as I suspect, I will do all in my power to ensure his health and wellbeing regardless of expense. _

_If you are interested, I will send a coach to 43__rd__ Franklin Street on the third Tuesday of this month. Please be waiting there at eleven am. Bring with you any item that the child seems especially attached to, if any, or records of any strange actions or events surrounding the child._

_Best regards,_

_Bishop Michael Williams_

_Our Lady of Perpetual Grace and Innocence_

Mana flipped his pocket watch open and checked the time again. Nearly eleven and no sign of a coach; part of him was convinced it was all a cruel joke. Ultimately, he knew he had to examine every possibility. If the Bishop knew how to help Allen… if he could cure him of those awful fits; Mana couldn't pass up that chance. He fiddled with the closure on his small briefcase to give his hand something to do.

A clattering chorus of horse hoof beats announced the approach of an elegant black coach. The driver peered down at them through his dust goggles. "Mr. Walker?"

"Yes, that's me." The coachman pushed his thick goggles to the top of his head and climbed down from his perch, smiling broadly. The man was clearly dressed for travel. His long brown hooded duster hung to his ankles and swished loudly as he unlatched the coach door.

"Here you are then." He held the door open for them.

"Ready Allen?" Mana asked as he stood and took a step towards the door. The boy shook his head and hung back making a worried sound. "Its fine, it's just a coach, nothing to worry about." Allen hesitatingly took his hand and climbed aboard. It tilted with Mana's weight as he got in. He settled into one of the bench seats.

The coach was lovely in a simple way; dark black wood curved gracefully to form the body, the benches seemed to grow organically from the walls. Everything wooden surface was smoothed to the point of feeling soft. Mana could tell the church had a good deal of money to afford such a nice vehicle. Allen grabbed at his coat as the coach lurched forward. It soon evened into a gentle steady rocking; combined with the sound of the horses and the warmth inside, it lulled Allen into a light sleep.

Mana kept his arm around the boy, ensuring he didn't fall from the seat. He watched the scenery through the small window. They were going deeper into the city; the buildings grew taller and closer together. Air was thick here. Automobiles shared the streets with horses and carriages. It made him smile. Machines were so fascinating.

Within the hour the cathedral of Our Lady loomed into view. It was an imposing sight. Tall spires, dark against the clouded sky, arched proudly from the massive structure. Carved statues of biblical figures, angels and demons locked in an eternal battle adorned every surface. Stories above the grand entrance and its heavy wooded doors stood a tower. It held the most beautiful stained glass Mana had ever seen. A kaleidoscope of colors arranged in a massive circle glowed brightly in its frame of dark stone.

Mana nudged the boy awake. "Allen… wake up, we're here." The driver brought the horses to a stop in front of the looming cathedral. Whistling brightly, the man climbed down from his seat and opened the coach door for them.

He helped them open the heavy door of the building. "Just have a seat… or look around. Whatever you wish… I'll tell the Bishop you're here and he'll be out to see you in no time." His cheery attitude helped ease Mana's apprehension. The man disappeared through a row of columns.

Allen glanced around and quickly sat on the pew closest to the door. Mana set his little briefcase by him and took in his surroundings. The interior of the church was just as lovely as the exterior. High vaulted ceilings bounced every sound into a melodious echo. He glanced at the pipe organ near the alter, _must sound amazing…_ he mused. Even now the muffled prayers of the devote visiting men and women echoed and reverberated into nothingness. There were flowers everywhere. The soft light, filtered by the stained glass, bathed the entire room in color. Gold and silver lay in complex scenes and patterns reflecting the multicolored light; the room nearly glowed in its heroic attempt to recreate heaven on earth.

Allen rubbed his eye and whined softly. Mana pulled the little hand away from the boy's face. "If it hurts don't mess with it…" Mana held his chin and examined the bruise. It looked ghastly in the soft yellow light of the cathedral. "It's not that bad…" he lied, "at least the swelling has gone down…"

The night before, Allen had gotten in a fight. He was very lucky that he walked away with only a black eye and a loose tooth; it could have been much worse. A boy had entered the café with his little sister in tow to pick up a dinner order their parents had placed. Rivka was in the back room packing the meal up. The teen was obviously in a foul mood and the chatty little toddler was slowly pushing him over the edge.

When the teen finally snapped, he struck the girl, knocking her tiny body to the floor. Before he could raise his hand to her again Allen had rushed from behind the counter and stood between them; like a mouse facing down a lion. "Don't do that!" Allen had shouted, his normally pale face flushed red with anger. The teen stood there stunned by the boy's actions. "You don't do that! You don't hit people smaller than you… ya just don't, it's not right."

The teenager howled at the sheer audacity of the child and lashed out. Allen stumbled back, nearly landing on the little girl, from the force of his fist. He was hoisted into the air by the front of his shirt and struck again. By that time Rivka had heard the commotion and ran into the front room. She walloped the boy with her wooden spoon before he could hit Allen a third time.

He dropped the child and tried to shield his head with his arms as Rivka thrashed him. No one could out scream the round old woman and she used her full voice as she laid into him. Allen, in the meantime, had rushed to the icebox to fetch ice for the girl's rapidly swelling face. She was smaller than Allen, so the boy gathered her up in a tender hug and held the ice up to her cheek for her.

Mana had been in the shower when most of this had transpired. He came down stairs to the sight of Rivka twisting the young man's ear with one hand and slapping his hindquarters soundly with that damned spoon. She yelled furiously about not tolerating that kind of behavior in her café, how she was going to tell his mother everything and why one should never hit women. Allen and the little girl sat together on the floor watching and laughing.

By the time they went to bed, Allen's eye had swelled shut; today it was just an angry bruise.

The boy was kicking his feet where he sat with a look of intense concentration on his face. "Maanaah," his speech was slightly slurred. "I gotta spit…"

"What?!" Mana hissed, trying to keep his voice low in the house of God. "Oh Allen… you weren't playing with that tooth, were you?" He made an aggravated sound and pinched the bridge of his nose as the boy nodded. "… did it come out?"

"Mmm… not yet… but its gonna." He said with determination. From the look on his face Mana could tell the boy was still prodding at it with his tongue.

"Can it wait? No, keep your fingers out of your mouth!" he growled in irritation. "Look, there's no place to spit… no, that's holy water; it doesn't work like a sink" Allen quickly backed away from the basin by the wall and returned pouting to his seat. He resumed swinging his feet. "Ok, just leave it alone for now and swallow what's it your mouth." Allen made a foul face. "Yeah, no one likes the taste… but you're the one who set it to bleeding."

"But it's not my fault it's loose!"

"Don't talk so loud. You're going to get us both in trouble… You want me to pull it when we get home?" Allen nodded quickly. "Alright then…" The boy was being very frustrating; Mana decided that he needed to take a few minutes to himself. "I'm going to go look at that big statue, ok." Mana wandered over to the large white marble sculpture.

"Oh my…" he breathed. There was a little card in front of it, so he bent to see it better. "Replica of the Ecstasy of Saint Teresa, by Bernini." He read aloud. The saint was sprawled gracefully over a rocky landscape with a cherubic angel standing behind her. The flowing fabric of her robe was so well carved; it seemed that a single breeze would disturb them just like the real thing. The exposed marble skin of her hands and face looked soft, as did that of the little angel. A golden ray extended from the hand of the angel to the center of her breast.

Mana flushed with embarrassment. There was something provocative about the sculpture. It didn't really look like a 'religious' kind of ecstasy. The tilt of the head and arch of the body suggested something else, as did the hand upon her breast. Mana was held in place by her expression; her delicate mouth was open in a silent gasp and softly closed eyes were anything but pious. The angel wore a benevolent but mischievous knowing smile.

A man in black robes was calmly making his way over to him. He smiled at Mana before lovingly gazing at the statue. "Beautiful isn't she… gives us no end of troubles with the alter boys" the stately old man chuckled. He extended a hand. "Bishop Michael Williams, welcome to Our Lady of Perpetual Grace and Innocence Mr. Walker."

"Thank you…" Mana shook the offered hand; he had a strong grip. Despite his age the bishop had a certain liveliness to him. The man was tall and refined, a shock of white hair showed under his cap. His clothes were very simple; no need for the full regalia of a man of his position. Most impressive was his face; warm blue eyes and a kind smile showed him as a man of compassion, a true man of God.

"I'm so glad you decided to meet with me today. May I meet your child?" Mana nodded and led him back to where Allen was seated. The Bishop went down on one knee to put himself on eye level with the boy. "Hello there little one. My name is Michael; what's your name?" His smile was positively grandfatherly.

"Allen…"

"What a nice name." he stood with a grunt and gestured for them to follow him. "Is it a family name?" Allen looked at him blankly so he continued with his small talk. "Are you named for someone in your family? I'm named after my father's favorite brother…"

"I'm named after a watch." He answered making Mana choke.

The old man laughed a warm deep sound that echoed pleasantly in the airy cathedral. "Really? I've never heard of someone being named after a watch!"

"Yep…" Allen skipped up till he was walking even with the Bishop. Mana was relieved that he had warmed to the man so quickly. "I didn't have a name when Mana came to get me… He really likes that watch and he really likes me so he gave me its name."

They left the main aisle of the cathedral for a small hallway off to the side. Bishop Williams unlocked the door to his office and waved them inside. It was a homey little room. A set of gas lamps burned brightly on his desk. Everywhere there were books and knick knacks; on shelves, on tables and in stacks upon the floor. It was an intellectual's room. "Allen," he started pulling an overstuffed chair into the hallway. "I need to speak with your father alone for a few minutes. Could you sit out here? You don't need to be bored by our grownup talk…please, take a book or two; any book is alright."

"Ok!" Allen took a few minutes to search through the library and finally chose a set of picture books. Little dragons decorated the covers. He stepped out of the office and crawled into the chair, sinking into the plush cushions until he was barely visible.

With a soft click the Bishop closed the door. "Please have a seat Mr. Walker; make yourself at home…" He settled behind his desk, leaning forward on his elbows. "The letter I received from Dr. Cohen was a bit vague on the details. So, tell me about your son… any oddities; strange physical attributes or unusual events that seem to only occur around him…"

Mana set his briefcase on the desk and pulled out his little notebook. He toyed with the book's spine nervously. "Other than his arm…um he has these, God I'm glad he's not in here. He doesn't know some of this stuff and I don't want to worry him. I really think it would scare him to know."

"I understand." Bishop Williams smiled gently, "I suspected that would be the case. Please though, continue. I assure you that anything you tell me will be kept strictly confidential."

His chair matched the overstuffed one in the hall; it was soft. The gentle voice of the Bishop was soothing; Mana decided that he could relax his guard a bit and talk honestly with him. _It'll be so nice to finally talk to someone who knows what to do… _

"Allen's… ah, he's adopted. I brought a copy of the papers… So I don't really have any kind of family history to give you. He was born with a deformed arm; well I guess you'll see it today so… um, he has these fits; it's like a seizure. Really violent things, one time his heart stopped… they're really painful; he just screams." Mana squeezed his eyes shut at the memory; it was so strange to finally talk about these things. "It's so hard to watch, but after a while I started to notice things about it. Really odd stuff like the fits seems to correspond with… um bad things happening nearby. It not just that they happen at the same time either… seems like the closer he is physically to it, the more intense the seizure is. The worst one took three hours… God it was horrible. I wrote down the time and checked the paper the next day. There had been a bad fire; it took down a whole apartment, everyone in it died."

"I remember that. Such a horrible event." He nodded sympathetically and folded his fingers on the desk.

"Yeah, it took three hours to burn out. The fire started at the exact same time as that fit. There was also a murder on our street, whole family died, and he seized up. We were walking by the building while it happened… I wrote it all down." He pushed the little notebook across the desk to the older man. "It seemed strange from the start so I figured I should keep track of it. The newspaper clippings of each related event are in there too." Mana sighed and took off his glasses; he rubbed his face and put them back on. "I don't… know what else to do. I don't want him to know ok… not even that I've been taking notes. What kind of man takes notes on his kid?!"

Bishop Williams flipped through the book with interest. "You've done an excellent job, Mr. Walker. This is much more than detailed than I could have hoped for. Truly a wonderful job, I…" he stopped frozen on a page. Mana watched his reactions carefully. "The fire… you went there?"

"Yeah, the day after, I was just curious…"

"You sketched little stars all over the page… why?" his voice had dropped low, tense.

"Oh that? Um yeah… someone put graffiti on all the places they found bodies. I thought it was really disrespectful, inappropriate, all those little black stars… just weird…why? I mean, what does that have to do with anything?"

"Just a thought Mr. Walker. Just a thought… let's invite Allen back in here, shall we?" he hurried over to the door. Mana thought he looked suddenly nervous; as if something had shaken him. The thought was gone as soon as it had appeared.

Allen smiled at him shyly as he entered. "What'd ya talk about? That took a long time…" Mana ruffled his hair.

"Allen, your father here says that you have a… special arm. I'd really like to see it, if that's alright…" The boy looked at Mana for encouragement; he nodded.

"You don't have to if you don't want to. The Bishop is just trying to help you, to help us." Mana wouldn't force him; this was his choice.

With downcast eyes the boy pulled off his gloves and unbuttoned his shirt. His eyes darted to Mana's face again before pulling off the left half of his shirt to show the deep red flesh. His brown eyes were shut tight; he was scared. "It's alright…"

The boy squeaked when the Bishop lifted him to sit on the desk. The man looked him over, making thoughtful sounds. "Allen, have you ever been to a doctor? Have you ever had a physical?"

"I met a doctor when Mana was sick…" he offered.

He smiled and chuckled, leaning his weight against the heavy desk. "I'm trained in medicine. I'd like to give him an exam, if that's all right… I'd like to see just how far we need to go in order to make him completely healthy."

"Mana…" Allen whispered, "Can he make me better? So, I won't have any more… mmph, any more…" He grabbed the Bishop's robe. "Can you make it not hurt me? Please, I want it to stop. I don't wanna hurt anymore."

Something didn't feel right. Mana couldn't figure out what, but there was something off; why didn't he notice it until now…

The grandfatherly old man sent Mana out of the room, to save the boy embarrassment as he explained it of course. It set his teeth on edge; Allen was perfectly healthy. The plush chair offered no comfort to his strangely tense body. Leaning back, he ran his hand through his hair. _I'm just being paranoid… I'm sure it's all fine. He's a man of God, he's nice. He won't do anything weird…_

"_MANAAA!_" at the boy's shriek Mana leapt to his feet and nearly crashed down the door.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" he shouted. The Bishop had Allen's hand firmly in his. The boy looked desperately at Mana as he tried to pull out of the man's grasp. The Bishop just smiled at him; the same kindly smile he wore since their first meeting.

He had a little metal tool in his other hand. Before Mana could stop him he pushed the tool into the center of Allen's cross wound.

"Ah" He choked out before his voice broke. His body arched violently and went rigid, pupils reduced to pinpricks of black; Allen could only breathe in short pained gasps.

And the Bishop just smiled.


	25. Chapter 25

And the second of this two part chapter; it was origionally one chapter, but it was far to much to read at once. I had to split it. Thank you all for reading.

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"You're hurting him! Stop it!" Mana couldn't navigate around the stacks of books. He knocked them over and grabbed the man's sleeve.

"Mr. Walker please." He glanced at Mana. "I'm just looking, he'll be fine…" He moved the little tool deeper and Allen trembled, his mouth open in a silent scream.

"Take it out… please…" Allen's voice came soft and breathy. "Please take it out of me…"

"Sorry little one. I'm almost finished. I just need to have a better look; try to bear it just a little longer…"

"Please… m' gonna die…"

"Mr. Walker, please comfort your child…" He moved the object again and Allen arched as though his spine would break.

Mana threw his arms around Allen. "I'm here Allen, you'll be ok." He stared daggers at the man. "You take that God damned thing out of his hand right now!"

"You're not making my job any easier, Mr. Walker…" he said with a note of irritation and with a violent motion forced the little tool down deep and viciously hard into Allen's hand.

"_Gah ahh_" tears ran down the boy's pale frozen face and he convulsed. "Please stop… no more… gah ah gonna die…" His eyes rolled to look at Mana. "Make him pull it out…no more, Manaah please… _please take it out of me…_"

Mana fiercely grabbed the man's hand and forced it away. The Bishop relented, released the probe and held up his hands in a gesture of appeasement. Mana lifted Allen's hand; the little fingers twitched spastically. "I'm gonna pull this out now ok." Ha warned the boy before gingerly gripping the little tool.

"Hurry…" Allen groaned. Mana pulled it quickly from his little hand. The metal probe came away bloody. Allen gave a soft moan of relief; his eyes rolled back in his head and he fainted. Dropping the tool, Mana caught the limp body, pulling him off the desk and, sitting down quickly, into his lap. Mana was furious; how dare that man hurt Allen.

"You bastard…" he hissed, holding Allen's head to his chest and stroking his sweat dampened hair. "He trusted you… I trusted you, how could you do that to him?!"

The Bishop still smiled gently. "Innocence…" he whispered and reached out to tenderly brush the boy's cheek, "so wonderful."

"Don't touch him!" Mana pulled the little body out of reach and worked at fixing the boys shirt and pulling little gloves back onto his limp hands. _He's a madman!_ Mana realized and hoped desperately that he understood the man wrong. _Bastard, he couldn't have meant to…_ He had heard rumors about priests who snapped and abused members of their flock, but as far as he knew, it was all just rumors. _Allen already lost his innocence years ago_, he thought bitterly. He decided to play the comment off like it was just a setup for a joke. Mana growled at him, "He's hardly innocent; he's a bit of a pick pocket… cheats at cards too."

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Walker. I didn't set out to cause the boy any discomfort, but I needed to fully inspect it…" His kindly old face was etched with concern. "Will he be alright?"

Mana nodded grudgingly. "He'll be ok once he wakes up. Give me a glass of water, now." He didn't bother being polite about it_. Sure you didn't mean to hurt him… then why didn't you stop when he begged you to. You knew you were hurting him. How could you not know!? He begged for you to stop! And you bastard, you smiled about it. You tortured my boy and smiled while you did it… God something is very wrong here._

"Of course," he took a small glass and a pitcher from a small table across the room. Mana had to shift the limp body around in his arms to free up his hands to take it. Dipping his fingertips in the cup, Mana flicked drops of cool water on Allen's face. He repeated it till Allen stirred.

"Allen…" he said softly, just like he was waking the boy from a nap. "Come on now, it's time to get up…" Allen moaned and tried to snuggle closer to his chest. "No, time to wake up ok." There was no way Mana could carry the boy out like this; he needed him to be awake enough to move.

Glazed brown eyes looked up at Mana. "Mmph… I'm sleepy…" He maneuvered the little body upright. "I fell asleep?" Allen looked around disoriented. "Where…" he made a foul face and suddenly gagged. Gloved hands clapped over his mouth and came away slicked with gore.

Bishop Williams' eyes were comically wide. "I… oh Lord. I didn't think it would affect him _that_ badly…"

Allen looked sick and spit up another mouthful; grim drizzles of red ruined both his own and Mana's shirts. "Sorry." If he wasn't so dazed, Mana was sure that the boy would have looked just as surprised as the Bishop. With a frown Allen spit once again into his hand. "It came out…" he held up a baby tooth. Mana smiled and put the little molar into his vest pocket. "Sorry… where are we Mana? I fell asleep, did I miss anything good? M' still tired…"

"Yeah, you drifted off. You were really bored huh?" Mana tried to remove the last drops of blood from the boy's lips with his handkerchief; Allen fidgeted and batted at his hand. "Must have ground you teeth together while you were out. You saved me the trouble of having to pull it later."

The old man leaned hard on his desk, obviously relieved. Mana was glad he scared the man; it served him right.

"Well… um… Mr. Walker, Allen," much of the refinement of the Bishop had melted away; he seemed awkwardly nervous for a moment, before collecting himself. It was too late though, no matter how perfect it had been Mana had seen the crack in his mask; it made him nervous. Still, the man continued. "From what I've seen today, I'm certain that I can help."

"Really…" Mana said carefully. "Are you serious? Can you really help Allen… get healthy?"

"It will be a long process, but yes. I'm confident that it can be done. I've seen it work for much stranger cases. Allen will be much better for it in the long run."

Mana thought hard for a moment. He seemed sincere, confident. "Allen what do you want to do?"

Allen looked thoughtfully at his feet for a minute. "I wanna be normal."

"Alright then. We'll do it."

"Wonderful!" the Bishop exclaimed. "You won't regret it. It's really what's best for the boy. I'm so glad to be able to offer you this hope." He hurried behind his desk and pulled out paper and ink. "I just need to write out a few letters, and someone will be by to pick Allen up within the week…"

"What?" Mana struggled to sit up straight with Allen still on his lap. "I think I heard you wrong…"

"No, no you heard correct. We'll send some one to fetch the boy." His pen scratched quickly across the paper. "You don't have to worry about the expense; I'll gladly pay for his care…"

"Manaah…" the boy whimpered and clutched him with a death grip.

"No… I mean. Who said anything about going anywhere? Allen's not leaving." He tightened an arm around his son as if to emphasize it. "You're not going anywhere you don't want to."

Williams looked at him incredulously. "You can't expect to keep him!" The pen slipped from his fingers. "No offense to you, Mr. Walker. You've done an excellent job so far, keeping him hidden, safe and so forth. But you can't really … he needs to go where there are people who can care for him properly, teach him correctly. It's the only way to make him better." His blue eyes were fierce. "Ultimately you just cannot provide adequate care for a child with a condition like his."

"Who are you to say I can't care for him properly! You just said I've done a good job…" Against his chest he could feel Allen trembling, terrified at the thought of being taken away. "He's not going anywhere." He said firmly.

"Mr. Walker…" the man sighed; his patience was obviously wearing thin. "I'm not sure you quite understand. I can't just let the boy go now; it's not in his best interest."

"No. You don't understand. Allen isn't going anywhere."

"You're a bit old to have a child that young, Mr. Walker. It has to be such a burden to care for him, especially with such a horrible affliction." He changed his tactics. "You're not married, so you're raising him all on your own; isn't that unfair to him?" Concern showed in his eye; Mana didn't believe it.

"Come on Allen… hop up. Time to go" he helped him down. Allen wobbled and clutched the arm of the chair; his gloves leaving dirty little prints on the fabric.

"You're all the boy has… aren't you Mr. Walker…" Mana turned to face the man, he said nothing. "What would become of him if something, God forbid, ever happened to you?" Allen slipped and crashed into one of the many stacks of books.

Mana knelt to help him up. "Just what do you mean by that?" he snapped.

"I mean nothing." He could feel those blue eyes burning into his back as he walked to the door. "Mr. Walker…" Mana stopped, hand still on the door frame and glared at the man; Allen hid safely behind his coat. The Bishop stood calmly behind his desk.

"It was nice to meet you, Bishop Williams. But I'm going to have to ask you not to contact me again. You will leave my family alone."

"Of course. I'm sorry to have troubled you." He casually went about shuffling the papers on his desk. "Mr. Walker… Do be careful while you're out walking. These streets are just fraught with danger; those new automobiles can frighten a horse to charge so easily…" There was a terrifying anger in his eyes, blue as cold as glaciers bore into Mana's.

He squared his shoulders, refusing to show the knot of fear that had tied his insides. "Is that a threat?" he asked with equal coldness.

"No threat… just stating a fact, nothing more." He was wearing that gentle smile, but it didn't extend to his eyes. Mana couldn't believe he had fallen for it. Grabbing the still shaky Allen by the elbow he stormed out of the cathedral. His footfalls echoed like hollow thunder in the massive building.

The coach was still outside; its driver was whistling cheerfully and grooming one of the horses. He smiled and waved when he noticed them, "Hello there! Everything go… well?" His face fell when he took in Mana's pissed look. "Not too good huh?" The horse snorted, so he resumed brushing it. "Yeah, yeah… cool it Gaston. I'm brushing. Damn horse…" Looking over his shoulder he flashed them another smile. "Sorry to hear it didn't go well. Lemmie finish up here and I'll get you home."

"Thank you so much." Mana really didn't expect to get a ride back after the confrontation with the Bishop. Maybe the driver didn't know. He squeezed Allen's hand; the boy yelped as though he'd been shocked. _What?!_ "Shit Allen… sorry. What did I do…?"

"I don't know… my, um it hurt." He was just as surprised as Mana was. Glancing over at the driver, he muttered, "Talk later ok. Don't wanna here…"

"Hey kid! Come over here for a second," Mana nodded, letting Allen know he could go see what the driver wanted. Allen stumbled over; his muscles still tense from a fit he didn't remember. The man rummaged about in a bag and retrieved a carrot. Pushing it into Allen's hand, pointedly ignoring the blood on them, he said "here, feed Gaston. He's really grumpy for some reason."

Allen giggled as the horse's lips tickled his wrist. "He's nice… Hi Gaston, I'm Allen."

The driver laughed. "Huh, he likes you… he hates me. Damn beast." He stretched and gave the horse a hard pat. "Good job kid. I'm Charles… you can call me Chuck." He clapped his hands together and rubbed them together briskly. "Well, let's get you folks home."

In the safety of the coach, Allen pulled off his gloves. "Manah, what happened in there? My cross hurts… its bleeding. Look at it for me. Was I hurt?" Mana gently took up his hand. Sure enough the wound looked angrier than usual. The little piece of glass seemed to have been shifted about and tore the surrounding skin. Out of habit he ran his thumb over the cross to sooth it.

"_Ah God…"_ Allen shuddered and moaned. "Don't touch… it's um, it feels…" In the dim light of the coach Mana could barely see the embarrassed blush creep up on his face. "It feels weird."

The look on his face was unmistakable. _God this is awkward. It doesn't feel weird; it feels good. A little too good…_ _and he doesn't understand why. Aw shit..._ Mana was mortified; he resolved not to touch the little wound. He didn't want to do anything that might confuse the boy. "Sorry. I won't touch ok." He let the little hand down slowly. "Yeah, you were hurt in there. The Bishop touched the inside of your cross. I pulled it out and you fainted."

"My legs hurt too; I mmph… I did it again, didn't I?" Allen drew his knees up to his chest and leaned into Mana's side. They stayed like that for the rest of the trip. At one point Chuck the driver paused to ask for directions to their home rather than just drop them in the cold where he picked them up.

He accompanied them into Rivka's café and took a seat in one of the corner tables. Allen ran upstairs to change his gloves. Mana removed his glasses to rub his eyes. It had been a long and hard day.

"So…" Chuck leaned he cheek on his hand and stirred an obscene amount of sugar into his coffee. "I gotta ask ya. What's the deal with the blood?" Mana opened his mouth but the man didn't let him speak. "Don't lie… if you're gonna say anything, keep it truthful. I saw the kid's gloves; you have it all over your shirt… what happened in there?"

Mana looked away and mumbled an abbreviated version of events. "Damn it." Chuck swore. "The Bishop is a good man… really he is, but these last couple of years… I dunno. He's been getting a little um, overzealous in his work." He chugged down half his cup of coffee; Mana wondered if he even tasted it on the way down. "I wouldn't take any of that stuff he said too seriously. He was just trying to scare ya. Can't imagine him doing anything that would endanger a child."

"Thank you for that." Mana liked the man. He was simple in his manners, but obviously understood more than he let on. There was no sense of ulterior motives like there was with the Bishop.

The coffee cup clinked as Chuck set it down hard on the table. "I gotta tell ya… he's gonna talk to his people. They're gonna know about Allen… and others are gonna find out. Now I figure you guys haven't been bothered 'cause nobody knew about him, but word's gonna get out." He leaned in and lowered his voice. "Keep him quiet; don't tell anyone… I mean _anyone_ about his condition. Keep him outta places where it could flare up. Use your best judgment, but no matter what try to avoid churches, hospitals, graveyards, ya know. Any place where there are people dieing or grieving."

Mana looked at him curiously; he felt strangely small. "That's a really odd list… there's something bigger going on isn't there?" he didn't suspect an answer, nor did he receive one. A cold hollow feeling settled in his chest, so he took a long sip of his own coffee in a vain attempt to warm himself.

"You're a good man Mana Walker…" Chuck stood and drew his travel coat around him. "I hope we never meet again." A handful of coins hit the table and he left Mana alone with his thoughts.

That night he was plagued by nightmares of obscene bloated monsters in a world of black and white; and woke more than once crying and shaking.

_God why am I so terrified…_


	26. Chapter 26

Hello to all my wonderful readers. As always, thank you for your thoughtful reviews. Sorry for taking so long with this chapter. It seems to have taken forever to get it ready to post. I've also started my new summer job; it's very time consuming and there is a lot of driving. I've managed to sunburn my left arm to a wonderful shade of cherry red. A trucker's tan as my friends like to call it. Anyways, here is the latest chapter. I hope you all enjoy it.

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The cool light of the morning sun woke Mana from a restless night. Try as he might he couldn't remember any of the horrible dreams that constantly disturbed his sleep; it was probably better that way. Rolling over he saw that Allen had crawled into his bed at some point during the night. He stifled a laugh; the boy was drooling onto his pillow. Mana carefully untangled himself from the blankets and pushed Bear over to his son.

_He gave me Bear to hold last night… was he here when I woke up again and again? God I hope I didn't scare him or something._ Allen mumbled something incoherent and woke up.

"Sorry Mana… I know I'm supposed to stay in my bed, but you were really scared…" he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. "I wanted to be right here if you needed me or something."

Stretching, he fumbled about for his glasses. "No, its fine. I just had a nightmare or two. It's no big deal."

"You cried."

"Yeah, well… it must have been a really bad dream. I don't remember it now though." Rubbing the bridge of his nose he leaned back against the headboard. Allen sat up to look at him.

"Hey Mana… if I tell you something will you promise not to get mad?" he asked as he fiddled nervously with the hem of his night shirt.

"That depends… what did you do?" there was a hint of irritation in his voice. Allen wouldn't ask something like that unless he knew that Mana would be furious. _Geez what did he do now… when did he even have time to do something?! _

Allen rolled off the bed and ran to his little section of the room. "The floor's really cold!" he called making Mana groan and tell him to put on socks. The boy returned with a small box; it looked huge in the boy's arms. He pushed it into Mana's hands and rejoined him on the bed. With a raised eyebrow Mana pulled the lid off.

"Aw damn it; Allen… I thought you were past doing this kind of thing…" An odd assortment of small items, coins and paper money filled the box to the brim. Allen grabbed it and spilled the contents onto the blanket. Little hands expertly sorted everything into little piles.

"These ones…" he pointed to a pile. Mana picked up a handful of the little objects and stared at them. The longer he looked the more he was convinced. _No way…_

"When did you get these?"

"These ones…" he pointed at some coins and paper money. "They were in the cushions of the big chair. I picked em up when you were talking to him… and these ones here," he lifted up little devotional items, including gold crosses, rosaries and tiny figurines of saints. "I like the blue one, see it's a little lady! These were on the floor with the books and stuff… I grabbed them when I fell and you and him were yelling… all this other stuff, umm… don't look at it. I didn't get it yesterday."

"You stole from a bishop… God Allen. You told me you weren't going to do it anymore. When did you start this again?"

"Now you're mad at me. You said you wouldn't get mad…"

"I never said I wasn't going to get mad." Mana breathed deeply through his nose a few times to steady himself. The little figurine of the holy virgin weighed heavily in his hand. "When did you start doing this again?"

Allen flushed with embarrassment, "I um… I never stopped…" He fidgeted, "I didn't lie about it though… I never said I wasn't and you never asked me… the other boxes are under my bed." Mana thumped his head against the headboard repeatedly. "Sorry Mana. None of them were nice people… even the priest guy; there was something weird about him, not bad but weird."

"Put this stuff away, get dressed, go downstairs. It's not like you can return this stuff… is it even worth asking you not to do it again?" he asked rolling his eyes.

"I'll be good! For real this time!"

"Uh huh… right. Get moving." He really didn't want to go back to that seedy pawn shop. I _can't let him keep this stuff…_ Allen quickly scampered around the room, getting ready to go downstairs and Mana let his eyes slide shut. At least the problems like these that he faced were solid, real; not the strange cryptic dangers that yesterday's meeting implied. He could handle the real stuff.

By the next week Mana had put the Bishop and the events of that day completely out of his mind. Normalcy had returned to his daily life; going to work, playing with Allen, kissing Marie and helping Rivka. It had been just another weird thing that he didn't quite understand and therefore ignored. He would wish he hadn't.

Allen ran ahead as they walked down the street. Rivka was sending them on yet another errand. This one was taking them to the grocer; she needed fresh vegetables for a stew she was making. The delicious smell had been driving Mana crazy; so he welcomed the chance to leave. He pulled his scarf tighter against the chilled air and wondered how long the lines would be when he got there. It was too cold to stay out for long; but the weather would only make the hot, thick stew even better. As far as Mana was concerned, there was nothing more satisfying than a hot meal on a cold day. Watching Allen kicking an empty can down the sidewalk made him smile. The boy didn't wander too far; the street was crowded. Everyone, Mana included, jumped when an auto backfired loudly.

Mana had heard once, that you never see the one that gets you. That was true. Later he would wonder how he could have possibly not seen it coming; perhaps he just wasn't paying enough attention to his surroundings. But, at the moment of the collision, he was terrifyingly aware as his entire world suddenly crumbled into an impossible spiral of agony.

If not for Allen, it would have been much worse. The boy had seen the spooked horses rear and charge, throwing the driver from the cart they pulled. He grabbed Mana's coat and yanked him backwards.

Despite Allen's efforts, Mana found himself on his back on the pavement, biting back screams from the pain in his lower body. It was unbearable. _"Ah God!"_ The horses ran on, leaving the remains of their cart shattered and spread out across the street. A crowd rapidly gathered. Mana could dimly hear people calling to locate a doctor over the rush of blood in his ears.

He tried to push himself up, to see what happened, why he hurt so badly. Allen's face, pale as though all color had been washed away, filled his field of vision. "Don't get up…" his voice was calm despite his terrified look. Mana could only groan and sob in response. He tried to move again, but Allen pushed him back down; he moved to cradle Mana's head in his lap. He clutched at Mana's hand and squeezed hard. "Don't move ok. They're getting a doctor… you're gonna be ok…"

It was hard to understand the boy through the waves of white hot agony that tore through and buried his other senses, threatening to pull him under. _"Mm' leg!"_ he cried, barely able to form the words. "_gaah_… Allen! What's wrong with it?!"

Allen's eyes darted to his lower body and back to his face. "It'll be ok… just don't move… please, Mana you don't wanna see it." Mana grabbed at the boy's shoulder; he needed something to concentrate on, anything that could distract him from what was happening. The gound was so cold and muddied water was seeping into his clothes; it smelled of copper and he prayed it was just water and nothing else.

"What's… _ahh Allen!_ Tell me how bad… how bad is it?" he near screamed.

Allen looked down again and gave him a weak smile in an attempt to be calm. "It's um… it's bleeding a lot, don't move ok. I can see bones. They're sticking out." The boy swallowed hard, the sight was making him ill. "It's broke and there's a bone sticking out of your leg."

If Mana had the strength to move and look he would have seen his tibia protruding obscenely like a glistening wet white column from his mangled lower leg. Just hearing it was enough though, the world swam and Mana slid gratefully into unconsciousness.

He woke back in his own bed. Dull waves of pain coursed upwards from his leg. _Shit… oh shit…what…shit!_ Allen was lying in his arms, having pulled them around himself. "Allen?" he croaked. His eyes wouldn't focus right; he wondered if it was because his head was stuffed with cotton.

Allen was up in an instant, "Mana, you hurt much? They gave you a shot… said you wouldn't feel it." He looked at Mana's lower body with concern. "The doctor put your bones back in." Mana could only squint at the boy as his morphine addled brain tried to make sense of what he was hearing. "I'm supposed to make sure you don't move."

"What happened?" he slurred and tried to sit up higher. A wave of nausea forced him back and his leg throbbed at the slightest motion. He shut his eyes tight against it.

"You got hit." The boy's voice broke, "I'm too small… I really tried Mana, I did. I'm slow…" Allen's light weight rested up against his chest; his voice muffled against his shirt. Mana wondered blearily when he had gotten changed into his bed clothes.

"I wasn't fast enough… and you got hit, but don't worry, ok Father. I'm not gonna mess up again; I'm gonna protect you."

"What?" confusion washed over him; he still wasn't sure what was happening. Allen didn't do anything; he knew that much for sure. He couldn't understand what he was trying to say. At the sound of footsteps he tried to turn his head to look; like trying to move lead. His vision blurred briefly but cleared to reveal Rivka and a man in a white coat.

"Afternoon there, Mr. Walker. I'm Dr. Cohen; Rivka here has been one of my patients for years, she sent for me to care for you. How are you holding up?" That name was familiar; he had never really thought about Rivka having a physician. The doctor didn't bother waiting for an answer. He didn't expect one; instead he set about giving Mana a brief exam. "Allen, good boy… it's going to be your job to make sure your papa doesn't move about too much, but for now I want you to do downstairs and bring us up some ice." With a soft thud, Allen hopped off the bed and tore out of the room laughing and repeating 'papa' over and over in a sing-song voice. The doctor took a seat on the bed.

He was an older gentleman; Mana would guess he was about the same age as Rivka. His smile was kind, but tired. "Do you know what happened?" he asked Mana; he shook his head no. The man hummed and checked Mana's eyes for signs of a concussion or any other type of head injury. "You were struck by a runaway cart. The horses were frightened when an auto backfired and took off wildly. Only the cart hit you… and luckily, it broke as it hit the curb. Your leg suffered a compound fracture. It could have been much, much worse." He sighed and adjusted his small round spectacles. "I was able to save the limb. The bone didn't do too much damage to the surrounding vessels and tissues… So, I've set the bone and stitched the muscle back together. I'm fairly certain that it will heal up properly. There could be some damage to the knee, but we won't really know till later."

Pulling the blankets back, Dr. Cohen checked the dressing on the injured limb. "After I'm certain the stitches have escaped infection and the flesh has healed up, we'll set it up in a plaster cast. That will keep you from moving the leg until the bones knit." He smiled weakly. "I hope you're comfortable there, Mr. Walker. You're going to be in this bed for quite some time."

He produced a small bottle and syringe from one of his pockets. "This will help with the pain. I've given Rivka instruction on how much and when to give it to you. It's very strong; I believe that you won't really remember the next week or so… I'll be back to check up on you tomorrow. Till then, rest up and no unnecessary movement." Rivka smiled at him gently before taking the doctor's arm and walking him downstairs. Mana could hear them talking softly as they left.

Allen bumped into them on the stairs, producing a large crash that echoed into his room. Chuckling was painful, but Mana couldn't help but laugh. When the boy finally returned, he was holding Mana's ice pack on his head. "I ran into the doctor…" he said sheepishly. "Here's some ice." He offered the pack, "I'm gonna set it on your leg ok…"

Mana hissed at the cold. "Ah, sorry." Allen mumbled and carefully readjusted the ice to cover the black stitches. He crawled back up to curl against Mana's side. "Lemmie know if you need anything ok. I gotta take care of you…'cause it's my fault…" he kept talking but Mana found his eyelids to be too heavy and he drifted off before he could hear Allen's words. _I'll ask him what the hell he's talking about later_…

As Dr. Cohen had told him, Mana wouldn't remember much of the first weeks of being bedridden. Rivka followed the man's instructions to the letter and kept him drugged to the point of senselessness. She sent a letter to the patent office explaining the situation. Marie delivered the boss's reply in person. Mana wasn't going to have to worry about losing his job; his boss was a kindly old gentleman and wished him a speedy recovery. She didn't come upstairs to tell him personally; though Marie did promise to visit again when she had more time. Mana hoped that she really was busy and not trying to avoid seeing him. The very thought put him in a foul mood for the rest of the day.

The stitches did become infected and left him weak and sick. Like a mother with a young child, Rivka helped him bathe and assisted with other more embarrassing human needs. Even under the warm haze of morphine he was mortified.

Allen helped him eat, patiently cutting the food into bite size pieces. Without complaint he skewered them on the fork and put it into Mana's hand. He had been unhappy when Allen fed him; so the boy helped as little as possible, giving him the chance to do it himself.

The café had been closed; Mana was worried about the money his dear landlady was losing until he saw Allen dragging one of his 'treasure' boxes from under his little bed. Rivka thrashed him soundly with her wooden spoon for stealing, but hugged him and took it anyways. The boy spent the rest of the day pouting and trying to find a comfortable way to sit on his sore backside.

Mostly, Mana slept and as he slept he dreamed.

Again he was running terrified through a world of sharp black and blinding white. _God please… please let me wake up… _His shoes and pant legs were soaked through from the slurry of viscera and gore that coated the world like a lukewarm shallow sea. It made running impossible, but fear forced him onwards. There were dark masses of ruined buildings and other things, things that looked like bodies; mangled forms reaching out for help that came to late. Mana slowed to a walk but didn't dare to approach them. _This isn't real. I know it's a dream… it's a dream and I can take control of it. I know I can… God I'm bleeding; please just let me wake up._

He pressed his hand hard against his forehead and tried not to think about the markings that were etched into his flesh. He needed to go somewhere. Everything would be alright if he could just get to the ruined buildings. The shallow blood sea was too open and made him feel exposed and vulnerable, he needed to find shelter and a place to climb free of the grotesque water. Moving carefully he slogged his way towards the looming shapes in the distance; the path was blocked by the dead. _Don't look at this stuff. Just keep walking… they aren't real.._.

If he looked at the bodies he knew he would recognize them. He had already seen people he knew and cared about. There had been people from work; the girls from the typing pool, his boss, and his coworkers, even Marie. Mana had run to that body; her face was peaceful, but her chest was a gaping hole. "This is a dream!" he screamed; her lifeless eyes rolled open to stare at him. Stumbling backwards he landed hard in the liquid; it covered him and he could only scream. He recognized Smith off to his left; the man's head was nearly severed with a large pane of broken glass.

Invisible fingers held him to the spot; a ghostly hand lovingly wiped the blood from his eyes and traced the symbols carved into his forehead. Mana shuddered hard and begged the presence to stop. "Please don't… don't touch me. Stop…" he looked around the nightmare world frantically. "You have to stop this!"

Again he heard a voice in his mind, one that spoke without talking and without words directly into his soul. "You already made your choice; events have already been set into motion. You must keep walking forward; everything has been decided..." Mana screamed at its speech, demanding to know what was happening, what did it mean and why couldn't he just wake up. He swore at the dream, _you're not real… you have no power over me!_ Still, the hands remained on his face; tenderly soothing his wound…

Mana woke with a shock; a cool hand was still on his face. Trembling he looked around the room for any trace of the violence world that could have followed him into the real world. He was alone save for Allen's little figure beside him "Manah, you were having another bad dream huh?" He retrieved a glass of water from the nightstand and held it up for him to drink. "Wanna tell me what happened?"

"I don't remember…" he lied. Allen made a thoughtful sound. Mana could tell he didn't believe him.

"Guess what?" Mana raised a questioning eyebrow. "Dr. Cohen is gonna put the cast on your leg today, so you can move around more… and Nick and Isabella will be here by supper! They got my letter!"

"What?" Mana leaned forward and Allen took the cue to help prop him upright with a pillow. "Thanks… they're coming here? Really? That's great…"

"Yep!" Allen spoke with growing enthusiasm. "I wrote to them all by myself. Isabella is still sad, so they didn't go back to the circus yet. Nick said it would be good for her to get out of bed and do something."

_She's still devastated… poor woman, I can't imagine what that must be like._ His thoughts were interrupted by Rivka's entrance into his bedroom. "The doctor is here… he'll be moving your leg to wrap the cast. It's going to hurt…" She spoke to him gently and filled the syringe with sweet narcotic.

"I don't like this…" he grumbled even as he held out his arm to receive the shot. "It makes me feel too weird." He couldn't hold back a sigh as the drug bathed his senses in a pleasurable warmth. Any lingering memories of his nightmare melted away. He giggled, instantly in a good mood, and threw an arm over Allen's little shoulder. "Go get one of your books. Let's read. I'd like to hear you read a bit…" With a laugh he gave Allen a playful thump and nudged him off the bed. The boy nearly slammed into Dr. Cohen as he ran into the little living room.

"I can see you're in high spirits today…" The doctor laughed as he came into the room and started setting up his supplies. The actual process of assembling the cast was fairly simple; the occasional jostle of his leg hurt sharply and yet Mana drifted off, still listening as Allen read him an inane story about a cat.

The morphine had sent him into a heavy sleep that left him mercifully free of nightmares. He felt quite rested when Allen woke him later that evening. Mana looked out the window at the darkened city. Sleeping so much had really disturbed his sense of time. "Nick's here!" Allen said happily. "He's unloading their stuff and then he's gonna bring Isabella up…"

As if on cue, there was a knock on the door of their little apartment. Allen charged to answer it. With a grunt Mana pushed himself up to a seated position. The good doctor gave him a long list of just what he could and couldn't do now that his leg was immobilized with the cast. He was really looking forward to moving about, even if it was just a little bit. It was only going to be a little more than he could do already.

Mana tried not to think about the other things the doctor said. Though the man had saved the limb from amputation and said it would heal; he was uncertain as to how well it would be able to function. The best case scenario would mean having to use a cane to assist in walking; the worst would mean that there would be no need for a cane, for there would be no walking at all.

He forced the thoughts to the back of his mind, preferring to think positively. Mana did not want to even entertain the thought that he might spend the rest of his life as a cripple.


	27. Chapter 27

Hello all. Thank you to all my reviewers and anyone else enjoying my story. I hope you like my new chapter.

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Nick dropped his luggage and rushed over to embrace Mana. "Big brother!" he exclaimed and patted his back hard, but affectionately. "Ha getting hit by a cart just to get us to visit… you don't do anything half-assed do you?"

Mana chuckled, "no, I always use my whole ass… when did you find out about this? I haven't written anything to anyone…"

"Actually," Nick said as he went back to stack his bags in the corner of the room, "Allen wrote to us. He was really worried, said that your landlady had to help you… ah… with ha… embarrassing things and that you hated it. He thought he would be better if you had someone else, another man, someone like a brother… here to help out."

Allen crashed through the door holding a couple of small feminine bags; Mana figured they must belong to Isabella. "Where's the Mrs. Nick?" He asked.

The man's face fell and he crossed his arms over his chest. "She's still in the coach. I'm gonna finish unloading our stuff and then walk her up here… I have the driver watching her for now." There was something infinitely sad about his expression.

"She's a lot worse off than you told me… isn't she?" Mana asked softly. Nick nodded; he looked suddenly older. His wife's distress was obviously weighing on him heavily. A loud crash interrupted the men; tiny feet stuck comically out from under an upturned suitcase. "Allen… pick it up ok." The boy hurried to restack the luggage he knocked over. It made Nick smile and Mana suspected the boy did it on purpose, just to get that reaction. He kept smiling as he left to fetch his wife.

"We need to be really nice to Isabella, right Mana?" The little body crawled up to sit with him on the bed. He pulled an arm to him and held on to his father. Mana didn't need to answer. They waited in silence; his leg was throbbing and he wondered when he would get another dose of painkillers.

The Isabella that Nick brought into the room looked like a completely different woman than the healthy acrobat they had met at the circus. She had lost an alarming amount of weight, her cheek bones stood in sharp relief against her bleached skin and her dress hung limply off her body. She held Nick's arm; he was supporting her weight and trying hard to show the strain of it. The woman looked sick. Even her hair, once a thick glossy gold, looked ill; like brittle straw. Her blue eyes were glazed as if she was unaware of her surroundings.

"Isabella… honey, love, we're here." Nick's face was heartbreaking. Mana knew how much he worshiped the woman; if she were to die, he knew Nick would follow soon after. She looked numbly around the room, finally settling her gaze on Allen. With a sudden wrenching cry she collapsed. Nick caught her and gently lowered her to the ground where she curled up and sobbed. "I'm sorry…" Nick mumbled as his wife clutched at his pant leg. "This was too soon… maybe we shouldn't be here."

"It's… uh, it's okay Nick. At least stay tonight, you can decide what to do in the morning…" Mana shifted uncomfortably. He knew Nick wanted to help him, but he would understand if he needed to leave for his wife's health.

Allen slid off the bed and carefully approached the woman. "Isabella," he said gently, reaching out to her. He laid a hand on her shoulder and she turned her tear streaked face up to him. "Did you get my letter?" She made a choking noise and nodded. Nick looked at Mana who shrugged; he didn't know what the boy had written, he had mailed it without looking at its contents. Allen knelt before her, "I meant it ok… if you want, we can pretend."

Isabella trembled, "Please… even if it's only for a little while…" her voice was raw, harsh from disuse. With a lurch she wrapped her arms around the boy in a desperate hug and buried her face against his neck. "… just for a little while Allen. Let me stay like this just for a little while."

Mana and Nick exchanged another worried look, neither knowing what to do or say. Allen whispered something to the woman; she nodded and letting go settled back on her heels. Isabella was smiling through her tears. Nick stared at his wife; she was _smiling_.

Allen looked proud of himself. "It's just gonna be for a little while ok." He announced. "Don't be mad Nick. I already got a father… but me and Isabella are gonna play like she's my mother ok." The woman's sickly face flushed; she was embarrassed. Allen smiled a smile that could outshine the sun and reached out to her. "Come on, Momma… I wanna show you my books and my toys… you can sleep in my bed if you wanna."

She took his outstretched hand, still crying silently. "I'd love to…" she was too weak to move without assistance. "Nick," she whispered, "help me up, I want to go play with my Allen." He cast his wife a worried look; even Mana wondered if her fragile mind had slipped. "I know it's not real, just let me pretend for a little bit." She entreated.

Nick gave a sharp nod and helped Allen escort her across the room to his little curtained off section of bedroom. Returning, he sat on the edge of Mana's bed. For a moment they both sat and just listened to Allen chatter incessantly to Isabella; she laughed and answered back. There was a pause and the boy started talking again, this time in a stilted and staccato voice. "He's reading to her…" Mana mumbled.

Nick turned to face him. "What the hell was that?"

"I have no idea… honestly; I didn't know he was going to do something like that." Mana ran his fingers through his hair. "I knew he'd been writing her… but I though… well, I don't know what I thought."

"I'm glad she's talking. Hasn't said a word to me in months… she tried to kill herself. Did I tell you that? Slit her wrist, palm to elbow. I broke down the bathroom door when she didn't answer; bathwater was already red…" he wiped his eyes with the back of his hand. "I don't like what Allen's doing, not at all. It can't be healthy, but… God Mana, did you see her smile? I don't want to take that away…"

The room fell silent. "Nick?" Allen's small voice called out.

"Lemmie go see what he wants…" Nick mumbled to his friend. He walked sharply to Allen's 'room'. "What?" Allen said something Mana couldn't make out and Nick stepped behind the curtain. They both emerged a moment later. "Boy, come sit with us; we need to discuss some stuff." Mana shifted to make more room on his bed. Nick lifted the boy up and set him by him. "Look, what are you doing?"

Allen frowned, "I'm not doing anything bad." He stretched languidly and lay back on Mana's lap. "Isabella can't have kids… so I told her I didn't have a mother and, if she wanted to, I could pretend that she's my mother. We're playing." He said confidently; the thought that this could be hurtful had obviously never crossed his mind. "She wanted to play momma; she fell asleep on me… she's sad and I wanna make her feel better."

Mana played with Allen's hair, "This might be bad Allen." He wasn't sure how to explain it. "It's… it's just that, hmm. Letting her 'play' like she's your mother might hurt her more than it helps her."

His friend broke in, "She wanted a child more than anything. Allen you're letting her have a kid, but when we go home you won't be coming with us. Do you understand? It's cruel! Giving her a child, making her happy, and then… then taking it all away from her!" Nick's voice dropped to a whisper, "I don't want her to break… I'm not, I can't let her break…no matter what the doctor said, I'm not going to put her in an institution…"

Brown eyes stared back and forth at the adults; Allen looked horrified. "But… we're just playing. I told her! She knows it's not real! It's just to cheer her up… she knows it's pretend." He sat up and hissed with a fierce conviction, "Isabella's sad; she's not stupid!" Little feet stomped quickly out of the room; he turned at the door only pausing long enough to tell them he was going to go help Rivka with dinner. "I'll come get you when it's done ok."

Nick flopped backwards onto the soft covers of Mana's bed. "Damn it…" He glanced at Mana, "you have a bright kid, brother… I need to give her more credit. 'sad, not stupid' God I'm slime… she's not stupid, I love her so much and I'm treating her like her mind is already gone…"

"Hey Nick, sorry to interrupt, but I gotta take a wicked piss." He looked longingly at the bathroom door. "I don't wanna call Rivka up here for bedpan duty anymore now that I have the cast. Help me get over the bath?" Nick laughed hard, grateful for the abrupt change of subject and shaking the bed with the force of it. Rolling off, he put Mana's arm over his shoulder and helped him hobble across the room.

Standing after so many weeks in bed was wonderful. His business done, Mana held onto the white enamel sink and stretched his stiff limbs. Nick waited outside the door to help him back to the bed. It was going to be his main job for the duration of his visit. Mana was grateful to have him.

The next morning found Nick awkwardly escorting Mana down the stairs for breakfast in the little café. Rivka was berating a much rested but bewildered Isabella on how she needed to take better care of herself. Mana could hear her stern voice all the way in his bedroom; he took her volume as a sign to get moving. "Child, you are skin and bones… what have you been eating?! No, never mind I don't want to know. You have to take better care of yourself! While you are in my building you are going to eat everything I put in front of you. I'll have you eating as much as the boy here; we'll plumpen you up in no time." Allen held her hand.

All three had aprons on. Isabella took her lecture bravely and asked Rivka to teach her to cook. As Nick helped Mana into a chair, he explained his wife's ability to burn water and how his stomach had always relied on the circus' camp cook for survival. Three small fires later, Allen sat with a stack of pancakes he made himself. Rivka served the men folk perfectly formed omelets filled with meat and cheese, fruit crepes and fresh brewed coffee. Isabella nibbled on singed toast with fresh butter and weak tea, pausing often to dab syrup off the face of her borrowed child.

"Don't worry momma, you'll get better at it." Allen said looking at the carbonized bread on her plate; he patted her hand, making her smile. He nudged a pancake onto her plate. She ate slowly, but the boy sat with her until she finished. "You gotta get healthy," Allen smiled, "then we can go to the park and play there."

Nick and Isabella ended up staying for three months. To Mana it was like having an entire family of his own. The apartment rang with the cheerful banter and laughter. If not for the pain in his leg and his knee Mana would be overjoyed. Still, he was glad to have his friends around.

With Allen's help, Isabella began to gradually come back to herself. She put on weight, gaining back her muscle tone and curves. When she was strong enough, Allen took her to the park; they went every afternoon. As her vivacious energy began to reappear she taught Allen more tumbling and gymnastics. Upon their return every day, Mana would meet them in the café. Isabella would gush about what Allen learned that day and how much he was improving.

Allen stayed by her side constantly. When they walked he held her hand; when they slept he curled against her and let her hold him like a living stuffed animal. Watching the changes in the woman was amazing. When Allen spoke to her he never failed to call her 'momma.' Isabella doted on the boy, denying him nothing.

It was driving Nick utterly mad. "He's doing it on purpose!" he shouted at Mana one afternoon.

"Don't tell you're jealous of a nine year old… I don't think he has any idea that it bothers you." Mana adjusted his grip on his cane; had spent the past week and a half relearning how to walk with it. Dr. Cohen was very pleased with the way the bones were healing; Mana didn't tell him how badly his knee hurt.

"Look at him! He knows exactly what he's doing… I saw him sleeping with his head on her chest…her chest, Mana! It wasn't innocent either, I tell you." The man fumed. Mana raised a skeptical eyebrow and practiced walking from the bed to the wall and back.

A high childish giggle echoed to where they sat. "Ah momma! Tickles!" Isabella's laughter followed with sweet and pure happiness. A frapping sound of tummy kisses and Allen was shrieking with joy.

"Oh… that's it. I'm gonna kill him." Nick flushed. Mana barely caught his arm before he could storm away. "She's kissing him!"

"He's nine!" Mana paused and experimentally put more weight on his bad leg. He hissed at the pain that shot up from his knee. "He hasn't even hit puberty yet…"

Nick flopped down on Mana's bed. "She's sleeping in his bed… oh my God in heaven, I'm jealous of a little boy." He covered his face with his hands and started to laugh. "I miss sleeping with my Isabella… not just for the husbandly privileges, but the closeness, you know? Just being able to touch her, know that she's there…We've never been separated, not once since our wedding day. Even after we lost the last baby, I never left her side." He sighed, "God, I love that woman. I'm so happy to hear her laugh again." Nick stood and stretched. "Want to try tackling the stairs again?"

The stairs were proving to be a great challenge for Mana to navigate with his limited mobility. He nearly fell twice. Nick was doing an excellent job catching him each time, but it was still difficult. "Not really." Mana sighed. "But I'm gonna try." _What other choice do I have… _he thought grimly as he headed to the door. _Keep walking forward…_

He was half way there when there was a knock at the door of his little apartment. For a second, Mana could only pause in confusion, unable to think of anyone who would bother to knock. It couldn't be Rivka, she would just barge in without warning.

Isabella breezed past him with Allen settled on her hip; Mana leaned against the wall for support as well as to move out of her way. Her time playing mother had restored her strength to its former glory. She was a strong woman. "Don't worry…" she called, "we'll get it… won't we my little clown?" She rubbed noses with Allen, he giggled and nodded. They were going to the park soon. Isabella wore one of Mana's shirts and a spare pair of trousers; she had another tumbling lesson planned for Allen.

She opened the door. Marie was on the other side, paused at the top of the stairs. By the stunned look on her face, another woman in Mana's apartment was the last thing she had expected to see. Even worse, she was wearing Mana's clothes. "Hello there." Isabella greeted her cheerily, "May I help you?"

"Who are you?!" Marie flushed hotly and shouted.

"Well, that's rude… isn't it son?" She bounced the boy on her hip. "Allen do you know this young lady?"

"Momma, this is Marie." Allen said sweetly with a smile that was anything but. Marie mouthed the word 'momma' a couple of times in surprise.

Mana moved as quickly as he knee would allow him to try and diffuse what could be rapidly become an explosive situation. _Shit… please don't do it Isabella…_ He knew the woman couldn't avoid the chance to tease him and Allen had that grin, a type of smile that would make you double check your watch and wallet, just in case.

Too late. "Mana honey, you have a guest…" Isabella cooed when he reached her side. "We're going to go to the park… Allen say goodbye to your father."

"Bye, papa!" the boy chirped.

Isabella leaned in, and before Mana could stop her, gave him a sweet kiss on the cheek. She cupped his face in such a way as to display her wedding band to the woman at the door. "We'll be back by suppertime." She gracefully stepped past Marie and made her way down the stairs, Allen giggling manically all the way.

Marie nearly pushed him through the door. "Who is she?!" she croaked out, upset. "Allen called her momma! I thought you said he was adopted… What is going on here?!" Mana took her arm gently and led her into the living room.

"Here, sit down." He limped over to sit beside her on the couch. " That was Isabella, she's the wife of my best friend…"

Marie pushed away from him, disgust written on her face. "Your best friend's _wife_… you're horrible Mana, just horrible."

"Ah no, just let me finish… first, Nick is here too. They came over to help out while I'm on the mend. Second, Isabella is… she miscarried not to long ago and Allen is letting her play mother to him." He laughed nervously. "It's been a little strange around here recently."

Nick wandered into the room. "Did Isabella leave yet? I forgot to tell her…" he paused mid sentence as he noticed Marie's presence. "Well hello there… you must be Marie. I'm Nicolas Fezeni, of the Flying Fezenis." He was annoyingly charming. "its a pleasure, Mana has told me so much about you." Mana cast him a look; he smiled pleasantly. "I'll leave you two be…" he said as he excused himself from the room. With a quick glance back at Mana, he winked. "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

Alone, Mana took up Marie's hands. "Thank you for coming to see me…" he said softly. "I've missed you… what took you so long?" there was a hint of sadness in his voice. It had been months since he last saw her; he was beginning to think she was trying to avoid him.

"Oh Mana." She sighed and slides closer to him. "I'm so sorry to have taken so long. I was so scared for you." Gently, she pulled his hands to her body, holding them there with her own slender hands. "I didn't know how badly you were hurt and I was too afraid to come see for myself." Her eyes darted to cane he leaned against the coffee table. "Is it really as bad as I think it is?"

"My leg is about healed up, but I can't really put weight on it. I'm thinking of getting a few of them… to match my suits." He tried to joke, anything to avoid saying the awful truth. He was crippled; they both knew it. Mana wondered if Marie would still be able to love him.

She nodded in understanding, and then threw her arms about him. Mana stroked her hair as she buried her face in his shirt. "I'm so sorry!" she cried.

"Listen," he said gently. "I understand… if you want to end things here." He spoke calmly, even though his mind was screaming to not let her go. This was the right thing to do. _God, I hate doing the right thing sometimes…_ "I'm already twice your age and now I can't… well, I can still get around, but it's slow…" He squeezed the shapely body tightly, convinced that it was probably for the last time. "If you want… I'll understand. I won't hold anything against you and I hope that you will stay on as my secretary at the office… again I'll leave that up to you."

Marie pulled away and looked him straight in the eye. "Thank you," she whispered. "I'm so glad you understand… I made my choice." With that she grabbed his face with both hands and kissed him hard and passionately, making him see stars. Mana was too surprised to kiss back at first, but she gave him plenty of time to respond. Before he could even realize what was happening she had climbed from her place on the sofa and moved to straddle his lap_. Whoa… aggressive… God…_

They were interrupted when Nick walked in the door. Mana glared at him and his eyebrows shot up to his hairline. Without a word he backed out of the room, but the mood was already disrupted. _Aww damn it…_ Marie slid off of him, much to disappointment. She quickly set about fixing her skirt back into place.

"We all miss you at the office," she said mildly as she re-buttoned his shirt for him. "Someone came by asking for you today."

"Really?" he answered. Truthfully he didn't care. Instead he tried to fix his disheveled hair.

"Yes, he said he was a friend of yours." Mana was suddenly interested. "A man of the cloth, I think." She snuggled against his chest. "He said he heard about your accident, wanted to know how you were faring. He asked about Allen too."

A tight knot was forming in Mana's stomach, _man of the cloth… it can't be… _"Really?"

"Strange older man… he said he was a friend of yours but he didn't know where you lived. I didn't tell him. It all seemed odd."

"That is odd…" The idea of the Bishop looking for him chilled him to the bones. "That is odd indeed…"


	28. Chapter 28

Thanks to my reviewers, as always. Sorry if i missed replying to anyone's review. i feel bad if somone took the time to write and i didn't have a chance to reply personally. Also i apologize for taking so long to update.

I'd like to warn you all that there is death in this chapter, but none of the main characters. don't worry, i still have a long way to go till the end. Thank you all for reading and i hope you enjoy.

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Christmas had come, and with it an unusually harsh cold. They spent the morning wrapped in dressing robes and blankets to try and stave off the cold that permeated the building. Nick and Isabella had moved back to warmer climes. Isabella had come back to her usual energetic self; even after she and Allen stopped pretending, the boy continued to call her momma. Some part of the child had needed to say it as much as the woman needed to hear it. They were both better for it. Last Mana had heard they were back in Liverpool and planning to rejoin the circus when it passed through later in the month.

Mana had a small tree set on the coffee table and they huddled on the sofa to open presents. Allen was probably about ten now. His favorite present this year was a top hat from Mana. It had a red band, just like Mana's own favorite hat. Rivka laughed and laughed at how silly they looked sitting there in their pajamas and matching top hats.

Mana took Allen to the Christmas celebration in the town square in the evening, making him promise to keep his hands out of other people's purses and wallets. The boy darted from table to table gorging himself on all the treats he could find. Mana hung back and watched; he was mobile but a bit too slow to keep up with the child.

His cast was gone but the pain in his knee remained. Dr. Cohen did his best, giving him special exercises to help him keep the little range of motion he had left. On a good day it was just a little stiff; on a bad day he cold only lay in bed and nurse a few tablespoons of Doc Washborn's tonic. The cold only aggravated it. Carefully he shifted his weight and leaned a little more heavily on his cane.

It was a new cane, ebony and expensive. The top was decorated with glass cut to resemble a precious stone. Allen gave it to him. He knew better than to ask how he obtained it. Rivka assured him it was legal. The glass warmed pleasantly to the heat of his palm. It matched his dress suit. Even though it was the same old suit he had for years; it still fit.

He had lost weight recently. All of his clothes seemed looser. For a while he was worried that he had contracted a tapeworm or some other intestinal parasite, but he had no other symptoms of such an affliction. He wouldn't admit to it, but he had been feeling especially run down lately. _Being old and having a lame leg must take a toll on a guy's health… _he thought bitterly.

As if sensing his growing foul mood, Allen appeared with a stuffed pastry and a glass of wine he had swiped from a table while no one was looking. "Here Mana… I found a table for you to sit at." He frowned and took a bite of the pastry, apparently forgetting who he had brought it for. "The lady sitting there is drunk… but it's the only table with chairs left."

People stared at him as he limped past. "I hate this…"

"You get used to people looking at you like that." Allen muttered. Instantly Mana regretted saying it. He had always told Allen not to mind others. Now that he was the one being looked at strangely, he had much more respect for the boy. Allen took weird looks in stride now.

Mana was so proud of his son. _My son…_ it was a thought that still amazed him. The boy was still small, but he was capable of being very adult when the situation called. He was doing it now, leading Mana along by the hand, picking a path through all the holiday revelers.

He had suffered four fits in the past week, two within an hour of each other while they were downtown. Mana had an appointment with the kindly old Dr. Cohen, his office was in the heart of the city. They were passing Our Lady of Perpetual Grace and Innocence, when the first one took the boy. "Oh not now… Manah, I don't think I can…" was all the warning he could give Mana.

With a quick shove he had pushed the little figure into a gap between buildings. Allen had leaned up against the wall, resting his forehead against the cool brickwork. Mana blocked the entrance, hiding his son from view. Standing there in the frigid cold, he tried desperately to ignore the pained noises and gasps from behind him. He thanked God that it had only lasted a couple of minutes and offered Allen his handkerchief to blot the sweat and tears from his face. "You alright? We can go home… if you want…"

"I'm ok, papa." Allen took his hand to steady himself as they walked. "I'm just tired… I couldn't hold it off is all." The boy had become adept at 'holding it off' as he called it; sometimes he was even able to hide his fit completely. When Mana asked him if it still hurt, he said "always does… but I can keep it to myself. I'm not gonna let it control me." Mana was deeply impressed.

The second time that day was in the doctor's waiting room. Truly it was a living room, small, warm and comforting; he practiced medicine out of his house when he wasn't attending to patients in their own homes. Despite the small crowd of people waiting to see the doctor, Mana was the only one to notice when it happened. Allen tensed, gritting his teeth before going slack in the overstuffed chair he occupied. To anyone else it would have seemed like he was stretching, but Mana knew otherwise. Allen's eyes stayed shut and he looked sick, he groped blindly for the adult's hand.

He lagged for the rest of the day, going to bed as soon as they got home. Mana heard him crying in his sleep that evening as he was preparing himself for bed. Carefully he limped his way to Allen's section of the room. He was curled into a tight ball on the center of the bed. Little shoulders shaking as he cried.

Mana sat on the edge of the bed and gingerly touched his shoulder. Allen woke with a start and a sob; he looked around wildly. With a smile, Mana wiped stray tears from the boy's cheeks. "You're a good kid, you know that right?" Allen threw his arms around his waist and buried his face in Mana's nightshirt.

"I'm _trying_…" he had cried. "I'm trying so hard." Little hands twisted the fabric they clutched. "Manah…" When he was upset, he tended to stretch out the syllables in Mana's name; it was an old habit from when he was younger. "I was dreaming about my mother…"

That was enough, he wasn't going to ask. "Wanna come sleep in my bed?" Allen nodded quickly. "Ok then… heh, you're gonna have to let go… I can't carry you." Mana felt a little guilty about letting the boy crawl in with him. He had worked so hard to break him of the habit; but the heat had gone out, ice had been forming on the inside of the windows every morning. Mana was cold and he wanted the warmth an extra body would bring.

He kissed the top of Allen's head as they settled under the blankets. The boy was still so small; he looked much younger than he really was. Curled up, and holding Bear, Allen looked fragile, but he was capable of showing such strength and determination. Mana didn't think he would do half as well as the boy, had it been him in that position. "You're a braver man than I Allen Walker…" he mumbled as sweet sleep pulled him under.

Looking at the boy now, in the glow of the electric lights of the Christmas celebration, it was hard to see anything but a strong confident child. Mana sat down at the table with the drunken woman. She looked blearily at him. "Who'er you?" she said in a voice slurred with too much holiday cheer.

Allen darted in. "This is my Father…" he said cheerfully before taking her hand and kissing it. Mana noticed the large ring she was wearing had disappeared. _I need to be more specific… he didn't use his hands to steal it… _The lady gave a tittering laugh before slumping back in her chair unconscious.

"Spit it out Allen…" he said with a sigh. "I don't want us to get run out of here like last time. I can't really run."

"Can't." he smiled at him. "I swallowed it."

"God Allen! Didn't I tell you not to...?"

Allen cut him off. "Nope. You said I had to keep my hands out of pockets and purses, and I have." He held up his gloved hands as if to emphasize the point. "I can get the ring back…" Mana made a disgusted face as he imagined how the boy could possibly retrieve the small item. "Uh uh… not like that." Allen took an empty chair; he made a face, and then reached into his mouth. He pulled out the ring. "See, I brought it back… Isabella taught me that."

"Oh that was disgusting." Mana started laughing. It was gross but still funny. Allen took the glass of liqueur from the table and took a little sip; he held it in his mouth for a few seconds, and then spit it out on the ground. "Bringing that ring up must have tasted terrible…"

"Momma Isabella can do it without bringing up the bad taste… she can swallow swords too. Did you know that?" He glanced around with a slightly bored expression, while Mana tried hard not to imagine the wife of his best friend swallowing anything. "Hey, watch this…" Allen whispered excitedly. He wiped the ring off with a napkin. "Um… lady…" he shook her shoulder till she woke. He put on his sweetest face, "you dropped this…" he said sliding the ring to her.

She blinked, groggy, "I did?" She looked at her hand then back to the ring. "Oh I suppose I did… thank you so much. You're such an honest boy, here…" she dug about in her handbag and pulled out a handful of coins. "Here, please take this… such an honest boy. You deserve a reward…"

"Thank you so much!" Allen said sweetly. Mana wasn't quite sure how to feel about it. He gave the ring, which he had stolen, back to the woman for a reward. It didn't seem right, but he couldn't really figure out why.

Allen pressed a coin into Mana's palm and darted off to sample a fresh tray of meat pies still steaming from the oven at another table. Mana thought he recognized the vender as the one he had fought with years ago over an Allen-caused disaster. The man didn't seem to recognize the boy so Mana relaxed. He flipped the coin between his fingers, practicing rolling it along between his knuckles.

Curiosity soon had him attempting all sorts of coin tricks, just to see if he could still do them. Years ago, he and Nick did some slight of hand and card tricks, along with some very crooked card games to earn extra pocket money. For the most part he could still do it. It was rough and unpracticed, but he could still do a bit of slight of hand. It gave him a strange sense of hope, as if there was something fun to do that didn't require the use of his aching knee.

The coin slipped from his fingers when he began coughing. The cold air was harsh enough to sting his lungs and burn his throat. It must have made his throat catch and he coughed violently. Somehow Allen was by his side, thumping his back to help force his lungs to accept air. There was something rude about coughing in like that in such a public place. Quickly he brought a napkin to his lips to cover the sound.

The bitter taste of metal surprised him. With a shaking hand he pulled the dampened bit of cloth away from his mouth. Flecks of red, unrealistically bright in the cheery glow of the town square, decorated the napkin. _Bit my tongue…_ he thought automatically though he didn't remember doing so. _That must have been it, just bit my tongue. _He crumpled the dirtied fabric and threw it to the floor. Allen suggested they go home and, feeling strangely weak, Mana quickly agreed.

It was after midnight when they reached the little apartment. Utterly exhausted, Mana changed into his pajamas and crawled under the covers of his bed. The room was freezing and he reminded himself to thank Rivka for the extra down comforter and quilt she sent up. The panes of glass in the windows were already lightly covered in frost, creating intricate lace patterns that filtered and refracted the dim glow of the street lamps below. By morning the windows would be frozen shut. Mana was fine with that; he had no intension of opening them. He kept the gas lamp on his night stand on so Allen could see his way around the room as he prepared for bed. Mana sighed and watched the puff of air disappear. _God its cold in here…_

Mana rolled over and tried to bring his legs up to his body for warmth. His knee screamed in protest. "Damn it…" he grumbled. Something soft slammed suddenly into the back of his head. "Allen… you just throw something?"

"Yep… pillow. It's cold. Move over." The mattress dipped with the boy's light weight. He shoved at Mana's back until he rolled over. Rather than just slipping under the blankets, Allen pulled them down completely. Mana growled at him for pulling away what little warmth he had. The bed moved as the boy shifted about. The motion caused Mana to blearily open his eyes to see what he was doing.

Allen touched his knee gently making Mana swear loudly. It was swollen and irritated from the day's activities. Small hands settled on the injured joint. _His hands are so hot…_ Mana thought as he let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding. "Allen… what are you doing?" He pulled himself upright; the boy's hands stayed where they were.

"You hurt." It wasn't a question. "I'm sorry." His hands were so warm; Mana found himself relaxing despite himself. It was soothing. "Wish I could make it better… I'm sorry papa."

"Why? You didn't do anything; it was an accident." He frowned as Allen removed his hands and slid up to rest his head on his pillow. Mana grabbed at the blankets and pulled them up to cover them both. Twisting the damper on the gas lamp he plunged the room into darkness. "Sometimes these things just happen."

Allen laid there and stared at him hard in the dim reflection of the lights outside. "No. This was because of me…"

"Nonsense, you weren't driving the cart. You didn't scare the horses. It's nobody's fault."

"Yes it is!" Allen snapped.

Mana cut him off before he could continue. "Allen!" he said sternly enough to startle the boy. "Were you driving the cart?"

"No."

"Thank you. Now let's just…"

"But Mr. Chuck was."

Mana's blood froze in his veins. "What?" he whispered.

"Mr. Chuck… the guy who drove us to the church that time. He let me feed Gaston the horse. It was the same horses too."

Mana was suddenly terrified. _The damn Bishop… he even said to watch out. He made a threat and followed through with it. He was serious! He wants Allen bad enough to try to get rid of me… oh God, what if he tries again… how far that man could possibly go to take Allen away._

As if reading his mind Allen scooted closer. "It's because you wouldn't let the Bishop take me away. They wanted to hurt you…maybe kill you. All because they want me and I don't know why. Thanks for keeping me, I didn't wanna go." He rolled over and pushed his back against Mana's chest. He wrapped his arms tightly about the little body, reveling in the warmth he radiated. "I'm sorry I couldn't pull you away quicker… I'm small. I don't want you to die, I still need you so I'm gonna do my best to keep you safe ok."

"You don't have to." Mana mumbled. "It's not your job, you just be you. I'm the one who's supposed to protect you. Not the other way around, so don't worry." The burst of fear had subsided with exhaustion into a tired unhappiness. "Just go to sleep…"

He felt Allen sigh against him and with a soft "love you papa…" snuggled in to sleep. Mana had trouble drifting off. The revelation of the Bishop's involvement in his accident had set a knot of anger in his stomach. _Because of him… because of him I'm crippled. It hurts. Damn knee, it hurts so much… all the time. And it's all that man's fault… bastard. Hope he gets his… _

Days later, Mana would regret thinking ill of the man when he received an unlikely visitor. A fresh new year found Mana drinking equally fresh coffee in Rivka's café. He had to sit with his bad leg outstretched awkwardly in front of him. He thumbed through the day's newspaper. The cheerful chime of the door gave him no cause to look up, but the thud of footsteps approaching him did.

Mana peered over the top of his paper; anger flushed through him. There, in a dusty brown traveling coat, stood Charles, the Bishop's driver. "What the hell do you want?!" Mana hissed tightly at him.

The man avoided eye contact. Instead he sat down, "How's the leg doing?" Mana slammed down the paper on the tabletop. His coffee sloshed from its cup. "I'm sorry, you know. I didn't want to do it."

"How dare you?!" He shouted. From the corner of his eye he could see Rivka watching from the counter. Her hand under the counter discreetly telling him she had her rifle at the ready. "I'm a God damn cripple! That's how I'm doing!"

"Will you listen to what I have to say?" Chuck looked tired. It made Mana pause and examine the figure before him. His face was swollen with bruises, his coat was torn; the man looked like he had been through Hell and back. "I don't really have a lot of time… but I think I owe you an explanation. I'm free to tell you everything now… but only if you want to hear it."

He searched the man's tired eyes and nodded. "Say what you need to say."

"I didn't want to kill you. I just wanna make sure you know that. Hell I didn't want to hurt you or anything." He ran his fingers through his hair. "Could I get some of that coffee? It smells great…" Mana gestured to his landlady. She brought another cup and the steaming coffee pot to them.

As Chuck took the white ceramic from her, he smiled. "You," he said to Rivka, "are the most beautiful woman I've seen in ages…" The matronly lady blushed with surprise and embarrassedly went back to her post behind the counter. Chuck called to her. "You make the best coffee in the city… it kills me to walk past here and not come in to get some."

He looked Mana straight in the eye. "Yeah, I come by a lot. Just keeping an eye on you all. That wasn't part of my orders, I was supposed to… well, finish the job… and take the boy." Mana gripped his coffee cup hard enough to turn his knuckles white.

"I couldn't do it. The cart was supposed to kill you but I just couldn't. I cut through the horses reins, so they would snap. Gaston's a war horse; he's trained to trample. And I sawed through part of the wheels, so the slighted bump would shatter them." He looked away sadly. "Allen saw me that day. Stared right at me, so I mouthed a warning. He nodded and pulled you back… just in time too, smart kid. I carried you home, helped the Doc get you changed and set up and then I ran. I had orders to follow and I knowingly went against them, these are powerful people… but God help me, I couldn't do what they needed."

Mana stared hard at the table. "Allen blames himself for being too small to save me, it's been eating at him… Now you tell me about orders? And powerful people who want to kill me and take my boy? This is too much." Thoughts of conspiracy and secret organizations played through his mind.

"We're not the bad guys… we're there to help, to protect. Sometimes innocent people get hurt. God damn innocence. So when Bishop Williams found out you were still alive, went to go see you…" He took a long drink. Where his sleeve slid up, Mana could see a bloodied bandage wrapped around the length of his forearm. "I gave him the address of your office. Had to keep him away from here… I felt so guilty, so I kinda took it upon myself to keep you and your boy hidden."

"Why are you telling me all this?"

"Allen had a seizure recently, didn't he?"

"How did you know that?"

"The first bad one in a long time, right? You two were downtown, I couldn't protect him there. I was in the Cathedral. Bishop Williams has died. I'll be next. Michael Williams fought hard; he got everyone else out of the church and bought me some time. Just a couple of days at best. They know who to look for and I got scratched by one of them. If they don't get me the poison will. That's why I'm suddenly free to tell you everything." Chuck stared at his cup and added more sugar. "This is delicious… it's funny, you really appreciate the little things at the end. Coffee is so… wonderfully _normal_. I miss normal."

"I'm sorry to hear about the Bishop." Mana said numbly, his brain was having trouble processing all the man was saying. He still wasn't convinced he was as good as Chuck believed he was, but a loss is a loss and he could respect the man's emotional state.

"The big thing I gotta tell you is that the knowledge of Allen's existence is gonna end with me. Michael wrote letters to the organization and I stopped every one of them." He pulled a tattered packet of envelopes from the inside of his duster and dropped them unceremoniously onto the table. "I'm the only one who knows; it'll die with me. Think of it as my apology for breaking your leg."

Mana touched the packet hesitantly, as if afraid it would bite. "Why are looking out for him like this?"

"He reminds me of my cousin… real sweet kid. He was special like your boy is. They found him, wanted to take him with them. My auntie refused. They kidnapped him right from his bed. I was so mad I hunted them down and tried to get him back." He laughed; it was a frightening manic sound. "They wouldn't let him go, so I joined them. I tried to keep him safe. We fought the monsters together, but he was so young. Never wanted to fight and one day he hesitated. The others were too fast and too many. I held him and Jared… he cried for his mother. He was only thirteen…" He choked. "What kind of people would send a thirteen year old out to a war zone?! I didn't want to see that happen to another kid. The adults we find have a choice, it's not much of a choice but… but the kids are just taken away from their families kicking and screaming the whole way. It's cause the younger they're trained the stronger they become…"

"What the hell were you even fighting? Is it like an army or police or something…you said you were the good guys."

"You really wanna know?" Chuck leaned in conspiratorially, making Mana do the same. "Evil… we fight the evil things that prey on the sad, the desperate and the hopeless. We fight the ones who betray and hurt the people they promise to help." He laughed again, the same desperate manic sound. Mana jerked away, convinced that too much tragedy had snapped the man's mind.

"Well I should go; I'd hate to draw the others here after trying so hard to keep Allen hidden…" He stood and slid his chair back into place. "I won't say a word… but it's still just a matter of time. Allen has something very powerful within him… scary powerful and someday it's going to attract attention. Then it all depends on which side gets to him first."

Mana was scared. "Can you tell me what's really happening?" He grabbed at the man's sleeve. "There's more going on than what you've said. Tell me! Tell me so I'll know what to do!"

Chuck looked sadly at him. "I can't… you wouldn't believe me. I wouldn't believe it either, but I've seen them and I've fought them and soon I'll be killed by them. It's a fact, nothing much to be done about it. There's good and bad, life and death, all and nothing; I really wish there was room to maneuver, like a grey area, but we live in a black and white world."

The café was dead silent as he walked to the door. "Hey…" Chuck turned. "I'll get as far away as I can from here, but Allen will probably feel it… hard. Just wanted to give you a head's up… so it won't be a surprise." For the first time the man looked suddenly scared. He looked at the floor before catching Mana's eyes. "Um… would you… ah would you mind saying a quick prayer for me, you know, for my soul... it's probably nothing, but I'm a little worried for it. I want to see my cousin again. So, ah if you don't mind… I'd really appreciate it…" He looked ready to cry.

"We all will." Rivka said firmly. Crossing the room she embraced him. Even from his seat Mana could see the man relax gratefully into her arms. "Here," she pressed a thermos into his hands, "coffee, fresh brewed… for when you have the time to stop and enjoy it."

"I can't wait." Chuck said with a sad smile. With one last glance about the room, he left their lives forever.

At nine-twenty-three, Allen collapsed; shattering the plate he was washing and screaming bloody murder. Rivka hauled him to bed and bound his little hands to the head board. There were no more screams; the boy just stared with wide terrified eyes at the ceiling. Lying by him, Mana wondered if Chuck fought whatever was after him; instead he imagined the man sitting, smiling and drinking cold coffee, picking out the right words to say to his young cousin. Allen cried silent tears and trembled.

He had doubted Chuck's words till that night, but looking at Allen going through his agonies, he found himself believing. Tenderly brushing the boy's sweat drenched hair from his eyes, Mana decided not to tell him what was happening outside the safety of their home.

He knew he would have nightmares later. _How am I supposed to protect him from something I don't know…? _


	29. Chapter 29

Hello my dear readers. Here is an extra chapter for you all. its an extended dream sequence that really didn't fit into the next chapter right, but i didn't want to scrape it. So instead i'm putting it up as its own chapter. I've hit the 300 mark in reviews, so i must thank you all! if anyone is interested, my story is about 245 pages long in MS word. just thought i'd mention that, i felt it was pretty neat. Thank you all again, i hope you enjoy this chapter.

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It was the first time Allen appeared in one of his nightmares. Mana woke so upset that he was forced to stumble to the bathroom to retch. He was sweating and shaking so bad; he turned on the shower and crawled into the tub, still fully dressed, to sit in the hot spray. Sitting there in drenched clothes, he covered his face with his hands and tried to force the dream to stop repeating itself.

He was so tired of the black and white world. This time there was something different about it that made it seem even more sinister. Like a storm gathering… In the distance were the ruined buildings. Out of habit Mana began the trek towards them.

He passed people nailed to trees, skeletons of metal and gears dressed in tattered suits of what once must have been human skin. Exposed muscle and lidless eyes of the flesh's owners drifted amid the blood sea like leaves in a pond. With a violent shudder Mana started to run.

Even in the dream, his knee screamed in protest. In nightmare fashion, the moment he thought about it, it shattered as if it was shot out from under him. It forced him the ground and he crawled, elbow deep in gore. _It's not real… it's not real… it's not real! _He thought desperately and pushed away a severed finger that had floated too close.

He dragged his crippled leg behind him. Somehow, he moved quickly closer to the ruins and they became increasingly clearer and more detailed. Buildings of all styles and times were stretched out before him, all different but similar in their destruction. It was a long dead and abandoned city. He wondered if the bodies in the bloody sea were once its inhabitants.

The skeletons of metal and wood formed a labyrinth of darkened halls and corners; evil hid there, Mana could feel it to the core of his bones. Black gears and cogs of mechanization seemed to hang in the sky, turning ominously and giving him the impression he was trapped inside some horrible machine.

Mana wasn't sure which was worse; the terrifying openness of the shallow sea or the claustrophobic density of the ruined city. A stab of fear of being seen pushed him forward into the black shadows.

There were stairs, broken crumbling stone steps, which would lead him into the dead city. Cobblestone streets, littered with debris and puddles of gore, looked like they would provide a reprieve from the warm liquid Mana was currently dragging himself through. Carefully, he dragged himself up the stairs and collapsed upon them. The stone was cool on his face. He was certain his forehead was bleeding again; it throbbed threateningly. _I don't understand…_

With a great effort he was able to heave his aching body onto his back. Mana stared at the massive gears above as they continued their silent revolutions. He wondered if they were running this place somehow. A noise like distant thunder forced him to look out over the black sea to the endless horizon. Bulbous shapes floated like disturbing balloons over its surface. _Please don't let them come closer…_ He was sure they had faces... faces with wide eyes and screaming mouths.

He hauled himself up and using the broken walls around him for support, he forced himself deeper into the ruins. There was something important, what he didn't know; but he knew there was something and it was pulling him forward. _I just have to get there and then I can wake up…_

It was as quiet in the ruined city as it was in the bloody sea beyond. But it was a strange artificial silence. The sea had sloshed movement and currents becoming audible as Mana trudged through them. Here every move echoed hollowly. The distinctive step- drag of Mana's walk reverberated against the brickwork. The repetitive sound of his foot steps was only interrupted by the occasional scurrying noises of unspeakable things hiding in the shadows. It terrified him; he felt like he was being watched by alien, inhuman eyes.

A crash startled him. Something was behind him. _Oh God!_ He whirled around, eyes searching the dilapidated buildings frantically to find the source of the sound. It continued to echo. Panic seized him with a vengeance and he tried to run. He could only stumble and limp. He glanced to the side and caught his reflection in a broken window pane. It stared back at him with terrified eyes before dissolving into a grinning skull. "It's not me!" he screamed wildly. "That thing isn't me!"

Another crash sounded, closer this time. With the cold certainty that can only be found in dreams, he knew he was being pursued. Mana lurched forward and moved deeper into the mass of buildings. His surroundings seemed to grow darker and darker; a black that was sharp and all consuming. In a panic he slipped and hit the ground hard; he sobbed and pulled himself across the ground. "I don't want to die here… please God, somebody, anybody help me!"

Mana broke down and pressed himself into a corner. "Somebody save me!" he screamed. The wall behind him crumbled and he was blinded by a sudden brightness. Righting himself quickly, he scrambled into the bright white light.

The scenery was the same, eroding walls and scattered debris, but it felt safe, protective. Relief rushed through him; then he saw Allen. Standing alone amid the scene of violence atop a mound of crumbling masonry, he looked strangely calm.

The boy was older, not the small child that he knew was curled against him safely in the waking world. Dream Allen must have been in his mid-teens, taller and more developed; it was the lean muscle of an acrobat. He wore black but the cloth was torn, nearly shredded in places. Far too much white skin showed. In the two toned world of Mana's nightmares, even the boy's hair had blanched white. It hung loosely to his chin and swayed with the slightest movement.

This was not his Allen. His arm was cruelly distorted, harsh black against white. He held it cradled against his chest with his right hand over his heart. Arms crossed like those of a corpse, but still very much alive. His fingers had elongated, extending gracefully in to deathly sharp points like daggers. _It's a weapon…_ Mana realized with horror. _I'm scared of him._

The left side of Allen's face was scarred, a massive wound that ran from his forehead, over his eye and down his pale cheek. His eye itself was damaged, inverted, with black glowing where white should be. The design etched across his face bled profusely like a fresh wound and Mana's own head throbbed in sympathy. The boy was streaked with gore. The black blood against white skin made him look like a painted harlequin, a clown from some hellish circus. Yet Allen was smiling. It was a comforting smile, familiar yet foreign on his older face; there was sadness there too, a martyr's smile.

When he shifted his weight some of the indistinct black cloth he wore slid back, exposing a slender foot. It rested upon a skull amidst the rubble. Mana recognized it immediately; the skull was carved with some symbol he couldn't make out. It was the same skull that taunted him and hid in his reflection in the damn black and white world; it was his skull.

"Allen?" he choked out. "What… I don't understand…" Allen smiled softly and inclined his head, peace and light seemed to radiate from him. He spoke, smiling and laughing but there was no sound. He looked positively joyous. Bending at the waist, Allen reached out to him with his left hand. He kept his right firmly over his heart.

"Can you help me?" Mana cried. He'd given up trying to walk and crawled. It seemed appropriate to approach him like that. This youth that was both Allen and not, terrified him; can a man approach a god-child in any other manner? He crawled forward, positive that everything would be alright if he could just reach him. Allen's diamond hard hand dwarfed his own, but remained gentle.

Allen knelt on the pile of rubble, bringing himself to Mana's eye level. The skull at his feet disappeared under the fabric as it pooled around it. That deadly hand settled behind his back. He could feel the sharpness through his shirt, but the young man was very careful with it. Leaning close, Allen touched his forehead to Mana's own.

He near screamed and tried to pull away, but his son held him there. One bloodied wound to another, the red intermingled and seemed to burn Mana to the core. "Please… Allen, please let me go… help… I don't understand…" Mismatched eyes shined at him and again he laughed and spoke to Mana without sound. "I don't understand…"

"Are you hurt?" Allen's voice was only slightly deeper, but it was strong and clear; he was still so young. It hurt him to hear it. "I'm sorry Father…" Blood ran in a thick line from the corner of his mouth as he spoke and it dawned on Mana that he must be badly hurt somewhere.

Compassion, forgiveness and love… the purest love that Mana could ever imagine shone through Allen. It was like standing before a saint, he lost all strength before the power of it. He didn't need to be strong; he reflected as he threw his arms around him and buried his face in the tattered remains of Allen's shirt. Deadly sharp fingers played through his hair. _He's strong enough for both of us. _

"I'll protect you…" Allen said softly. He pulled Mana away to look at him. It was then Mana noticed the blood running quickly from between the fingers of his human hand. Allen pulled his right hand from his chest, allowing gore to cascade freely from the gaping hole in his chest.

Mana stared in horror at the wound. "I'll protect everyone…" Wet columns of bone provided a grim outline of where his ribs were removed. The boy's heart was gone; completely removed from its rightful place in his chest. A playing card, the ace of spades, sat in its place. With a hollow wound gouged into pale flesh; Allen still smiled. If it hurt, he didn't show it. If anything he looked happy.

Allen spread his arms wide; black liquid still dripping from his slender hand. Mana was reminded of a statue of a saint he had seen when he was young; it was divine and human at the same time. He was nothing and he was everything; alive and dead, human and monster, capable of infinite good and unthinkable evil, of unending compassion and sadistic cruelty. But he was more than just absolutes; lines were blurring. In a world of black and white, Allen was gray.

"With these hands I'll protect everyone…"

Mana woke again, hitting his head against the edge of the bathtub. "Damn it!" He couldn't believe he'd fallen back asleep in the bath. The nightmare had replayed. He shuddered hard; partly at the memory and partly from the now frigid water that poured down on him.

There was a soft knock on the door frame. Mana turned bleary eyes toward it. Allen stood there, looking worried. "Papa… when you didn't come back I… I got scared." He shifted his weight back and forth nervously. "You ok?"

Looking at the boy Mana started to cry; he hoped the water that drenched him hid it. "Yeah… just a… scary dream. I'm ok." He was so relieved to see the Allen he knew rather than the half grown stranger from his nightmare.

"You're gonna get sick. It's really cold…" Allen entered the little bathroom and pulled a white towel from the rack. Reaching past Mana, he turned off the faucet and pulled the towel around his shoulders. Before the boy could move, Mana caught his arm and threw his own over his shoulder in a soggy embrace. Allen laughed at him brightly and slapped at his hand.

"Come on Mana, dry off…I'll get you new clothes, then we gotta get you back to bed…" He gave him a concerned look. "Was it really scary?" Mana nodded slowly. "It was just a dream… don't worry, I'll protect you…"

Those words sent chills down his spine that had nothing to do with the actual temperature.


	30. Chapter 30

Sorry for the long wait. I didn't get the chance to update when i wanted to, so i'm giving you all a double update. Thanks so much to all my reviewers.

i have a brief warning about these two chapters. something very terrible happens. no, its not the end yet for those of you whose hearts just skipped a beat. please bear in mind that it is always darkest before dawn.

i hope you all enjoy these new chapters.

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Mana Walker, aged forty, was wanted for murder.

Or, at least he would be as soon as the body is discovered. He was guilty, there was no question he was; he did it with no hesitation and little regret. He killed. He couldn't make a claim of not knowing what he was doing. He planned it; it was a quick plan, improvised, but the moment he shut the door behind him it was planned. Mana had not waked, showered, dressed and headed off to work with the plans of killing someone that afternoon.

Later, he would tell himself that he had no choice; that there were no other options. There were always options, he chose to kill and if put in the same situation again he would make the same choice. Still, he couldn't seem to stop throwing up.

They were going to run. He planned to leave town, as soon as Allen was well enough to travel; right now, every move set him bleeding again. The very thought of the boy laying in his bed made his blood boil; made him wish that he could have taken his time about it, drawn it out, made him suffer as much as Allen had. _I did what I had to do… what any father would do in my position… _

Mana's stomach turned sour again. He dropped the clothes he was cramming into a suitcase and hurried to the bathroom. He threw up in the sink; only bile, his stomach had long ago emptied itself. His tight grip on the enamel was the only thing keeping him upright; his reflection in the bathroom mirror was ghastly pale. _Almost as pale as Allen… oh God please stop the bleeding. Don't let him die. _"I've fucked up… I really_, really_ fucked up…"

"Yes, yes you have." Rivka was leaning in the door frame. "You could have stopped… just left it at a beating…"

"But I didn't… I've ruined my life. Worse, I ruined Allen's." Mana shuddered violently. "I should have known… never left him alone like that. God damn it! I should have known." Mana sagged, "He hates me. I let it happen… I swore I'd protect him… never let that happen to him again, but… ah Rivka I wasn't there! I wasn't there when he needed me." Tears were leaking slowly from his eyes, he was so ashamed. "He's never going to forgive me…"

Rivka slapped him hard, bringing him out of his spiral of self pity. "He won't hate you… not really. He's upset and he's in pain. Allen's not himself." The sweet old woman put her comforting worn hands on his shoulder. She forced him to look at her face when she spoke. "He knows it's not really your fault. There was no way you could have known it would happen… he knows that too. He's still so young and rationally he understands. But right now, he's hurt and scared."

She placed a soft hand on his cheek. "Right now he needs you. He needs you more than ever. His world has been shaken and he needs something solid to stand on. You have to be a rock for him." Her voice lowered. "I will not watch you fall to pieces and indulge in your little pity party. You will stop wallowing in self pity and be strong for your son!"

Her words stung worse than her slap. She still pulled him into an embrace though, and he thankfully sank into it. "Don't bury how you feel, just hold it back a bit. He needs you to be strong for him, give him solid footing to rest on. You can always breakdown when he's asleep…" She kissed his cheek as she would kiss a favorite grandson. "I would have done the same thing in your place, or worse… I would probably have tortured him first. I just wanted you to know that. You did a stupid thing; but, morally I think you did what was right… it's what any father would do."

Mana squeezed his eyes shut tightly to force back any remaining tears. She was right. Rivka was always right about these kinds of things. He would be strong; a lot of things needed to happen and they needed to happen quickly. There were many loose ends that had to be taken care of. He had to keep himself together and move forward.

A small whine came from his bedroom. Mana pushed by his landlady and hobbled to his bed. He dropped as carefully as he could beside his son. "Allen?" _God he's so pale… _

"Mahnah… I think something in me broke…" he moaned. There was a fresh stain of red on the blankets. "Mm' gonna die, aren't I?"

Mana smoothed back the boy's hair; his skin was damp, clammy to the touch. "No. You're not. Rivka already called the doctor… he'll be here any minute now. He'll fix you up." He took his little hand in his. It was freezing. "If you're up to moving… we can change the…" He wasn't sure how to phrase it, dressings, towels; they set cloth under him to soak up the blood and changed it as often as possible. Even so, the mattress was ruined. "… so you won't have to lay in it. You need another blanket?"

"Mm' cold… I wanna die." He stared at Mana with cloudy eyes. "I hate you… you weren't there…" his eyes rolled back and Mana squeezed his little hand, bringing him back from the edge of unconsciousness. _Can't let him go to sleep… doc said, keep him awake… _Allen's eyes were back on his face, but he wasn't sure the boy was seeing him. "Where were you…?"

Mana couldn't tell him where he had been. He was too ashamed to say it out loud. He didn't have a chance to say anything. Rivka entered with the doctor. Mana began to move away but Allen didn't let go of his hand. "Papa, don't leave me… please…"

"I thought you hated me…" Mana smiled gently, teasing and trying to pretend everything was fine.

'Noooo… not ahh you know what I mean…I'm gonna die…" he clung to him with both icy hands. "I hate you, don't ever leave me…"

Dr Cohen sat on the edge of the bed by Allen, forcing Mana to move to his other side. "Allen, son…" he started gently. "Rivka's already told me what happened. So, I want you to know that there's no need to be embarrassed, especially in front of me. I'm a doctor and it my job to help." He rifled about in his large leather doctor's bag and started setting out anything he might need on the nightstand. "I need to see you and check you over to see what I have to do to make you feel better…"

"Nooo…" Allen moaned miserably.

"I've done this all before; I promise to be gentle… there's nothing to be afraid of here. I'm going to need you to roll over in a minute." Allen howled at him. The doctor put a comforting hand on him. "I know, I know… I can have everyone leave, if that would make it easier. Just you and I, no one else has to be here."

Allen screamed near hysterical. When the doctor spoke to Mana, it was very professional. "We can't do this." He said simply. "Not when he's like this…" the man stood and stretched his back. "Let's give him a moment to calm down. Rivka, will you watch the boy?" He gestured for Mana to follow him.

He limped to the living room after the old man. "So, he's been bleeding, how badly?"

"A whole lot when I first got to him. Now it just kinda starts if he moves too suddenly. I can't believe how much is in such a small kid…"

"You would be surprised… Allen's dipped into a light state of shock; it looks worse than it is." The doctor gave a weak smile and leaned against the back of the sofa. "I've never had to treat a male, a boy for this… I've seen plenty of women, girls, some being very, very young. Given his size and the violence of it, I'll treat him much like I would someone very young…"

He looked Mana square in the eye, the man was very professional. "Rivka told me it was done with an object, but she didn't know what. It would be helpful to know…"

"Glass bottle…and um…his mouth was used too. He threw up a lot." Mana mumbled, he felt nauseous again. Looking up he saw Dr. Cohen swallow hard and mutter a quick prayer in the language Rivka used to pray. There was something comforting about it.

"As his legal guardian, I need to ask for your permission to give him a light sedative. It won't hurt him, just make him relax and be a bit more cooperative than his is now. Maybe even help him forget a bit…"

"Do what ever you need to." Mana sighed. They went back to the bedroom. Rivka had coaxed the boy onto his side. He was still hiccupping.

"Allen," the doctor took out a sterile syringe and carefully filled it with liquid from a small glass bottle. "I'm going to give you something to help you relax…" He pulled back the blankets and bloodied fabrics to expose a small section of the boy's backside; he cleaned it with alcohol. Mana wrinkled his nose at the sharp scent. "A little pinch…" he warned and pushed the sedative into his body. Allen whimpered. "There we are…" he rubbed the injection site to work it into the muscle. "You should be feeling very sleepy soon and we'll have this all done in no time."

The drug's effect was almost instant. The three adults watched as all the tension drained out of Allen's little body with a soft sigh. "Allen?" Dr Cohen asked, "Can you still understand me?" The boy made a little affirmative noise. "Good. Let me know if anything hurts…"

Skilled hands pressed the boy's stomach and his back looking for internal injuries, and checked the more severe bruising and the bite marks on his shoulders and neck. He was sore but whole apparently. Rivka pulled Allen's limp upper body on to her lap and held him while the doctor examined the areas of the worst damage. _Oh God…_

Mana held his child's hand and, after seeing the true extent of his injuries, decided that his actions of retribution were just. It wasn't a murder; he just carried out the appropriate sentence. He didn't kill a human; he killed a demon. He was doing God's work in sending it back to hell. Even through the sedative, Allen whimpered and cried. Mana wished he could kill the bastard twice.

Dr Cohen pulled off his rubber gloves and sat back. "Mr. Walker, may I speak to you for a moment." Mana went with him to the door. "He's torn up." he said simply. "He'll heal, but he needs to keep still… that's why he keeps hemorrhaging like that." Mana must have looked panicked because the doctor continued quickly. "Moving too much pulls wrong. He's torn inside, but it doesn't seem to be too bad. Just need to be careful, help him move and only when it's necessary. He'll need to stay clean, I'll leave instructions and hmm what else…keep him on a gentle diet for a few days… bananas, rice, applesauce, toast, that sort of thing."

"How long? Until he can be up and moving, I mean…"

"A few days if he's careful. He'll be sore for a while longer. I really wouldn't rush this…"

"We don't have a lot of time…" Mana leaned hard on the wooden frame. The man raised a white eyebrow. "I did something and need to get out of here before anyone else finds out… can I trust you?" he felt the need to tell someone else, someone separate from the situation.

"After all this," the doctor smiled, "how could you not? I should report this… but I'm not going to. I'll help if I can. Rivka really thinks highly of you…" Mana saw him glance at the woman and a thought dawned on him. _He likes her… he really likes her… they're probably around the same age._ Rivka saw him looking and smiled; Mana could have sworn she blushed.

"I killed a man." Mana said bluntly. Dr. Cohen's eyes widened.

"The one responsible for…" he didn't need to finish. He clapped a hand on Mana's shoulder and nodded a silent approval. "I will never mention it. As far as anyone else is concerned, I never heard it."

"Thank you." Mana stared at his feet. "Hey Doc… when I'm gone, Rivka will be all alone here. Would you look after her for me?"

"Ah, that obvious am I?" Mana chuckled with him. "We've been writing each other for almost a year now… I lost my wife ten years ago and she's a widow. I bet she never told you; she's such a bashful thing." Mana couldn't imagine her being anything demure and bashful; she's was loud, with a sharp wit and quick with a spoon. He would let the good doctor find that out in his own time, but he approved of him.

Mana couldn't sleep that night. He lay in his bed and listened to the sedated child beside him snore. The doctor left the medicine with them; keeping Allen half conscious was the simplest way of keeping him still. When the boy cried in his sleep Mana reached out to him. His little hand groped about till he found it. Now Mana sat with his hand growing numb in Allen's death grip.

He was exhausted but his mind wouldn't let him sleep; instead, it just played over a continuous loop of the day's events. Mana pulled his blankets tighter, as if the fabric could form some sort of protective shield around him. It had started out like any other day, but then he though, _all_ _terrible days start out normal…_

He spent the morning with a cup of coffee and writing letters. He wrote to Rachel Brown and asked after her lovely twin girls and their new infant brother. Mrs. Brown was kind enough to send him a birth announcement for Leroy Jr. He sent them a present and put both his and Allen's names on it. She was unable to visit them in the park; Junior was starting to walk and she had her hands full.

He ate breakfast with Allen and the left for the office. Mana was far behind on his work. Allen learned to forge his signature to help him wade through the overwhelming stacks for paper. The boy had become hugely popular with the girls from the typing pool. They were constantly dropping by his office and bringing treats. It was Friday though and the building was operating with a skeleton crew.

The office across from his was open. _Just ignore him… he's just trying to get to me…_ Smith was leaning against the door frame of his office, slurping loudly on a soda. The man was a never ending source of irritation ever since their one fist fight.

Mana tried to unlock his office door quickly to avoid any conversation. If he had paid attention he would have noticed the way Allen slammed his back up against the wall, instead he was focused on the key in his hand.

"Hey Walker." He snorted. "_That's_ your kid?" Smith took a long swig of his drink. Mana pushed down the anger that had started to rise. He hasn't seen Allen? _… but he's come with me every day…_

"Yeah…" The comment was strange. It made him pause. Smith arrived before him and left after him, he kept his door shut and Mana did the same with his own door, Allen didn't go anywhere but his office; theoretically, it was possible that he never noticed the boy until today.

"Ugly little monster…" he mumbled as he turned back into his office. Mana watched him close the door as Allen darted past him. He went through a mental list of obscenities to call the man.

Marie came by later. She needed help lifting or finding something or other from the hall supply closet. He hadn't really paid attention. Mana followed her out and noted how lovely she looked and admired the way her backside moved when she walked. It was a very nice view. She opened the door for him and he stepped into the small darkened space and looked for the pull switch for the light. The closet was plunged into complete blackness as Marie stepped in and shut the door behind her.

"Hello Mr. Walker…" she purred. "Sorry. I don't really need help finding anything… I already know where it is…" Mana was suddenly and acutely aware of just how close she had moved to him in the enclosed space.

"Um… hello Marie. I… ah God! What are you…?" He tried not to moan, Marie's slender, cool hands had already worked open the buttons on his shirt and slid under his undershirt. "This is… ah! Um a bit sudden." He swallowed hard and tried to think; it was a rapidly losing battle.

"No…" she sighed in his ear and causing goosebumps to erupt all over his body. "If anything… I didn't mean to make you wait so long." She pushed him against the wall; his cane clattered loudly to the floor. "I don't know about you…" teeth closed on his earlobe, "but I'm tired of waiting." With an almost violent motion, she pulled his suit jacket from his shoulders and trapped his arms in it.

"Wait…" he gasped. Marie's soft lips kissed a path along his jaw line; he tried to move but stopped himself and instead worked his arms free and tentatively around her shapely figure. "Are you sure? I can't ruin your reputation… we're not married and…" She pressed a firm kiss on his lips and effectively shut him up.

"I'm tired of waiting…" she kissed him again. "I'm tired of interruptions…" another kiss. "I'm tired of just looking without touching you… Mana, I'm tired of running around. I _want_ you…" Her fingertips were tracing tickling patterns on the bare flesh of his stomach; each time threatening to dip lower.

Mana shuddered. The dark of the supply closet rendered his eyes useless and forced his other senses to overcompensate. He couldn't believe his skin could be so sensitive; Marie's every soft fleeting touch was sending unmistakable jolts of electricity through him. "We shouldn't…" he hissed through clenched teeth. "… not here. Not a good idea ah!" She pinched him. _What is wrong with me?! Why, in God's name, am I arguing?! Oh, so aggressive… yes, please…_

"I want you." She whispered sweetly, "You and only you, Mana Walker." Mana gave in and let himself fall, and it was bliss. He didn't know it then but it would be the last time that he would hold her like that, and the only time they would ever make love.

Mana finally found the pull chain for the closet light and fished about in the pile of garments for his pocket watch. "Shit…we've been here for over forty minutes…" Marie sighed contentedly against his chest. At some point they ended up on the floor. His bad leg stretched out awkwardly before him. "I gotta get back out there… I left Allen in the office; he's prolly torn up the place… or he's worried. It's hard to tell what reaction you're gonna get with that kid."

"You can't ever stop talking about him can you?" she almost sounded peeved. Marie sat up and starting sorting out the clothes they had shed. Mana pinched her backside when she moved.

"You… you magnificent woman, certainly took my mind off him…"

Marie giggled and called him incorrigible. "Goodness Mr. Walker…" she settled on his lap and raised a perfect eyebrow, "you couldn't possibly be trying to take advantage of me…"

"Opposite my dear. You took advantage of me… luring me away and ravishing me…" Despite the hardness of the floor, Mana would have been content to stay with Marie like this forever.

With a quick kiss at the door they parted directions. Mana leaned heavily on his cane; his knee was completely locked up. Each step sent ribbons of pain up and down the length of his leg. He didn't really care. The brief tryst with his beloved Marie was worth it. _I wonder how she'd take to the idea of getting married… have that on a regular basis and, aw shit I sound like a lecherous old man…_

He was stunned out of his thoughts when he saw the door of his little office open with a little creak. Smith stepped out into the hall. _Shit… he probably went in and messed up all my work…_ Mana stopped dead and stared at the other man; he felt his blood run suddenly cold. He was fixing his clothes. _Oh God. Allen… I left Allen in there…_

Hauling himself forward as fast as he could, Mana grabbed his coworker's arm. The man smiled and pulled away with ease. "I always wondered what happened to that little alley monster…" he laughed. "can see why you kept it… it's still as good as ever…"


	31. Chapter 31

If you are just now jumping in for the latest update. this is part two of a double update, so if you haven't read chapter 30 go back now and avoid any confusion. i just mention this because i have the habit of jumping right to the latest chapter and missing the beginnings of any multiple update. i'm always mad at myself for that. Remember: darkest before dawn.

* * *

With an angry shout Mana shoved Smith aside and threw open the door to his office. Immediately the sharp copper smell assaulted his nose and made him gag. There was blood on the floor, his desk and smeared on the back wall. That was where he found Allen, crouched against the back wall like a wounded animal.

"Allen?" he whispered softly. _Please be ok… not this, please God let me be wrong… _The boy looked up at him with blank eyes, doll eyes that said everything Mana didn't want to hear. He dropped down beside him, ignoring the agony from his knee at the action.

"Mahnah… hi…" The little body stumbled forward and he gripped at the wall for support. Mana crawled closer and tried not to think that the liquid soaking into his pant legs was his child's blood. Allen's eyes were unfocused but he still spoke. "Help me… gotta throw up…" Mana pulled the wastebasket to him. "Thanks…"

Every movement looked pained and difficult. Allen put a small hand on Mana's leg to steady himself. Looking hard at those dead eyes, Mana realized that Allen wasn't really here. The boy had taken his mind away. Whatever had transpired in the room had sent him into a state where he was only going through the motions. Doing what he needed to. Mana felt himself going blank as well; he just had to do what he needed to for Allen. So he held the wastebasket.

Allen put two fingers down his throat and forced himself to gag. He retched hard then, frowning, repeated it. Mana glanced at the former contents of the boy's stomach with disgust, food, bile and a baser human substance pooled at the bottom of the basket. His stomach turned and he felt an almost painful anger growing.

Mana's head was beginning to hurt; a burning ache that made him shut his eyes tightly. Allen pushed at the wastebasket to let him know he finished; he then knelt awkwardly and rested his head on Mana's thigh.

"Mahnaah…" he groaned. "I need help…" The boy half rolled and half fell onto his side, keeping his legs drawn close. For a brief instant the real Allen looked out from the doll's eyes.

"Anything…" Mana answered numbly. His whole being felt numb; it was just too much to comprehend. He wasn't going to think. If he made the connection between Allen's hand and the bloody prints on the wall, he would break. He couldn't let that happen. He gently petted the boy's hair. "What do you need?"

The boy groaned again; a pitiful sound. "I… Maahnaah, I can't get it…" He moved and clutched at the fabric of Mana's pants. He looked mortified. It hurt to see the shame on Allen's face; how it cost him to keep talking. "In me…" he mumbled. "I can't… mmph. M' bleeding too much and I can't…" He was suddenly breathing hard and Mana knew he was back; he was aware. The gloss had drained from his eyes, leaving only a look of pain and embarrassment.

"In me… I can't get… Ah Manaah!" He looked up at him pleadingly. "Don't make me say it!" He pushed his face into Mana's leg; as if he could hide himself there. Mana could feel the tears through the fabric. "_Just help me!_" he sobbed. "It hurts… I think something in me broke…Mana, father, please _it hurts_."

"You don't need to say it ok…" Mana understood what he needed though he was trying not to think about it. _No wonder he's having trouble moving… God help him, help me… don't think about it just help him. _He shifted and pulled his old leather wallet from his back pocket. "Here," he put it in Allen's hand. "Bite down on it." Allen obeyed and Mana settled his hand on the small of his back.

The little body jumped at the touch. He ran his thumb along Allen's spine. "It's just me… relax, breathe, I'll wait till you're ready…" Allen nodded and shifted. He grabbed handfuls of Mana's shirt and leaned against him. When he felt the body relax, Mana let his hand slide downward.

He did it without thinking, without looking. Mana kept his eyes focused on a spot on the floor and ignored the pained sounds. "Keep breathing…" he told himself as much as Allen. It was easy to find the foreign object, but it was slicked with blood; his hand kept slipping. Mana made several attempts before succeeding in pulling it free. He set the glass bottle down with a hard thud. Leaning against the wall, he hauled an uncontrollably crying Allen up into his lap and held him tight. "I'm so sorry…"

As Mana stared at the glass, something shifted in him. The anger and hate and sheer fury of a wronged parent that had been building within him was shrinking; coalescing into something hard, cold and infinitely more dangerous. There was no real thought in him, just a terrifying certainty of what needed to be done. A chill crept over him.

Carefully he let Allen down to the floor and stood. His head ached fiercely enough to make his vision swim. He grabbed his cane and walked to the door. "Marie!" he shouted into the hallway. He glanced back to the boy bleeding on his floor and yelled again, louder. "Marie! Damn it woman!" Her head appeared from around the corner. "Call a coach now! Come here… and bring my coat…" There was no emotion in his voice.

In minutes the woman rushed over with his overcoat clutched in her arms, her heels clicking hollowly on the wooden floor. She stopped dead in front of Mana. "Mana?" her voice shook. He was scaring her. There was something terrifying in his expression. Mana found he didn't care; let her be afraid. "What…"

He grabbed her arm and pulled her into the room; he snatched the coat form her shaking arms. She stared in frozen horror. Allen's clothes were ruined; he gently draped the coat over him, giving him some much needed privacy. Marie jumped when he spoke. "Watch him. No one but me comes in this room. Understand?"

She nodded quickly, wringing her hands in distress. "Mana… what? You're scaring me…" she started to cry. He didn't answer, just walked past her. Taking the damned bottle off the floor he left the room.

That strange coldness was washing over him like water. It was an almost comforting chill. His head pounded and he had to stop and let the ache subside. He pressed his hand against his forehead and for a moment felt a flash of fear, but there were no markings and the only dampness was sweat, not blood. The coldness again moved through him and he let it; he wore it like a suit.

He crossed the hall to Smith's office and he did not limp. His cane was only a decoration. Inside he knew his knee was screaming at him, but he walked into the room with no weakness. He felt so calm.

Smith was at his desk, leaning in his chair with his feet propped up on his desk. "What Walker?" His smile was like an oil slick, shining and filthy. "You can't tell me you had him for so long and never tired him?" Mana closed the office door behind him, slowly pushing down the lock.

"Never." He answered flatly. _Little alley monster… he knew about my boy's past._

"Too bad eh?" the man stretched. "I always wondered what happened to the little alley monster… I figured he just died or something." He laughed and Mana felt the chill in his body grow deeper; he head throbbed dangerously. _I feel strange…_

"I wish I had paid closer attention when you started bringing your 'son' around… I feel like a wasted a lot of time, but hah he's still just as good as before." Mana stared at him without expression; the ice in him was going to crack and the thought of what would happen then scared him, but it excited him as well.

"Well almost as good… monster fought me this time. He never fought back then; I had him trained. Walker, you let him go soft… the little bastard kept losing consciousness…"

Mana took one step from his post at the door. His grip on his cane was turning his knuckles white. The chill inside him was building to a peak and he let his anger fuel it faster.

"So I just had to force it…" Mana didn't let him finish. He cleared the space from the door to the desk in three strong steps and rearing back with his cane, struck Smith's head hard enough to knock the man from his chair. "Shit!" shouted the man from where he landed sprawled on the floor. Mana stood over him, the ice in him melted and let the coldness run through him freely like a soothing balm. He felt strangely alive.

He cracked the tip of his cane on the floor by Smith's head, making the man scoot backwards quickly. "What the hell's wrong with you?!" he shouted and rubbed his temple. Mana could already see the bruise forming; he didn't think he was that strong.

Reaching down Mana pulled him up by the front of his shirt and slammed him hard against the wall. With a flip of his hand the cane was against his throat like a bar, holding him to the wall. Mana's face was devoid of emotion. He leaned against it cutting off the man's air supply. There was a grim satisfaction in watching his face turn colors.

"So you forced him…" he whispered, his face dangerously close. "Give me one reason why I shouldn't 'force' you… make you hurt like that…" Mana stepped back and let Smith fall to the floor. He set the still bloody bottle on the desk.

When the man started to move, Mana cracked his cane down hard onto his back. Smith screamed, he had split the skin with the blow. Mana smiled at the sound and did it again… and again.

"You've done it before too…" Mana was scared by the coldness of his own voice, by the violence of his actions. "You're one of the monsters…" He kicked him hard, hard enough to hear a rib break with a sick crack. "One of the monsters… he still has nightmares of that alleyway."

Smith lurched to his feet and put the desk between them. The bottle wobbled and Mana looked the offending glass. "He was so scared… by such strange everyday things…" He focused his unblinking eyes accusingly on the man's terrified face. "And you did that to him… he would wake up screaming." There was no anger in his voice just a frozen calm, an iceberg serenely floating in a violent ocean.

Mana wielded his cane as gracefully as a warrior with a sword or staff. He found himself smiling and letting the cane spin between his fingers like a baton. With an easy shift of his grip he brought it down hard on the man's shoulder. The desk between them proved to be no obstacle. No matter where he moved, Mana could reach him. Surprisingly fast, Mana reacted to every move Smith made like a cat toying with a mouse would. A series of quick sharp blows sent him back to the floor.

Mana stood over him and stared at the garbage before him. His fingertips curled around the cool slick neck of the bottle on the desk. Looking at Smith cower on the floor made him feel good and that terrified him. Mana was enjoying himself.

Tired of using his cane, he dropped down and pinned the man. He enjoyed the tactile pleasure of breaking Smith's nose, the sensation of the flesh upon impact, the way the blood ran over his fingers, the sound of bone and cartilage grinding together; he took it all in. Mana struck him till his own knuckles split and bleed. It was sadistic; and he reveled in it.

Mana slammed the bottle against the leg of the desk. The glass shattered into a dozen sharp edges. He put it in Smith's face and grinned manically. "_Please!_" the man shouted. The cold smile vanished and left his face a blank mask. Ever so slowly, Mana drew the edge across his cheek and watched the blood well into perfect little drops.

"Ah! Stop!" the man sobbed and struggled fiercely to throw Mana off him. Smith's eyes watered as he realized just how far Mana was prepared to go. "Please…" _I could stop now… this doesn't have to go any further. I can walk away. _

"Did Allen ask for you to stop? And did you listen?" _That's right, beg me you son of a bitch._ Mana felt positively gleeful. _I'm enjoying this._ _What's wrong me? This shouldn't be fun… _Still his heart thrummed an excited tattoo against his ribs. His head ached again and he pressed the glass against the man's throat. Red leaked at the point where it touched.

"What are you?! What the hell are you?! Have mercy!"

"I'm a father avenging his son. Ask God for mercy… for I have none to give you." He slit Smith's throat. It was so simple. Mana watched intently as the light left the man's eyes.

He had never killed anything before, so he paid close attention. The coldness in him wanted to memorize every detail, the look in his eyes, the warmth and color that poured from his ruined throat, the garbled wet sounds as he struggled to take one more futile breath. The ice running in his veins suddenly abandoned him.

The only sound in the room was Mana's labored breathing. He blinked hard at the motionless figure. The cold had left him; he was suddenly sweating and shaking. "Oh God… what did I just do?" he whispered. The body was rapidly cooling but he pulled his hands away as if it would burn. "Oh my God." He repeated those three words like a mantra.

He stood and nearly fell. Wiping the gore on his already ruined shirt he took up his cane. He took a moment to collect himself before walking back into the hall. He pressed the lock down before closing the door behind him. He tested the knob; it didn't budge and he was confident it was locked.

Marie met him with a worried look. He knew she was staring at the blood. "It's not mine." He told her; that made it seem worse. "Did you call for a coach?"

She nodded. "It's already here… Mana what happened?"

He ignored her and went right to Allen. He was kneeling carefully and holding Mana's coat around him; he stared straight ahead with glassy eyes. "Don't look at mee…" he whined. Gently as possible and with adrenaline aided strength, Mana lifted him and carried him into the hall. Marie followed.

"What in the world is happening here?!" Mana turned to see his boss hurrying towards him. "I heard a crash…" With a sigh, Mana pulled back a corner of Allen's impromptu blanket, displaying a blood streaked leg. Allen shrieked at the exposure and begged them not to look at him. "What happened?" the old man gasped.

"Smith."

"My God…" breathed the old man, his white eyebrows knit together in concern. "Where is he?" Mana looked away. He didn't want to lie to the man; he had given him more chances than he ever deserved. "Mana, where is he?"

"Hell, I hope." He took a deep breath. "Sir, I just did what any parent would do…"

Mana's boss glanced to Smith's closed office door. "You didn't… is he?"

"Sir, I did. Listen you're a father too… what would you have done? It someone used your son, your daughter… what would you do…"

The old man appeared to think hard. _Please don't call the police… I need time…_ His boss spoke quietly. "The door's locked right? Then I won't find him until Monday morning… we're the only ones here…" He clapped a fatherly hand on Mana's shoulder. "I won't find him till Monday. It's the best I can do… it was a pleasure to work with you and I wish you luck." He smiled. "Now go."

Mana could hardly believe his luck. His opinion of the old man grew and he resolved to send him something later for his trouble. The coach ride back to the café was uneventful. Every bump made Allen cringe and cry. Marie pressed him for information. When he told her he killed Smith, she blanched.

He paid the coachman and nearly kicked down the door to the café. "Rivka!" he shouted. The matronly woman bustled in from the back room. "Help… Allen's been hurt." Instantly the woman went into action, gathering the boy from Mana and checking him. Mana hurried to collect all of her medical supplies.

"Let's get him upstairs… and you!" Rivka rounded on Marie, who had been standing in the door and trying to be invisible. "Don't just stand do something useful." She jotted down a number on a paper napkin. "The general store down the street has a telephone… call this number and tell Dr. Cohen that he needs to come to my café right now." Marie gave here a blank stare. "General Store. Telephone. Dr. Cohen. Here. Now… you understand me girl?" She nodded and stumbled out the door.

By the time Marie returned Mana had gotten the boy upstairs. Rivka sent him down for more towels while she stripped him out of his soiled clothing. Marie stood frozen and overwhelmed in the door.

"Mana" she said weakly. He stopped to give her his full attention. "You killed a man…" tears started to move lazily down her pale cheeks. "You're going to run…" He walked to her and took her hands. There was a cry from upstairs and his head whipped around to look. "I'm never going to be first with you… that boy will always be first won't he..," it wasn't a question.

"I won't lie to you, Marie. I'm all he really has… he has to come first."

She shook and Mana knew what she was going to say. "I can't do this…" she stepped away. "I just can't do this… I can't run with you, I can't be first in your heart. Mana I do love you, really I do. But this is too much for me to handle." She looked scared. "I just can't do this…"

"It's alright, I'm not asking you too." He said softly. "I love you too. I'm going to miss you." Reaching out he pulled the upset young woman to him for one last kiss. "I'm not angry either; I'm old, I'm crippled and I already have a kid… you can do better." He almost laughed.

She pulled away. "I'm sorry…" She turned and ran down the side walk and out of Mana's life.

"Damn it."

Still in bed and unable to sleep, Mana swore again. He got up and limped his way to his dresser and scrounged up some paper and an old address. "Dear Maddie," he wrote. "Is your job offer still open? Allen and I need to make a fresh start…"


	32. Chapter 32

So sorry for the delay. Family issues kept me away from the computer for the past week or so. thank you so much to all my reviewers and to all those who have added me to their favorites list. honestly i never expected so many responces when i started writing this, so i am truely grateful to have so many wonderful readers.

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Things were going to be difficult for a while, but they would pull through it. Of that, Mana was certain. The details as to how, however he was less sure of.

Mana managed to telephone the main office of the Mac Brothers' Circus that morning. Against all odds, Maddie, the tattooed lady, was there. He gave her an abbreviated version of events, leaving out a few crucial facts.

"We won't be in your area till at least the end of the year…if then" her voice crackled over the line. "Can you make it to Linden? It's not to far from one of our stops next month. I can have someone meet you there… I think Ernest has family there."

"Ernest huh? So, if I can rent a room there for a week or so, he'll come meet up with us? What does he look like?"

"Tall, bald… puts nails up his nose…"

"Right him." Mana said remembering the Amazing Human Blockhead. He scribbled directions to the town as Maddie gave them. It would take about four days if they traveled by train; a week or more if they traveled by coach.

"Hey Mana," Maddie paused, "when you get here, tell me the real reason you've decided to come join us. Not that I'm not thrilled to have that talented kid or yourself; but something tells me there's more going on then what you're telling me…"

"I promise I'll spill everything when I see you." _Not everything…_ he added mentally. The image of that damned bottle and the clotted blood that came with its removal flashed through his head; he leaned against the wall and forced it away.

He had already decided to say it was an accident; that would be his official answer in case anyone asked. Other than the police, he couldn't imagine anyone questioning him, but just making up a new version of events made him feel better.

He would say Smith hurt his child, no details, and that when he confronted the man things got out of control. He'd tell about how he threatened him with a broken bottle and that he couldn't move fast enough when the other man stumbled. Of course he didn't mean to; it was an accident and, most certainly, he didn't really enjoy it.

That was the part that bothered him the most; he reflected as he walked home after saying his goodbyes to the tattooed lady. It wasn't just that he had killed a man, but that he enjoyed it. He was deeply disturbed by it; he had always been a bit of a coward and he never would have believed he was capable of murder, but it was more than that. He _enjoyed_ it. Like some twisted other version of himself had taken over his body; some one that would do it again, just because it was fun. That thought sent chills down his spine and he prayed to God to never be put in a situation like that again.

Allen was still in bed when he reached his little apartment. "Hi Allen…"

"I hate you."

"Yeah," Mana sighed, "I hate me too…" leaving his cane by the dresser, he dragged his bad leg and sat on the edge of the bed. The walk to the store and back left him exhausted; it took an amazing amount of effort to pull himself up. He grabbed one of the soft pillows from the headboard and settled it under his aching knee. Allen rolled over to stare at him. Mana ventured a smile. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired… I'm hungry." He frowned. "Rivka won't give me food I want."

"Sorry to hear that buddy." Mana pulled back a bit of Allen's nightshirt collar to check on the bite marks that decorated the boy's throat like an obscene necklace. "I'll buy you something delicious when we leave."

"Leave?! Don't leave me!" Allen suddenly shouted, lurching forward to clutch at Mana's arm. The movement was too quick, the boy groaned and curled into himself. One hand was still grasping Mana's shirt sleeve. "What if he followed us home… don't let them find me… not again; I'll die…" his eyes were squeezed tightly shut and his voice was little more than a whisper.

"I can swear that there is no possible way he could have followed us…" Mana mumbled. _Wait… 'they'… shit._ "He… um, he wasn't the only one, was he?" He didn't expect an answer, so he was stunned when Allen spoke.

"No." the little hand twisted his shirt tighter in his fist. "I don't remember faces… just his." Allen inched closer until Mana could reach out and pull him into a loose embrace, nothing that would make him feel trapped. He could pull away any time he wanted to. Allen sighed, "Can I still tell you anything?" His face was etched with uncertainty.

"Anything. You know that…" Mana smoothed back the boy's soft brown hair; it was a little oily, it needed to be washed soon. "Say what you need to and I'll listen."

There was a distant look in the boy's eyes. "He took me home once… M' not sure how long I was there." He shivered. "I hated it_. I hated it!_ Others would come over… and if they gave him money…" Allen looked ill and pulled away roughly. "Mana, I'm gonna throw up!"

Mana reached over the side of the bed to grab the wastebasket. He had figured out that it would be a good idea to always keep it within reach. Sitting up, he held it for the boy and rubbed his shaking back in soothing little circles. "Its alright… get it all out of your system…"

While the boy retched, Mana glanced at the night stand for the slip of paper Rivka used to keep track of when he received his small dose of sedative. As Mana suspected, Allen was due for another shot. The doc said to keep him calm, he reflected as he grabbed for the syringe and little bottle with his free hand.

Allen spit one last time to try and get the taste out of his mouth. "There we go…" Mana soothed as he set the wastebasket back on the floor. He made a mental note to empty it in the bathroom as soon as possible. "Here," he filled the syringe like Rivka showed him. "You're past due for your medicine… move over."

Grumbling, the boy rolled onto his side and tugged down the waist band of his little boxers. "I don't like this stuff Mana." He winced as Mana pushed the needle home. "It makes me feel weird…"

"I know. I don't like it either… but the doc said to keep you calm and you're already getting too worked up." He watched the boy carefully and waited to see the drug work its magic. Allen fidgeted and instead of calming, just seemed to become increasingly irritated. "Hey… Allen, settle down; you have to give the medicine a chance to work." Suddenly concerned, Mana wondered if he had somehow messed up the dosage.

"I can tell you anything, right?" Allen cried. Mana nodded. "My mother!" he threw himself into his adopted father's arms. "Anything, right?!"

"Of course… what about your mother? You've never told me about her…" Mana carefully leaned back and pulled the upset child with him. Allen rested his head on his shoulder. _Please don't be having some sort of bad reaction… God please don't let me have screwed up and hurt him…_

"My insides hurt…" Mana made a sympathetic sound. "She gave me clothes that day, warm ones and fed me… real food, not scraps. She was so beautiful; she had long hair, same color as me. Took me outside, I'd never been outside… she hated me so much. She wouldn't touch me; I wasn't the baby she wanted and she hated me. _She hated me Mana_!" his voice went suddenly soft. "She was being so nice that day… I thought she changed her mind; that she was going to love me and I got to ride in a carriage… I'd never seen one before and I was so happy cause I thought she loved me now…"

The boy was crying. "Allen, deep breath… you don't have to say anything you don't want to…" _I guess this is something he just needs to get out. He's never said this stuff… God how long he's been carrying all this crap inside…stupid medicine making him like this…_

"I gotta!" It seemed like something in the child broke and he could do nothing to stop the flood of words. "When we stopped, I jumped out… she was right behind me, but she didn't follow; she shut the door. I got left out with the rest of the garbage… she threw me away, cause I'm trash. And I waited and I waited and she never came back! She threw me away!"

Mana didn't say anything, just pulled his son close. Allen buried his tear streaked face in Mana's shirt. "I'm so gross… dirty. How can you _stand to touch me_?" The little body trembled, and again Allen groaned at the movement. "I'm _used_; I should be thrown away… Manah, I'm garbage; why do you keep garbage in the house?" He whispered so low Mana had to strain to hear him. "you should throw me away."

Mana clenched his jaw. "No." he said it with strength and conviction. "No. God damn it." He sighed, he was so tired. "The world really did a number on you…" He took hold of the boy's chin and forced him look at his face. "You. Are. NOT. Garbage." He enunciated each word to try and drive the meaning home. "You're my son." Mana managed a weak smile.

Allen sat back on his heels; he was still having trouble sitting normally. One inky black fingernail was in his mouth being nervously chewed on. Before Mana could say another word, the boy kissed him. It was just a chaste, soft press of lips to his own, but it made Mana jump. He pushed the boy back, stunned.

"No?" Allen cocked his head to the side and asked numbly. He slid to lean against Mana's chest. "It's ok. If you want to it's ok. I decided a long time ago… back when you first brought me home and were so nice; I decided I would let you. That it won't be so bad if its you; you wouldn't hurt me on purpose. I would even pretend I liked it for you… just for you. Then I wouldn't have to get thrown out when you got sick of me."

Mana blinked hard with surprise. This wasn't his child talking to him; this was a glassy eyed doll. He pulled the boy off of him and did the first thing he could think of; he slapped him.

With a surprised cry, Allen fell back. It worked; the glassy look was gone. His little hand flew to his reddened cheek. "You hit me."

"Exactly, put that crazy shit outta your head. I don't want that stuff… I didn't then and I sure as hell don't now. Have I ever done anything to make you think that? No. And no, you're not trash or garbage or anything like that. Those people… they tried to make you believe that, but it's not true." Mana sighed and tried to think of the right way to say what was needed.

"That's not what I saw when I met you; not garbage and not something to be used. I saw a hurt little boy…a child that was cold, hungry, scared and in need of someone to give him a chance. There was no catch, no price… I never expected anything in exchange then and I still don't. I brought you home because you're not garbage. You're my son."

A brief smile ghosted across the boy's face. "Really gonna keep me…" His pupils dilated as the sedative in his system hit him hard. Mana caught his suddenly limp figure.

"Damn it Allen… of course. I don't know where you keep getting the idea I'm gonna abandon you or something stupid like that… God." Mana knocked his head against the bed's headboard in frustration. _Where does he keep getting this shit_… "Sorry kid, I'm afraid you're stuck with me…" he mussed the boy's hair affectionately as he said it.

Mana spent another hour with his child held tightly in his arms and dozing lightly; forcing his mind away from the events of the day before. It already seemed like a lifetime ago. _I just need to do what I have to and move on… just have to keep walking forward; don't think just get it done..._

With a knock at the door, Rivka interrupted his thoughts. In her arms she had a wash basin filled with steaming water. Mana recognized it from his own time confined to bed and worked to untangle himself from Allen's little figure. The boy stirred, "nooo…" he mumbled and tried to hold on tighter. When Mana continued to move, Allen sat up and blinked blearily. He made a soft "eep" sound at the sight of Rivka and shoved himself backwards.

"Now, now…" She said soothingly and set about preparing his bath. Allen looked at Mana and blushed red in embarrassment. "It's just a bath… doctor's orders, remember…"

"Mana, you… you don't look, ok. You leave, but don't really leave… ok?" Allen's voice sounded so small.

"Right…" Mana took his cane as he walked out the bedroom door. "I'll be right out here. Yell if you need anything." Looking around the room, he wondered what else he could carry with them when they left. What was important enough to keep? He settled down on the little sofa with a groan. "How am I supposed to do this?" he sighed. From the other room he could hear Rivka admonishing Allen for fighting her and making a bath more difficult than it needed to be. It sounded almost normal.

By sheer force of will, Allen was walking the next day. Doctor Cohen, who never seemed to be too far away, looked him over and pronounced that he was one of the quickest healers he'd seen. He would be sore and he still needed to take care not to over work himself; but he was up and he was mobile.

In the afternoon, Mana sorted through Allen's treasure boxes and selected a number of items to sell. They were going to need a supply of cash to travel with. Allen was clinging to his leg as he tried to leave the building.

"Don't leave!" he was crying again. "I don't want you to go… take me with you."

Mana sighed, "It's a long walk; and not the best part of town. I don't think it's a good idea for you to come with me."

"I wanna go too…" Allen whined and pushed his head against Mana's side. "It's my stuff, it's not fair for you to take it and… and I wanna go with you."

He really didn't feel like arguing with the child; so, they went together to the pawn shop. It was a long walk and neither of them was moving very quickly. All the way there Mana grumbled about what a bad idea it was and Allen, in response, just gripped his hand tighter. "Remember don't say anything, don't touch anything and don't draw attention to us." Mana reminded the boy as they stood outside the pawn shop.

The store itself hadn't changed much since Mana's last visit. It was still dark and grungy. The floor was darkened with dirt that had been ground so deeply into the wood grain as to become a solid element of the floor. A lighter path had been worn by countless feet leading from the door to the counter. The man behind the counter was the only new feature. He was just as dirty as his surroundings, with lank greasy hair than hung past his shoulders.

He raised an eyebrow at them. "Yes?" he said in a voice like gravel. The man looked the both of them up and down as if he was assessing how much they would be worth if broken down into their component parts. "Can I help you?"

Allen shifted his weight nervously and hid behind Mana. He could feel the boy's hand latch onto his shirt. With a long calming inhalation, Mana smiled. "I'm sure you can. We're looking to sell."

The man shifted in his seat to peer around him at Allen. "No kids allowed." He said bluntly and lifted a folded newspaper. Mana leaned his cane against the counter and pulled a ring from his pocket. With a clink he set it upon the rough wooden surface. Slowly the man set his paper back down and tried not to look over interested.

"Not a kid; he's just short." Mana grinned. "I've been here before. The other guy knew me. I'm sure I still have an account." The man's fingers twitched despite his efforts to keep his interest hidden. His grey eyes darted from the ring to Mana and back. He pulled a ledger from under the counter and dusted it off. Mana gave his name and the clerk thumbed through till he found it.

"Holy shit… you're a real person." He laughed. "The old guy told me about you. I figured Walker was just a front guy for a whole group of thieves to lazy to fence their own goods." He gave Mana an appraising look. "You don't really look the part… no offence."

Mana chuckled with him. "Actually, the little one here is the mastermind." Allen peeked out from behind him with wide eyes and waved shyly.

"You gotta be shittin me… that little thing?!" he looked at the boy incredulously. Mana gave a small shrug. "Well, however you got whatever you got lets see what I can give ya for it…"

Mana unloaded all the things he brought onto the counter. The man sorted through the variety of objects and started quoting prices. Allen's hand left the edge of his shirt at some point; Mana tried to keep an eye on him and listen to the clerk at the same time.

After a most annoying discussion filled with cross words over cost and value, the men agree upon a price. Mana was fairly sure he was getting much less than what the objects were worth, but time was a factor. He was planning to leave before dawn tomorrow and still had much to do; there wasn't enough time to argue. He would be leaving the store with more cash than he had seen in years.

"Thanks for your help." Mana said as he turned to leave. Allen appeared by his side and grabbed his hand. "Ready to go?" he asked the boy. Allen nodded and tugged him towards the door.

"Wait," the clerk leaned over the counter, a suspicious look in his eyes. "The kid," he stated, "have him empty his pockets…" Allen swallowed hard and walked back to where the man waited. With a glance back to Mana for reassurance, he began to unload all the things he had lifted while the adults were distracted. With wide eyes the clerk let out a low whistle, "Shit kid… I didn't even see you do it…" He pulled all the trinkets and jewelry towards him. "Is this all?" he asked with a raised eyebrow.

Allen nodded quickly and, keeping his eyes fixed on the floor, scurried back to Mana's side. Mana grinned broadly and adjusted his waistcoat. "Sorry about that… he does it to me all the time." He excused himself and his son from the shop and headed down the street.

"That wasn't all, was it?" Mana smiled. Allen giggled in response and pulled a set of necklaces from his little vest and a cameo broach from inside his glove. "I know I told you to stop doing that kind of stuff… but I'm actually glad you kept it up. We may need to use that…" Mana stopped mid sentence.

In an instant everything that had happened rushed back to him; Allen's violation, Smith's murder, everything crashing through his mind like a great wave. A wave bringing with it a renewed sense of fear and disgust, of sadness and self loathing; it stole the breath from Mana's lungs. He leaned against the nearest building and coughed hard, feeling breathless and weak. _This is so wrong. All of this is so wrong… I've ruined everything. We really can't go back. I killed a man… Allen's still limping. I'm laughing and pretending everything's fine and its not! None of this is right. Oh God, he kissed me yesterday…still expected that I would… after all this time, he still thought… he's so messed up and I'm just making it all worse… I let him down. I failed him. God, I've fucked everything up._

He coughed hard, "Shit." He tasted copper and spat on the sidewalk. _Blood. Oh God…_ Allen thumped his back in an attempt to help him clear his lungs. Mana's eyes watered from the effort to breathe. With a deep gasp sweet air filled him, and the first thing he said was a choked apology. "Allen! I'm so sorry!" he blurted out desperately.

The boy jumped back with surprise, but Mana caught him by his shirt. "I'm so very, very sorry… for everything. I'm sorry I wasn't there." Mana, still weak from coughing, slid down onto his knees there in the street. "I'm so sorry…"

Little arms wrapped around him tightly, much to Mana's surprise. Allen pulled him close and held his head to him. The boy didn't say anything, but Mana knew he was forgiven. It was the most wonderful feeling. The gesture reminded Mana of the God-child version of the boy that had haunted one of his nightmares; it was calming and frightening at the same time. Allen would forgive him, but then again he would forgive anyone. Mana had the sense that no matter how terribly Allen had been wronged or hurt, if the person asked for forgiveness, he would give it with no questions asked. It made him feel painfully small.

Mana pulled away and looked into Allen's eyes. "I killed him…" he confessed. "I was so angry, after I saw how much he hurt you… I killed him for it. I'm sorry." Allen said nothing, just blinked slowly. His soft eyes seemed far too old for his face.

"I know." The boy finally said. "Its ok father… let's go home." His voice was soft. Relief rushed through Mana; he really was forgiven. It was as if a great weight had been lifted from him. Allen put a soft kiss on his forehead and it made him want to cry. Instead he pulled himself up and started to walk home. Allen twined his little fingers with his as they walked.

Still, something nagged at Mana from the back of his mind. He wondered if he had somehow forced the boy's forgiveness. A dense feeling of guilt and selfishness followed him for the rest of the day. There was so much left to do and he wasn't looking forward to any of it.


	33. Chapter 33

Sorry for the delay. last harry potter book is out and i had to reread them all before starting the new one, so this chapter is a bit rushed in the writing and late in the upload. but here it is now and i hope you all enjoy it. thanks to all those who review and who have added me to their favorites lists. it makes me feel like i'm doing something right.

i'd like to announce that i've decided to write a story about Cross and Allen's time training with him. its in the early planning phases now and i'd also like to announce that i'm open for suggestions for it. Send me your ideas of things you would like to see happen, and i may just use a few. private message would probably be best, but i also have a forum floating about somewhere. i believe i have the address in one of my earilier chapters.

thank you all again and i hope you enjoy.

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The train swayed with the wind of the storm, making Mana nauseous. He leaned back against pillow and was grateful he paid the extra cash for a sleeper compartment. They were not going to leave the train until the end of the line, so Mana decided the best thing to do was to travel comfortably. He kept the door locked; the only time they left the safety of the enclosed space was to make use of the restroom facilities. They even went there together; Allen didn't want to walk by himself or be left alone in the sleeper, so he clung to Mana's sleeve wherever he went.

Allen was sleeping soundly across from him. The compartment had a double set of fold down sleeping cots set into the walls. It wasn't the most expensive of the sleeper cars, but it was the nicest he could afford. Cracks in the wooden paneling and around the door let hazy shafts of light into the dimness of the compartment, bringing the small space into a perpetual twilight. The blankets smelled vaguely of dust and mold; it was irritating to Mana's chest. It seemed like he had to clear his throat every few minutes. He glanced over to where Allen lay bundled and wondered if he would be able to sleep so easily had he not taken a dose of sedative an hour ago.

The boy was snoring lightly. It was a familiar sound and it helped Mana relax a bit. Allen grumbled and shifted in his cot, tightening his hold on Bear. It was the only toy he kept. He told Mana to send all his other toys to Rachel Brown, as a gift for her young son. Mana was genuinely touched by the gesture. He wrote a nice letter to her explaining that family issues were forcing him to move and describing how wonderful of a friend she had been to him and Allen. He was almost lucky that he didn't have too many friends to leave behind. Marie said her goodbye at the door, and though he loved her so much it hurt, it was another woman that was the hardest to leave behind.

Saying farewell to Rivka was one of the hardest things Mana ever had to do. His relationship with the rounded old woman had changed so quickly from that of landlady and tenant to that of parent and child. She was his advisor, his confidant and most importantly his friend. The woman was invaluable; he knew that he couldn't have handled those first few tough years of being a father without her support.

She had cried, he cried and Allen was near hysterical. "I can't thank you enough for all that you've done for me… for Allen…" he couldn't form his words right. There was no way to tell her how much of an impact she had made on his life.

"You're going to make me cry…" she sniffed and held her handkerchief to her face. "Just like a son to me… never paid rent on time, always nicking food from my kitchen," she glanced at Allen, "bringing in strays and making me take care of them! Just like a son…" she laughed and cried at the same time. With one worn hand she pulled him over into a tight embrace. Allen jumped in and sobbed for attention. "And Allen!" she swooped down and clutched him. "My sweet, sweet little Allen… remember to dress warmly and make sure you eat plenty and grow up to be big and strong… keep Mana from doing anything stupid. I'll keep you in my prayers every night!"

The boy shrieked with dismay at leaving her. The sight made Mana question again if he was doing the right thing. "Allen," he started softly, "I'm asking too much of you… you don't have to go. You didn't do anything wrong, I did. There's no reason to drag you with me. You can stay here with Rivka… I'm going to force you to run like I have to. She'll take care of you and I know she loves you…" He felt better giving the boy an out, even if his mind was screaming not to let him go. Allen didn't deserve this.

"No!" Allen shouted. "I'm going with you!" He looked up at Rivka's face. "I love you Rivka. You've been so great to me, I'm really gonna miss you!" he cried hard. "I promise I'm gonna come back and see you…"

"Oh I know you will! Once all this nasty business is over…" She glanced at their packed bags and frowned. "Now do you have everything… all set? I'm keeping all the furniture and anything else of yours I find, Abraham is going to move in to your apartment for the time being." She shyly glanced to where Dr Cohen stood. He was close enough to show his support, but respectively unobtrusive. He smiled but remained silent. Rivka sighed, "I'm going to miss you boys so much. It's going to be so quiet here without you…"

"I'm glad you won't be here alone." Mana said with a nod to the doctor. "Just wish we could be here to see the wedding." Her eyes widened.

"I didn't tell you that!" she laughed again through tears. "But yes… it's just a convenience thing. We're old… and tired of being alone. Abe is going to open a practice here; this neighborhood needs a doctor…and…oh." She hugged Mana again. "I'm going to miss you!"

It took nearly an hour to say goodbye. It was already two in the morning; they had an hour to get to the station. The doctor kindly paid for a coach to take them to the station so they didn't have to walk. Mana promised to write once he got somewhere safe, no return address, no way to be traced. He was absolutely terrified. _I'm really doing this…_

Sitting on the train, among the scores of business men traveling on their official business and people going to their families for emergencies, Mana felt so alone. He wondered if anyone would ever suspect a murderer and a damaged child were dozing in the sleeper compartment next to them.

He fished out his pocket watch and ran his thumb over its engraved surface. It was a familiar, soothing texture. With a click he flipped it open and checked the time. _Ten in the morning… people start coming into the office at nine. So any minute now someone there is gonna notice the smell coming from Smith's office and get the boss… and find the body. Oh God I killed a man… I'm gonna go to hell. I killed a man, another human being… and I liked it._

That thought made him sit bold upright and thump his head on the luggage rack. _I'm not the bad guy… I'm not! _he told himself as he rubbed the knot forming on his head_. I did what I had to, what was right. He hurt Allen. I promised to protect him… God I failed. But I did get vengeance; I punished him for what he did. I set things right, delivered God's judgment. I avenged my child… that's why it felt so… good._

Mana forced his train of thought to an abrupt halt and settled back down into his sleeper cot. It was frightening him; he wasn't sure if he was justifying murder or justifying the strange pleasure he felt while committing it. In his mind's eye he saw himself licking blood from his fingers with an expression of rapture etched on his face; something he was sure he didn't actually do in real life. He clearly remembered wiping his hands on his shirt, but his imagination kept overwriting it with that disturbing scene.

"That's not me." He said softly into his pillow as if just speaking it aloud would make it true. He was so tired and could feel himself drifting; he fully expected nightmares as he closed his eyes.

Mana knew he was dreaming, but he was certainty surprised; everything was just too nice. He was in the park on a picnic. There were two plates on the blanket, so he figured he wasn't there alone. A warm soothing breeze was playing through his hair. It was spring and the world was alive with color. Color… Mana hadn't dreamt in color for years. He looked around for his cane, but there wasn't one. He felt silly for looking; he had no injury.

Marie came skipping to him. She wore a soft yellow dress and her hair piled up loosely on top her head. He stood to greet her and swooping close, he lifted her by her elegantly corseted waist and spun with her. She was laughing brightly. The wedding band glinted in the sun and made Mana grin like a fool. It had been a beautiful wedding. His sweet Marie had never looked more angelic than she did in that white gown; he had never had so much fun stripping it off of her.

"You are so beautiful." He cooed as he held her close. They ate in the park; they kissed in the dappled shade of the canopy of leaves above them. It was warm and the air smelled of sweet grass and blooming flowers… and copper.

The sharp scent buried under the others made Mana pause. Something wasn't right, but he couldn't figure out what. He pushed the thought aside and turned his attention back to the young lady beside him. He kissed her once more and laid back to rest his head on her lap. She absently stroked his hair while she read a book. Looking up, Mana couldn't read the title and decided to close his eyes.

Birds were singing. He listened closely and tried identify the individual species by their songs. He was convinced that life couldn't be any better than this; it was then he heard the screaming. It was distant and soft, scarcely audible over the animals. The sound made him sit up abruptly, his heart beating far too quickly.

"Mana, darling…" Marie peered over the top of her book. "Is something the matter? You look a little flushed."

"Uh… no. I'm fine. Where's Allen?" He was surprised by his own voice. He didn't know anyone by that name; that name meant nothing to him, but it felt like it should.

"Who?" Marie looked at him with concern. "Who's that? Is that someone from work?"

"No, I…" Again he heard screams. "Don't you hear that?!" Panic was working its way through him. His wife glanced around and shook her head. The world around him seemed to suddenly grow darker, the birds' song off key, the trees branches sharper and shadows more ominous. _Shit… this is all wrong…_

Mana climbed to his feet, ignoring Marie's protests. "Look," he snapped a little harsher than he should have. "I can't believe you don't hear that… I gotta go look." He took off quickly down the hill. "I'll be right back."

At the edge of the park gates the world split into black and white. "No…" he whispered. "Not this place…" Another scream rang out loud and high. Marie dashed down after him; she begged him not to leave, to choose her over the boy. _Boy?_ Mana looked out over the decimated world before him and the beautiful park behind him. He swore loudly, apologized and willingly stepped into the world of black and white.

Instantly he was ankle deep in the warm liquid of the shallow sea. "I hate this place!" he shouted to the gears that hung motionless in the grimly monotone sky. "I really hate this place…"

He found the source of the pained screams in the crumbled city. It looked worse than the last time and the sense of foreboding terror had doubled, like a crushing weight on his chest. He pushed the fear down and worked his way into the ruins. It was different this time, he hadn't been forced into the horrible place; he chose it. Being here was his decision.

Despite the dilapidated state of the buildings, he recognized where he was. It was a familiar street, with an alleyway that seemed to radiate tangible darkness. He found Allen there. _Who's Allen? Think, Mana, think! It's a kid. I don't even know any kids… no, that's not right. Focus!_

There were shadows around the boy that moved as if they were alive. Though they were only vaguely human shaped, their eyes burned with an inhuman intelligence. The boy was so small next to them; his growth stunted from living in horrible conditions. It made him just as tiny as he was when Mana found him in reality, if not more. He didn't know the boy before him, but it felt like he should.

He was on the ground, hurt, bleeding and screaming for mercy. The shadows were strangely solid; Mana couldn't see what they were doing, but from the way the child was shrieking and moving he had a fairly good idea. A cold hard knot formed in his stomach. Those _things_ were torturing him and with a cold certainty Mana knew he was going to kill them.

For the first time in the nightmare black and white world, Mana took complete control of the dream. He was sick of being scared, sick of being trapped in a nightmare. He was going to become the nightmare, take it, control it and own it. For the little figure desperately writhing before him, he would bend the world to his own design.

He didn't need to search for a weapon. There was an iron bar within arm's reach, jutting out from a pile of debris. He knew it was there without looking. It was there because he wanted it to be. Without words, without thought, he walked into the alley and struck down the nearest thing. Like true shadows exposed to light, the patches of midnight black dissipated with Mana's blows. He didn't need to hit with much force; he smiled, the desire to obliterate anything that hurt the child was strong enough.

Gasping with the exertion but smiling fiercely, he dropped to his knees and pulled the last clinging threads of sentient darkness from the boy's damaged body. In a last attempt to hold on, the shadows burned and cut the boy and any part of Mana that got within striking distance. Once freed, the little figure gasped and sobbed, still fighting. "It's ok." He soothed. "I'm not here to hurt you." The patches he tore from the child's left arm took long strips of skin with it, leaving angry raw flesh. It made the small boy scream anew.

Mana sat on the ground and gently pulled the shaking figure into his lap. "Hi…" he said to the child. "I heard you calling… sorry I made you wait. I'll bet you're Allen, huh?" Wide eyes blinked up at him in disbelief. With a shuddering sigh the boy relaxed and settled in his arms. "Don't worry, I've got you…" Mana marveled at the way he drove off the boy's tormentors.

He was in charge here; he could bend and reshape this world, make everything better. Letting his eyes slid shut, Mana concentrated on the bloodied body in his arms. He willed the child's wounds shut. Allen yelped and whined pitifully at the sensation of muscle and flesh repairing itself; Mana rocked him and whispered comforting words.

"Monsters…?" Allen questioned.

"All gone… all the monsters are gone." Mana said with a smile; he was very proud of himself. But, Allen stared at him oddly, his little brow knit with concern.

"Gone? But, I'm still here…" Mana's blood ran cold and the child continued to speak. "…and so are you."

Mana woke with a violent start, banging his head on the luggage shelf. _Shit…_ The dream was already fading quickly from his mind, slipping away like water through his fingers. _What was that?!_ He knew it was different than his other dreams; not a nightmare, just set in one.

It was still disturbing, but at the same time it was strangely comforting. He had taken control, beaten back the pervasive terror that usually came with his dreams. He had become one of the monsters, but little dream Allen was one too. That somehow made it ok. He could handle that, if it meant the ability to protect his son; it couldn't be too bad.

Mana actually felt better about his new situation than he did before the dream. It was just a dream, he reminded himself. _The only monsters out there are the sick people… like the one I killed… _

Allen grumbled and stirred, bringing Mana out of his contemplation. "Mana?" he mumbled with a voice still thick with sleep. "m' hungry…"

"Want me to go get something from the dining car?"

"Yeah… ow!" Mana glanced over to the boy's cot. He sat hunched, rubbing his head and frowning.

"Watch the luggage rack." Mana stifled a laugh. Stretching, he gingerly moved his legs from the cot and rested his feet on the floor. "I'll get us something. What do you want?" Allen started listing extravagant dishes, but Mana cut him off. "Well you're getting applesauce."

"Noo… papa. I want real food. I feel fine, really!" he hopped out of the cot as if to show how fit he was. Mana didn't miss the grimace he tried to hide upon landing.

"Nope, sorry. You remember what the doc said. Only gentle food… don't make that face, it's only gonna be for another day or so…" Mana figured a few days of a gentle diet would be enough. He imagined it felt something like the aftereffects of having a violent flu and remembered how the last time he was ill with stomach flu, passing any food was an awful experience.

With a grunt, Mana pushed and folded the cot up into its notch in the compartment wall, revealing the bench seat below it. He sat there on the threadbare seat and pulled his shoes on. Allen slumped down beside him and idly kicked his little feet. "How are you feeling by the way?"

Allen shrugged. "Ok, I guess… can I come with you?" Little hands twisted Mana's sleeve. "To the dining car? I don't wanna stay…" he trailed off.

"Sure, get your shoes on." The boy smiled and crawled down to find his boots; they left the compartment. The sway of the train made it hard for Mana to balance, even with his cane it was difficult to walk. Allen took his hand and helped the best he could; it made Mana feel guilty, like he was selfishly forcing his boy to help him. "I'm sorry." He mumbled, trying not to think about how the boy was still slightly limping.

The boy before him squeezed his hand and made a thoughtful noise. "It's ok." He glanced over his shoulder at him. "I don't mind. I like helping." Carefully, he helped Mana navigate over the gap space between the rail cars and into the dining car. Sets of bench seats in muted shades of green and gray and dull wooden tables lined the walls of the car. They sat close to the door. "I think I wanna help people when I grow up… like a doctor or something. Think I can do that, Mana?"

A tired porter approached and asked what they would like. Mana quickly rattled off a list, "Toast, jam… um, coffee, juice, a banana if you have them and some applesauce…" The man raised an eyebrow and shuffled off and Mana turned his attention back to the boy across from him. "I think that's a great idea Allen. It takes a lot of hard work and study…" _Hate to burst his bubble_, he thought. _He's not too interested in school… even if he was I couldn't afford to send him to a good school… even if I could afford it, I'm probably a wanted man by now. Shit, I've ruined his life…_

The car was slowly filling. All ages of gentlemen traveling on business were shuffling in for a morning meal and a space to work. Mana slid down in his seat. He knew there was no possible way that anyone here could know what he did; information just didn't travel that fast, but he was still nervous. Allen gave him a hard stare and he straightened up. _I can't let myself be afraid. He depends on me._

"Wanna go eat in the other car…" Allen grumbled and looked at the wood grain on the table. He poked at the rough surface. "I don't feel good anymore." Mana instantly went on alert, silently looking for any signal indicating a fit. Without even glancing at him, Allen clenched a little gloved fist for him to see. "Not that. I'm ok, just… I ache." He said it softly and with a hint of embarrassment in his voice.

Mana leaned across the table and felt the boy's forehead. "You're not warm. We'll take our food back to the car, ok?" Allen nodded and leaned against the window, staring at the blurred scenery rushing by. Rain beat a steady tempo against it and they sat in an awkward silence.

When the bored porter brought their food, Mana scooped it up and let Allen, carrying their drinks, lead him back to the sleeper compartment. He nearly fell at the car connection again, but otherwise they made it back to the safety of the car without incident. The bench seat was lumpy but comfortable and Mana's knee was screaming at him to stay still.

He wondered if he could find some aspirin in his bag. Instead of searching he peeled a banana and cut it into little slices with a pocket knife. The bench sagged a bit with Allen's weight as he joined him. They ate in silence until the boy made an unhappy noise. "What?" Mana asked, brushing back his child's hair back; he had toast crumbs on his face. "You hurting bad… huh?"

"Mmmph." Allen snuggled up to his side and Mana put a comforting arm around him. "Can I sleep in your cot, Manah? I need… its cold in here." He lied.

"Sure." Mana answered, wondering if it would hold their combined weight. "Tell you what, you go ahead and go back to sleep. I'm gonna read the paper, drink my coffee… I'll join you when I'm done and sleepy ok." That seemed to satisfy the boy and he climbed up and tugged the blankets up over his head. _Still has his shoes on_, Mana laughed to himself. He stood and tugged the off, letting them hit the floor with a dull thud. Little feet disappeared under the blanket and Allen mumbled something that sounded rude. He was tired, sore and grumpy.

_And only three more days of this to go…_


	34. Chapter 34

Thank you to all my reviewers. i always love to hear from you, your comments, your questions; they always make me think and work harder to bring new chapters as quickly as possible. i hope you all enjoy this new chapter.

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"Manaah…" a soft voice roused him from his nap. It was the afternoon of day two of their train ride. All Mana had done was nap, snack and lose badly at cards against Allen. He tried to practice a few coin tricks but the swaying motion of the cars over the tracks kept him from catching or completing any move. "Manah…" Allen tried again for his attention with a high whine.

He sleepily batted the boy's hand away. "What?" he grumbled and tried to roll further to the side of his cot. "Can it wait? I'm sleeping…"

Allen made a worried sound and shook the adults shoulder harder. "We've stopped… the train is stopped."

The though processed slowly through his mind. _Stopped?_ The sense of the moving car had been a constant for so long; he was surprised that he hadn't noticed when it slowed to a halt. "It's fine… they have to let other people on and off and pick up stuff." He heard a thud as the boy jumped to the floor and a soft swish of fabric as he peered out the curtain of the door.

"But there's a guy checking the doors…" He looked back to Mana with worried eyes. "Mana! Look at meee… he's checking all the rooms."

"So?" he gave in, put on his glasses and rolled over to watch the boy. "We have tickets; it's nothing to worry about. He's prolly just looking for people who snuck in or something."

"Oh." Allen went to the bench and sat. "Do they always have police check trains? Do bad people try to hide on them?"

"Police?" That seemed odd. "Allen is there really policemen out there?"

"Yep."

"Shit." Mana sat up and hit his head on the luggage rack; he swore loudly and the outburst made Allen snicker. "Ok, listen to me… go crack the door open and see if you can hear what their talking about." He already had a fair idea of what was happening. News had gotten out quicker than he could have imagined. _Telephones…damn technology; someone from the police is calling all the train stations. Looking for a murderer… God, ok think. It might not even be about me. They don't know it's me. Shit, unless someone from the office knew and told… shit!_

Allen moved from his post by the door and threw his blanket over Mana's head. "Hide!" he hissed. Not knowing what else to do, Mana curled up and hid his head under the covers. The door to the compartment creaked open. "Hi!" Allen chirped; Mana could almost hear the fake smile plastered on his face.

"Hello there, little man. You're not traveling alone are you?" the man's voice came through muffled by the blankets to Mana's ears. He held his breath.

"Nope… my papa is here. See…" There was a rustle of clothes as the people moved. "You can't talk to him!" Allen dropped his voice to a hushed whisper. "He's really sick… lost his voice, ah… cause he's coughing too much and…its gross and bloody and now he's finally getting to sleep." Mana gave a somewhat theatrical groan and cough.

" Bloody? He's that sick?" the man sounded nervous. "Well, we just wanted to check all the cars. We have reason to believe someone bad got on this train and is trying to run away from us." The policeman spoke slowly, trying to dumb down his usually prepared speech for the boy before him. "See this is what we think he looks like." There was a crinkling sound of paper. _They have a picture of me?!_ Mana's mind screamed at him. "Will you tell your father, we came by and…?"

Allen cut him off. "That's neat! Can I have that?" The man mumbled some excuses but caved in to Allen's wheedling. "Thanks mister! We'll be really careful ok!" The door clicked shut. "Mana get up now. He's gone."

He gratefully pulled the blankets away from his head and took a clean breath of air. Allen clambered into the cot with him and held up a drawing that looked loosely like Mana. He flashed Allen a crooked smile. "I don't look that bad do I?" he tried for a laugh.

"Worse." Allen grinned back, but it was quickly washed away from his face. "What do we do now?"

Mana was already climbing down from the cot and pulling his luggage from the overhead rack. "We're getting off here. Think you can carry your own bag?" Allen shot him a horrified look. "I'm sorry… we'll pick up another train."

"No!" the boy shouted. "I don't wanna walk. They already looked here!" He tried to push Mana's bags back up. "We should wait… if we gotta go, let's go at the next stop before they check there…"

Mana eased himself back onto the bench seat. "Think so?" It did make sense; if every station was stopping trains coming from the city, and they had already made it past this stop, then it stood to reason that they would be fine till the next check point. "Allen…" he relaxed a bit. "Good thinking. We'll leave at the next stop." He fumbled around for his tickets to check the scheduled stops while Allen glowed with the praise. "It'll be late tonight, so have your stuff ready. We'll have to move quick…"

The train car under them lurched drastically as the great steam engine began to power it once again down the tracks. Allen stumbled with the motion and caught himself on Mana's leg, landing hard on his bad knee.

"Ah! Sorry Mana…" Mana just groaned in response, while Allen climbed up to sit with him. "I took their drawing… see, they can't show it to anyone else now." He crumpled up the sketch and leaned against Mana's side; the little body was pleasantly warm against him.

"Good job." He answered with a one armed hug about the child's shoulders. Deep down, he was scared to death; he had no idea what to do, but there was no way he would let Allen know that. "This is all gonna work out fine. Really it is…"

"Those guys… were they really looking for you? Cause you… did that that stuff for me?" Allen asked softly. There was no fear in his voice, just concern, "Is it cause of me?"

"No. It's nothing to do with you. You did nothing wrong."

"What are they gonna do to us if they catch us?" little arms pulled Mana's own to him. Mana couldn't help but notice the way Allen said 'us' instead of 'you.' He was in this with him to the end.

"I'm not sure, I'll be arrested… prolly go to prison." _And die there_, he added silently, _I'll be there for the rest of my life, at least or… God, they might kill me_. Again the full severity of his situation hit him full force, almost like a physical blow. He swallowed hard and imagined himself at the gallows. He wondered if he would be able to walk there without fear or have to be dragged up kicking and screaming; it was near unthinkable either way.

"You'll go to a children's home," he paused, afraid to voice his fears for the boy's fate. _You're supposed to go to Nick and Isabella… but no one will bother to look for them. You'll be a ward of the state, apprenticed out to earn your keep until you're old enough to be sent out completely._ "But just until Nick and Isabella come to pick you up." he lied and forced a smile. "Then you live a happy life with them in the circus."

Allen leaned back, a thoughtful look on his face. "I'm not gonna let you get taken away from me." There was a frightening strength in his soft voice. "I'm gonna protect you." He said it with such confidence that Mana found he truly believed him; it was frightening. The image of the bloodied youth from his nightmares sprang unbidden to his mind.

"Get some sleep. We have a few hours before the next station stop; I want us to be ready to go, ok." The boy slid from the bench and climbed up into the one unfolded bunk. With a great effort, Mana stood and pulled the blankets up for him; out of habit he tucked Bear in with him. "I'm gonna get us some sandwiches ok." A quick panicked look flashed over the young face. "I'll lock the door… just be a couple of minutes." He was already out the door before Allen could further protest.

Careful navigation moved Mana safely over the gap between the cars. With one hand clinging to the railed little porch that led to the dining car, he ventured a peak down between the rail cars joints. He watched the tracks zip by beneath him and the single heavy black metal joint which provided the only link keeping the speeding metal boxes together; it created a sensation of the floor dropping away. Machinery seemed strangely sinister to him recently. Suddenly overwhelmed with dizziness, he pushed away from the iron railing and backed into the dining car.

He slouched at a table, more to rest his aching knee than anything else, till the bored porter came by to take his request. Mana ordered an abnormally large order of sandwiches and hoped it didn't sound too odd. He shut his eyes and listened absently to the snippets of conversation that wafted past him. One set of voices caught his ear.

"So, yeah they searched all the trains going through. Going to make me late, my boss is gonna kill me. This whole thing is nuts if you ask me…"

"Yeah, I'd imagine the guy would be long gone by now… what kinda idiot would wait around a couple days after doing something like and _then_ run? I'd be gone in a minute…"

A higher voice chimed in. "I heard it was gruesome too… my sister, her husband is a police officer and he was one of the first ones there… Said it was like a wild animal…"

"Oh, that's bull… wild animal," the first voice answered with a snort. "But, I did hear that the guy was near beat to death before the fellow bothered to finish him."

Again the woman's voice sounded. "I heard that there was just a ghastly amount of blood… like the murderer played with him before killing him." The men grumbled and Mana tried to keep his heart in his throat.

She continued, softly as if speaking on some taboo subject. "They found blood in another one of the offices too; all over the floor and on the walls… little handprints. A _child's_ handprint…"

The second man made an uncomfortable noise. "So, you're saying… this man killed a child too. God…"

"I'm not sure about that though; they didn't find another body…"

"So there might be a missing kid? God… I can't imagine; what if he's dragging the kid with him? Like a hostage or something…"

"Did you see the drawing? Where did they get the description of the guy? If it was done a couple of days ago and somebody saw it, why didn't they go to the police earlier…" the first man asked.

"That's the odd thing!" the woman said with an almost excited chatter. "After it was reported, a girl who worked there came forward to give a description, says she didn't know his name, but that he worked there for years. Said he was acting strange and she was worried he could hurt someone else… I'm betting she knows who it is and is just too scared to tell. It must have been a lover's quarrel." She sounded almost dreamy about it. "Maybe he had gone years thinking it was his child, but then found out the other man was the real farther and went and killed him…"

Mana stomach was rolling. Marie gave them his description. She went to the police. He could only sit there in the shabby dining car and let the sense of utter betrayal, of devastation wash over him. Marie, he couldn't believe it. He really did love her, how could she? He had never even questioned her on keeping it secret; he just assumed she wouldn't tell anyone. His only comfort was the thought that she didn't give out his name and he prayed it would stay that way.

He was being so selfish. Allen was in danger because he was with him; Marie was definitely being questioned, and what if he was traced back to Rivka. She hid him, helped him run; he prayed she would stay safe.

A thud of a plate of sandwiches hitting the table nearly made him jump out of his skin. The bored porter gave him a weird look, but said nothing. Mana wasn't worth his time or comments. He was thankful for small favors as he worked his way back to the sleeper car and packed the sandwiches into any spare suitcase pocket he could find. It was frustrating; all he could do for the moment was sit and wait.

Allen was still snoring when the train slowed to its next station stop. Mana stood and took a deep steadying breath; it came as a desperate gulp of air as a fresh wave of panic threatened to pull him under. "I can do this." He repeated over and over while pulling together his and Allen's luggage. "Allen… wake up, son. Time to go…"

The little body rolled off the cot without complaint. With Bear still clutched in one hand he pulled up the straps of his little shoulder bag and grabbed his child-sized suitcase. Brown eyes looked up at Mana expectantly, waiting for instructions. _He's trusting me with this… gotta at least pretend to know what I'm doing. _He forced a smile and they left the sleeper car together.

The station was small and the hour late; Mana didn't expect to see too many people. _Damn it…_ Police were at the engines, discussing their search with the various conductors. He watched them climb aboard from the safety of the space between the cars. With a tight grip on Allen's hand, he stepped onto the platform and started walking.

"Just keep walking Allen. Ok, act like nothing's wrong… no matter what keep walking." He kept his voice low and steady. Allen squeezed his hand in response. "We're just gonna keep walking right out of the station and into town. Nothing wrong."

Even against the steady thrum of the idling of the steam engines, their footfalls seemed unnaturally loud in building. The voice that stopped them was even louder.

"Hey!" a young officer was jogging towards them. "Hold on!" he commanded and Mana froze, unable to believe he had already failed so soon. They had barely made it half way to Linden and it was over; his life and Allen's life. _Protect Allen_, he thought quickly, _I'll say he belongs to Nick and Isabella; that I kidnapped him… maybe they'll take him to them if I admit to kidnapping him… God I failed…_ It was over; he should have known there was no chance. He should have…

"Papaaaa!" Allen howled as the officer caught up to them. He startled both adults with the volume of it. Groaning and gasping, the boy sagged half to the floor nearly pulling Mana down with him. The young officer jumped back when Allen lurched forward and retched on his shoes.

"Aw!" the man looked at his ruined shoes and pant cuffs and the still gagging boy with horror. "Holy shit kid!"

Allen spit again and half sobbed, "Papa… m' sorry. I couldn't hold it back! I'm sorry I made us leave!" He rocked back on his heels, clutched his stomach and moaned loudly in distress. "I think I'm gonna be sick again…"

Mana quickly knelt by the boy, half shielding him from the officer's view and gripping his shaking shoulders. Allen shot him a glance with clear, fierce eyes and discreetly put a finger down his throat. _Smart boy…_ Mana darted back as the boy threw up again.

Mana gave the officer a pleading look. "I'm so sorry, Sir." He started. "I really am… had to get him off the train… thought we could make it to the bathroom before… well, yeah, we didn't, did we?" He rubbed Allen's back soothingly. "It's ok, son. It's not you fault…" Mana's knee gave an agonizing throb, as if to remind him that kneeling was a very bad idea.

He carefully raised himself up and looked the officer in the eye apologetically. "Just keeps on throwing up, poor little guy… He's too sick to stay on the train anymore…not a good smell in such a small space." He nervously adjusted his top hat and reached for his wallet, "I'm so sorry about that… here, let me give you some money for the shoes. They looked like nice shoes… and those can be so hard to find." Mana purposefully fumbled and acted foolish; keeping up the panicky father act. He didn't have to fake the panic, just use it to the right means.

The officer's eyes widened at the amount of cash Mana offered him. It was far more than necessary and by the look on the man's face, he thought Mana was too stupid and flustered to realize just how much he was giving away. With an understanding smile, he took the money. "That's right… these were very nice shoes. Good of you to pay for the damages. There's a nice inn down the road; it's chilly out tonight. You better get that kid outta here before he makes a bigger mess…"

"Of course, right…" Mana stammered as he helped a weak legged Allen to his feet. "I'm really so sorry for all the trouble we caused." He muttered more random apologies all the way out of the station as Allen groaned and whimpered.

The boy dropped the act as soon as they were out of sight, outside and into the cool night air. "Allen" Mana turned him to look into his face in the dim glow of the gas street lamps. He spoke in all seriousness, "I am going to buy you whatever food you want… for the rest of your life." He grinned broadly, "You are a genius."

Allen gave a lopsided, mischievous grin. "Ha ha… I own you…" he giggled in a sing song voice. Nearly crying with relief, Mana hugged him. "Said I'd protect you, Mana…"

"Yeah, yeah you did say that. Let's come up with some other ideas… just in case we have to do this kinda thing again. That can't be very good for your stomach."


	35. Chapter 35

sorry for the delay. sudden, but not really unexpected, illness and death in the family. spent last two weeks at bedside with the rest of the family. i ended up speaking at the funeral and helping carry the coffin. it was surreal. thank you to all my reviewers. i'll try to get back to my update schedual, but there are still alot of things that need to be settled.

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The young lady at the door regarded Mana with skeptical eyes. She was right to; he looked terrible. "So, you're friends of Ernie..." she folded her arms over her chest and blocked the door. "Ernie doesn't have a lot of friends… especially the type our parents would want to see around here."

"Please," Mana sighed. "This is the address I was given… we were supposed to meet him here."

The past week had been hellish and it showed. Mana wanted nothing more than a safe place to rest; and the girl at the door wasn't going to make it easy. They had run out of money quickly; using it for food and shelter as they walked from obscure town to obscure town to reach the city where Maddie had promised a new start. They had slept outside twice in the wooded stretches between this town and the last.

They both needed a bath. Mana needed a shave. His knee was swollen; a direct result of climbing out a window to avoid paying for a room. He could swear the very bones were inflamed and grating against each other. Allen hadn't faired much better; he was bruised, tired and starving. The night before last in the woods, he had a fit. It wasn't a bad one, but he was already so tired. Mana had leaned against a tree and held him while he cried. There was no screaming, no thrashing, just a long exhausted sob.

The boy never complained; he stole when their money was gone. Mana used it to earn more in some slightly crooked card games held in establishments that he would have rather not brought Allen to.

Somehow they had kept moving, without drawing any unnecessary to themselves and made it to Linden; now the girl at the door wouldn't believe them.

"Hey," Allen tugged at her apron. "Did Ernie really call you Lucy Goosey?" Her eyes widened in surprise and Allen flashed his most charming grin. He was getting very good at that. "Cause you sound like a duck when you laugh…"

She gave a very unladylike swear and ushered them inside. "Ernie!" she shouted. "Your stupid friends made it here in one piece." A chuckling man sat on the stairs where he had been watching his sister interrogate them; he stood and greeted Mana with a quick handshake and solid thump on the back.

"Mana, right ya? Good to see you!" He led them into the kitchen and offered them chairs at the little dining table. He was taller than Mana, thick and solidly built. His white shirt's sleeves were rolled up to his elbows revealing strong forearms. He crossed them over his chest in an action similar to that of his sister's and leaned against the counter. "Ya…" he mumbled rubbing the short white-blonde fuzz on the top of his head. The last time Mana had seen him he was bald. "So, Maddie said to come here and wait for you. She phoned yesterday, ya; and asked if you got here. She was getting worried. Tells me to take care of ya till she can get here. She's in trouble with our boss, so gonna be late." Mana raised a worried eyebrow. "Its fine… his wife found out about her and is really pissed. Hey, ya two hungry?" His accent was thicker than Mana remembered; he couldn't really place where it was from.

"Really hungry!" Allen blurted out loudly. Ernie laughed.

"Lucy!" he bellowed. "Girl, get in here and make us dinner!" The young lady stormed into the room, tossed her wavy white-blond hair and shot him an obscene gesture. "Come on, my sister… they are hungry, ya?"

She wrinkled her nose at them. "Get them bathed… and set up the guest room. I'll cook, but that's it!" She mumbled angrily about being treated like a servant while her brother laughed. He offered a hand to Mana to help him up and reluctantly, he took it. Mana's knee decided to lock up completely; even with his cane, he needed help to walk. Ernie also managed to scoop Allen right off the ground and carry him under his arm as if he weighed nothing.

He couldn't help but feel a bit pampered and embarrassed as he sat on a soft chair by the bathroom. Ernie was filling the large porcelain bath with hot water. The man had also pulled a metal wash basin into the room. Allen was already in it; all thoughts of modesty abandoned with his desire to bathe. Mana was pretty far from caring at this point as well.

"There ya are…" Ernie finished. He looked Mana over, "You ok? Ya don't need my help, right?" He wondered if he really looked that frail. Mana shook his head and used the wall for support. Ernie smiled with approval. "Good… I'll wait out here. Yell if you need anything."

Allen kept his back turned while Mana stripped down and climbed into the bath. He couldn't suppress the contented sigh that escaped as the hot water enveloped him. It was a deep tub; he sunk down to his neck and let his head dip under to wet his hair. The heat worked its way into his aching muscles and down to his sore bones. It melted away some of the tension and stress that had plagued him since that Day.

"This is nice…" Allen sighed. "I like it here." Mana hummed an agreement. He spent an hour enjoying the luxury of something as simple as a bath. It felt like waking from a nightmare; as if the soothing water was washing away all his troubles.

He napped a bit and dreamed of when Allen was no more than a toddler and they would play together in the park. There were monsters all along the wrought iron fence, but his laugh and Allen's smile kept them at bay. He dreamed in color, vivid and bright.

Mana dressed in a set of clothes Ernie left out for him on the sink. Everything was far too large and hung off his frame; but it was soft and it was clean and that was all that mattered to him at the moment. He looked at his reflection in the mirror and sighed. He hadn't really looked at himself in ages; he looked old. There were more gray streaks in his hair, his eyes had sunken in their sockets and his cheeks were hollowed. He felt worn, thin. "Am I sick?" he asked his pale reflection. _I just need a shave, a good meal and a couple night's sleep… I'm just tired…_

Allen and Ernie were playing on the stairs when Mana found them. He started when the man turned to face him; there was a nail in his nose. Allen giggled like it was the funniest thing he ever saw. The high, pure sound was like music. Everything was going to be ok now. Allen would be better again; no more nightmares, no more monsters, they would be safe with their friends. Most importantly the boy was going to be happy.

With an optimistic attitude they sat down to dine in the kitchen. Lucy made some sort of beef dish with noodles and gravy. The tender meat filled the room with its delicious scent. Allen didn't bother with utensils; he pulled off his little gloves and ate with his fingers, shoving food into his face like the starving child he was. "Allen… God, sensible bites… you're gonna choke."

The boy cleared plate after plate of food. Even after everyone else had finished, they remained seated just watching Allen eat. He fell asleep at the table, food still clutched in his hand and head dipping dangerously close to his plate. With a dull clatter his head landed dead center in a puddle of gravy. He snored lightly and the rest of the table burst into laughter. Everything was going to be ok.

Maddie arrived a couple days later, bursting through the door in a blaze of barely concealed fury. "Walker!" she bellowed, "What did you do?" She shoved past an irate and foul mouthed Lucy into the parlor of the house. Mana was sprawled on the sofa, drinking a glass of juice. Allen was curled up against him; he had turned clingy again and Mana found that he really didn't care anymore. If the boy wanted to hang on him, who was he to say no.

Mana jumped at Maddie's screech, accidentally sending Allen crashing to the floor. Lucy followed behind the other woman yelling at her to shut up and stop disturbing her house. "You dare burst into my home yelling like a banshee?! I will throw you right back out on your ungrateful little ass! After all my family has done to help my idiot brother and his horrid little circus friends…" Maddie pointedly ignored her, stormed to Mana and belted him across the face, splitting his lip.

"What the hell?!" he yelped. "What was that for?" Allen had already jumped back up to his side. The boy started desperately trying to wipe the blood from Mana's bottom lip. Maddie growled at the boy and picked him up by his shirt collar with one strong tattooed arm and moved him out of her way.

"What did you do?!" Maddie thrust a sheet of crumpled paper in his face. Mana instantly recognized his "Wanted" poster. "What happened?"

Mana took a deep breath. "I killed a man…" he said softly. Lucy stopped screaming. Maddie started to say something, but he didn't let her speak. "He hurt Allen…" Allen howled with dismay and rushed back to the sofa. He grabbed Mana's sleeve and shook his head violently, silently pleading him to say no more about it.

The tattooed woman sat down hard and looked Mana in the eyes. "Hurt?" she asked him.

"Hurt." He couldn't bring himself to say the real word, but he managed to emphasize it so that the woman understood him.

"Everyone is going nuts looking for you…" She looked at the paper in her hands. "We can work around this… you need a hair cut… I can make this right." Allen worked his way onto the sofa between the two adults and leaned against his adoptive father, arms spread in a protective gesture. She smiled at him. "Your papa really loves you. Sorry I hit him." Maddie leaned back and stretched. "I quit the circus, Nicholas and Isabella did too. They should get here tomorrow. We're gonna start up our own troop. I got us a wagon… it has a stage that folds down. We'll travel all over."

In an odd gesture of tenderness, Maddie took Mana's hand. "This whole 'wanted' business will blow over. They have no leads… just that crummy picture. People will lose interest. I'm gonna dye your hair… just in case. You won't even recognize you. Sorry I was mad hon. It's been a bad week all over. Hey, Nick said you used to play violin. Still know how?"

"I have no idea…" it had been years since he had last tried playing.

"Well, you're gonna re-learn. I brought you one. You can be our music, our driver, our cook… ticket seller. You'll be a good straight man when we have to do a two man con."

"Is that stealing?" Allen asked.

"Yes it is sweetness. Sorry, but we may have to do some slightly less than legal things from time to time…" Allen made a thoughtful noise and started to climb off the sofa. He stumbled and Maddie grabbed him before he could fully fall. "Careful, honey!" she said worried; he held on to her wrist for support as he righted himself. "Clumsy little guy…"

Allen stepped back and held out a clenched, gloved fist. He grinned like the sun and opened his hand revealing Maddie's bracelet. The woman's jaw dropped in sheer surprise and Allen giggled.

"Allen… I really thought you were gonna fall. I didn't feel a thing…" she said with wide eyes before letting free a barking laugh. "Oh thank you God! He's perfect! Just perfect… oh Mana where did you find this kid?! I can't believe… oh thank God, I don't have to teach him shit, just refine it. God! My life just got so much easier." She slumped back with relief.

When Nick and Isabella arrived the next day, they found Mana sitting in the back yard having his hair dyed. He sat on an uncomfortable little kitchen stool with a towel draped over his shoulders in an attempt to keep the color from staining his clothes.

"You do know what you're doing, right?" he asked Maddie for the third time as she worked the dye into his hair. He was nervous about the whole process; hair dying was something women did, not men… unless they were the vain type. Allen had been teasing him about it since breakfast.

"Honey," Maddie said with a hint of irritation. "I know dye. I know ink. I did half these decorations myself… I think I can handle your head." She turned to where Allen sat laughing at him. "And you, giggles, will be next if you're not careful…"

The boy sat up. "Can you really do that?" he looked at her with interest. "You could make my hair the same as Mana's?"

"If you want…" she gave a little chuckle and worked some more of the thick compound through Mana's hair. "It has some henna in it, so you might end up a little reddish… but yeah I could. It might be cute; the both of you with the same hair color. You'd look more like father and son."

Nick came out from the kitchen to the lawn carrying drinks for himself and his wife. "How's the primping and preening coming along big brother?" he snickered. "Feeling pretty yet?"

"I swear Nick, one more word and I'll…" Mana just finished with a growl. The dye was making his head itch. Allen bumped him off the stool and let Maddie start on his hair. He limped to Nick and stole his drink.

"This morning, Maddie said you killed someone…" Nick whispered, making Mana choke and spit. "Is that true?"

"Yes."

"Shit…" Nick said with a low whistle. "You really don't do anything half-assed…" he took his drink back from Mana and downed it. "This doesn't change anything, you know. You're still my big brother. I'm not gonna ask you about it and you don't have to tell me. I know you. You must have had a reason to do what you did and I'm guessing it was a very good reason." Mana followed his gaze to where Allen sat with Maddie. He thanked God for having understanding friends like him.

"Yes."

"Mana!" Maddie called. "Go inside and wash that stuff outta your hair now. Rinse till the water runs clear… you got that?" He nodded and along with Nick headed back into the building.

Ernie and his sister were arguing about the 'circus thing' in the kitchen; Isabella seemed trapped in the middle. She shot them a helpless look as they passed. "Hey," Mana wondered aloud. "Why did you all leave the circus? It wasn't just for me or anything, right?" he would feel terrible if he was at fault. They were making good money there.

"Maddie was the owner's mistress." Nick answered. "And his wife found out about her. There was a big fight and it came out that she was also working as his brother's mistress… Maddie was a busy girl." Mana gave him a surprised look. "What? Maddie is a whore. You didn't know that? Well, regardless she's a friend and we have to look out for each other." Nick gave a bitter smile. "She's agreed that… if she gets pregnant, she'll let Isabella and I adopt it."

He left Mana at the bathroom door. Mana sighed and shut it behind him. He rinsed his hair in the sink and tried not to think of the woman who dyed it. She was pretty, he had thought that when he first saw her in the sideshow. But, hearing that she had another 'job' on the side cast her in a different light. He pushed the thought from his mind and raised his head to examine his new hair.

He laughed lightly, hardly daring to believe what a difference it could make. The grey was gone, replaced by a dark auburn. He looked years younger, handsome even. Maddie was right; he looked, and felt like a new man.

"Tada!" he announced when he rejoined the group downstairs. His knee was aching from the stair climb so he eased himself down into one of the empty chairs. Isabella was helping Allen wash out his own hair in the kitchen sink. He caught sight of the boy's own newly auburn colored hair dripping into the basin.

Allen bolted away from the sink, flinging water everywhere and darted to his side, squealing "We match! We match! Look papa! We match!"

With the number of people in the house, beds were scarce that night. Mana ended up on the sofa in the parlor. The windows let in the clean smell of the outdoors and breathing deeply, he took the opportunity to appreciate all that he had. From across the room he could see Allen curled up in one of the overstuffed chairs. He looked so peaceful. _Everything is going to be different_, he thought with his own unfamiliar sense of peace. _How many people get to make a completely fresh start… that's what this is, a chance to start over. I'm not going to let him down anymore. We have a whole new life ahead of us and I promise I'll make it the best I can._

"Hear that, Allen." He whispered. "A whole new life for us…"


	36. Chapter 36

Thanks so very much to everyone who reviewed and offered their condolances to me. it really means a lot to me and i greatly appreciated it. I took ill for a couple of days this week and had nothing to do but write, inbetween mad dashes to the bathroom to empty my poor abused stomach; so, i'm able to post this update early. i hope you all enjoy it.

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"No!" Mana shouted at the barman. "No, I don't think you understand just how important that watch is to me!" He removed his silk top hat and ran his fingers through his hair in irritation. "It's not worth much money, but it was given to me by my late father and it has a lot of sentimental value…"

He glanced around the bar. Nick was sitting at the end, bent over a glass of beer. Isabella was chatting with a well dressed man at a table. She giggled and touched his hand. He knew Allen and Maddie were waiting outside; Ernie, being honest to a fault, was working with the horses in the stable house. Shortly, Isabella and the drunken banker would leave together. The poor man would be robbed blind by morning and too embarrassed to report how it happened.

"Listen," Mana leaned in to look the barman in the eye. "I need that watch back. I'll even offer a reward…" He cleared his throat loudly and made an announcement. "One, no… two hundred to anyone who finds my gold watch!" The small crowd looked at him. In his expensive, fine clothes Mana looked wealthy enough to spend that kind of money on a whim. He whispered lowly to barman. "Of course, I'd gladly pay more if it's found quickly…" letting the statement stand, Mana turned and headed for the stairs to the room he had rented. From the corner of his eye, he watched the man smooth down his thinning hair. He was clearly thinking of ways to work more money out of the rich man. It made Mana smile. His walk was confident; the tap of his cane on the wooden floor was steady.

It wasn't until he reached the room and locked the door behind him that his nerves quit. Shaking, he dropped down to the bed and wiped his damp palms on the comforter. In a few hours Nick would 'find' his missing watch. He would brag about getting the reward and, if everything went well, the barman would offer to buy it from him to claim the reward for himself. Hopefully, Nick would argue up the price or offer to help the man try to scam Mana. Money would change hands, how much would depend on the barman's greed and how well Nick could manipulate it.

Of course, when the man brings him the watch it will be the wrong one. Mana will tell the man he was scammed or accuse him of trying to trick him with a fake watch, turning the scam onto him. He felt guilty about the second option. The first couple of times had been very difficult. Maddie told him again and again that they were just playing off the greed of others, but he still felt guilty.

With a sigh he stripped out of his good clothes and carefully hung them up. He was sweating from the effort of keeping calm and remembering his part in the con. He brushed a couple of stray wrinkles from the grey suit. Maddie chose the color; she felt black was too formal. He liked it. It was the nicest clothing he'd ever had. Slacks, vest and a jacket with tails, carefully tailored to flatter his form; it made him look, as Isabella put it, dashingly handsome. People moved out of his path when he wore it; like he was someone important.

He didn't consider himself anything special, but it still was nice to receive the occasional compliment. He had put on a few pounds in the past few weeks; not fat, but lean muscle from good honest work. His back didn't pop when he lifted things anymore; at age forty-one he was in the best shape of his life. Even the fine lines etched into his face didn't seem so bad anymore. Isabella called them 'laugh lines'. Indeed, he found himself smiling and laughing with ease now. He would have felt great save his knee and the nagging cough that plagued him upon occasion.

He flopped back onto the bed and put a pillow under his aching knee. Just as he was beginning to drift off, there was a sharp rap on the window. Mana used his cane to flip the latch. It opened with a soft creak and Allen climbed in from the fire escape.

"Hi Mana." He said as he shut the window behind him. Allen was the only one staying in the room with him. The others found lodging elsewhere; the room was expensive and they couldn't do anything to draw suspicion to themselves. Mana had worried about the cost of his room and clothes, but Maddie with her clear head explained how they needed to be convincing.

They had a number of money making ventures in play in this town and stood to make a good deal more than what cash they had invested. Maddie had already taken up a space in a local house of ill repute. She hinted to her 'sisters' there, that a wealthy Earl was in town. Mana never claimed the title, but he did graciously accept everyone's hospitality. He was amazed how nice people could be if they thought you were important.

Allen was suddenly next to him on the bed. "Did everything go good?" he asked. Mana hummed. It was a large bed, easily big enough for the both of them. He had plenty of space, but Allen still stayed as close as Mana would let him. It was starting to get annoying. Every night he'd push the little body away, complaining of the heat and every night Allen would slowly work he way back to Mana's side.

He was worried that the boy would be seen. Not just because he was the only one supposed to be in the room, but because he was an adult. If someone was to come in and see him sharing a bed with a child… there would be no easy way to explain it.

He felt Allen's hands on his knee. They were warm and soothing and he felt a little guilty for enjoying it. "You hurt?" Allen asked with his soft smile.

"Little bit…" he admitted. Allen gingerly rubbed his kneecap, as if he could heal the ache by touch.

"Maddie has medicine… I can go get it for you."

"No, its fine. I just need to stay off it for awhile." He sighed; the 'medicine' Maddie possessed was far too strong for him. It made his head feel too fuzzy. The last time he took it he became so impaired that he had nearly accepted Maddie's invitation to her bed. She had been sending him confusing signals recently.

"Wanna see what I got today?" Allen finally asked what he had obviously wanted to ask since he arrived. "Maddie says I'm a natural…" he stated proudly as he started to root through his pockets. She had helped him refine his technique; he could steal bells and noise makers without notice. He could swipe the very shirt from your back.

"Go take a shower first…" Mana laughed. "You smell awful." Allen sniffed at his sleeve and wrinkled his nose. Mana laughed harder, slapping a hand over his mouth to try and cover the sound. The boy took it as a cue to be silly and instantly became a clown. He rolled backwards end over end off the bed and landed with a thud on his bottom.

Mana moved to the edge and looked down. Allen's expression suggested that he didn't mean to land like that. His face was hilarious and Mana laughed till he was sure his sides would burst. The boy flashed him a mock furious frown and reaching up, honked his nose. He caught the little wrist and yanked the child back onto the bed.

He tickled the boy breathless. Allen tried desperately to hold back his giggles which only made things funnier. They lay there still laughing, both with their hands over their mouths to muffle the noise for a long time.

"Go on then…" Mana roughed the boy's small shoulder. "Bath now…" Mana listened to the shower run as he waited for his heart to slow. It seemed like years since they had last played like that. He wondered if they could go to the beach again when this job was over. That would be fun.

_Fun_, Mana thought. _I'm having fun… I'm actually having fun. This is scary, we could get caught any minute, but I'm still having fun…_ He was surprised by it and the more he thought about it the better it seemed. All the obligations from his old life felt so silly, fake compared to what he had now. It was hard to believe that he had ever worried about what time a slip of paper had to be filled out. Allen was his only obligation now, keeping him safe, keeping him happy. It was a burden he had accepted years ago and he had no regrets; no matter what happens, they would keep walking forward.

He stretched and stared up at the dark canopy that stretched across the four massive bed posts. It was spotted with tiny holes. From where Mana lay, they looked like stars. "I'm _free_…" he whispered to no one.

"Mana," Allen skipped to the bed, his hair still wet and dripping. "See what I got today?" He held his dirty clothes and searched through all the regular pockets and the hidden pockets Maddie had stitched in for him. It was mostly paper money, several coins and a few pieces of jewelry; Mana sat up to help him count it out. "See?" Allen smiled, obviously pleased with himself. "I got all this by myself." He stated proudly.

"Good job, Allen." Mana ruffled his hair. "You wanna put this stuff into the usual place?" The boy nodded and smiled as he jumped down and opened Mana's suitcase. He peeled back the lining to expose a hidden cavity and neatly set his spoils inside. He patted the suitcase as if it were a good pet before climbing back into the bed.

"I'm good, right?" Allen asked as he pulled the bed sheets up. "This is ok right? All the stuff we're doing, it's ok right?"

"Not really… when we earn the money, like when you and Nick and Isabella perform, it's great. This is something we do when that money isn't enough." Allen frowned. "Don't make that face… it'll stick like that…"

"Really?!" the boy sat up and looked worried. Mana just chuckled.

"Sure it will. But no, you're a good boy. We are the ones asking you to steal and you, being a good boy, do as you're told." He sighed. "Don't worry about it."

While Mana spoke, Allen inched closer and closer. He threw his thin arms around the adult and set a quick goodnight kiss on his cheek. "Ok, Mana… love you."

"Yeah, love you too." Mana carefully unlatched himself from the boy. "Come on though… let go, Allen. You're getting to old to act like this."

"Act like what?" The boy scooted back looking worried.

"Ahh…" Mana groaned. He messed up; he should have phrased that better. "You're how old now? Ten? Eleven, this December right? It's too old to keep climbing in with me every night and getting all… cuddly. All the kisses…"

"What's wrong with it?" Allen spoke softly, trying to hide how upset he was getting. "I wanna be near you… cause I love you…"

"I know you love me. I love you too. But you're too old to keep doing that stuff…"

Allen sniffed, trying hard not to cry. "But, Nick and Isabella sleep in the same bed… cause they love each other…"

"No." Mana cut him off. This conversation was quickly getting out of hand. Something was clearly not getting through to the boy. "That's different. That's grownup love; they're married. It's a different kind of love than what you feel." Mana shifted uncomfortably. "Adults don't love kids like that…" he added with exasperation.

"You don't love me!" Allen suddenly shattered and started to cry.

"Shit… That's not what…" _Where does he keep getting this stuff?! What am I doing wrong…?_

"No!" he cried. "You don't want me near you!" Allen looked utterly devastated. "I'm still dirty, aren't I?" he whispered, inching away from Mana. "That's why you don't want me to come near you… I'm still not… I'm still trash."

"No, Allen." He caught his arm before he could dart off the bed. _Dirty…_ It dawned on him. _So that's what this is about, no matter what I say he keeps going back to that… damn it. _"Let me talk…"

The boy grabbed his wrist with both his small hands. He clutched it to him. "What do I need to do?!" he choked out. "Tell me what I need to do Manah… tell me and I'll do it, I'll do anything, just don't push me away!"

_Shit… I was having such a good day and he has to go and get like this… must have been building up for days and I just nudged him over the edge. _He pulled Allen to him and cupped his cheek in his palm. "Listen." He sighed. "I love you, but it's different than that…" Mana was sure he had already had this conversation with the boy.

Something Rivka had told him years ago ran through his mind. A child like Allen would take years to recover; there would be setbacks, even the possibility that he would never fully heal from what happened in his life before Mana. And then Mana hadn't been there to stop it all from happening again. It was the ultimate setback; the boy kept reverting.

"It's just that as you get older, it becomes less and less appropriate to sleep in bed with a parent. It's not proper…"

"Says who?"

"People… it's just not done…"

"What people? Why not?" Allen's eyes were pleading. "I don't care about them! Just you! Only you Mana!" he scrambled forward and grabbed Mana's shirt. "Don't make me go… don't leave me alone. I don't wanna be alone…"

Mana stared down at the little figure, not sure what to do. He needed more time; he imagined that given time, Allen would be able to separate himself from him. He had been doing so well before that Day. The boy would regain his independence; he just needed time.

It had only been half a year or so. They had spent the rest of last year at the home of Ernie and the foul mouthed Lucy, working out acts, making plans, and practicing constantly practicing. The months had been rough; Allen was plagued by nightmares. His arm had turned suddenly sensitive and for a while even the slightest touch would send him into a fit. Everyone learned how to help him; the strange attacks faded as quickly as they had come on. By Christmas, Allen, now a small ten year old, seemed fully whole and they began their travels. Mana celebrated his own birthday not to long ago.

Still, Mana was a fool if he thought everything could go back to normal so quickly. Even though Allen seemed fine on the surface, it didn't mean that he was all better. Looking at his crumpled form, Mana hated himself. _He needs to grow up at his own speed, I can't force him…_

"You know what?" Mana decided. "Screw other people…" Allen sniffed and looked at him hopefully. "You can sleep in my bed as long as you want to. I don't care, ok." He kissed the top of his child's head; he smelled like the cheap lilac soap the inn kept. _I'm free…_ he reminded himself. _I don't have to care what others think. They really don't matter. We can leave anytime we want. Hell, we travel with sideshow freaks, with my friends; I could care less what anyone else thinks now…_

"You don't… care?" the boy breathed. "You're not… Mana, I'm sorry." An apology was the last thing Mana expected to hear; he was dumbfounded. "I think I understand, I wanna understand… ohh, Mana, I'm all messed up aren't I?" he whined.

The only thing Mana could think of doing was pulling the boy into a tight hug. "We're all messed up, every last one of us… but it's ok." He shifted and settled onto his back on the bed. Allen curled up to his side; he put a loose arm around his shoulders.

"I'm scared by myself… let me stay here." Allen yawned and groped about for Mana's hand. "I think you keep the monsters away…" A cold chill raced down his back. _Monsters…_

That night, Mana dreamed of the time Allen had kissed him. In his dream he didn't stop the boy; out of curiosity he let him continue. He snapped when the little hands left his shoulders and ghosted lower. "No. this is too weird… not right…" he gasped.

Warm air caressed his neck when the dream child spoke. "But, we're not human…" a kiss, "we aren't bound by their rules…" Mana pulled him away; it wasn't Allen. It looked like him, but it wasn't the Allen he knew; it was all wrong. With a sudden flash of pain, his forehead opened. His body, his mind went cold; it was a very specific familiar cold. Mana had only felt this sinister chill once before, when he had held a broken bottle and gleefully slit a man's throat. Blood cascaded freely from the strange symbol carved in his brow and into his eye. The dream child was instantly at the wound, lapping and kissing the gore away. It laughed as it did so and he laughed with it. "Not human anymore…"

Mana woke with a start. "Shit." He hissed and wiped his forehead. It was intact. As the details of the dream came back, a deep sense of disgust washed over him. _What the hell is wrong with me…? I don't want… its all wrong. _He had no control in the nightmare, but he still felt ashamed, painfully guilty for his actions in it. _It's a dream, a nightmare… nothing more than that. It doesn't mean anything_. He looked at the child sleeping next to him and his stomach turned.

Allen's hand clutched the fabric of his shirt; he carefully pulled the material free and limped to the bathroom without bothering to put on his glasses. Turning on the faucet he stuck his head under it and let the cool water calm him. He sat on the closed lid of the commode and cradled his head in his hands. "Just a dream…" he told himself as the water from his hair ran soothingly down his neck and into his shirt collar. Somehow this nightmare disturbed him worse than all the others. He felt so gross, dirty. _Is this what Allen means when he says he's dirty…I know, it's not the same… not really but I think I get it. No matter how many times I'll shower I don't think this 'dirt,' this gross feeling will come off that easy. God, why do I have to mess everything up?_

"Mana?" a soft voice at the door made him look up. "You ok?" Allen was clinging to the door frame. "Have a bad dream?"

"Yeah… yeah I did." He ran his slightly shaking fingers through his hair.

Allen came in and perched on the edge of the bathtub. "You wanna tell me about it?" He kept his soft brown eyes on the floor. "You look really scared, Mana… tell me what happened." His voice was gentle, but Mana could sense it was a command.

Mana wasn't sure why he told him; the words spilled from his mouth before he could stop himself. "I dreamt that I turned into a monster…" he shuddered at the memory. "I was one of the monsters and I couldn't protect you…_ I turned into a monster and I hurt you…"_

Allen made a thoughtful noise and approached him. "Its ok Mana, it was just a dumb dream… dreams don't mean anything. People don't turn into monsters. You're not a monster; you get rid of monsters" There was something in his words that frightened Mana, but before his mind could even start to process it Allen hugged him; all the awkwardness from their earlier conversation had dissipated, dissolving like morning mist in the sun. Mana found himself relaxing into the embrace. "You need sleep." Allen scolded as he pulled the adult back into the bedroom.

"Right… sleep." Mana rolled into the center of the bed, the sheets were wonderfully soft and smooth. "Sorry I yelled at you earlier. I don't mind letting you sleep here, it's even nice when it's cold." He yawned. "You can stay here as long as you need to…" _I really don't care, its fine if he wants to be all cuddly and clingy… it's no big deal. _He forced the last remnants of that twisted nightmare from his mind._ It's not like that… He'll get braver and more confident in his own time. This is fine…_

Allen tentatively climbed in after him. "You sure you don't mind?"

"Naw, its fine… really." Mana felt so guilty for bringing the subject up in the first place. He had to make it right.

"Good." Allen nearly dove into his side; knocking the wind from him. Curling up as close as he could and forcing Mana to put his arms around him.

"You know the only problem with this?" Mana said with a slight chuckle. The boy in his arms made a questioning 'hmm' sound. "You leave yourself open for a tickling attack…" Mana didn't do anything, but Allen shrieked and wiggled free. He sat there and fumed at Mana.

When the man started to laugh, Allen slammed him with a pillow and declared war. As they battled with their fluffy feather stuffed weapons, Mana started to feel much better. Everything really was going to be fine; he could feel it.


	37. Chapter 37

thanks to all my reviewers. i can't tell you just how much your comments mean to me. this chapter is a bit longer than usual. i hope you all enjoy. thanks again for making my story such a success.

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It was late august, unbearably hot outside and Mana was sick as a dog. He didn't remember what exactly he had eaten last night, but he was sure he wouldn't do it again. They were staying in a cheap inn in a town that looked just like all the others they had been to that year. Maddie had big plans for this stop, but Mana's stomach put a quick end to it. At least they were all indoors and out of the heat now.

The past three nights had Mana's troop sleeping in the woods on the outskirts of town. He really enjoyed the nights they camped. When the weather allowed they slept under the stars. They each had a small tent, sturdy and waterproof. Mana slept in the wagon with Allen when it rained; no one wanted the boy to catch cold and he wouldn't sleep unless Mana was within sight. They cooked over a camp fire and after dinner discussed plans and new routines; Mana practiced his fiddle and Allen practiced tumbling. It was a hard life, but he was oddly content.

The night before he took ill, Nick, being the most normal looking member, was in the town exploring and selecting the establishments they would con. He had brought back food and the news that the town was having some sort of festival this week. Mana was fairly sure that the pork in his sandwich had turned, but he ate it anyways as he listened to Nick describe the upcoming festival.

Small town festivals were the best thing for travelers such as themselves. There are plenty of people, in a crowd and many opportunities to earn a living. To Mana's surprise, Allen loved them. He loved working his way through a throng of people and seeing just how much he could lift; like a game.

The boy had always hated crowds; but he didn't see it as a crowd of people but rather as one big maze of targets. He was amazing to watch. He would walk about casually letting the crowd bump him into his targets, stumble and apologize for being so clumsy. All the while deft little hands slipped into unsuspecting pockets and purses. He loved to use Mana as another piece in his game. The boy was overjoyed when Mana would come along to play with him. With his limp and cane he provided the perfect distraction; all he had to do was stumble a bit, and Allen would take care of the rest.

Usually during these little town festivals they earned a lot by performing. Ernie, Mana and Nick worked out a system to quickly set up the little stage in any open public space. Mana did the little jobs like fastening the connectors that held it in place and left the heavy lifting to the others. He collected money from the crowd and played his violin and enjoyed every minute. He even juggled if Allen asked him to.

But, nothing much was going to happen this week until Mana felt better. A cool cloth on his forehead brought Mana back to the present. "How you doing, Hon?" Maddie asked as she brushed his hair away from his face. He only squinted and wondered why she looked so fuzzy; it took him a minute to realize he wasn't wearing his glasses. Her tattoos were a mottled impressionistic blur; lovely.

"Better… I think." He grumbled. "I think I'm empty…" he had thrown up for most of the night and was utterly exhausted.

"Manah" Allen came in, carrying a glass of water and bowl of broth. He walked slowly to avoid spilling it. "You gotta drink a lot… you'll get de-hydra-rated." He just learned the new word and was still working out the sounds.

Maddie took the glass from him. "Thanks baby… Mana you got a bright boy." She smiled. "Here honey, take a sip… nice and slow." Mana was too tired to try and argue. The water felt wonderful on his raw throat. "There you are hon."

He loved how Maddie called him 'honey.' There was something so sweet about it. He didn't have any pet names for her; she wouldn't put up with it. Their relationship was a loose one, still undefined.

It was Allen who had first pointed it out to him. "Maddie looks at you a lot…" he said one evening as they prepared for bed. "She says you're a good man… wanted to know stuff about you. It was weird. She's being weird Mana."

"Really?" Mana had asked the boy. He had been shaving at the time and nicked himself. He wouldn't admit it, but he had been watching her too and the more he looked the more interesting she seemed. He had already seen her naked, anyone with enough money could; so, there was no mystery there. It was her act and he collected the money outside her tent. She was graceful, she was confident, strong and exotic, and she… was beautiful.

"Mana? You ok? You're bleeding…" Allen had handed him a wash cloth and said softly, "You should talk to her… I think. She's nice to me Mana. I like her… a lot better than Marie. Talk to her." Allen had smiled, one of his rare true smiles, a smile that only Mana and a few lucky others were ever privileged to see. "I want you to be happy."

After the boy had fallen asleep, he summed up his courage and spoke to her. Maddie had laughed lightly, making Mana wish he could sink into the ground and disappear. Then she had leaned in and grabbed his shirt, pulling him close. "Honey." She sighed. "You're sweet. No charge for you."

Even more embarrassed, he had tried to explain that he wasn't after that; that his intentions were honorable. She only looked at him with amusement, like he was a house pet about to do a cute trick. They ended up talking for hours by the campfire; Mana told her about his last relationship and Maddie chuckled. "You can do better than some silly girl, Mana. You're one of the few good men I've ever seen…" Her face fell. "Girls like me don't end up with the good men. You understand?"

"I'm not stupid… I know you just do it for the money, for us; and, if you had the choice you wouldn't do it all." She just stared at him and he wondered how long she had been living like this; if she even knew any other kind of life.

"You're right. It's all about money… its good money." She had already started unfastening the buttons of her shirt. "But remember what I said earlier?" she said slyly. "No charge for you…" She stretched like a cat and leaned back onto the cool grass of their campsite, a picture of contentment. "Now then… honey, I have a tattoo of a lady bug somewhere on my body… let's see if you can find it."

Mana hadn't known how long they stayed outside by the campfire, playing Maddie's enticing hidden picture game. He had surprised her when he declined to take things further. Instead, he had kissed her softly. "I meant it; I didn't come to you for just that. I want to know you better… I…" he was sure he blushed; his face was so hot. "I um, I really like you." He felt like an awkward teenager again.

Since that night, things were different between them, more relaxed, more familiar. They weren't exactly lovers; but, they were far, far more than friends. Neither expected anything, but there was a comfortable kind of affection that made them hope for everything.

Maddie leaned in and kissed his forehead and stood to leave the inn.

"Don't go…" Mana caught her rose patterned hand and gave it a soft squeeze.

"I gotta hon. I got work… this room ain't gonna pay for itself."

"How can you have a job already?" he didn't want to let her go. "We just got here yesterday…" He hated her side job; with every stop he hoped they would make enough that she didn't have to do it.

"There's always work, hon. oldest profession in the world…" she squeezed his hand back before pulling away. "I won't be too long… Allen, take care of your papa for me ok." She grabbed her handbag and walked out the door. Ill as he was, Mana still took the opportunity to admire her figure as she left.

He tried to pretend that it didn't bother him. But it always did. The idea of sharing her with so many others made him ache. She was clean; she made that very clear to him the first night that they finally went farther than the picture game. The amount of precautions she took was staggering; things Mana didn't even know existed. She used no such things all the times they had been together; she trusted him. It was both frightening and exciting.

Secretly, Mana was terrified he would get her pregnant. He already had Allen and absolutely no desire for any more children, even though it would be his by blood.

It wasn't just the health issues that came with her profession that worried him. More than anything else, he was jealous. He couldn't bear the idea of other men touching her. Unlikely as his chances were, he wanted to be her only man. Mana had decided to work his hardest to show her that he could be just that.

"Mana?" Allen was expertly balancing the bowl of broth as he climbed up to sit on the bed. "Sit up." he commanded. "I think its chicken so it should be good…" Mana smiled and took the bowl. He didn't trust his fine motor skills so he drank directly from the bowl. It was warm; mostly water, but chicken flavored water. It helped fill the void in his stomach. Allen chattered incessantly as he slurped the broth.

"So Nick and momma Isabella are in the room next door… oh Ernie is there too. It's got a couple a beds. Dunno where Maddie's gonna be…" Mana tried not to think about it. "We're gonna set up the stage in the square tomorrow… I'm gonna do the juggling thing with Ernie and help him with his blockhead routine. And then the tumbling thing with momma Isabella and Nick. Maddie's gonna collect the money for you cause you gotta rest…" he laughed, "You barfed."

Mana groaned. "It wasn't funny." The boy laughed harder.

"No… I'm pretty sure it was funny!" he was giggling wildly with the memory. "Your face was so funny! Like you were really surprised by the whole thing or something!"

He shoved the now empty bowl into Allen's hands and rolled over. The kid was right; it was probably very funny looking. His stomach churned dangerously and he groaned again.

"Sleepy?" Allen asked as he fixed Mana's blanket and lay down beside him. "I'll stay here till you fall asleep ok?" Mana scarcely heard him as a strange fitful sleep claimed him.

When Mana woke, everyone was in the room and talking softly by the door. Isabella noticed him first. "Mana!" she exclaimed as she hurried to his bedside. "Thank God… we were getting so worried…"

"Wha?" he grumbled. He shifted and as consciousness slowly returned to him, he became aware of a terrible taste in his mouth and an exhausting soreness in his throat and lungs. He put his fingers to his lips; they came back red and a flash of panic ran through him. Looking down, he noticed blood splattered on his bed sheets. "What the hell?!"

"You started coughing." Allen said. The boy was pale with fright, radiating worry.

"Yeah… Allen came and got us when…" Nick pushed himself away from the wall he had been leaning against. "Um… when you started um, bringing up blood." He didn't meet Mana's eyes when he spoke.

Isabella reached up and felt his forehead. "You're not warm but you… you had us really worried. We were just talking about sending for a doctor…"

"No," Mana cut her off. He felt fine now. "I don't need a doctor, I'm alright. I think I just bit my cheek way too hard." He wasn't going to entertain any other theories as to where the blood came from; he just wasn't. "I must have been really out to not wake up from that." He wiped at the blood on his chin with his sleeve. No one spoke; they all just stared at him.

"Maaanhaa…" Allen whined with distress. He stood with his hands on his face, slowly shaking his head. "You scared me! You… you were… you just kept coughing. You did wake up too." He sunk to the floor. "Your eyes were open… you looked scared. I think you… stopped breathing."

Mana couldn't move, couldn't believe it. "I… oh God, I don't remember that." Looking down at the red splatters on his shirt and bed sheets, he was terrified. "I'm ok…" no one would look him in the eye, not even Allen. Mana felt suddenly alone. "Really! I'm fine… I feel fine. Just bit my cheek, that's all."

Allen stood and somberly walked to the bed. He climbed up and pulled Mana into a tight embrace. "Ok… don't scare me again." He turned to the others. "If Mana says he's ok, then he's ok." He pulled out a handkerchief and started trying to wipe the gore from Mana's face.

Nick and Isabella traded concerned glances. Isabella opened her mouth to say something, but Allen cut her off. "No!" he snapped, he was crying silently, fat tears running down his face. "No… if Mana says he's ok, then he's ok!"

Nick put his hands on his wife's shoulders. "Alright…" he said slowly. "We'll be next door… if you need us at all, Allen listen to me. If you need anything come get me alright?"

The boy nodded, he wasn't really listening to him. "Sure." He resumed carefully wiping at Mana's mouth as Nick and Isabella left the room. He batted at the child's hands, but to no avail. "No." Allen said firmly. "Lemmie see… I wanna see how bad you bit your cheek…"

With a sigh, Mana held his mouth open. He waited for the boy to glance in and see there was no wound.

"Maaanaaah…" Allen sobbed. "You're not hurt… you lie!" He sunk down and thudded his head on Mana's chest. "You don't lie… not to me!" Little hands fisted his bloody shirt. "Not to me!"

"Sorry… Allen, I'm sorry ok." He laid a hand on the boy's head, soothingly petting his hair. "I'm ok though…" he sighed. _I really am fine… shit. _He could still taste the sharp copper of blood. _What if I'm not… I can't do this to the boy. He's so worried. If I'm sick or something, it'll just stress him out… I can't do that…_

"Quiet" Allen whispered suddenly. He turned and rested his head on Mana's chest. "Breath." The boy sat there and listened as Mana took a deep breath and slowly let it out. He moved away and sat up.

Mana was scared by the look on the boy's face. Allen could look so serious, his stare was piercing, his face blank. Mana wanted to fidget, to look away, anything to get out from under the child's intent gaze. But, he couldn't; there was warmth in those brown eyes, love and concern. "Mana… you sick." He whispered. "You rattle. You bled. You sick…"

Mana tried to force a laugh, anything to lighten the mood. He had to show the boy he was fine. "Yeah, you got me. I guess I caught something… but it's ok. I'll be fine in a couple of days."

Allen turned away and stared at the floor. He looked so young. "I'm not strong enough… I'm too small. I'm weak… I can't protect you right." With an abrupt movement he latched back onto Mana. "When you started coughing… Mana you scared me." He mumbled into Mana's shirt. "You moved like it hurt and I _couldn't do anything_. It was like…" he made a desperate little noise. "like when I have… mmph… when I _hurt_. But it was you instead."

"What?" Mana resumed petting the boy's hair; it helped relax them both. "You mean like hurt like when you…" he had to force himself to say it. They never spoke about it anymore. "like when you have a seizure?"

"Yeah…" he answered softly. "But not really… you just couldn't breath." Allen sat up and rubbed at his eyes. "When I'm hurting you… you can pick me up. You can help me hold it off… or hold me till its over. You don't let go; you keep me safe until I can get up… and I can't help you! I'm too small; I can't do anything!" he cried hard. Mana could only hold him tighter. "See!?" he sobbed. "Even right now! Even right now… you're the one holding me…"

"Allen. Stop." Mana said gently; he lifted the boy's chin, forcing him to make eye contact. "Look at me… now, I don't need protection. You don't have to worry. I'll be fine; everything is going to be ok." He smiled. "You're my brave little boy. You're very strong; did you know that?" Allen shook his head and whimpered. "No, listen to me. One day you're gonna grow up, and you'll be big and strong and you'll find people you'll want to protect… you'll do everything you can to help them, you'll want to make them happy and keep them safe… and you'll understand." Mana hoped that made sense, that something got through to the boy.

"You need a new shirt." Allen said. "This one is all gross now." He tugged lightly at the cloth now stained with blood and tears. "I made it worse… I'll get a new one ok papa."

Mana gave a lopsided grin and leaned back. I'm feeling much better now. This will all pass and things will get back to normal.

Maddie came in at some obscene hour in the morning. From his bed Mana heard her taking a shower. She always showered when she returned; Mana tried not to think about why, just appreciate the smell of soap on her skin.

Her bare feet barely made a sound as she padded her way to the bed. She found Allen and rolled the child to the other side of the bed. He grumbled and clutched Mana's shirt, but didn't wake. Maddie slid under the covers and pulled herself flush with Mana's body. He draped an arm over her and even in the dark he could tell she smiled. "Hi my honey… you feeling and better?"

"Much…" he turned as best he could and gave her a quick kiss. She turned away, letting him only touch her cheek. She made a sad sound as she did so. "How about you? Are you ok?" He ran his fingers through her damp hair.

"Rough day, honey… rough day. I don't wanna talk; just let me stay like this for the night." She wrapped her arms around him. Mana held her close.

It was strange, sleeping in a crowded bed. Mana found he didn't care. Lying there surrounded by the two people he cared most for was pleasant. For a while he stared at the ceiling and listened to them breathe; the sound was so relaxing. At some point, Maddie's hand found Allen's; she untangled it from Mana's shirt and loosely laced their fingers together. In the dark, Mana could only see the red of their skin; one naturally hued and one inked with roses. It felt so… _right_ and Mana couldn't believe how lucky he was to find this kind of peace.

Mana woke when Allen crawled over him to get out of bed. Maddie was already up. "Morning, honey…" she was setting up her brushes and paint over a spare sheet. She pulled a chair to the center of it. "It's bloody hot today…" she explained as she started mixing colors. "And, with the way Allen runs around, I'm worried he's gonna get over heated…"

"Maddie says I don't know when to stop…" Allen interrupted from the bathroom. Mana could hear him splashing and washing up in the sink.

"You don't baby… you'd run till ya drop if we'd let ya." She was smiling and there was laughter in her voice. Whatever had been bothering her when she came to bed seemed to be gone. "Anyways, it's too hot out for any of the heavy costumes… I already spoke to the others and they're all opting for lighter clothes. No shirts for our boys today…"

Allen hopped into the chair she had set up. His shirt was gone; his entire arm exposed. Mana was impressed; the boy was so careful about anyone seeing his arm. That he was sitting there so calm, smiling even, showed just how much he trusted the adults in the room.

"So, I'm gonna paint Allen. We'll hide it in plain sight!" She laughed and Allen was near bursting with joy. In Mana's memory, the only time he had seen the child being brave enough to show his skin outdoors was during one of their campouts near a spring. They all went swimming and Allen had jumped in wearing only his boxers. The whole day he talked about how good the sun felt without the usual fabric barrier. He was so pale that he burned a bit, but even that was a novelty to the boy. He made it his mission to gross out Mana when the burn started to peel.

Maddie hummed a bright tune while she worked. Mana didn't feel like getting out of bed just yet, so he lay on his side and watched her paint. With a steady hand she made thin lines down the length of his arm, carefully transforming what was there into roses to match her own. She brushed more red onto his shoulder to blend the design outwards. She worked in other colors and created images branching down over half his chest and stomach. Allen tried desperately to hold back his giggles when she ran her expert brush over part of his stomach and side.

"Hold still baby, or I'm gonna swat you." Maddie mumbled. "I don't wanna have to start over… here let me get your face a bit." She held the boy's chin to steady it as she started to outline an elegant pattern of moons and stars up his neck and onto his face. She finished with a bright star over his left eye. "There we are… a star for my bright little star!"

Allen tore into the bathroom to see Maddie's work. He laughed brightly and darted back to her. "I like them! They're really pretty! Mana! Its good, right?!" Maddie grabbed his unadorned arm and carefully patted some kind of powder over the paint to set it and keep it from running or rubbing off.

"Ok all done… this is good paint it should stay on pretty well. Gonna be a bit of an adventure when we start trying to get it off. You're gonna turn the bathtub all kinds of fun colors…"

"We match…" Allen said with a soft smile. "Mana and me have the same hair… Maddie and me have the same arms…" He looked at Mana and there was something sad in his eyes. "It's almost like I'm real… like you guys are… and I'm…" he didn't complete any of those thoughts, but Mana knew what he was saying. Almost like a real family… Unbidden, images of a family rose in Mana's mind. But now, Maddie was in the place once occupied by Marie, and wearing a wedding band. It was a strange image; a cripple, a whore and a foundling all cobbled together to make a family… and Mana suddenly wanted it so badly it hurt.

Later that day, Mana left the inn and slowly made the long walk to the town square. He felt much better; but after so much time in bed, his knee locked up and forced him to move more carefully than normal. He wanted to see the festival. All morning he had watched his friends preparing and had realized he had never really sat back and just watched them perform.

He leaned against a light post in the square and made himself comfortable. Ernie did his human blockhead act first. Allen was there to hand him each nail. Even from where he was standing, he could see the grin on the boy's face. The act as usual made Mana's stomach turn a bit.

Nick and Isabella were amazing as always; they had seamlessly integrated Allen into their act. Nike lowered a hand and Allen took it. With a hop, he was in a handstand and Nick lifted him over his head. Isabella tossed a ball to the boy's free hand. He tossed it back and she added another ball, then another. The crowd clapped loudly as Nick joined in the juggling with his free hand. They went back and fourth until at some unseen cue Allen slammed one of the colorful balls off Nicks head. Everyone laughed. He stumbled, pretending to be stunned and let Allen fall. The boy was so fast; landing and easily flipping across the portable stage with one hand, then no hands. Mana was so proud of him; it was like a warm bloom in his chest. He was so happy he could burst.

Standing there, in the warm sun, watching his friends do what they do best, made Mana forget all about the past days. He felt better, just tired, just extremely tired…


	38. Chapter 38

Thanks as usual to my loyal reviewers, i'm sorry if i've missed replying to anyone. i always look forward to hearing from you all. reading your reviews is one of the highlights of my day. i hope you all enjoy this chapter. i think i packed alot into it. i'm figuring i have about three chapters left to go. i find myself both dreading and looking forward to ending this story. it's become a very bittersweet thing.

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Maddie burst in the door, waking Mana and Allen with a start. "What the hell?!" Mana snapped. _Oh shit…_ Maddie looked like hell; her hair was disheveled, clothing torn. In the dark of the room, Mana could still see her lip was split, her nose was bleeding. "Maddie…" he hauled himself out of bed. "What happened?"

She gave a mad desperate laugh. "Ran into an old friend…" She leaned against the door to stay upright. "I gotta get outta town… fast." Mana had never seen her panicked like this; usually the tattooed woman was the picture of cool collectiveness. She was genuinely scared.

Allen was already up and across the room. He threw the window open, letting the cold winter air gust into the room. In an instant he had jumped onto the fire escape; he would be at Nick and Isabella's room in seconds. This wasn't the first time they had to make a quick retreat.

Mana made his way to the door, half dragging his bad leg. "Maddie… Maddie, look at me." He put his hand on her head and forced her to look at him. "What happened?"

Her eyes were wild with barely concealed terror. "Mana." She said as if just now seeing him. "I don't… but not happy to see me, noo not happy at all…" He started a quick examination of her face. Her nose was broken. "Gotta get outta here…"

"I know, I know. We're going to leave right away… just pull yourself together." He pulled her into a protective embrace. "Don't fall apart on me…" His mind was racing. He didn't know what had happened; Maddie was definitely not herself, but he didn't have time for it. They needed to get out first; she said she needed to leave and so they would leave. They could deal with the details later. He slid an arm under her shoulders and helped her towards the bed before checking out the window.

Allen's head nearly collided with his as the boy jumped back inside. "I woke everyone up… Ernie's getting the wagon, gonna pull it right up to the building. Nick's coming here to help." He looked at Maddie and moved to sit by her. "Maddie?" He gently set a hand on her shoulder. "You ok?"

"Yeah baby…" her voice was a dull monotone. "I'm fine."

"No…" Allen rose to his knees and pulled her to him. "You're not fine… you got hurt." She looked at him. "You can't hide from me. I can see it… your eyes are like mine…" Mana overheard him and let out a string of obscenities.

"Who?" Mana hissed. "Maddie, who hurt you?" he grit his teeth. _I'm going to kill him…_ His body flooded with a terrible cold, and part of him wanted nothing more to accept the ice in his veins and hunt down and kill whoever hurt his Maddie. He forced it back with a shudder; that coldness wasn't him. He swore to God that he wouldn't let that horrible ice take him again.

She didn't have time to answer. Nick came in through the door, Isabella wasn't far behind. They carried all their traveling bags with them. Isabella hurried to Maddie and hugged her, whispering comforting words, meanwhile her husband quickly started to gather her things together. Mana followed his lead and began throwing his and Allen's possessions into his suitcase.

Allen disappeared to the bathroom. He brought a cool washcloth to the women on the bed. Isabella took it and gently blotted Maddie's face, clearing the blood from her nose. Allen returned to the bathroom and carried out every towel he could find. Even, in an emergency, he still thought to steal the inn's towels. Dumping them into a traveling bag, he took up watch by the window.

"Ernie's here…Mana, want me to start carrying our stuff down?"

"Yeah, go ahead…" Mana really wished they could leave through the door like normal people, but they were in a hurry and couldn't risk being seen. This kind of exit had become fairly routine; they often had to make hasty retreats whether it was from a con being discovered or to avoid paying for a room.

Allen climbed out the window and onto the fire escape. Mana handed him the first of their bags and with an amazing display of agility the boy descended the thin metal ladder. Ernie caught the bag with ease and Allen climbed back up to collect the next one.

Once all their belongings, and several of the inn's as well, were out of the room, they worked out a way to help Maddie down the fire escape. Nick crawled out first while Isabella helped the other woman ease through the window. If she slipped on the icy rungs Nick would be there to break her fall. Isabella gracefully swung out after her, helping her find each step and whispering soft words of encouragement. Mana was last out, carefully holding his weight on his good leg and arms. Ernie was waiting at the bottom ready to help everyone down from the gap between the ladder and the ground. Soon, everyone was situated in the wagon. Nick and Ernie sat in the front, leaving Mana with the women and the child. Somehow that struck Mana as funny.

Mana made himself comfortable and turned his attentions to Maddie. Isabella was helping her change clothes, there was no need for modesty but Mana still covered Allen's eyes; he could see bruises tinting the colors of her tattoos. With a grunt of pain, she set her nose back into place. Mana was deeply impressed by it. Maddie sighed and let him pull a soft blanket around her shoulders. Despite the protection of the enclosed space, it was still bitterly cold.

"Thanks honey…" Mana pulled her close into a loose embrace. From the corner of his eye he saw Isabella lean against her other side. Allen snuggled close and rested his head on her lap. They surrounded her, physically supporting her; without words, they showed her she was safe, protected. He felt Maddie relax against him. She played with Allen's hair making the boy coo happily. It made her smile. "Thanks… everyone, thank you."

Mana kissed her cheek and she cried. "Never thought I'd see him again!" she blurted out. Like a dam breaking, she started talking quickly. "I was young, didn't know how things worked… so, he took me in… showed me how to do my job, found clients for me, arranged everything and took my money…" She laughed bitterly. "Little Maddie's first pimp… and I thought I _loved_ the bastard." She broke into harsh sobs and it dawned on Mana that her pain was not just physical; someone had broken her heart.

"You don't have to continue…" he said softly.

"Yeah, you do." Allen said, staring up at her from her lap. "Get it all out at once… I promise you'll feel better if you keep talking." He flashed an encouraging but gentle smile.

"Yeah?" she pet Allen's hair and he nodded. "I finally got smart… saw what was going on, figured everything out. He didn't give a rat's ass about me… I was income, worse I was property. I am not someone's property! I belong to no one but myself. So, I went freelance… and he was pissed and came for me. I'd never been in a real, serious fight before… didn't know what I was doing. I cut him, it was a lucky strike, but I cut his pretty face. I ran. Never thought I'd see him again…"

"He hurt you?" Allen asked. "Tonight… he hurt you?"

"Yeah baby… just roughed me up a bit; a warning, wanted me to come 'home.' I got him good before he could…" She paused; she wouldn't say it in front of Allen, but Mana understood. "I'm not sure how bad… think I might have hit something vital. I ran. I left him bleedin in a gutter…"

"We'll keep you safe." Allen said firmly. "Mana and me… and Nick, and Isabella, and Ernie… we'll protect you."

She smiled. "Of course…thanks baby."

Ernie drove the horses to near exhaustion before they stopped. For warmth, they all slept in the wagon. Mana kept Maddie tucked against him. She nudged him awake after everyone else was asleep. "Hey honey… thanks for getting me out of town. Sorry."

"What?" he mumbled. "You don't have any reason to apologize…"

"Yeah I do. I got a little hysterical. It wasn't as bad as I made it sound. I was just really shook up from it and I panicked. I made you all worry, I didn't mean for that to happen and we had to leave so quickly. All because of me…"

"Maddie," Mana chuckled softly. "How many times have we had to skip town this month? Or this year? Trust me; we can handle a quick exit no matter what the reason…" He ran his fingers through her hair, undoing some of the knots in it. "But really… are you ok?"

She smiled. "Honey… I've had worse… much, much worse. Just, I let fear get to me this time. Before, I never really cared about what happened… but, this time… I don't know. I was scared I was going to… I had something to lose." Under the blanket they shared she slid her arms around him and buried her face in his chest. "I thought… if I die here, I won't see Mana again…isn't that funny, that was all I could think of."

Mana was sure his heart would burst with joy.

"Don't let it go to your head, but you're winning me over honey" it was as close to an admission of love as he would ever get from the woman. With an arch of her slender neck she kissed him. Mana happily returned it and let her take control. She placed feather light kisses down the length of his jaw before returning to his mouth; all the while sliding an expert hand under his shirt.

A foot nudged Mana in the side. He reluctantly broke the kiss that had slowly been growing in intensity and looked for whose foot had interrupted him. Ernie had one eye cracked open and a big grin on his face. "Cool it, ya…" he folded his hands behind his head and smirked. "There are childrens present." He was trying hard not to laugh as Allen snorted in his sleep and started softly snoring. Mana had to settle with letting Maddie sleep with her head on his shoulder.

Everything seemed better in the crisp light of the morning. Ernie and Allen had raided the inn's kitchen long before their hasty run. They cooked bacon for breakfast. Maddie sat by Mana the whole time, so close their thighs touching. He watched Allen doing cartwheels in the snow. The boy would be eleven soon; Christmas was coming. He wondered what to get him. He already had a vague idea of what he wanted to get for Maddie.

"Hey," said Ernie around a mouthful of bacon. "Let's go back to my home for Christmas, ya…" he took another bite. The man had a huge appetite; big enough to rival Allen's. They had eating contests. Allen always won. "ya, Lucy will be lonely. We should go keep her company."

"What's the deal with that girl anyways?" Nick asked. Mana had been wondering that himself when he had first met the foul mouthed girl.

Ernie sighed. "Mine sister… she hates circus. She was so good ya… mother and father, God rest their souls, was proud of her. Khite family have been performers for generations. All our money come from our circus." There was a note of pride in his voice. "Lucy, she was star… tightrope walk; she was amazing. She fell, broke shoulder, arm, wrist."

Isabella made a sympathetic noise. "I'm so sorry… it ruined her balance, didn't it?"

"Yeah, look at her when we get home… she can't lift arm more than this ya." He raised his arm slightly in demonstration. "All she can do is this…" he lifted his finger in an obscene gesture and laughed hard. "Now she hate circus. She hate everything. When parents die our circus broke up. I joined new one… met my friends. Is good life ya…even this," he laughed jovially. "is good life."

They started towards Linden in the afternoon, carefully avoiding the first couple of towns they passed. It was an uneventful trip; it took a week, with only three days spent sleeping indoors. Everyone was sniffling from the cold by the time they reached Ernie's home.

Lucy was not pleased to see her brother and his 'filthy circus friends'. She screeched at him in their native tongue and slammed the door on Ernie's face. He turned to the others with a smile and shrugged. With a nervous laugh he produced a key and tried the lock. He tried it again… and again.

"She change the lock!" Ernie laughed. Mana was surprised that he found it amusing. The large man never seemed to get angry. "Allen!" he called the boy, "you can pick locks, ya?"

Allen jumped at the chance to practice his skills and darted out of Mana's reach before he could stop the boy. He worked a set of little metal tools in the lock, his tongue sticking out the corner of his mouth in concentration. It took him a full minute; he returned to Mana's side pouting with a deep frown. "It took me too long. I should be able to do it faster by now…" Mana ruffled his hair affectionately only to notice a tremor run through the little body. "I need to get inside…" Allen hissed quickly. "Mana, I _need to get_…" he pitched forward with a stressed groan, barely catching himself.

Nick caught the boy before he could fall further. "Thanks…" Mana said gratefully to his best friend. They hurried the child inside. _Where the hell is this coming from?!_

"Allen, is it bad?" Nick asked as he carried him into the living room.

"No…" he hissed. "Set me down…" his voice was tight with pain. "Don't look at me…" he was crying and embarrassed to be seen in such a state. Nick set him gently on the floor where he quickly dropped to his hands and knees. The little body convulsed once and he groaned. In a desperate voice he cried, "Please! Leave me! _Don't look at me_." Allen gasped, rolling onto his back and arching violently. "_Maahnaah!_" He clutched his arm to his chest. "_Please_, make them leave!"

Mana didn't need to be told twice. "Everyone out!" He shouted. "Go! Now!" his voice was harsher than it should have been. There had been nothing for months and now this; he was terrified. _Check the paper tomorrow. There has to be something happening somewhere that's causing this… he's been doing so well…_ He pushed them from the living room to the kitchen, slapping at their ankles with his cane. "Sorry… please just wait in there ok."

"Honey, we understand… go to your boy." Maddie flashed him an understanding smile.

Before he could stop himself, he blurted out, "I love you Madeline." From behind him Allen shrieked, unable to hold his agonized cries back any longer. Suddenly embarrassed and ashamed for even thinking of himself whiles his child was suffering, Mana turned and limped back to the living room. His aching knee screamed at him as he lowered his tired body onto the sofa to wait out the boy's episode.

Minutes later Allen lay exhausted and crying on the floor. His hand was twitching spastically. The exposed portion of the wine red appendage seemed darker, irritated. "Mahnaah…" he cried in a hoarse whisper. "You still here?" He was staring at the ceiling.

"Yeah. I'm here."

"Ahh… good… everybody saw me, didn't they?"

"No. They left the room." He glanced over to the door where his friends stood watching. Isabella was crying silently on Nick's shoulder. Maddie clung to the door frame, looking pale under her ink and fading bruises. Even Lucy was silent; watching with wide eyes with her brother's steadying hands resting on her shoulders. Mana held up a hand; no one was going to come in without his permission.

"Good… Mana, it still hurts." The little figure shuddered, but made no effort to move. "It hurts all the time now…" he sighed with resignation.

"When did that start?" Mana pulled a handkerchief from his coat pocket and held it out. Allen's hand shook too badly for him to take it. "Use your other hand…"

"I can't…" he whined. "Manah, I'm so tired…"

"Take it Allen. You can do this…" Mana said calmly; being upset would only make things worse. The boy caught the fabric with his right hand; and used it to cover his face. He was hiding; he was so unbelievably embarrassed. "No one saw it. It's just us in here." Mana assured him as he leaned back in his seat. If Allen didn't want to be seen, then he wouldn't look. "When did this start?" he asked again gently.

"Months ago… not sure." Came the soft reply.

"Months? Damn Allen… always that bad? Or is it just there, like in the background?" _How could I have not noticed?! How could he be hurting this bad and I not see it… haven't actually seen him have a fit in awhile. I haven't been paying enough attention; I should have seen it…_ He stretched out his knee, trying to keep it from locking up further. "Like my stupid knee… it kinda hurts all the time, but sometimes it's really bad. Is it something like that?"

"Yes," Allen mumbled. "In the background… it burns. I hate it. I'm used to it just, just sometimes I can't pretend its not there…" There was a tug on Mana's pant leg; he was moving again.

"So you've been going around, all this time, hurting and not telling me?" Mana held out his hand and helped the boy up and onto the sofa; he kept his eyes on the ceiling. It was a dull egg shell color, utterly uninteresting. "You hid it well. I'm pretty impressed; I whine like a baby…God, Allen, you still got up to perform everyday. You're pretty tough for a kid, you know that?" He could feel some of the tension leave the air; Allen curled into his side. Mana draped an arm around him. "Can I look at you now?"

"You didn't look... Thank you, you can." The boy looked tired; there was a light gloss of sweat on his brow. Mana noted with concern that his nose was bleeding. He took back the square of fabric he had lent the boy and used it to dab at the steady trickle of blood. "It kinda spills over…" he sighed. "If I push it back too long."

"Is this what happens… if you try to push it back?" Mana assumed he was talking about the pain. If he was hurting continuously and kept forcing himself to ignore it, then did he have an episode when he let his guard down, could it be something other than the usual type of fits that had plagued him for God knows how long? Mana was sure the usual fits were caused by whatever violence was happening nearby, when did it change to something internal?

"I guess…" he mumbled before tensing slightly. "Hey Mana… I think there's something wrong with me. I mean, _really_ wrong…" Mana nodded encouragingly, ready to listen to the boy's concerns and hoping to glean some clue as to what was happening. "I… it's like there's something…" he held out his hand, fingers still twitching slightly. "Something in me… and it wants out and I'm holding it back. That sounds dumb huh? But, it's like I'm gonna break… I can almost _hear_ it. It'll keep pushing and _hurting_ until I break and something will happen. I dunno what, but something and I'm scared." He pulled from Mana's grasp to look at him properly, as if he needed to see the man's reaction to what he was saying. His voice was high and tight; he must have been worried about this for some time now. "I'm not crazy… right? I know it sounds stupid, but I can't think of how else to say it. You don't think I'm nuts right?"

That though had entered Mana's mind. He wondered if so much pain, physical and emotional, had finally built up to a point where his mind would create its own explanation for it all. Looking in the boy's eyes, he didn't doubt that the child believed what he said. Mana figured that was enough for him. "I don't think you're nuts… I think you've just been hurting for way too long. I kinda wish you had said something earlier… maybe I could have done something to help…"

Relief washed over the boy's face and he slumped down against Mana's chest. He pet Allen's hair and rubbed soothing circles on his little back. Exhaustion was quickly overtaking them both and Allen was soon snoring. This was too much; far too much to handle in such a short time. Just as Maddie was feeling better from her violent encounter, Allen reasserted his need for him. Mana sighed; he needed to remember why he was here, who needed him more. Allen had to come first. _I can't let anything go any further… no matter how I feel about her I have to end it. It's not about what I want; I have to look out for Allen first…I don't have a choice. _He just hoped Maddie wouldn't be too angry with him.

As if reading his mind, Maddie came to behind the sofa and put her arms around him. "I knew he had those seizures… but, that was nothing like the ones I've seen before. That was… intense. Little guy ok?" she spoke softly to avoid waking the boy.

"Yeah, just tired. He's had worse; this one was just odd… Hell, he had me scared." Mana felt far too warm; in the rush to get inside they hadn't bothered to remove their coats. In the comforting heat of the house, he was beginning to sweat. He took a deep breath and tried to think of the best way to break things off with Maddie; he hated himself for having to do it. He reminded himself why he had to do it and forced his mouth to work; he needed to tell her quickly before his nerve quit. "Maddie," he started, "we gotta talk… I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I really care for you, but Allen has to come first. I can't… I hope you can understand and forgive…"

Maddie cut him off. "Damn right the boy has to come first!" she put her hands on her hips and looked at him with indignation. "Idiot! You're his papa! You have to take care of him before yourself. Put his needs before your own; that is what a father does." Her face softened, her expression melting into something he didn't expect. "You're a good man Mana Walker… I understand what you need to do. I really like Allen; he's an amazing kid. I'll be right there to help. You take care of him…" Her voice turned soft, serious. "I'll take care of you."

She bent and kissed him hard and bruising, promising he'd be very well taken care of the minute she could get him alone and Mana was sure he'd die right there. _She understands!_ He screamed mentally with joy. _She understands… she likes Allen too. God did I do something right? She wants to help me with him… she's nothing like Marie; she's alright with sharing me… she's alright with all of this mess. _He would need to talk to Allen first, see how his son would react to what he was thinking.

Christmas eve, Mana pulled Maddie away from the troupe's little holiday party. He had spent the last hour working up his nerve… and trying to find who slipped Allen a few too many sips of brandy. The boy was currently sprawled across Isabella, giggling madly and trying his best to infuriate Nick. The man's smile was strained and a vein bulged on his normally smooth forehead as he watched the boy lounge against his wife's chest. Everyone was in such a good mood, even Lucy was laughing. She was lovely when she smiled; Mana suspected she had also been privy to the same brandy as Allen.

Maddie was leaning against the wall with a smirk on her face; she was wearing a dress, a rare thing for her. With so much of her body covered, Mana was amazed how it made her all the more alluring. She looked at him expectantly and raised an eyebrow. Mana's mouth was suddenly dry; this was it. "Maddie…" he gripped her gift, reassured by the shape and how the metal warmed to his hand. "I know that we can't really…things being what they are and all…it won't ever be official, but I hope you'll take this…" He pulled a plain gold band from his pocket and held it out to her. She gasped. "If you'll have me…"

She smiled then faultered. "I… oh God, Mana. I… I need to sit down." He helped her into a nearby chair. She stared at her hands clasped in her lap. Mana wondered if she was going to cry; her face was stricken. "Even though you know what I am, what I do… you still want this. You're a good man; I'm…" her voice dropped to a shameful whisper. "I'm a whore… you know girls like me can't… good men don't marry whores."

"Then wear it on your other hand." He said with a surprising strength. "I know it wouldn't be official recognized or anything… this is just between us; only for us." He took her hand and pressed the ring into her palm; he folded her colorful fingers around it. "I don't care who or what you _think _you are… I know who you truly are." It was agonizing, but Mana went down on one knee. "You're a good woman… I'd be honored if you'd wear my ring." This was it; he'd put everything on the line. If she said no now…

"Honey… Yes."


	39. Chapter 39

Thank you to all my reviewers; i've recieved over 500 reviews. i'm so happy that my story has had such a positive impact. also, i have to report that i miscounted the number of chapters left. this was origionally part of a larger chapter, but it didn't flow right. so, i made it seperate; if it seems a little short that's why. Thank you all again, i hope you enjoy this update.

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"I have it, don't I?" Mana stared hard at the floor. It was dusty; the little rug by the bed had a hole in it, like a little cigarette burn. He felt hollow, like there was a hole in his stomach. The doctor didn't speak at first; just put a comforting hand on Mana's shoulder. "Shit…" he groaned.

"I'm sorry Mr. Walker, yes."

Mana swallowed hard, his hands were shaking. He tried to push back the fear that was tearing through him. He had already known before he went to the doctor, but hearing it made it real. "It's… it's pretty far along, huh?" he squeezed his eyes shut, forcing himself to stay calm, not to cry.

"Yes." The young man in the white coat answered somberly.

He pulled his head from his hands and let out a ragged sigh. "Can you tell me how long?" he didn't know why he asked; he didn't want to know, he didn't want to think about it. He didn't want the doctor to answer; he didn't want it to be real. But, he asked anyways.

"It's hard to say…" the young doctor pulled up a chair to sit on, making his face even to Mana's. "Could be weeks, months… from what you've said, I'd guess that you've been fighting it for years already." He sighed; it seemed just as difficult for him to say it as it was for Mana to hear it. "I'm actually surprised you've held on this long… you have a very strong will, but that can only take you so far… less than a year."

"God."

"I'm so sorry."

Mana nodded and the young man gathered his things and left. It had only been a short exam. Mana already knew he was sick, that he wasn't getting better, but he had held out a vain hope that he was wrong. He needed to make sure and sent for a doctor. His fears had been confirmed. He was dying.

As if to prove it, his chest was seized with a sudden pain; air escaped him and he coughed violently. He pulled a handkerchief to cover his mouth, knowing what to expect by now. Each cough brought up more; something in his lungs was bleeding, drowning him. He coughed harder in a desperate attempt to expel the foul blood. It seemed limitless and he had no choice but to ride the attack out.

The square of fabric came back soaked through to his hand with gore; looking at it, Mana broke down. "_Ahh… God!"_ he cried and threw the soiled fabric away from him; it hit the ground with a wet thud. He couldn't bear to look at it. In the solitude of his rented room he let go and sobbed shamelessly until he was too exhausted to continue. Even then, he lay on his bed and trembled with the overwhelming fear of what was happening to his body. He was so tired.

His cough had been getting steadily worse over the past few months; at first it was just a little blood, something he could explain away. Now he was bringing up more every time. He was losing weight and was so very tired, all the time. Maddie could see the changes; she was worried about him. He kept telling her he was fine.

"What am I gonna do…" he moaned to the ceiling. Mana had never felt so miserable. _I'm going to die, that's what. How am I gonna tell them. I don't want them to be sad… God, I'm gonna make them cry._ He had promised himself to never let them cry, especially not over him. The moment he told them, he knew they would be upset; he couldn't stand the thought. They would spend the last months of his life mourning his upcoming death. He was going to make everyone he loved miserable too.

_No_, he decided. _I can't let them worry about me. I want to enjoy my time… not have to listen to Allen crying because he knows I'm gonna…_ Like a bucket of ice water, the reality of the situation slammed into him again. "God… I'm gonna die." Everyone dies; he knew that, but the sudden nearness of it was overwhelming. He wanted to scream, to curse, to fight, to do something, anything. His heart beat furiously as if it was urging him to do something to let it continue. All he managed to do was curl up in a ball and sob.

"I'm not going to tell them." He said out loud. He felt so helpless; but, he could at least do this one thing. Mana wasn't going say a word about it; he wanted to see them happy till the very end. _They can cry when I'm gone… I'm gone… oh God_.

It took an hour for Mana to pull himself together enough to leave the room and return to the room he shared with his 'wife' and son. They had all left to perform that morning. Mana was too tired to go along, so he stayed in the inn. He sat on the bed and pulled his bad leg up. Grabbing a dull pink pillow, he propped up his knee and settled down for a nap. His mind had reached a sort of numbness, making it impossible to think. It all seemed so unreal, deep down he was grateful for that.

Bear was half under the blanket; he pulled the stuffed animal to him. The worn fuzzy bear was comforting in his hands. "I'm not going to tell them…" he told it. "We're gonna pretend nothing's wrong." _I'm not going to worry them…_ He had to force himself to stop his train of thought before it went any further. He drifted off to sleep, the toy still clutched in his arms.

"Oh isn't that cute…" Maddie's voice drifted into his consciousness. "Allen, baby, go wake him up… nicely, nicely!" The boy jumped onto Mana's bed jolting him fully awake. He curled against Mana's side, hugging him and trying to take Bear. Maddie set down her things and leaned in to kiss his forehead. "Hey, honey… feeling any better?"

Mana tried to wrestle the toy back from his son. "Yeah, I just needed to rest…" He could still taste the faint traces of copper in his mouth. "Much better." He was surprised how easy the lie came. He took it to heart and decided that if he could believe it, maybe he could just convince his body that it was fine and live for many more years.

Allen succeeded in taking Bear back, but overbalanced and dropped off the bed in a flurry of blankets and spare pillows. He grumbled from the floor and Mana laughed hard. "Not funny Mana…" he said in a mock pout. It was funny and they both knew it. "M' gonna take a bath ok. Maddie says I stink." The adults watched him dash to the bathroom.

"I always forget… you're older than me." Maddie climbed on the bed and straddled his waist. She blessed him with a soft kiss and a chuckle. "You old guys need your rest; you tire out fast…" she let her voice drop to the low husky whisper that Mana loved. "Hmm, but I know just how long you can last when you want to." Mana flushed; he always did when she talked like that.

"You're in a good mood." Mana smiled and let his hands wander along her thighs. "Not that I mind. What's going on?"

She laughed again. "I got new ink today." She smiled wickedly and stretched up her arms. Somehow she managed pop open a button on her shirt; it was all to tease him. "Wanna try and find it?" He peered around her to the bathroom door; it was cracked open, so he shook his head. Familiar as he was with Maddie's strong, elegant body, he doubted he could find any new design on her skin anyways. "Right… not in front of the boy." She sighed. "I don't feel like having to explain anything to him… or have to rush. I'll just show you." She held out her left hand and pulled off her ring. It hid an irritated stripe of skin. "For the times I can't wear it." She grinned. "This way… I never really take it off."

Mana took her hand and kissed the permanent wedding band. His insides hurt; she had marked her body as eternally his and he was going to leave her before the end of the year. _She'll be a widow… Stop thinking like this! Oh hell with it…_ "I love it." He said nuzzling her hand and enjoying the feel of her skin. "I think… I'd like one too." He had seen her touch up her own designs before; it looked painful, but she was an expert. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to bad if she was the one doing it; he was dieing, things like permanent ink seemed trivial. "Can you do that… mark me?"

"Oh shit honey…" she sighed and idly fiddled with the buttons of his shirt. "I thought you'd never ask. I'd love to." Warm hands slid under the fabric.

"No…" Mana took her wrist and reluctantly removed her hand. "Allen's in the…"

She cut him off. "You said no?" she seemed surprised. "No man refuses what I offer…" it wasn't harshly spoken, just a statement. "God Mana, that's why I love you." She moaned as she ran her hands up his sides and back. "You love me for me, not just for my body… I guess we'll just have to be quick… I don't care."

Mana wanted so badly to give in, but the sound of running water had already stopped. Maddie rolled off him to sit on the side of the bed just as Allen came in. With the boy around, they hadn't really had time for a proper 'honeymoon' after their 'wedding.' Not that they hadn't had their share of stolen moments together; but, never an extended amount of time. Just as well, Mana was often too tired to do much.

"Allen baby," Maddie called. "Bring me my black bag." She started to tug at the matching ring on his finger.

"Whoa… you're gonna do it now?!" Mana sat up and leaned against the headboard.

"Sure honey…" she started pulling out little bottles of ink and her needle case. "You got me all hot and bothered. We're gonna do this now."

"Do what?" Allen hopped up to join them. "What are we doing? Mana, what are we doing?"

"We're giving papa here, his first little tattoo." Maddie cooed to the boy and beeped his nose. Allen had really taken to her. She lavished attention on him, just like Isabella was prone to do, and he followed her around like a puppy. Mana felt safe leaving him in her care. Most importantly, Allen trusted her completely.

"Here hold this… if you're gonna sit up here with the grownups, you're gonna make yourself useful." She held up a thick looking needle. "I don't have the fancy electric needles that some of the shops have… those things are gonna change the whole art. We're just gonna have to do things the old traditional way."

Mana blanched a little at the sight. The traditional way involved an inky needle repeatedly jabbed and worked into the skin. Maddie held his finger steady and poised the needle, the cold sharp metal just barely touching his flesh. She looked to him for permission. Mana bit down on his lip. She smiled. "Allen hold his other hand for me… don't spill that ink either."

The soft tree bark texture of Allen's fingers intertwined with his own. _I'm never going to see him grow up…_ Mana stomach flipped; he tightened his grip, hoping it would be taken as just a sign of nervousness. He didn't want to let go. _I want to see him grow up! I want to be here! This isn't fair… shit; I'm not going yet…_ "Do it already!" _I'm still here now… _Maddie tapped the needle into his skin; he hissed at the unexpected pain of it and Allen patted his hand reassuringly. The hurt dulled into a steady ache as she continued and Mana found himself relaxing into it. Something about it was strangely comforting. _It stings; this proves I'm alive…_

It didn't take long for Maddie to finish. "There we are honey… all done." Mana's finger was bloodied; as his artist dabbed it, he could see the dark thick line she had etched into him. "That wasn't too bad, was it?" she teased and brushed his damp hair from his face. He grinned weakly. "Honey, the others are gonna meet downstairs for dinner, feel up to joining us?"

"I'd love to." He leaned heavily on his cane, thankful that he already had one; he needed it for more than just his damaged knee. Getting around was becoming more and more difficult.

Mana sat with his improvised family; his finger was stinging powerfully and kept him distracted from all the little conversations around him. Instead, he focused on memorizing all the details of his friends' faces and movements. He was happy just to be with them. He planned to enjoy and appreciate every moment, every sight, sound, smell, every touch; all the little things he took for granted before seemed so precious now.

The only other silent member at the table was Isabella; she looked a bit pale. Mana watched her move her food around her plate without actually eating any of it. When she noticed his gaze she smiled weakly and hurried to join her husband in discussion with Ernie. Mana hoped everything was alright, but didn't think anything else of it.

Allen had piled an astounding tower of food on his plate and was quickly demolishing it. He flashed a challenging grin to Ernie, whose plate was similarly full. The man laughed, "Is on ya?" At some unseen cue, they both launched into their plates; food flew in all directions and suddenly everyone else was cheering them on. Nick ordered more of the day's special and started taking bets on the victor from the restaurant's other patrons. Mana just leaned back in his chair and grinned like a fool. Allen was going to win no contest; he was oddly proud of that.

Ernie was the first to throw down his napkin in defeat. Nick collected a handsome sum of money from the other shocked diners. All the while Allen happily finished off the rest of the amazing blockhead's meal. Mana nearly burst with laughter when the child asked for desert.

He was still chuckling as he prepared for bed that night, carefully forcing himself not to think of his future. He would just have to keep his mind in the present. Still, a cold knot had taken up residence in his stomach and had no plans to leave him. _Don't think about it. I just have to keep walking forward… I'll deal with things as they come up, no sooner…_

"Honey…" Maddie slid her arms around his waist as he settled down onto the bed. "What's up? You look worried…" He couldn't meet her eyes.

"Nothing's wrong… just tired. My knee's killing me." He lied with a soft smile. Maddie nodded understandingly and helped him pull his bad leg into bed. He pushed Allen over to the edge where the bed met the wall. The boy was instantly asleep after his meal; he mumbled something about pancakes but didn't wake. Mana slept surprisingly well despite the stress of the day; it was so comforting sleeping in that crowded bed. He marveled at how his life turned out so completely different from what he had expected.

_My only regret… is that this all didn't happen sooner, so I'd have more time to enjoy it. All it took was one wrong turn… then I had a child. Never knew I wanted one till I found him. Because of him I found her… she's so beautiful._ He ran his fingers through her silken hair. _God, I'm so lucky… I hope this all balances out; that the bad stuff I did will be outweighed by the good stuff. I hope I've done enough…_


	40. Chapter 40

Thanks as always to my reviewers. i'm sorry if i missed replying to anyone. i've been holed up with bronchitis for the past week. i'm very understanding to mana's illness, nothing that severe but i'm coughing up an unnatural amount of... stuff. with all this sick time on my hands, i have a nice long chapter for you all. only two more after this.

hope you all enjoy.

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Mana drummed his fingers on the table; he had already waited a half hour for his breakfast and wasn't keen on waiting any longer. They were among the first patrons of the day and the small town diner was just starting to heat the ovens.

"Mahnaaah… I'm _starving_. I'm gonna die… what's _taking_ so long…" Allen groaned dramatically and clutched his stomach. They had spent last night in the wagon as they traveled between towns and the boy had missed his midnight snack.

"Just hang in there… it won't be too long now." Mana soothed the cranky child. Everyone was in a less than chipper mood this morning. Isabella had disappeared to the bathroom the instant they arrived and hadn't reappeared. Nick looked worried. Ernie had dozed off sitting by a window in a patch of morning sun. Maddie had the day's newspaper spread out in front of her and a red pencil; she was looking at the society page and picking out potential targets to scam.

Isabella's pale face appeared through the door. "Maddie…" she hissed. "I… can you come here for a minute?"

"What's up, sugar?" Maddie casually asked with out taking her eyes from her paper.

"Please! Just come here…" she cried urgently. Maddie rolled her eyes to Mana implying that she needed to go talk girl talk; he smiled back at her.

The two women stood by the bathroom door and spoke softly. "What?!" Maddie blurted out loud enough for the whole room to hear. "How late are we talking here?" Mana couldn't help but try to listen in; he couldn't hear Isabella and Maddie's words didn't make any sense. "God… that long. Shit, why didn't you tell me earlier; I could have given you something. If we caught it a couple months ago, you could have ended it before you got this far along… shit…" she sighed. Isabella started to cry and ducked back into the bathroom.

Maddie thudded her head on the door before walking briskly across the room. She stopped directly in front of Nick, who sat up in sudden interest. Maddie belted him across the face hard enough to knock him off his chair. "Nice job, dumb ass!"

"What the hell was that for?!" Nick stared at her, his eyes suddenly going wide with realization. "God… she's not… is she?"

Maddie pulled back and kicked him in the ribs for good measure. "Yeah. She is dumb ass."

Allen tugged at Mana's sleeve. "What are they talking about?" Mana just pulled the boy into a hug and didn't answer. "Mana, what's wrong?"

Maddie slammed herself down into her chair. "Its way too late to get rid of it…"

She mumbled. "How could she keep it hidden from us for so long…"

"Get rid of what?" Allen shifted his questioning to the fuming woman. "Keep what hidden? Maaadie… what is everyone talking about, Mana make them tell me."

"She's pregnant." Maddie said, anger and frustration leaking into her voice. Mana noticed her jaw was clenched tight; she wanted to say more but was holding back for Allen's sake.

"Baby?" Allen smiled but it faltered. "But, Mana… you said she couldn't have babies…" he frowned, thinking hard. "Is this a bad thing?"

"Yes" moaned Nick from his place on the floor. He hadn't bothered to move. "We were so careful… so very careful. How could this have happened?"

Deep down Mana was somewhat relieved by the news and he _hated_ himself for it. With everyone focused on Isabella's wellbeing, his own failing health would go unnoticed. _I'm scum…_ he thought glumly; _I shouldn't even think like that_.

The bathroom door creaked as Isabella left the safety of the restroom and sat nervously at the table, her hands neatly folded on the tabletop. With a deep steadying breath, she finally spoke. "So I guess Maddie told you…" she looked ready to cry.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Nick half cried as he finally hauled himself off the floor and slammed his hands down on the table.

"I was scared." She whispered. "I kept thinking I was wrong that I would just lose it… no one would have to know." Her eyes stayed glued to the tabletop before her. "I didn't want anyone to worry."

A tense silence fell over them. Mana understood Isabella's motives perfectly; they were the same as his own. _I don't want them to worry_. But this was different; her condition wasn't a firm death sentence like his was. She could still survive even though her chances were slim.

It was Allen who moved first. He pulled away from Mana's side and wrapped his arms around Isabella's shoulders. "I know you haven't been able to do it before. This time will be ok… you have all of us here, momma Isabella." He rested his head in the crook of her neck. "I'll be a good big brother ok. I'll help you… I promise I'll be there to help you."

"We'll all help… ya, Izzy." Ernie added. "Is not big deal. We go back to my house when it's time. Get a good doctor, have your baby there."

She cried silent tears and nodded. "Thank you… I'd like that." Allen released her but remained by her side. "So, you want to be a big brother?" she asked, still sniffling.

"Yeah! That would be neat!" He said with such enthusiasm, that it lightened the mood. "I'll help all the time too…" Mana smiled with pride. Their unusual family structure had really affected the boy; regardless of the lack of relation by blood, any child born in their group would be automatically be Allen's sibling. Allen really would help with anything he could.

Mana was surprised that after everything, all the shit the boy had been through, he could still show such unconditional love. He listened to the boy chatter about all the fun he would have with the baby, how he would help teach it to tumble and pickpocket. Mana would ignore that last bit. What he couldn't ignore was the effect his words were having on Isabella. She was smiling. _Allen, you clever kid…_ He was gently working to boost her confidence; repeatedly telling her how everything would be alright. Everyone listened; Allen was an expert at providing hope. Mana was sure he didn't even know he was doing it.

Mana's throat caught and he hurried to slip unnoticed to the bathroom. He leaned his cane against the door and held the sink for support. Coughing hard he spat the resulting blood into the basin. _There's so much of it…_ he thought with a sudden dizziness. Carefully he sat on the closed lid of the commode and waited for the dizziness to pass. _God…_ he prayed; a habit he was rapidly adopting. _God please, I need to hang on longer. I need more time… help Isabella. Help her and her child. Let me last till then…_

Each day he could feel his body weaken; each day left him more exhausted. He was so scared. Scared of the inevitable, but he had accepted it. He was more afraid of the others finding out. He had the sneaking suspicion though, that when the end came he would welcome it. But for now, "Just a little while longer…"

Breakfast was on the table when he returned. He ate slowly, not really hungry but savoring every bite. Allen carefully stole bacon from his plate every time he turned his head. _I'm going to miss this… _Everyone was forcing cheerfulness, but as they ate the tension lifted like a morning fog. Allen said it would all be alright and said it with such conviction that they all found themselves believing it.

They ended up leaving the town after breakfast. Maddie determined there was no real money to be made there. It would take them three weeks to find the right town for an extended stay. Mana slept in the wagon while they traveled, stifling and holding back his coughing till they stopped. Twice he had to stumble off in the pretext of having to relive himself; only to drop unceremoniously to the leaf strewn ground and vomit up the blood he had swallowed.

They temporally settled in a small town called Brice. The day before they entered Nick and Isabella, who was now showing, went in to lay the groundwork for their con. They went to the best inn and explained that they were the servants of a wealthy Earl. He would need the best room, only the finest service etc. Ernie took the wagon and traded it for the use of a fancy coach. Mana put on his good suit; Maddie spent an afternoon taking it in to fit him and grilling him on the right things to say and do.

"Why can't you do this?" he whined as she set more pins into his suit. "I'm gonna mess it up…" Her plans for him were a lot more detailed then he would have liked. He had to memorize a whole business plan and convince the cities wealthy men to invest in it.They would take their 'investments' and run.

"Honey…" she smirked up at him from where she knelt. "I think they'd suspect a colorful character like me." She pushed a pin into his waist band. "Where'd Allen get to?"

"Went with Ernie. Said something about wanting to see the horses."

"So he's not here?" Maddie sat back on her heels. Mana nodded. "Good." She purred. "Hold still honey…" she smiled a wickedly mischievous grin. "Gotta measure your inseam…"

"Oh God…" Mana laughed wildly as his Maddie pulled his clothes from his body.

Mana had no way to judge time; no idea how long they had made love under the trees. It had been slow and wonderful; they had all the time in the world. Maddie let his exhausted body set the pace. His watch was in his shirt pocket; he didn't know where his shirt was. It didn't matter; he was absolutely content to lie where he was on the sun warmed grass forever. Maddie was still curled around him possessively, like some elegantly patterned snake. He loved her so much it hurt. He had told her again and again between fevered kisses.

"Love you too honey… Mana, my honey." She so rarely used his name; when she did it was powerful. Mana would surrender to whatever she wanted. She kissed him once more and brushed the damp hair away from his eyes before settling her head on his bare chest. He idly played with her hair.

"It's always you." She sighed, her breath tickled against his skin. "In my mind… I think of you. I always pretend its you I'm with." Mana could swear she licked him. "It's much, much better to have you for real…" She moved to see his face; he wished he had his glasses to see hers. "That doesn't bother you, does it?"

"Whatever helps you get through the day..." He didn't really like it but he did feel oddly honored that she imagined him when she was with of her customers.

"I still can't believe this." She stated. "Us… I mean, I never thought I would end up with someone… especially someone stable and caring like you." With a sigh she settled back against his chest. "I'm so lucky."

A loud cough startled them both. Ernie, with a hand over his eyes and a ridiculous grin had returned from town. "Get descent, ya." He laughed jovially. "I keep boy from seein'… is going to tear up inside of coach if I don't let him out soon, ya." There was a furious pounding on the coach door and a muffled stream of words. "Sorry ya! Door is locked. I looking for key…" He shot them a wink and leaned against the door, effectively trapping Allen inside.

Maddie laughed and climbed out from the protective covering of Mana's coat. "I'll find your clothes honey…" She had no problem striding about the camp completely nude. Mana blushed enough for them both; still he watched her as she pulled on her clothing randomly as she found it. She brought him his. Embarrassed, he glanced to where Ernie stood. The man had politely turned his back to him. Mana dressed as quickly as possible, Maddie helping him maneuver his bad leg. "We're good." Maddie announced. "Thanks Ern."

The big man laughed again and stepped away from the door. Allen busted through the carriage door, obviously surprised that it actually opened. He fell right out and landed in a little heap on the ground, his backside comically in the air. Ignoring Ernie's deep laughter, the boy scrambled up and darted to Mana's side.

"Hey." Mana greeted the little body that had caught him in a crushing embrace. It reminded him of years ago when Allen would tackle him at the door every day when he got home from work. The thought made him smile. He had grown so much, changed so much since those first frightening days. "Did you have fun? See all the horses?"

"Yeah! There were a lot of them; it was really neat."

"Come here Allen baby." Maddie beckoned him over to her. "I need to fit you for your new clothes…" she held up a little grey suit.

"I get new clothes?!" it was always a treat to get something new.

"You sure do, baby" she pinched his nose affectionately. "You get to play with the grownups this time." The boy was near beside himself with glee. Allen usually didn't participate in the scams, just hid in the background or performed upfront in acts with the others. This would be his first time being part of one of the big cons. "Your papa is gonna be a wealthy Earl… and you get to play his page." He gave her a blank look. "It means you stay with him all the time… like a personal assistant. You stay and help him with anything he asks."

"Like a servant?" he frowned as she fitted him with a smart grey jacket.

"Sort of… but a special servant. Nick and Isabella are playing servants too, and they get their own room, so does Ernie. He's our coachman. I'm counting on you to keep Mana from screwing up. But, you do get to stay in the big room with him."

"Where are you staying?" he asked innocently.

Maddie thought for a moment. "I'll be around." She didn't want to tell him she was going to the local brothel. Mana was glad she didn't.

The next morning they went into town. Mana and Allen sat in the fine coach, both dressed in expensive clothes. Mana ran over the plans again and again in his mind while the boy sat pulling the stitches out of the coach's velvet seats. "Stop doing that…" Mana mumbled. "Gotta be on your best behavior… that means stay by me and don't say anything."

Allen pouted for the rest of the brief ride to the inn. He absently rubbed his left arm with a frown. "Hurts…" he whispered. It had been weeks since his last seizure; but as far as Mana could tell his arm still pained him continuously.

"I know, Allen, I know… bear with it. Let me know if it gets too bad, I'll give you something for it…" Allen didn't look at him. "Allen! Listen to me." he snapped. "You tell me if it get to be too much… alright. There's no reason for you to suffer…not when I can do something to make it better." Maddie had insisted Mana start keeping a little bottle of codeine tablets with him, for when his knee became unbearable. It only took half a tablet to knock the little guy out. Mana hated to do it; but he hated seeing his child in pain even more. He would sneak it into his food if he had to.

Mana was stunned when he saw the building. It was huge; a mansion that was converted into a hotel. There were four massive stories. The top held a large open veranda, a massive patio for its guest.

"Holy shit…"

A small crowd had stopped in their daily activities to watch what was obviously a very important guest. This was all part of the plan. Nick had told the hotel's owner about who was coming and that they needed to keep things quiet; under no circumstances was anyone to know about who was coming to stay. Naturally the man must have told all the servants there, and they in turn told their families, who told their friends… and so on till the whole town knew a wealthy Earl was visiting.

Ernie opened the door for him. Allen darted out first and offered his hand to help Mana down. _I can do this… I've played this part before, I can do it now._ The trick was to pretend this was all normal, even a bit annoying. It was all about confidence he thought as he adjusted his top hat to a jaunty angle.

He walked purposefully through the door and towards the front desk, forcing himself to ignore his splendor of his surroundings. _Pretend this is all boring_. Hurried little footsteps announced Allen's approach; he didn't look back. Stopping at the front desk he flashed a charming smile to what had to be the owner.

"Ah Hello Sir!" the thin man stammered. "Welcome… welcome to our humble establishment. We can't say how honored we are to have someone of your… station grace us with their presence." The man nervously fiddled with his moustache and glanced around to the set of maids and porters who had gathered to catch a glimpse of their guest. "We met your servants yesterday and already have a room prepared for you, our best room in fact; I hope it will be to your liking."

"I'm sure it will do…" Mana drawled.

The thin man gestured wildly to his employees and hurried to lead Mana to an ornately decorated folding metal door. "We just had it installed this year…" the thin man said proudly. A small compartment set in the wall sat behind the strange door. In it stood an elderly man in a uniform; his hand rested on a pull lever. "Simon, if you will…" Mana could swear the old man rolled his eyes at his boss. He pulled the door back and invited them in and closed it with a creak behind them.

Mana wouldn't admit it, but he didn't know why they were all standing in a little room. Allen hid behind him, one gloved hand discreetly clutching the back of his coat. With a lurch and a groan the compartment began to move. Startled, Mana put a hand on the wall to steady himself. As they passed the second floor, then the third, Mana couldn't hold back a delighted laugh. A lift! He was actually in a lift; he had seen the plans for one years ago, but never saw one in person. Now here he was, actually riding in one; it was just amazing.

"I'm glad our lift meets with your approval Sir." The thin man said smugly.

"Yes, most convenient…" Mana said. "And to think I was beginning to regret my choice in lodging…" He knew it was a bit mean, but the look on the thin man's face was priceless. The lift was a God send for his aching knee. Three flights of stairs would kill him, even on a good day.

"Now if there's anything you need…" the thin man leaned in and winked. "_Anything_… at all. Please don't hesitate to ask." He opened the door to Mana's suite.

Mana glanced around briefly before turning back to his host. "Since you mentioned it. I'd like to meet with the chef to discuss my dining preferences. My servants are to be treated as well as I am. They are like family to me… I'll need the best dining room; I plan on hosting a small dinner party in the next week or so. Oh I'll need a list of who's who in business and banking and… how to say this, the upper levels of society. I traveled light, so I'll need a tailor in here as soon as possible."

The thin man toyed with his moustache again. "Of course Sir… of course. I'll get started on it right away…" he turned to leave; Mana caught his sleeve and pulled him aside.

"You did say anything, right?" He said in a low voice.

"Yes Sir… we can get…" he laughed nervously and waggled his eyebrows. "Just about anything. What would you prefer, girl? Boy? A… um variety pack."

Mana laughed. "Not tonight… but I'll need some ladies to help entertain at my dinner party."

"I'll start making up those lists then." The man grinned and excused himself from the room. Mana listened to his retreating steps.

"Do you believe this place!?" Mana laughed happily as soon as the man was out of earshot. He grabbed Allen's hand and twirled the boy. Both were giggling madly as they explored the splendor that they would call home for the next few weeks. Mana shed his suit jacket and tossed it across one of the cushy chairs. "Go open those windows… we should go out on that amazing balcony thingy."

The room was amazing. It was actually a set of rooms; a large comfortable sitting room led out to the veranda. There was a master bedroom and a smaller additional bedroom. _I'm glad to have the chance to live like this… even if it's just for a little while._ He thought as he stepped out the double doors and into the fresh air. From the vantage point of the fourth floor he could see the entire village and the valley below it. Everything was green and alive in the warm summer air.

"Wow…" Allen breathed as he joined his father in leaning on the stone banister bordering the open space. "This place is amazing…"

"Yeah." Mana agreed. "Really amazing…" He glanced down at Allen just in time to catch him wince. "You hurting?"

Allen looked like he was trying to think of a lie, but Mana sent him a look that made him think better of it. The boy shut his eyes and nodded tightly.

"Come on, back inside…" He led the aching child towards the smaller bedroom. "Look, you finally get your own room." It was a nice room; a bed with pale blue sheets took up the center. There was also a bed stand with a lamp; it was an electric lamp, expensive and fine. All the furniture was a dark hardwood, polished enough to shine.

Allen flopped down on the bed, immediately sinking into the down mattress. He made a surprised noise, before groaning and curling up into a little ball. "Getting worse…" he whimpered.

"You're gonna take something." Mana joined him on the bed and searched around his pockets for his little bottle of pills. Allen didn't argue; it must be hurting him very bad. "You've been holding it back the whole day, haven't you…" Allen gave another sharp nod. "Ok…" He broke one of the little tabs in half and offered it to the child. "I know you don't like this stuff but…" Allen surprised him and snatched it from his hand before he could finish; he downed it without water. "Good boy. Just relax and let it kick in…"

Allen whimpered and shivered. "How about I draw you a bath…" Mana ruffled his hair. "You can just soak awhile…" Allen made a distressed little noise and Mana rubbed little circles on his back. "Hey now… it's alright, we're inside now. There's no one else in here; no one will see you. Just let go." He soothed. "Stop fighting and just let go…"

That was all the boy needed to hear, as if he had to have permission to finally break down. With a choked little cry he gave in to the pain. Mana could almost _see _it wash over the little figure. He seemed a bit better after that strange release. "Stay here…" Mana told him as stood. "I'm gonna go get a bath ready for you."

Mana's cane made a pleasant tapping sound as he crossed the marble floor to the bathroom. "Oh wow…" Like the rest of the suite, the bathroom was large and ornate. The tub was a gleaming porcelain basin suspended by sculpted claw feet and easily big enough for two people. Mana decided he had to get Maddie here and try it out. He pushed the thought aside and started the water running. There was a small series of shelves set back into a recessed niche in the wall; he found a variety of bath soaps and stood for a moment, frozen by indecision.

He coughed hard and painfully and turned to the sink; he wasn't surprised by the amount of blood he brought up. He frowned at it before turning the spigot and rinsing it away. It put a serious damper on his good mood. "Not yet…" he mumbled and randomly grabbed a bottle of bubble bath. Soon the bath was a mass of sweet smelling foam. Mana smiled despite himself.

He found Allen still curled on the bed where he left him. Little hands had fisted the soft comforter in an almost painful grip. "Mana…?" the boy asked softly.

"Who else would it be" he chuckled. "Bath's ready…" Allen blinked at him slowly. "Feeling better?" The medicine had taken affect. He helped the boy sit up, noting he had pulled his left arm into his shirt, hiding it from view. Mana ignored it.

Allen held his hand all the way to the bathroom door. "Mana, stay with me… ok." Mana nodded; the room had a little vanity, like the type women used for their makeup. He could sit there and still give the boy privacy. Mana sat awkwardly on the little light pink pouf and stared off into space.

"Mana?" Allen's voice seemed too small, nervous.

"Hmm?"

"Something's wrong with me…"

_Oh not this shit again…_ Mana groaned. "There's nothing wrong with you Allen." He really didn't feel like having this discussion yet again.

"No… there's something really wrong." He sounded scared and that got Mana's attention. "Come'ere…" he whined. "Please Mana, it's scary and I don't like it…"

_Please don't be something weird… please be something normal that I can handle…_ Mana didn't want to deal with anything odd.

In the enormous tub, Allen was just a little head in a sea of bubbles. "It's my arm…" he whispered tensely. "I did what you said… let go, I mean I stopped fighting it." He shifted nervously, sloshing water onto the floor. "I'm scared."

"Allen…" Mana forced his voice to be calm. The boy's eyes were dilated; the medicine was dulling his pain, but at the expense of his mind. He probably wasn't thinking clearly. Mana hated doing that to the boy. "I'm sure it's fine. Let me see…"

The boy made a desperate noise. "It's all wrong Mana…"He shut his eyes and pulled his arm from the sudsy water. "Don't freak out… please…" he begged.

Mana's stomach flipped. He swallowed hard. _I gotta sit down. Don't panic… oh God… _He numbly pulled the silly little pouf chair over to the side of the tub and lowered himself on to it. "Ok…" he breathed. _I can do this… it's Allen. It's still Allen; the same kid… _

Gingerly he touched the angry red flesh. It felt different, hardened like some ridiculously overgrown scab. "It's ok…" Mana automatically started softly muttering reassurances to the worried boy. The fingers had altered the most alarmingly. Each digit had lengthened slightly; not a lot, just enough to be noticed if examined carefully. At the third joint his fingertips were pointed; his fingernails were gone. It was unnatural; they looked sharp somehow.

Mana ran his thumb along one of the tips. He gasped with surprise when it slid easily and cleanly through his flesh. "Shit!" he swore and grabbed a wash cloth to try and staunch his heavily bleeding thumb.

"Mana!" Allen's eyes snapped open. "I hurt you!" He half rose from the bath and pulled his arm away. Mana glanced back at the boy and gave him a weak smile.

Then he noticed the blood. It was running in small rivulets from four perfectly spaced and startlingly deep puncture wounds on the boy's right shoulder. "Allen… what happened?" Immediately the boy ducked back down into the bubbles.

"Accident… I hid it in my shirt. Didn't mean to, didn't know it would be sharp… just let go…"

"It's ok." Mana tried to keep a comforting smile. He wasn't going to get upset. "Not your fault." His thumb stung but had stopped bleeding. "Wanna get out now?" Allen nodded and Mana pulled a towel from the counter.

He left the room for the boy to dry off and search out some fresh clothes. There was a stash of clean night clothes in the bedroom dresser. Mana was impressed; the hotel thought of everything. He brought a nightshirt and a pair of boxers back to the bathroom, both too big but comfortable. Allen was sitting on the floor, wrapped in his oversized towel. There was blood on it.

"Here we are." Mana handed the soft clothing to the boy. "Don't put on the shirt yet… I wanna put something over that shoulder. Can't have you getting an infection or anything."

"Can you fix it?" Allen asked hopefully. "Can you make it go back?"

"I can patch up the shoulder…" he sighed. "Best I can do for… the rest of it is wrap it up; keep you from accidentally cutting yourself again. Just hope it goes down on its own." Mana held a vague hope that it was just some kind of irritation and, like a swelling, would take care of itself.

Wrapping each finger individually, Mana gently bound the altered hand in fabric; it looked like an ill fitting mitten. He bandaged the boy up the best he could and tucked him into bed. Along the way he pulled Bear from his travel bag. Allen sleepily hugged it with a small smile. _Will they really be able to take care of him when I'm gone…? Is he gonna let them?_

Nick, Isabella and Ernie came over for dinner. There was no sign of Maddie, not that he really expected to see her there. Mana told them all what happened. Despite their concern, no one could think of anything else to do for the boy.

Mana had only slept for a couple of hours when the door to the master bedroom creaked open. He wasn't surprised as the light weight dipped the mattress. "Mana…" came a sleepy voice next to him. "M' sorry. I know I got my own room… I really like it too, but…" he rolled over to Mana's side. "Please… I'm still scared, wanna stay here…"

Automatically, Mana draped an arm over the fever warmed little body. "Its fine…" he yawned. "I don't mind." He wanted to hold on as long as he could. Maybe, if God could see just how much Allen still needed him, he could last a little longer. _I'm not scared_. He told himself. _Not for me, I'm scared for him…_


	41. Chapter 41

Thanks to all my reviewers. i messed up my count again. not two final chapters, but three. so this is part one of a three part update. that's right i've finished the story and i'm posting the last three chapters all at once. i hope you'll all review each for me. there's a lot that happens in this chapter. thank you all, i hope you'll enjoy.

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Their stay in Brice went better than they could have hoped. Mana somehow used all the right words and charmed the village's wealthiest into investing into his steel mill in America. _Figures_, he thought with a grim laugh,_ just when I'm starting to get good at this… I'm gonna die. _

It had taken nearly a month to lay the ground work for their con. Mana held multiple dinner parties, hired girls to come and entertain, sent out gifts, all at the hotel's expense of course, and generally make friends of all the important people. He made sure to include the hotel's owner. The thin man never asked about payment, just assumed that he would be paid at the end of the Earl's stay. Everywhere Mana went he was treated to free service; everyone crawling all over themselves to try and get in the good graces of the wealthy man.

Maddie built up a steady stream of funding on her own, just in case real money was needed to keep the con going. Mana had the thin man send for her during the first week, asking for something exotic to keep him company. She arrived along with a young Asian girl. "Didn't know what kind of 'exotic' you'd prefer…" the thin man explained when he brought them up to the room.

Maddie had sent him a desperate look; the Asian girl was painfully young, hardly older than Allen. Mana assured the man that both were just fine and took them quickly into the suite. The girl was crying, shaking and terrified as she sat on the edge of a chair. Maddie sat and put her arms around her. "It's ok sugar… you couldn't be luckier. This is the best thing, I promise. No one's gonna touch you here."

"Maddie, what's going on?" he had asked as he sat in a chair across from them.

"We're keeping her." She pet the girl's long black hair. "Don't know how she got there… don't care, I can't let her stay."

Mana was surprised to say the least, but Maddie explained the whole situation that night. "She hardly knows any English. She can't stay there… too young. I've been lookin out for her; I've been taking all the customers they send to her…" She had looked at him and he could deny her nothing. "She's still _pure _Mana…"

He kept her in his suite when Maddie went back to work. Mana had a nice set of jewelry sent to the brothel in exchange for having the girl exclusively. The way she cried when he led her to the smaller of the two bedrooms would haunt him. He knew exactly what she was thinking and why she was so scared. It made him nauseous.

"Here Allen, this girl has come to keep you company… be nice to her." Mana had laughed hard at her stunned look when Allen cheerfully grabbed her hand and pulled her over to sit with him. The boy told her not to cry, that they were going to have a lot of fun; he hugged her till she calmed.

Allen played with his new friend everyday of her stay; he thought she was pretty. Mana even caught him putting a shy kiss on her cheek. She had smiled back. It was clear that he liked her and that he didn't understand why, or what to do about it. He spent a lot of time looking confused and flustered. Allen taught her names; she called him 'Ah-ren' and he started calling her Jane. Soon, for lack of a better name, they all were calling her that.

Sweet Jane stayed with them for nearly two weeks. One afternoon Ernie came in with a flyer he found in the town square. "This our Jane ya…" He handed the paper to Mana. Sure enough, there was a drawing of a girl who closely matched her appearance. Just over the border, in the nearest city was a foreign embassy. She had gone missing from there just over three weeks ago. Her family, whose name Mana couldn't begin to pronounce, was offering a reward for her safe return.

When he showed the girl the flyer she was ecstatic. Grabbing it from his hands she pointed at the name then to herself and from the image to her face. She was talking fast and excited leaving everyone clueless as to what she was saying. Allen frowned, but Jane grabbed him and did an impromptu dance around the grand room, her long black hair shining as she moved.

She left with Ernie to go home that same evening. Allen nearly cried; Jane silenced him with a full kiss on his lips before climbing into the fine coach. He turned bright red. Mana stood with him as he watched her disappear into the twilight.

"Stupid girls…" he mumbled. With Jane gone, he returned his focus to annoying Mana as much as possible and stealing anything that wasn't nailed down.

It had come out that Allen was the son of the Earl pretty early into their stay. He just couldn't play another role for very long. It was the source of endless gossip among the staff of the hotel, then among their families and finally among the rest of the village. It was commonly agreed that the boy was an illegitimate child born out of wedlock.

Still, it gave the child a great deal of freedom around the building and he took every advantage of it. One day he found the boy playing cards with the porters in the kitchen. He was loosing badly and the porters had no problem with taking money from a child. Mana had grabbed him by the back of his collar and dragged him to the lift and back to the room.

"What do you think you're doing?!"

"I'm winning."

"Are you now?" Mana smirked. "Cause from where I was standing it looked a lot like loosing." He was peeved; it was a good sum of much needed cash.

"No. I'm winning." Allen insisted. "Today was the set up… I let them win, they win a _lot_ of money… cause I'm a dumb kid who doesn't know anything about money or cards." He put on a decidedly childish inflection on his words. "Ten? Is that a lot? I only got these cards…" He started laughing. "Tomorrow, they'll bet more money… cause I'm just a dumb kid and an easy mark." He flopped over the arm of an overstuffed chair and lounged like a cat. "I got it all planned… I'll lose a little at first; make them think it's a good idea to up their bets. Then, I'll win once; they'll think it was luck. I'll lose the next one. Then I'll keep winning, little by little and slow so they won't think much of it. I'll get it all back and more."

Mana was genuinely impressed. He sounded so sure of himself. "Where do you come up with this stuff… how are you sure you'll win?"

"Watched Nick; I figured it out on my own though. I'll cheat." He kicked his feet absently. "Hey." He sat up and tugged his left glove off with his teeth. "Look my nails grew back…"

His hand had started returning to normal a few days after its strange transformation. They kept it bound for a week just in case. Now it was tender but back to its original size and safely concealed in his regular gloves. "Yeah." Mana agreed. "Didn't I tell you it would take care of itself… has it started hurting yet?"

Allen sighed and started to pull bits of fuzz off the upholstery. "Yes."

Mana didn't see the boy for a day or so. _He's probably sulking… I know he's around here somewhere. _More money appeared on Mana's dresser everyday; Allen was working his way through all the employees he could find. No one said anything, afraid to upset the Earl by berating the boy.

Finally, Mana had collected all the money from his investors and gave them their phony stock certificates. As far as they would ever know, the steel mill Mana professed to have would go bankrupt. They would never know they were conned, just a bad investment; that was Mana's idea. He felt bad for them. Maddie wanted to just take the money and run.

The morning before they left, Mana sat on the veranda and tried to enjoy the day. He sipped at his lukewarm tea. He had been so busy that he hadn't really have time to relax and think. _This has been really… nice. I'm glad to have lived like this just once. I'm so tired… _Having time to think was a mixed blessing at best. His mind would always wander back to the inevitable.

He turned at the sound of the door opening and closing quickly and the rapid patter of small feet. "Allen?" he asked. "That you?"

Allen looked at him and turned bright red before dashing to his room. _What the…_ He didn't feel up to making the walk across the suite to find the boy. He would just have to ask him later.

Maddie came in a few hours later. She pulled one of the elegant outdoor chairs over to him. "Hi honey. Allen get back yet?"

"Just a little while ago, why?"

"No reason…" she said flippantly. They talked about where they were going next, the weather and all those other little comfortable things that married people do. Mana took a deep sip of his tea, before he could swallow Maddie spoke again. "Oh, I kissed Allen today."

With a choke and sputter, Mana lost his drink. Gasping he glared at her. "You what?!"

"Kissed him." She didn't seem the least bit upset.

"WHY?" Mana half shouted. "What on earth would make you do that?! Do you even know what he's been through?! Or how this is gonna affect him?"

"See…" she folded her arms over her chest. "This is why I almost didn't tell you. I knew you'd act like this…"

"Well how do you expect me to act?!"

"Civilized, for a start."

Mana was speechless. Why would she do that?! What could have possibly made her think that was ok?

"Listen honey." Maddie said coolly. "It was purely innocent… God he's like what? Twelve years old… He was curious." She smiled "He's starting to notice girls you know."

Maddie stretched and took his tea from him and took a long drink. "He saw me with a client today. Surprised the hell out of both of us. He waited outside the door for me. Wanted to know what we were doing… it was really kinda cute." Mana's stomach rolled a bit. "He asked me a few questions… stuff he had mostly figured out but wanted to double check. If it hurt…that was the big one; does it hurt."

Maddie sighed and handed him back his drink. "Honey… you have one screwed up boy. Some of the things he asked… no child should know that much." she shook her head.

"Do you even know what happened to him?" Mana snapped at her.

"You think I don't understand!" she snapped right back. "I know what he went through; I understand a hell of a lot better than you ever will! The fear, the pain, the _shame_ of it; I know it personally… He told me." She said softly. "He just sat there in the hallway and told me everything… 'monsters' he called them. He was gang… did you know that?"

Mana shook his head. "I knew that it was bad but, not like that… never really talked about it."

"Yeah… he wanted to know some things, but didn't want to ask you; he was too embarrassed. Mostly innocent stuff, kissing and girls and such. He said that he kissed you once, a real kiss, and you pushed him away… I know you and can guess why you did and had to explain that." Maddie smiled. "He was so worried about it; he knew he did something wrong and wanted to know what a real kiss was like. I offered, he accepted. I just let him do a little exploring." Mana stared at her with disbelief, his mouth hanging open. "I made it very clear that I wouldn't do anything without asking permission and we would stop the moment he asked. Before it got too weird."

"Holy crap Maddie…" he moaned.

"Honey, there was _no_ lust there, just curiosity. It was the most sweetly innocent kiss… adorably shy and unsure." she absently touched her mouth as if remembering. "Vanilla and cinnamon… very unique."

"No wonder he was avoiding me when he came in." he suddenly laughed at the absurdity of it. "He was kissing my girl!"

Maddie chuckled with him. "Glad you understand. Can't believe I ended up giving our son the 'talk'; that's supposed to be your job…"

Mana sat up in his chair. "Maddie… you know what you just said?" She paused and thought, her eyes lighting up with realization. "You said _our_ son."

"Oh! I did, didn't I?" she scooted her chair closer. "I guess he kinda is my boy too now." She fiddled with the ring on her finger and laced her fingers with his. "I doubt he'll ever call me mom or anything, but still… I love the little guy." She looked him in the eyes; Mana would be happy to drown in them. "I'm so glad you found him when you did. You saved him; saved him from becoming… becoming something like me. Saved him from living a life like mine; I see a lot of myself in him. He adores you, Mana. You're his whole world."

_God. I should tell her… this isn't right. She deserves to know. She'll take care of Allen… am I really his whole world?_ Mana took a deep breath. "Maddie, I …" He didn't get to finish as a horrid coughing fit came over him.

His wife was instantly out her chair and patting his back. He quickly pressed a handkerchief to his lips, hoping to catch any blood before she could see.

"God, honey…" Maddie rubbed his back gently as his breathing returned to normal. "Are you ok?" he nodded and tried to hide the evidence of his illness. She caught him and with one strong hand pried his finger open. "You need a doctor… this can't be good."

"I already saw one." He replied lamely. She looked at him expectantly. "Can't do much for it… just has to run its course." That sounded good; she didn't need to know what was at the end of the course. He had completely lost his nerve, terrified that he had almost told her.

He had the grim notion that it would be impossible to hold his secret for much longer; he wouldn't even have to say anything, everyone would figure it out on their own.

By December several months later, it was obvious that Mana was ill. There was no way to hide it anymore and he didn't try. He couldn't stop losing weight on, his bones seemed far too prominent and dark circles decorated his eyes; he was slowly wasting away. He was so very tired. He just needed to hold on a little longer; Isabella was about eight months along and very worried. Mana wanted to see her baby; he wanted to see Allen's birthday. Just a bit longer.

On their way back to Linden, to Ernie's home, Mana mailed a letter. Nick had pulled him aside and asked if the doctor who had treated his knee knew anything about pregnancy. Mana was sure he did; the man knew about so many other things. In his concern for Isabella, he wrote to the best doctor he knew. He asked the good Dr. Cohen to come to meet them there and see to the woman.

It snowed nearly all the time after they arrived. Mana found a warm space in the living room to wait out the days while everyone buzzed about getting the house fixed up for the holidays. He really appreciated not being fussed over; Allen was doing that enough.

The boy knew Mana was sick, but not just how badly. No one would tell him; Mana made that clear to the other adults. He wasn't to know.

"Allen," Mana called the boy over to the sofa where he sat. "Come read to me, I can't really help out and Nick tells me you're getting underfoot… so come sit with me." Allen read to him from the day's paper. He didn't really listen; there was something about the war in Austria, but it was far away. He was more focused on memorizing the moment; the warmth of the blanket wrapped around his shoulders, the soothing sound of Allen's voice, and the patches of sun light streaming through the window. _I'm going to miss this… just a few more weeks, please… then I can go… I want to go; I want to sleep, I'm so tired._

When Dr. Cohen arrived a few days later Mana was overjoyed; he gotten the letter. If there was anyone who could help, he could. "Mana!" the old man greeted him like a son. "It's so good to see you again." The look in the man's eyes told him that just by looking he knew Mana was dying; he didn't mention it. "And Allen! You've grown!"

"How's Rivka doc?"

The man smiled warmly. "She's well and sends her love. We changed the upstairs into a clinic. The neighborhood really needed one. Rivka is a truly capable nurse. She wanted to come so badly, but there's been a bit of an outbreak of Spanish flu. We've set up a quarantine and I'm fairly sure we have it under control… besides; who needs a doctor when her cooking can raise the dead." He laughed; it was so pleasantly familiar.

It was nice having the man around. Besides his careful monitoring of Isabella, he checked on Mana as well. There wasn't much he could do, just little things to make him comfortable. Everything hurt, but it felt distant, like it was happening to someone else. Days blurred into each other and he was scared.

Despite his protests, both Maddie and Allen slept in his bed with him. He didn't want to admit it, but it was so comforting lying there with them. Maddie still touched him; still made love to him, still told him how handsome he was and how much she loved him no matter what happened.

"You don't have long, do you?" Maddie asked him one night after she had managed to get him alone.

"I'm holding on as hard as I can…" He sighed. "I really am… I love you."

"Love you too." She kissed him and tried to be accepting. "You don't have to do this… I know you're hurting. You can go… you don't have to keep hanging on for me." Those words meant so much to him. She shuddered and made a chocked cry. "I'm gonna miss you!" she sunk down and cried into his shirt, full body sobs. Mana had never seen her like that; it hurt. "I keep thinking if I can just hold you tight enough you won't leave me!"

"I don't wanna leave, Maddie. I'm not doing this by choice…" he wrapped his thinning arms around her.

"Did you know before you gave me your ring?"

"Would it have made a difference?"

She shook a bit. "No… even if I knew, I'd still have said yes. I'll always say yes to you. Even if it's only for such a short time, I'm happy. I don't have any regrets."

Mana did; he felt like he was abandoning them all. But he was so tired… "Maddie… would you find me a priest? Not right now… but soon." She nodded and kissed him again. "Good. Stay with me till I fall asleep…" As far as he knew she did stay, but when he woke an indeterminate amount of hours later, she had gone.

There was a ruckus outside his room. Feeling a bit rested, Mana decided to go see what was happening. He pulled his blanket around him, grabbed his cane and hobbled to the door. Leaning against the frame he watched Maddie and Lucy rushing to gather clean linens and boiling water. From the room beside his he heard a terrible shriek, high and pained. Nick stumbled out into the hall, blood on his hands. _Oh God…_

"Isabella fell." Mana started at the voice. Allen had been stationed by his door and he had failed to notice the boy. He looked pale, but calm. A little hand snaked its way to Mana's own and he gave the soft tree bark textured digits a reassuring squeeze. "She's having her baby early." He smiled weakly at Mana. "It's a good day for a birthday."

From the room he could hear Lucy swearing at the top of her lungs, nearly covering Isabella's pained cries. Nick had dropped to the floor while Ernie brought chairs to the hall. He also brought rum. The men sat in silence, all trying to ignore the sounds from the room and the occasional rush of one of the women to fetch something or other to help the doctor. Mana checked his pocket watch constantly as the hours dragged past. Allen held his arm in a death grip.

A sharp keening sound made Mana's blood run cold. For a moment there was only silence; then, the high and healthy shrieks of the newly born. Maddie appeared at the door only moments later, a tired smile decorating her colorful face. In her arms was a mass of bloodied towels in which an equally bloody infant was nestled. It was screaming its little lungs out.

"Nick…" she smiled. "Come meet your daughter."

The man stumbled from his seat. Reverently, he took the little bundle. Mana watched him count the tiny little fingers and wipe her little face. "Hello there." He whispered. "I'm your papa…" He looked up at Maddie. "And my wife?" he asked softly. "Maddie, is Isabella ok?"

They knew something was wrong when she didn't answer immediately. "Abe is working on her… kept the baby warm; she's here way too early." She turned on her heel and rushed back into the room.

Nick was obviously torn; the joy of his first child and the fear for his wife. "She's so small…" he marveled as he sank back into his chair. "I'm so glad you're here…" he told his daughter. "We've been waiting for you for years."

Dr. Cohen came out to the hall next. He was covered in gore. "She's still with us." He said calmly. Mana was always impressed by his professional attitude. "But… she's lost far too much blood… I've managed to stop it, but it may be too late."

"No." Nick whispered. "No…"

"I might yet be able to do something, but I need to discuss it with you first." No one spoke and the doctor continued. "There have been a number of articles in recent journals of medicine about transfusions. Battlefield doctors developed it and have been using it to treat wounded men who have lost too much blood. Basically you take blood from a donor and 'transfuse' it to the wounded party."

"We'll do that then!" Nick exclaimed desperately. "You can have mine; I'm sure I don't need it all… take as much as you need."

The doctor smiled sadly. "It seems fairly straightforward, but it's not that simple. There are cases where the blood doesn't take. There hasn't been enough research to explain why, but I have a bit of a theory." He paused, as if trying to find the best way to explain it. "Blood is a composite of different particles and, though similar, these particles are of different 'types'. They are individual to the person, but it seems there is a limited number of these 'types'. The body will reject a 'type' that differs from its own."

"How do you know what 'type' we need?" Nick said with a note of panic in his voice.

"We test. I've noticed that when exposed to a particular enzyme, blood will separate into its baser parts. Different samples have reacted in different ways; I believe it's because of the 'type' of the blood. So we sample Isabella's blood and anyone else's who is willing to donate and see which reacts in the same manner. I worried about her bleeding out from the start and I brought everything I think we'll need to do this…"

Everyone agreed and soon Dr Cohen had a collection of samples from everyone, save Mana for illness and Allen for age. They tensely waited for the learned man to announce the results. It didn't take long. "No match." He said solemnly. That was it, there was nothing more to do.

Isabella looked paler by the minute. Everyone gathered in her room to wait out the inevitable. Delirious, she kept asking for her baby. "She's here." Nick held the infant so she could see. With a shaking hand she touched it and smiled.

"My baby…" she breathed. "I finally have my baby… may I name her?"

Nick choked. "Of course you can… any name you want my love."

"Zedenka… after my grandmother." Everyone agreed it was a lovely name. Nick cried over her and clutched the infant. They all looked away, leaving the man with his grief.

"Stop it!" Allen yelled as he jumped up from his seat. "You're all acting like she's dying or something… she's not gonna!" He stormed to the doctor and thrust out his arm. "You didn't test me."

"Allen…" Mana hissed. "Don't…"

"No!" he said fiercely. "You test me now! Baby Zee needs a momma…" Allen looked to the pale woman. "Don't worry. You're gonna be ok…"

Dr. Cohen glanced to Mana, asking for permission. He nodded. It was such a vague hope; Mana couldn't really think of a reason for him not to be tested. At least it would stop them from asking 'what if' later.

One quick pinprick later, the doctor sat and watched the reaction of blood to enzyme and compared it to Isabella's. He clapped a weathered hand over his mouth and laughed gently. "I can't believe this… he matches." Allen beamed triumphantly. "He's too young… I can't in good conscious…"

"Do it!" Allen commanded. "I'm sure I have enough, I've bled a lot before and been just fine… you know that." He added softly. "Please… I don't want her to die… not when I can help."

"Miss Lucy, fetch my big bag. Madeline, get the boy comfortable." The old man moved surprisingly fast for his age and started preparing.

"Mana… hold my hand." Allen squeaked, suddenly scared by what he agreed to.

He took the boy's hand and let him crawl into the chair with him. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked. He wouldn't blame him if he backed out; he's still so young.

Allen laughed nervously. "No… but I'm gonna do it anyways. Oh crap, that's a big needle!" He whimpered, but didn't cry, as the doctor pushed the large needle into a vein in the crook of his arm. Thick healthy red moved quickly through the rubber tubing and into a special little collection bag on the floor. When one had filled the doctor attached a new one.

Allen went frighteningly pale and muttered about being cold. Mana pulled his blanket over him and let the little body lean against him. "Good boy, Allen…" he soothed as Dr. Cohen slid the needle out and bandaged the little wound. "I'm so proud of you." Allen snuggled into him, borrowing his body heat and mumbling something too soft for him to hear. _God, I'm sorry I won't be here for you…_

He watched the doctor set a new needle in Isabella's arm and attach the first little baggie. Ernie held it above her bed; gravity aiding to feed the life giving liquid into her body. It seemed to take an eternity, but a faint wisp of color returned back to her face.

"She will live." Abraham Cohen proclaimed with a confident smile. The room breathed a collective sigh of relief. She would be weak for some time and her baby was premature, but they both lived through the night.


	42. Chapter 42

Here it is. Mana's death. part two of this three part update. i thought i should just warn you all that this it the big chapter. it had been in my head for so long so it didn't take terribly long to write; i only hope i've done it justice. i put a little twist in; i hope you'll like it.

* * *

_This is my last day…_ Mana thought as he awoke that morning. He wasn't particularly upset about it; he was too tired to be. He had felt increasingly strange the night before; he was slowly shutting down even though his mind was still working perfectly. He had stopped eating, though he had tried to force it at first, and nearly stopped drinking, though he still forced it down. He didn't feel hungry or very thirsty; he mostly drank to keep his mouth and throat from drying uncomfortably.

It surprised him that he could still sleep. Baby Zee had proven herself to have an inexhaustible amount of lung power; in the first twelve days of her life, she cried continuously. Mana was happy to hear her despite the annoyance of it. She was alive. It seemed strangely fitting that just as he was preparing to leave the world that she had come into it. It was oddly beautiful.

"Maddie…" he nudged her sleeping figure. She mumbled sleepily and woke. "I need a big favor…"

"Mmm… anything honey…" she put a lazy kiss on his chin.

"Find me a priest today."

The woman was instantly awake and sitting bold upright in the bed. "What? Now? So soon already…"

"No hurry… I kinda feel like I have all the time in the world. Funny huh?" he laid his head back down on the soft pillow and let his eyes slide shut. It was pleasantly warm… and he slid back into a peaceful sleep.

"Mana…" Allen said brightly. "Wake up, I got you some soup!" He was already climbing onto the bed. "How are you feeling today?" he asked as he set the bowl on his lap and stirred the soup a bit.

"I'm fine… that smells good." The boy still believed he was going to get better; Mana couldn't bear to tell him, but he still wanted to say a proper goodbye. "I'm so proud of you, you know that right?" He ruffled the boy's hair. "So proud. You really changed my life… I'm so glad to have met you. You were so small, but you were already stronger than me, you still are. You kept going; no matter what life throws at you. You have to keep walking; you have to keep moving forward… no matter what happens."

Allen looked at him funny for a moment and laughed. "You're weird Mana."

"Yeah, I guess I am." Mana reached over to the nightstand. "I have something for you. It's an early birthday present…" he took Allen's hand and dropped his beloved pocket watch in his palm. "I want you to have this."

Allen stared at him with wide eyes. "For real? I can have it?" He ran his thumb over the golden embossed gears. "But, you love this watch…"

"Yeah, but I love you more…" he chuckled to lighten the mood. "Besides, it already has you name on it."

For the first time Allen looked at him hard, studying his face. He knew then that something was horribly wrong. "Mana… father… what's going on?"

"Nothings wrong." He lied with a smile. "I just couldn't wait for your birthday." Allen frowned, but he nodded, forcing himself to believe him.

He made Mana take in some of the soup. Mana made his best effort to eat it, but the thick broth just turned his stomach. The boy talked ceaselessly, just little trivial things and his plans for the next day. Mana hated to think how he was going to upset those plans by his approaching absence.

As Allen left to put away his bowl, Mana watched him fondly. "Love you…" he said. Allen stopped by the door, turned and flashed him his true smile.

He laughed, high and bright. "You're so weird. Love you too papa!" Mana relaxed down into his pillows. That moment had been perfect; with that happy laugh and genuine smile was the perfect image of his boy, one that he would keep with him at the end.

Mana had drifted off to sleep again, but Maddie woke him. He hated sleeping so much; he wanted to be awake as much as he could today. There would be plenty of time for sleep later. "Honey… I found one." He blinked in confusion. "A priest…" she paused and raised an eyebrow. "He's a bit… odd. But it's the best I could do."

She helped him sit up in the bed and fluffed the pillows behind him. A man in black stood leaning against the door frame, arms crossed over his chest and an irritated look on his face. "Where did you find this guy?" Mana whispered.

"Work."

"A priest? At work?" He glanced over and watched the man adjust his wide brim hat. He had annoyingly red hair. Mana instantly disliked him.

"You'd be surprised how many clergy we see." She put a sweet peck on his cheek and headed to the door. The man made no effort to hide his stare at her backside. He gave a low appreciative whistle and shook his head.

"Are you really a priest?" Mana asked with a note of sarcasm.

"Closest you're gonna get…" his heavy boots thudded ominously as he crossed the room and sat in a near by chair. Up close, Mana could see half his face obscured in a mask. It struck him as over dramatic.

"What's with the mask?"

"Not very polite are you…" He said gruffly. "Old war injury." He shifted in his seat. "So… the lovely lady said you're croaking and needed a confession or something. Well, I don't have a lot of time…" he gave Mana an appraising look. "And neither do you from the looks of it; so let's get this started…"

"How did she get you to come over?" Mana asked, more to irritate the man than anything else. There was something he really didn't like about him.

"Ha… a fine shapely woman approaches you in a hotel that rents by the hour, insists that you come back to her place… says something about needing to give a confession. What would you do?" he sneered a bit.

"That's my wife you know…"

"Really? Nice job…" The man growled a bit. "Look, this isn't how I was planning on spending my day… so; feel free to start any time."

Awkwardly, Mana starting talking; he told the odd man all the little sins, the lies and theft first. The man nodded, but probably wasn't really listening. "I also killed a man."

That got his attention. "Really? You? You killed a guy?" he laughed; a very amused and un-priestly sound. He leaned on the nightstand and rested his chin on his palm. "Tell me more, I gotta hear this…"

"Glad you think its funny." He answered bitterly. "He did something unspeakable to my kid…"

"Shit, and you killed him." He laughed. "I may have had you all wrong…"

"Isn't murder bad?"

"Yeah technically… but if the guy needed killing, then it can't be helped." Mana was convinced then that the man was nuts.

"What church do you belong to again?" Mana asked.

"The Black Order."

"And you're really a priest?"

"Technically." He yawned with boredom. "The Order is a bit more… specialized than the regular clergy."

_Black Order…_ Mana thought. _Why does that sound so familiar… I know I've heard that somewhere before._

"Other priests… preach, we mostly save the damned… exorcise demons, the fun stuff. Mind if I smoke?" it wasn't a question; he had already lit the thin cigarette and inhaled deeply.

_Black Order… damn it I know I've heard it before or read it or… oh my God._ Mana realized with horror. _The letters, the letters from the bishop… the ones Chuck gave to me. They were addressed to the Black Order. This guy is one of them._

"Did you know a Bishop Williams, by chance?" He had to make sure.

The man made a thoughtful sound. "I know a lot of people… Was he at Our Lady?" Mana nodded. "Right. He died a while ago. Nice guy; he did good work."

Mana felt a cold thrill rush through his veins. He was one of them; the people who wanted to take Allen from him. Now he was dying; he wouldn't be in the way for much longer. "Stay the hell away from my kid." He said venomously. "You're one of them… the Black Order. I already told them and I'll tell you now! You can't have him…"

"Whoa… what?" the man's visible eyebrow rose and he casually draped his arm over the back of the chair. "Look, I don't do kids…" He laughed wickedly and made it into a joke. "And I'll do just about anyone, hell even you might have been worth it if you weren't in the last gasp of the consumption. You were probably real attractive when you were healthy. Add in that treat of a wife you've got, she strikes me as the adventurous type; we could have had some real fun." His face went deadly serious. "But I draw the line at brats. I hate their little guts."

Mana flushed a bit with embarrassment. He had never been called attractive by another man. It was weird. He_ really_ didn't like this man. He was so arrogant. "Williams wanted to take my kid; he tried to have me killed. Just what is this damn Black Order, huh? What do you people do that's so important that you'll kidnap children?"

There was a heavy thud as the man slammed his foot down on the wooden floor. He leaned close to Mana. "We hunt and kill Akuma… demons. Miserable creatures that are brought back from the dead by their grief stricken loved ones and only know how to kill." He sat back; his face was hard.

"Akuma…" even the word itself was frightening; Mana shivered. "Told me to keep Allen away from places where people are grieving…"

The man looked interested. "Yeah Akuma, we kill them… exorcise them and set their trapped souls free. Your kid? Did he ever have weird reactions, stuff you couldn't explain?"

He wouldn't answer. There was no way Mana would give him any more information. "Stay away from my family."

"He did huh…" The man in black was more talking to himself that to Mana. "If Williams was interested in him then he must have been compatible or something. Wouldn't be surprised, with the way everything's been reacting… you're compatible; sometimes it runs in families."

"I don't understand a word you're saying…" Mana told him. "I don't care."

"How did it feel when you killed that man?"

"What?!" the question came at him completely unexpected.

"How did it feel?"

"That has nothing to do with anything!"

"I'm a priest." The man smiled. "You can tell me… I know you felt something; you wouldn't be hesitating if you didn't. How did it feel to kill that man?"

"I didn't feel anything."

"Lying is a sin… what did you feel?"

"I liked it!" Mana snapped at him. He coughed hard from the outburst. The man gave him a tissue to catch the blood. "You bastard. I felt cold… and _I enjoyed it_. I played with him, tortured him before I did it. I enjoyed every minute." He sighed. "I threw up when I got home; I hate myself for it."

The man stared at him, examining, judging him. He grabbed Mana's chin and turned his head from side to side, looking from every angle. He brushed Mana's hair from his face and ran his finger tips across his forehead. Something about the gesture scared him.

"Just had to check… you never know. Either way it doesn't matter now; you'll be dead before morning." He crossed his arms over his chest. "You had a good reason and you're truly sorry… God will forgive you. I've heard your confession… know that your sins have been forgiven and may you join God in his Kingdom peacefully."

"Thank you."

"They love you a lot, your family… I'll stick around, just in case one of them decides to do something stupid." The man stubbed out his smoke on the nightstand and walked confidently from the room, leaving Mana alone and suddenly afraid.

"God, I don't want to die… please. I need to protect Allen." The man from the Black Order scared him, reawakened old fears. "I promised I'd keep him safe. How can I do that if I'm dead?" He knew there was no point in begging; his body was already shutting down.

All his friends came by and visited him one at a time. They knew this was the end and said their goodbyes. Ernie came with Lucy and told him how wonderful it was to meet him and that Ernie would keep letting Allen win their eating contests. He chuckled at that; the man couldn't win if he wanted to. Nick talked with him about all the stupid stunts they pulled while they were in college and how much fun it had been. Isabella brought Baby Zee with her. She handed her to him; the tiny infant was so light. She was beautiful. Mana wondered if she would look like her mother when she grew up. "I'm sorry." He told the gurgling babe. "I'm sorry I won't see you grow up… Allen will be a good big brother to you." He handed her back. "Isabella, I'm sorry too. I didn't want to leave like this…"

"It's alright. We all love you; we're going to miss you so badly." She bounced Baby Zee who had started to fuss. "I don't want you to worry. Allen will be well taken care of. Between Maddie and me, he'll want for nothing. We'll protect him and love him like… like we already do." He needed to hear those words of comfort. They would keep him safe; no matter what, Allen will be taken care of.

Maddie came in last and crawled into bed with him. She offered sex, but Mana's body was far past that point. Instead he spent a wonderful hour wrapped in her colorful arms and nuzzling her sweet flesh. "I'll always be yours Mana, my honey. There will never be another for me. Thank you my love, for showing me I could love and for loving me back." There were no more words; none were needed.

Mana had already decided that he wanted to be alone when he died. He didn't like the idea of anyone watching him go. He watched the sun set below the snow covered landscape through his window. It cast a multicolored gloss over the white world outside; it was so beautiful.

His body hurt badly; it was far too warm. He knew he had a fever and took a couple of the codeine tablets to take the edge off. Mana wanted to fully experience his last moments and didn't want the distraction of pain. He stared at the ceiling and waited. _How long will it take?_ He had one last coughing fit. The copious amount of blood he brought up was dark, dead blood.

He wasn't sure if he was expecting anything special to happen. He waited and thought about all the fun he'd had with his son. _I want to be there for him…_

His world was shrinking as he retreated into his body. It was like a shell and he was just the hermit crab inside it. Like he could cast the heavy thing off at any moment and feel the cool air around him. Every bit of what made him Mana Walker was being compressed into something small, bright and precious. He felt hollow, warm and disconnected_. Is this it?_ He wondered dimly; thinking seemed strenuous and unnecessary.

When he lost his sense of sight, he was only mildly surprised; he didn't need it after all. He was scarcely breathing, just shallow little gasps as his body tried to keep functioning. He wasn't afraid; it felt like it was happening to someone else and he was just there to watch.

The sounds of the house, Baby Zee's cries, all seemed to be moving far away. What little hearing he possessed was slowly being filtered out, replaced by the rush of blood in his ears. _I can still feel…_ It was as if he could feel every thread of his clothes and the bedding; he couldn't tell if it was actually his body. There was a strange awareness without comprehension.

He was barely connected to the weak body in the bed; only the thinnest of threads held him. _God… please be there. Let there be something more out there; please be real God._ The thread stretched quickly but long enough for a lifetime. It dawned on him that it was all that was holding him from death. Some part of him was scared and he desperately grasped at it, trying to hold on to those final scraps of sensation. Inevitably, it slipped from his failing grasp and he fell, the bright spot that was him winked out with barely a sigh.

Mana Walker, aged forty-two, beloved father and treasured husband died quietly in his bed.


	43. Chapter 43

"_MANA!_"

The call of his name ringing out in the still night air brought Mana slamming back into existence.

It was pain, unbearable, unspeakable agony. It tore through him, burning and shredding his very soul. He was a soul and nothing more; suddenly separated from where it belonged and pushed, forced mercilessly into an unholy mechanical shell. _I don't have a body! God, no body… What's happening to me?!_ He was terrified and the fear vied for space in his mind with the pain; both pushing him closer and closer to madness.

There was an overwhelming sense of confinement. The thing that bound him was cold, metal and unnatural. In place of bones there was only a crude and malformed mockery of a skeleton. It was so cold it burned. He was trapped within it; it creaked and groaned as he moved. _Let me go… please it hurts so much. Let me go! _No matter how he struggled, he couldn't escape. There was no escape.

It was Hell; he had been torn from something wonderful and beautiful and sent to Hell. What did he do wrong?_ Why? I don't understand… it hurts. God make it stop, please make it stop! _He couldn't remember exactly where he had been before this; just that it had been good. But it was gone and now there was only the pain. _Please! Make it stop!_

With eyes that weren't really there he saw who was responsible; who turned him into this… abomination, this crime against God and nature. How could he? Rage rolled over him in a hot wave, killing him, drowning him, forcing him over the edge.

"Allen…?" he choked with a voice box that wasn't there. "How dare you… turn me into an Akuma…?" he hissed. That was what he was, an Akuma. Allen had damned him, stole him from the light and forced him into blackness. Allen stole him from God's warm embrace; he _hated_ him for it.

His pain obliterated all reason, all thought. In his agony and anger he lashed out, pleased when he felt flesh part and bathe his arm in a warm bath of gore. _Yes…_

"Mana… you came back. I missed you." Allen's small voice cut through the pain; it briefly brought him back to himself. The boy smiled despite his ruined face; his eye was gone, just a bloody socket, bone glinted sickly white where Mana had sliced clean through, shredded muscle from his cheek hung loose like grotesque ribbons. His remaining eye was dead and his smile was empty. He knew he had done something wrong, something very bad. He stumbled back weakly, but he still smiled and reached for the monster. "Mana…" he would accept anything Mana would do to him.

"Allen!" he screamed; it hurt so much. "How could you do this!?" He had no skin, no body; his soul was violently stripped bare and exposed to the elements. The very air burned and all he felt was white hot hatred. _How could he do this me?! Insufferable little monster, he did this to me!_ "I curse you!"

The boy was sprawled in the snow, turning the white snow red as he bled out. His injuries were rapidly sending him into shock. "I curse you, Allen Walker!" His child trembled and tilted back his head; he exposed his pale throat, inviting him to strike. Mana should kill him for doing this… _no, Allen why?_

The boy's bloodless lips mouthed a barely audible "please kill me Mana, I miss you. I messed up. Father, let me come with you… kill me."

"Yes…" a cheerful voice spoke from behind him. It resonated through Mana's being, rattling his soul. "Kill the boy, take his skin and wear it. Kill him now." It commanded him and controlled him; compelling him to move. _Yes…_ he needed skin, a body. His form was incomplete; he needed to take the missing pieces. That would ease his agony. The deep voice was laughing brightly. "Kill him."

It wasn't right. And he knew it. _No…_ Mana fought it, pushing back the weight of the command. He had been back long enough now; some of the initial shock of his abrupt return had worn off. His mind was slowly clearing and he could think a bit through the pain.

He had to regain control; his soul was his own and not someone else's to control. Though he felt the desire to obey it and end his suffering so strongly, he knew it wasn't really his; he didn't want it. It wasn't his hatred. _Its Allen… God, I took his eye… I won't do this. I'm not a monster! I won't hurt him. _Digging deep, he searched out the coldness in him; it seemed like it would let him fight the laughing thing's voice. The ice in his veins that he fought so hard to bury in life would soothe the burn; give him time to think. He needed time; if he could just think, he'd figure out what to do.

"Kill me father, please I want to die… it hurts." Allen tugged his collar, showing more pale skin begging to be slashed open. "It hurts!" Allen's remaining eye widened, he convulsed and he screamed as a seizure took him. He kept screaming, high and wordless.

Then the impossible happened. With a horrible cracking sound, the boy's arm transformed. The little cross wound glowed achingly bright; bones shattered and reformed, muscle and skin stretched, tore and reconstructed. There should have been blood, but there was none. It all wavered and changed structure, the hand enlarging and fingers lengthening all accompanied by Allen's cries of pain and terror.

Moving on its own accord, the monstrous appendage crawled towards him like some kind of nightmarish spider dragging a frightened and scarcely conscious child behind it and Mana knew what must be done. He shouldn't exist. "Destroy me." It took all his strength to stay still and let it come to him. "Destroy me!"

He was ready when it struck. It didn't register much over the pain already racing through him, just a jolt and harsh crack. Its aim was off as Allen fought for control; it only crushed his lower half and knocked him aside. With a groan he dragged his ruined parody of a body closer to make himself an easier target. He would help the boy kill him. The next hit should do it. All he had to do was stay still. Part of his pain addled mind was still screaming at him to just kill the child, but he could control it. _He did this to me… no, I shouldn't be here. Come on Allen. Come kill the monster… destroy me!_

"Mana?!" Allen shrieked. He glanced horrified at his left arm. "Stop!" he cried. "Leave Mana alone!" He dug his other hand into the frozen earth and tried to hold himself back. Mana didn't trust himself to move; he might lash out. The mechanical thing he was trapped in was fighting his mind.

Allen gasped and hissed with the effort of holding himself back. His fingernails broke and bled, but he still held tight and dug in. "Run…" he screamed again as his shoulder dislocated with a wet pop. "Run, Father, run!" he shouted in desperation as he lost control. Even then Allen still wanted to save him.

"Allen… I love you." The monstrous hand was already around him, ready to snap shut like a trap. "Please destroy me." With an overwhelming bone crushing force, Allen set him free.

All the pain evaporated and Mana was left floating. _I cursed him… what have I done? Let him see… let him see I'm free; that he saved me. I can't take it back, but let it be a blessing instead. Let him see I'm free now. _

Mana was being drawn back to where he had been so cruelly torn from. It was a familiar and comforting feeling, like going home after a long trip. He sighed and let it carry him away. A little shred of him stayed to watch and he knew that where he was going he would be able to watch over his child always.

Thank you Allen; you set me free. You've saved me. Keep moving forward; I know you can.

* * *

i thought i'd put my last set of comments here at the bottom, to keep the flow between chapters smooth. what a strange and bittersweet journey its been. i hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it. mana's story had been floating around in my head for such a long time now. its almost a relief to have it all out. i know at this point you're all thinking,'what happened to everyone else?' since this is mana's story it ends with him. i'm starting my next story soon. it will sort of pick up where this one left off and tie up all the loose ends. i hope you'll all follow me to it.

thank you all again, it is because of my reviewers that i kept my updates on a fast schedual and let my story go on so long. my story is dedicated to you, my readers. you made this possible. thank you.


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